Half & Whole

by Diana Prallon

Every one left, but Merlin stayed.

Half & Whole

Percival was the first.

Clearly Odin's truce with Arthur didn't include Arthur's allies, and when Godwyn and Elena sent him a plea for help, he had sent Percival in the command of a group of knights. It had been a tricky job, maneuvering some complicated politics and long planning nights, and when Percival came back, he seemed at the same time happier than he had ever been and inexplicably sad.

The reason became clear soon enough when Godwyn sent him a request to release Percival of his duties and allow him to return to Gwent. Arthur had asked his friend why he didn't say something if he was unhappy in Camelot, and found out that the real reason had nothing to do with him and everything to do with Elena.

He was glad to go Gwent with Percival and rejoiced as the pair got married. Now Percival was no longer one of his knights, but a prince in his own right, with a beautiful princess for a wife.

Leon followed soon enough.

It had been no secret that he and Lady Caris had had a long courtship, and Arthur was pleased to see it finally come to a marriage.

By the time Percival and Elena had their first child, Olaf pleaded for Arthur to send him some sort of help, for even after almost a decade, Lady Vivian was still pining for Camelot's king. Merlin had gone with a few men to escort him, in his first official visit as a Court Sorcerer. It hadn't been easy to undo such enchantment, and it had made her even more insufferable than usual. Yet, somehow, in the middle of it all, Elyan had fallen for her, and managed to break the spell. It was something of a surprise, but Gwen had been delighted that her brother had found the same kind of love she did.

One by one his knights moved away from court. His friends – brothers – grew themselves families and their happiness made Arthur happy, even if it highlighted his own lack of heirs. Slowly, the pressure and the successive failed attempts started to pain Guinevere, and she became more withdrawn in her suffering, something that Arthur had no idea how to deal with.

It took long enough but eventually, even Gwaine moved away. He did not marry, but took it upon himself to care for and heal Morgana after her final defeat. The long sufferings had torn her mind, and the knight claimed full responsibility for her, taking her away. Merlin told him they had settled in the Isle of the Blessed where the powerful magic of the earth would help her. Why Gwaine took upon himself such a task was anyone's guess, and no one could say whether it was love or something else that led him to tend for Arthur's sister.

During all those long years, one presence remained – steadfast and loyal, always by Arthur's side. Merlin never left for long, and never wished for more. Arthur asked him, many times, why he didn't take a wife or start a family. The other man always laughed at his questions and waved them away telling him Camelot had been his home for too long for him to even consider another life.

Some of the men died, of course, for it was a hard life they lead. Many battles were fought, against greedy rulers and resentful sorcerers alike. Merlin never came to harm, and Arthur hardly ever did so – his friend and counselor always quick to save him, even when Mordred had struck him down and death seemed a sure thing.

Arthur missed the others – he remembered each and every one of them, and waited for the occasions when they would reunite with eagerness. Sometimes he felt the beginnings of loneliness creeping over him, but it all vanished whenever he saw Merlin walk into a room and smile at him.

When Guinevere came to him and asked to be released her from her marriage vows, he felt his heart break. He pleaded, and questioned, and suffered, and wondered who could possibly have taken her away from him, and his queen denied it, with tears in her eyes, and confessed she wanted to join one of the religious houses that were springing in the whole of Albion. Arthur knew little of the old Roman religion that had been revived in the last few years, but knew his wife had become a true believer. He knew that she couldn't feel happy when they all blamed her for their lack of children, and also knew that she hoped he would find himself another bride, a young and pretty thing that would help him build alliances and provide him with a handful of kids.

He tried to explain to her what they already knew – that it wasn't her fault, that he was the one that couldn't father children. It didn't matter for they knew people would continue to whisper, that they'd look at her with pity in their eyes. Gwen had never been a proud woman, but each of those glances pierced her heart like a dagger. It hurt, but he let her go, because he wished nothing if not for her to be happy, and if she would be happier away from them, so be it.

Merlin, though, remained steadfastly by his side, and arranged for him to come back to his old rooms, where there would be less memories to plague him. Merlin stayed, as he always did, and talked too much, as he always did, and said wise things just before doing something stupid, as he always did. Around him, Arthur could feel his heart lighten, and could laugh and forget that he was alone now, forget that his family was broken, that his knights were scattered. Around Merlin he could feel whole.

That feeling lasted until someone spoke of Dragon Lords and how they were extinct, how important it was that the gift not die out with Merlin. Arthur was soon fretting over it, torn between acknowledging the need for Merlin to marry and the fear that he would be left completely friendless.

The council kept on pressuring him, again and again, talking about it until Arthur was sure that it was a matter of time until he gave in. Again and again Merlin would say nothing, merely shaking his head as the subject was raised. It made Arthur feel a bit more secure, at least until the next meeting, when it all begun again. After some weeks, the Lords finally begun to lose their patience, and argued with Merlin about how much he needed to find a girl – telling him that if he didn't find a girl for himself, they would take the matter into their own hands.

Arthur felt in his bones when Merlin's patience started to snap, as he fought to control his tongue. The other men, however, were blind to the many characteristic behaviors of the warlock and kept on pushing the matter, offering names and suggestions that were met with an angry silence and a deep stare. Merlin made a remarkable job of keeping his temper until one of the lords asked Merlin why was so reluctant to find a bride, and voiced the idea that he was trying to get them to raise their game and offer him a woman far above his station. This was what made Merlin finally snap.

"I don't want a better woman, I don't want any woman!" he said, and the chandelier shook with his anger. "I won't take a bride into a marriage I will never consummate!"

His vehemence surprised the lords, and the new court physician cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed, before speaking.

"If you find it hard to perform, sire, I might have something that will help. It is often used by some of the older men to…"

The whole chamber sank into silence, but Merlin was standing and still trembling with fury.

"I do not require such things" he said, curtly, and the physician seemed blind to possible danger as he went on.

"There's no shame in it, my lord, such things can be expected, especially under pressure…"

"I do not require medicine to perform, what I require is a man."

Even Arthur gasped at that – he had never… he couldn't imagine… how that even… he didn't – and the air seemed thick with tension. They all just stared until Merlin got hold of himself – blushing as he realized that he had made a spectacle out of something so private – and sat down again.

Arthur, honestly, had no idea what to say.

It made him feel queasy the idea that Merlin had yet another secret he had kept from Arthur for all those years – then again, it was something deeply personal and hardly ever accepted, so he could see why Merlin had said nothing over the years. It also wasn't something that had come up too much in the past, unlike magic.

Now, as he revisited various memories, it seemed that it had always been obvious. Merlin's reaction to pretty girls had almost always been more level-headed than most men Arthur knew. When Arthur had asked him help to express his feelings, Merlin seemed puzzled at what a girl could possibly want. He had dismissed it as lack of experience on those matters, but the truth was, Merlin positively avoided it. Arthur could remember now how Gwen had flirted with Merlin when he first arrived and how he had ignored it.

Also, there had been the case of Merlin's friend when they went back to Ealdor; who seemed to hate Arthur without even knowing him. Arthur had thought him overtly angry, but when he learned Will's father had died fight for Cendred and their family had received nothing, he had thought the hostility was just a reflection of how poorly he considered noblemen.

Now he could see it clearly had been jealousy at how long Merlin spent with Arthur. It was really no wonder they had tried to protect one another and hide Merlin's secret. Even his passive-aggressive behavior towards Merlin seemed to match the pain of a lover left behind.

The silence stretched for too long, and, eventually, Merlin just rose and left mumbling his apologies. Even after the doors of the council chamber closed, it took them a while to say anything – it was Lord Ector who finally cleared his throat and broke it.

"Well, I think that settles the issue." He said, and got his papers. "Now, to our next topic…"

Arthur sat there through the rest of it, but his mind was still dealing with the idea of Merlin's newest revelation. The surprise had been enough to set his heart racing, and gave him a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't quite place. Even as he gave his views on the matters at hand, even as he rose and walked out of the room, even as he reached his empty chambers, his thoughts were with his friend.

Of course he wouldn't have said anything in those first years, what man would like to know their manservant fancied guys? Had Uther guessed, he would never have allowed Merlin to have such a post, for fear that he would try and seduce the prince (Arthur scoffed at the thought even now, Merlin would never do such thing). And later, as they became friends, Merlin couldn't say anything or Arthur would surely have become over-aware of every occasion in which he could have unwillingly awaken Merlin's desire and it would have destroyed their intimacy.

It was even a bit offensive to think that it had never happened – Arthur knew himself to be a handsome man – and yet, Merlin had shown time and time again that he had a ridiculously huge amount of self-control, and a great ability to hide any and everything that he didn't want to share.

This, of course, led to Arthur mulling over his head and trying to find out by himself if Merlin had ever had a relationship under his nose without his knowledge. How thick could he be? His friend would have a large amount of words to answer that. Yet, he couldn't stop thinking. Maybe one of the servants? He had been pretty close to one of the stable boys on the last year Morgana had stayed in Camelot… But it might not mean anything. Merlin had also been very close to Lancelot before he died, and everyone knew where Lancelot heart belonged. And Gwaine, they had been fast friends, and Gwaine was carefree and handsome, so maybe…?

Arthur knew all the speculation would drive him crazy – and there was only one way to solve all his doubts. He would have to talk to Merlin about them. He left his chambers, heading straight to Merlin's lodgings, but there was no sign of Merlin having been around since the meeting. The fire hadn't even had been lit, and someone had left dinner on the cluttered table, but the meal remained untouched.

He walked around, wondering where the warlock could have hidden, until the answer became obvious. Arthur entered the set of chambers that had been home to Gaius, and while they seemed as empty as ever, his eyes were drawn to the open door leading to Merlin's former bedroom, where a blue glow denounced the use of magic.

The way his eyes seemed tired and burdened as he turned to Arthur were the same from the first time Arthur had come around looking for him, all those years ago. He could see the other man trying to smile, but it fell flat. Merlin seemed to be preparing himself for some kind of emotional blow, but, surely, he could see Arthur's concern and curiosity in his face?

"You are hiding" said Arthur, and Merlin snorted.

"I thought I was the one that stated the obvious."

Arthur could just shake his head, a disbelieving smile on his face and his right hand resting on his hip. Merlin smiled at the gesture, as if he had seen it a thousand times before and knew too well what it meant, and that made Arthur's heart swell with endearment towards his friend.

"I know why you didn't say anything before" he said, simply.

"You do?" asked Merlin, his pupils wide and his breath caught in his throat.

"Yes, and I don't blame you for it."

Merlin's mouth opened in incredulity, and he left out a breath of laughter while shaking his head.

"You are unbelievable. Honestly, your head isn't as big as your waist, it is actually much bigger."

"What are you talking about?" asked Arthur, confused by the sudden name-calling. There was no pleasing Merlin sometimes – if he was rude, then he got called a dollop head. If he was understanding, he was told off as well. Honestly!

"What are you talking about?" retorted the man, seeming as confused as he was.

"Well, you surely thought people would react badly to you… liking… well. Men" Arthur could feel his own cheeks heating at it and cleared his throat before continuing. "And that I would feel uncomfortable with having a servant with such… preferences."

That led Merlin to raise his eyebrows before smiling openly.

"You clearly are uncomfortable and I don't even set your bath anymore."

Arthur shook his head, not knowing what to say – obviously Merlin was right, but that didn't mean he wasn't trying to fight against it.

"But that really wasn't the reason" continued Merlin, shifting the high stool he was sitting.

"What was the reason then?" asked Arthur, feeling a bit hurt that Merlin had hidden it from him for other reasons that the the fear of reprimands.

"It was none of your business" stated Merlin simply, shrugging. "It's personal."

Arthur looked at him, bewildered.

"You are my best friend" he said, finally voicing what had been true for the past fifteen years. "Sometimes, you were my only friend. I thought you felt the same. I thought it was obvious that I would want to know about it, about how you felt, the same way you heard me talking about how I felt."

Merlin simply stared at him, for the longest time, not saying anything, until Arthur finally broke and spoke again because this silence wasn't like their usual silence, filled with intimacy – it was something else, full of things unsaid.

"I thought you trusted me… I thought we were past that."

"Past what?" asked the man, his voice voided of emotion.

"Keeping secrets" said Arthur, simply.

Once more, Merlin didn't say anything right away, instead, he just looked at Arthur – and kept on looking, clearly trying to keep his temper – but Arthur hated it, he had always hated when Merlin played meek and nice instead of saying what was on his mind. One of the things he liked the most about Merlin was that he was honest and never feared to tell his king what he really thought or to call him on his mistakes. He didn't want to lose this over something so small.

"I didn't hide it" he said, finally, his tone even.

"No, you just didn't say" replied Arthur, knowing how accusingly it sounded. "Which is the same in the end."

"You never asked" said the other man, rising from the stool.

"What?"

"You keep on saying that I didn't trust you, or that I didn't say something, implying that I lied to you somehow, because you think that if I lied about magic for so long I must have also tried to hide this from you, but that's not what happened. You never asked. All those years, and not once did you wonder about my love life or about what I felt." He stopped, a terrible sneer on his face that made Arthur understand why some people feared him so much. "Oh, no, wait, you did, didn't you? When you stood in front of the whole council and the King and told them I was in love with Gwen."

"I said it to save your life" Arthur said, stiffly. "You can't hold that against me."

"Or that other time you decided I was in love with Morgana – Morgana, of all people – because I gave her flowers when she was sick! You didn't ask and you assumed you knew how I felt because how could the great Arthur ever be wrong about anything…"

Now it was Arthur's turn to just gape at Merlin without a single word. Sure, he had made wrong assumptions, but it felt like Merlin was over-reacting more than a bit to them and turning them into another proof that Arthur had never seen him for who he was, always taken Merlin for what he expected the other to be. It was a fight that they had had many times before, but not in many years.

"And then when there was a girl, you never guessed" Merlin kept on, angry. "You just went on and killed her."

"I did know" Arthur replied, sadly. "Well, I knew there was someone. I just didn't know that she was it. What did you expect me to do? She was a danger to everyone!"

Merlin's reaction was even more fiery than he had expected as he physically threw the water jug on the other side of the room.

"So was I" he yelled, standing up. "Magic is dangerous, isn't it?"

"It was not the same and you know it" Arthur's voice was low and dangerous. He wouldn't have Freya held against him, not again, not after they talked about it years ago.

That quieted the warlock down a bit, even if he still looked lost and broken as he stared at the king.

"Why are you so interested in my love life now?"

He couldn't really answer this question, because he really didn't know. He had never bothered much about it before, not with Merlin and not with anyone.

"Maybe because I don't have one of my own" he said, finally.

Merlin snorted at that.

"Welcome to the team, mate."

It was a relief, and, at the same time, it wasn't.

"So… there's no one."

Merlin shook his head.

"Not for a long time."

They stayed in silence for a while, but it wasn't uncomfortable anymore, just a natural pause.

"So, that stable boy…"

"What?" Merlin said, amused, and laughed. "No, not Carl. It was not like that. He's married now."

Arthur shrugged, a bit embarrassed.

"You seemed close."

Merlin laughed again.

"I'm close to you and I'm not sleeping with you" he pointed out.

That made Arthur's face grow hot – the image of Merlin, naked, panting, pleading beneath him was too much.

"No" he said, finally.

"If you must know" Merlin said, also blushing. "There was Joffrey, years ago. And Gwaine – around the time you married, but it was just for fun. It was nothing serious, with either."

Arthur struggled to stop the images floating in his head – Merlin and Joffrey snogging in the stables, as the horses went wild with the smell of their arousal; Gwaine pleasuring Merlin as the sorcerer moaned his name – he should not, could not, think about it.

"If there was never a guy that meant anything, how can you know you wouldn't fall in love with a woman again? You fell for Freya. Maybe, there could be another one…"
Merlin winced at the mention of her name, but he collected himself quickly.

"I fell for Freya because she was magical, and scared, and vulnerable – as I was. I fell for her because with her I didn't have to hide who I was. She was just like me, she could really understand me in a way other people couldn't" he explained, and the pain was still in his voice even after all this time. It would always be there. "That was the exception, not the rule. Also, I said it wasn't serious with them. I never said that it had never been serious with anyone."

Arthur frowned, confused.

"So?"

"Will" Merlin said simply, and his eyes grew dark at the memory. "It meant a lot with Will."

He should have known – well, he had guessed, honestly – that his closest friend had meant more for him than a random relief.

"I was in love with him" he confessed, and closed his fists. "Since we were boys. When my mum sent me away without giving me time to explain properly, it hurt. I missed him a lot – everyday. She was scared, when she found out he knew… But how could he not? He knew every bit of me. Will would never have betrayed me, he would never say… I don't know if he ever loved me as I loved him, but I know he was loyal."

"He did" said Arthur, wanting to soften his friend's pain. "It was clear in his eyes. You meant the world to him."

Merlin nodded, accepting it, but said no more.

"I am so sorry" offered Arthur, and Merlin shrugged.

"It doesn't matter. I had made my choice by then."

"What do you mean?" asked Arthur, honestly confused.

"I wasn't coming back. My place was in Camelot, with you – my destiny. I would have lost him one way or the other."

"You could have stayed – or he could have come, if he hadn't…" started Arthur, but Merlin shook his head.

"It wouldn't have made a difference – I would still need to be around you all the time, and you would still come first, and Will" he snorted, sadly, "he could never deal with not being the first thing on one's mind. It just wasn't him. He couldn't stand with Camelot and things I had to do – the destiny I had to fulfill – coming before he did. That was the real problem then, and it wouldn't have changed."

Merlin stared at Arthur for a long while before continuing.

"I belong by your side. That's how it is. That's how it has always been and it's not going to change."

Arthur smiled, a bit sad, and the whole of their history seemed to hover between them, in unspoken sentences and half-hidden secrets, as his friend spoke again.

"It's always going to be you and me."

"I hope so" said the King, coming closer and placing a hand on his friend's back. "I couldn't imagine doing any of this without you."

Merlin grinned as well, his own brand of melancholy showing through it, and looked straight into his eyes.

"You don't have to worry. I'm not going anywhere – ever."

Arthur felt his stomach clench and the emotions made his throat close, but he merely nodded.

They stayed there – in silence – Arthur's hand still on Merlin's back, both looking at the town underneath and remembering the years they had spent together. All the stupid adventures, crazy quests, hard battles. They had dreamed together, and it was now the reality that surrounded them – a land in peace, where people were free to believe in what they wished, to be whatever they pleased as long as it harmed no other.

They were surrounded by love and happiness in every side of their life – and they had achieved it together. Everything they had ever done since they met had been by each other's side.

Except, of course, for Merlin's secret lovers.

The thought burned within Arthur for some reason, and he took his hand away from his friend quickly. He couldn't imagine why someone would think about Merlin like that. Secretly, he turned to look at the warlock, trying to see what they had seen, curious to why someone would pick him out of every possible person to…

Even after all those years, Merlin had changed remarkably little. He still had ridiculous ears. There were a few wrinkles in his forehead, and the marks of laughter were all around his eyes, but he had the same dark hair and long limbs. In his chest and shoulders one could see the mark of many years of hard work, and some muscle had built around him, making him look less like a bumbling moron and more like a grown man.

His skin was pale by the moonlight, but his cheeks had been colored by emotion just a few moments ago, and it made him glow. Merlin's neck was long and lean, still hidden by the scarf he would always wear. The hair was still dark, contrasting with his coloring and Arthur didn't need to look to his intensely blue eyes, for he had done that so often that they'd forever be in his memory. That didn't surprise him the slightest, for Merlin's eyes had always been what Arthur liked the best about his appearance, though never before had he noticed his straight nose or his full mouth.

When he reached that bit, he had to involuntarily lick his own lips. That must be the reason why they had gone for Merlin, for they seemed to beg for a kiss – full with tongues exploring the whole of the mouth and teeth scratching the soft skin of those lips, while fingers intertwined in his hair, pulling him closer, and…

Arthur's heart was racing at the thought and at the same time he was completely puzzled by them. Surely, it was just natural that he would find himself curious after such a revelation. It was not like he had thought about those things before.

"You didn't" said a small voice inside his head. "Because if you admitted that he could be attractive, you would have to admit it that other people might find it too, and you couldn't bear it – couldn't deal with the idea that someone else might want Merlin, might have him, touch him."

He shook his own head, trying to get rid of all those thoughts, and that made the sorcerer look at him, clearly puzzled. Arthur tried to clear his throat before speaking, to avoid the hoarseness that he knew that must be in his voice after those images.

"I better leave you to your thoughts."

"Don't" said Merlin, looking at him. "They aren't the best of company today."

Arthur fidgeted – he didn't know what to do. He had just realized what a temptation Merlin was, and it would be better to stay away until he could silence those insane ideas – at the same time, Merlin wanted him to stay, and right now he couldn't deny Merlin anything.

"What's wrong with you?" asked the warlock, looking at him, as he tried to leave and to stay at once.

"Nothing" he answered quickly. "Just thinking."

Merlin beamed at him.

"Never a good idea."

"Shut up, Merlin" said the King, comforted by the usual banter.

"We both seem to be thinking too much for our own goods today" added Merlin, ignoring the order.

"It's just…" Arthur begun, frowning, voicing something that had just occurred him. "It's been a while since Gwaine left… Was there… No one else?"

Merlin chuckled.

"You are a bit obsessed with my love life."

"I didn't even know you had one until few hours ago" pointed out Arthur. "Forgive me if I'm curious about what my best friend gets up to."

"If you must know… There were taverns and strangers" said Merlin, and Arthur gasped.

"As I said, no one important for a very long time."

"Why?" asked the king, simply, looking into his eyes. It was a bit dazzling, but it was better than allowing himself to look around again and find Merlin's mouth.

The other man shrugged, clearly uncomfortable.

"I spend so much time dealing with you that it leaves little time for that kind of thing" Arthur felt a deep stab of guilt. He had never thought about how much of Merlin's time he used. It must have showed on his face, because his friend looked pained for a moment, before continuing. "It's not a problem, really. I like it, honestly. You make my life far more exciting."

And then he did it: Merlin opened up a smile, that smiled that seemed to shine brighter than a whole constellation, that turned his eyes into slits of happiness and made his cheekbones look even sharper. That smiled that seemed to hit Arthur with the force of a whole army, shaking his very bones, freezing his insides and touching him to the core and it was too much to handle.

Because Merlin was handsome, and amazing, and the best person he had ever met.

Because Merlin had been his best friend for years, his right hand, and made him laugh.

Because Merlin was simply… Merlin, and that was more than what he could take.

So Arthur took a firm step ahead before he could even understand what he was doing, and his mouth was on Merlin's, kissing his smile. He didn't stop as he heard Merlin's sharp intake of breath, clearly surprised, and he didn't second guess himself because he simply couldn't resist. Instead, he allowed his right hand to reach for Merlin's hair, his fingers tangling on the dark threads and pushing him closer.

And Merlin was there, completely real and warm, with the same scent as always, and he was moving to accept the kiss, to allow it, pressing his lips back against Arthur's and it felt so perfectly right that he wondered why they had never done it before. The warlocks hands were holding his shoulders, as if forbidding him to regret it, but it wouldn't have even crossed Arthur's mind to stop it. He would never stop it.

So he just allowed himself to be held by the most powerful hands in the kingdom, as he massaged his scalp and let his left hand rest on his friend's waist. He opened his mouth to a full kiss, wanting, wondering, willing, and licked Merlin's mouth before biting his lower lip and it was delicious. They were drier than any girl's, but still soft and strong. The sorcerer let out a small whimper that made Arthur's whole body shudder with want.

It was completely wrong – and it was perfectly right. It was everything he could have ever wanted, everything he had ever wanted and just had been too blind to see it.

Soon Merlin was kissing him fully, his tongue exploring Arthur's mouth, his hands moving up and down through his arms and neck, and as his fingers touched the king's bare skin he had to pull him closer and feel their bodies pressed together.

There wasn't enough contact, and they hardly stopped to breath before kissing again. Arthur's arm moved to hold Merlin's waist and the clumsy idiot had to stumble right then and half fall while the king tried to get proper hold of him.

Together, the lack of balance and their desperate need to stay close made them walk back a few steps until Arthur's body was pinning Merlin's against the wall. The warlock made a small sound of discomfort as they hit it, but the king paid him no heed, wanting to feel his mouth again. God, he was never going to stop kissing Merlin.

The sorcerer seemed to have the same thing in mind as he kissed back, gripping Arthur's body greedily. Soon, it wasn't enough – nothing would ever be enough for Arthur, and he moved to kiss Merlin's jaw line as his hands fought to untie the handkerchief he was wearing. The piece of cloth fall down and neither moved to pick it.

Arthur's only thoughts were on exploring the whole of Merlin's neck, and he scraped the skin with his lower lip. He felt as the other man shivered against him, and it made him tremble with desire as well. The desperate need of Merlin was translated via biting and sucking, as Merlin moaned, one of his hands actually holding Arthur's head near him.

Arthur continued to explore as his kisses trailed down to Merlin's half-exposed collarbone at the same time that his hands moved up, raising Merlin's shirt. It didn't last long before the warlock was pulling him back, kissing him again and Arthur took the opportunity to press the whole of his body against Merlin's. He wasn't surprised when he felt Merlin's arousal against his hip, but he was astonished by how much the thought and feeling increased his appetite.

He continued to struggle to take Merlin's shirt off, and after a little resistance, he was able to. Arthur kept on kissing his lips, while allowed his hands to feel Merlin's chest and the muscles he had built during the years, before moving down to the planes of his belly, gripping tightly at his waist, marking Merlin as his.

The kiss got even deeper, and completely out of control, a mess of lips, tongues and teeth clashing together and parting again just to touch once more. The king moved his hand down once again, taking hold of Merlin over his breeches, and felt the other man's hands move to his chest, pushing him a bit away.

"Aren't you going a bit fast with this?" asked Merlin, uncertain.

"Merlin" he complained. Trust the idiot to become all noble in such a moment.

"I don't think… I don't want you to do anything you'll regret" he said, shaking his head.

"I'll regret not having done it sooner" answered the King, honestly, and squeezed a bit.

"Oh" Merlin sighed, and it was all that Arthur was going to want as a reply before he moved again to kiss him, once again moving towards the neck and collarbone.

Merlin's doubts were soon cast away as he too moved to pull Arthur's shirt, making small pleased sounds as Arthur's hands found their way to open the pants and touch the skin underneath. That drove the king to the edge and he lost control of himself, marking the warlock's chest just above the heart, before licking slowly his left nipple.

This seemed to be a weak spot for the other man who squirmed for just a moment before taking control of himself and pulling away from a puzzled Arthur. He held the king's arms for just a second before turning him and hitting him against the wall. Merlin took his own turn at tasting Arthur's neck, while the other felt positively dizzy with all the sensations it brought him.

The warlock didn't stop at that either, moving down to kiss his collarbones while his fingers half scratched, half grasped Arthur's back. By the time he reached the belly, the king could hardly breathe and Merlin's hands were clutching Arthur's arse. He could barely think as his hands cupped Merlin's head and gasped as he looked down to see Merlin pull the knot that held his breeches with his teeth.

The sound made the sorcerer look up, a wicked grin in his face, before confessing:

"I've always wanted to do that."

"Kinky" he said, trying to smile through the fog of desire that seemed to engulf him.

"You have no idea" was Merlin's reply, and it was filled with naughty promise, of which Arthur was certainly going to make him fulfill.

The warlock's hands moved to open his pants properly, and allowed them to fall down Arthur's legs. He helped Arthur to get rid of them before he looked up, gazing at the king's naked body with unmistakable lust. Merlin licked his lips, and Arthur almost came just from seeing it, but something in him stirred and he knew he needed to see Merlin as well.

He pulled the other man up quickly, his hands moving to pull the breeches away, and Merlin didn't complain for a single second. Instead, he held both of them and moved his hand up and down while kissing Arthur once more.

It was too much – he wanted it so much that it hurt – he could feel not only the fingers wrapped around him, but also the friction of Merlin's cock against his own, and it was maddening. He didn't even know what he wanted anymore, all that he knew was that he it would never be enough, and he wanted more than that, although he couldn't say what.

And suddenly Merlin was back on his knees, his swollen lips opened, and his tongue swirling around Arthur's cock and he couldn't have said what it was that he longed for even if he wanted to, for there was nothing else in the world but Merlin's mouth as it wrapped around him for the first time. He couldn't move, couldn't think, he could only feel as the other man moved his head with an experience Arthur would rather not think about where he got.

It was wet and warm, and as Arthur opened his eyes and looked down, he found Merlin staring at him, with a twinkle in his eyes, and it might be the best vision of Arthur's whole life. The moment passed soon enough, as the warlock picked up the pace, head moving up and down, and all restraint Arthur might have ever had in any point of his life vanished, and he was moving his hips against Merlin's mouth desperately, chasing something and almost melting with pleasure as the sorcerer swallowed him whole, still moving.

He knew he shouldn't slam himself against the other man, but he couldn't help it, not with the tightness of Merlin's throat so near, and it took only a few trusts for him to come undone, panting and moaning Merlin's name. He felt his knees go weak as the warlock milked him until the very last drop, and groaned as he swallowed it.

It took him a few moments to manage anything, and by the time his eyes opened again, Merlin was standing in front of him, grinning, and moved closer to kiss him once more. Arthur could taste himself in the sorcerer's mouth, but it didn't matter – it was even better that way. When the kiss finished, he beamed at Merlin.

"Eager now, are we?"

There was no other way to describe Merlin's sound than not a giggle. The man moved closer again, kissing Arthur softly, and when he pressed his body against him, he could feel Merlin's cock, still hard and dripping against his hip.

"Oh" said Arthur, with understanding, and Merlin moved to nibble at his ear before speaking.

"I want you" he said, his voice hoarse and grave as when he spoke to a dragon. "Let me have you, Arthur…"

The king could only nod, almost completely blown away by the wave of desire that seemed to hit him as he heard the sorcerer's words. He felt as the other stepped away, and heard him saying some sort of spell, but the reality of it didn't come to Arthur until he was pulled from the wall. Merlin moved him just a bit away, bending him on his old desk. The king had to use his hands to keep balance, especially after the other man begun kissing and biting his nape and shoulders, his hands slightly beneath Arthur's, and his hips brushing over Arthur's backside.

He inhaled sharply, suddenly afraid, but it was hard to keep that in mind when Merlin made everything feel so damn good. One of his hands was actually in the middle of Arthur's cheeks, and one of his fingers was pressing his entrance and it felt good. He let out a small moan at that, and he heard Merlin's low chuckle before he moved his body even closer and guided his cock to where his finger had been.

As soon as Merlin made his first move to enter Arthur's body, the king realized the warlock must have used some sort of spell to make things easier, for there was no way he would have been so ready or Merlin so slippery. It still hurt, more than a bit, but it was the good kind of pain, one of those you insisted on doing the same thing because it gave some sort of twisted pleasure.

He heard as Merlin groaned, pushing further inside, until it was hell – and heaven – because suddenly the warlock had reached a place that make Arthur's whole body react at once, and a little wail escaped his lips. It seemed to make Merlin even more keen, and he begun to move inside Arthur, thrusting deeply inside him, each time faster and stronger.

It was a surprise that his body reacted as if he hadn't just experienced the biggest orgasm of his life, but there it was, and Merlin was holding Arthur's cock, moving his hand up and down far more gently than his hips. It hurt, and was a bit uncomfortable, and at the same time, Arthur couldn't go without it, because every inch of him was begging for another release.

Merlin started to pull himself almost out, only to push back in, and Arthur could no longer stop moaning. He felt like he sounded like one of the women that were paid to pleasure soldiers, but he couldn't care less, because this was wonderful. When the warlock begun making round movements with his hips, he honestly felt as if his legs couldn't hold him any longer, such was the pleasure.

But the warlock was holding him in place with his body, his movements becoming sharper and faster as Arthur panted and groaned, taking all in, until he felt his cock twitch in a useless attempt of spurting something at the same time that his body clenched around Merlin's cock and the man came with a moan.

They stayed still for a while, trying to fully grasp everything that had just happened between them – the whole of their relationship being changed, for it would be impossible, now, to deny how they felt or how much they wanted each other. Merlin was the first to move, leaning to spread affectionate kisses on Arthur's shoulder blades before pulling off. Slowly, the king rose, and was wrapped in a close embrace.

His body was sore, but his heart was warm, and so he hugged Merlin back, moving for a softer kiss than the ones they had shared before.

"Don't ever leave" he whispered against his ear.

"Not in a million years" Merlin answered, breathing against Arthur's neck.

And just like that, for the first time in his whole life Arthur could honestly feel he belonged somewhere, and that he would have something that would forever be entirely his. His Court Sorcerer, his friend, his lover would always be by his side. As their fingers intertwined, he knew that not even death could part them, for together, they were whole.

Far in the east, the sun begun to rise, the dawn of a new day. It would never be forgotten by either, and would never be remembered by others.