Living in a Dream
"Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben," Nick nagged playfully. Clawhauser was not even remotely listening. "Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben," he continued.
Clawhauser finally turned his head and asked, "What is it?"
"Ben, Ben, Ben," Nick teased.
Clawhauser said, "Yes, you got my attention. What do you need?"
"I have a simply awesome idea! Matching salt and pepper shakers!" He drew a sketch of the two shakers, and then drew a rectangular banner over each one. One of the rectangular banners he decorated with a two-row pattern of checkerboard. The other he decorated with an alternating pattern of vertical facing isosceles triangles. "See? See? They're specifically designed for prey-predator couples and partners."
"Oooh! What a great idea!" Clawhauser squealed delightedly. "Wait, wait, wait," he said. He drew similar faces over the top of each one. Both of them had a button nose, a smile, and closed eyes. He gave the first bunny ears and the second cat ears. "Isn't it sweet?"
"That's just great!" Nick said.
"Oh, wait, but we might want to give people multiple options," Clawhauser continued. He doodled a pictures of a canine and a bull, both looking quite intimidating. "See, now we can cater to the tougher animals too!"
They both cheered loudly, when Chief Bogo walked in.
"What exactly are you two up to?" Chief Bogo asked.
Clawhauser drew a picture of a salt shaker with the triangle and cat design and a pepper shaker with the checkerboard and bull design. "Wouldn't you love it if we had these?"
"This is so tacky," Bogo said in a dismissive tone. Then he flashed a dorky smile and said, "I love it!"
They continued to discuss how they could potentially contract people to help them create these items when Judy showed up. "What are you three discussing so intently without me?"
"Oh, you're just in time, Jude," Nick said, doodling a picture of a salt shaker with the checkerboard and bunny design and a pepper shaker with the triangle and canine design. "Eh? Eh?"
"Those are funny," Judy giggled.
"Yeah, we were going to have them custom-made for the small but interested subset of animals in predator-prey personal relationships," Nick said.
"Only one problem with that plan," Judy said, "How many mammals who have that sort of arrangement aren't standing over the blueprints right now?"
"Well, there's always Lionheart and Bellwether," Nick snarked.
"Please, they hated each other," Judy said.
"Well, sometimes hate can manifest itself in passion," Bogo argued.
"No way that Bellwether and Lionheart were having an affair, right Clawhauser?" Judy asked.
"Actually the chief might have a point…" he said.
"Come on! You can't actually believe that!" Judy said.
"I'm not saying I do just that… you know, he has a point," Clawhauser said meekly. "Please don't hate me."
"It would be utterly impossible with anyone with even a scrap of mammalian consciousness to hate you, kitten," Bogo said matter-of-factly. "Besides, I was just being contrary."
"I mean, I guess there's always my parents and Gideon Gray, but they only meet with each other occasionally, so it would be weird for them to have matching salt and pepper shakers, unless they were just for special occasions," Judy said.
"Wait a second, what about Gazelle?" Clawhauser asked. "She's got a relationship going on with one of her backup dancers."
"Gazelle! Yeah! Good idea! We can get started on making a set for Gazelle if she's interested!" Nick said.
"Okay, so you should go ask her now," Clawhauser said.
"Wait, you're her biggest fan. Why don't you do it?" Nick asked.
"Because I'm certain that the only thing that would come out of my mouth would be…" Clawhauser said, and continued with a very loud, long, high-pitched squeal.
"Okay, then how about Bogo?" Judy asked.
Bogo said, "If I did it, I think the only things that would come out of my mouth would be 'Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,' and maybe my lunch."
"Ew," Clawhauser said.
"I said it was a bad idea," Bogo defended.
"Okay, then I guess it falls onto us to ask her, huh Nick?" Judy asked.
"Yeah," Nick said.
Luckily, Gazelle was easy enough to find over the next several days. "Hey, Gazelle!" Judy said, causing the pop star to turn around and smile.
"Oh, hello, young lady," she said happily, "Are you looking for an autograph?"
"Actually," Judy said, "We have an offer for you that we think you might be interested in."
"Oh?" she asked.
"Salt and pepper shakers for prey-predator couples and partners in crime," Nick said.
"They're lovely," Gazelle said. "How much?"
"Name your price," Nick said.
"Well, they're pretty neat, but I don't really think they're worth all that much. Probably only about 45,000 dollars," she said off-handedly.
"F-for-forty-f-five th-thousand…" Nick stammered, putting a finger in his ear to remove the gunk in case he had heard incorrectly.
"Actually that's way, way higher than we were expecting for them," Judy said.
"Oh? How about 30,000 then?" Gazelle asked.
"That's still…" Judy began but Nick put a paw over her mouth.
"Great, we'll take it!" Nick said.
"Oh, what a steal," Gazelle said excitedly, "And they're so cute too."
"Oh, one more thing," Nick said, "They come in two different head styles for each. Pick your favorite."
"Bunny and fox," she said.
"Bunny and… I guess that could be a fox, yeah, got it," Nick said, "Thank you very much, Miss Gazelle."
"Oh, aren't you two budding inventors working for the ZPD?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah, actually, we were working on these plans with the chief of police and head of reception earlier this week," Judy said.
"I'd like to visit the ZPD, given how hard you all work protecting the city," Gazelle said, "You seem to be a very honorably run organization and I'd like to give my full support."
"Okay, sounds great, but can you give us like twenty minutes to prepare? We have some huge Gazelle fans under our roof that would probably rather not be completely blindsided by your arrival," Judy said.
"Yeah, huge, HUGE fans," Nick said, spreading his arms wide. Judy punched him in the arm lightly. "Ow," he said, "What was that for?"
Judy grinned deviously. "It's not polite to comment on someone's weight," she said.
"Hey, it was a rather envious compliment for one of them," Nick said. "And the other one would agree with me."
Judy shook her head.
"Okay," Gazelle said, "I would absolutely love to meet my super-fans, no matter their size and shape. I'll go get ready and meet you there in an hour or so."
"Sounds great," Judy said.
Nick and Judy returned to the precinct. Nick opened, "Listen up, you two: I have some good news and some really good news."
"What's the good news?" Bogo asked.
"That's not the really good news?" Nick asked.
"Yes, that's not the really good news," Bogo said.
"Gazelle agreed to buy our first set for thirty thousand," Nick said.
"Gazelle likes a set of tableware I helped design!? My idol wants to buy something I helped create!?" Clawhauser asked, and then he began squealing, beaming widely, and bouncing up and down.
"Thirty thousand is quite a big chunk of change for one transaction," Bogo said, "Split four ways that would be…"
"Seventy-five hundred apiece," Judy finished.
"Thank you, Hopps," Bogo responded. "But wait… if that's just the good news, what's the really good news?"
"Gazelle is going to come visit the ZPD in less than an hour," Nick said.
Clawhauser immediately fainted. Bogo caught him just before his head hit the floor. "Gazelle is coming here? Like, right now? How did you get her to agree to that?" he asked, bent down and gently cradling Clawhauser in his arms.
"She just decided to come because she thinks you've been running a tight ship," Judy said, "We even told her there were super-fans here and she can't wait to meet you two."
"I'm going to wait until Clawhauser comes to," Bogo said, "And when he does do not under any circumstances repeat what you just said. The last thing I want is for him to be unconscious the whole time and miss her entirely."
Clawhauser did wake up in time to return to his position at the front desk when Gazelle walked into the precinct. "Hello," she said, approaching the front desk.
"Hi, Gazelle," Clawhauser said without pause, "I'm your biggest fan I own all your albums and know every word to all of your songs I want to be your choreographer one day did I say that out loud I did didn't I well this is awkward you're glorious and my idol and an inspiration to us all you helped me learn to love myself just the way I am when I was younger I have an awesome handsome boyfriend now thanks to that and 'Try Everything' is our song will you sign my 'I heart Gazelle' mug?"
"Of course I will," Gazelle said. Gazelle giggled softly, holding a pen to the mug, and then said, "You are positively adorable. Who should I make this out to, precious?"
"Benjamin Clawhauser," Clawhauser said, then squealed loudly and bounced, which caused Gazelle to laugh again.
"You said you had a boyfriend," Gazelle said, "Can I meet him?"
Clawhauser nodded with a huge smile.
"Where is he?" Gazelle asked. Clawhauser pointed across the lobby, to his right, and up the stairs. "You are so helpful," she said happily, "Those directions couldn't have been more clear or concise."
"Gazelle—the Gazelle—just said I was good at my job," Clawhauser said, and then he melted into a fit of nervous giggles.
Gazelle, meanwhile, followed those directions and ended up right in front of Chief Bogo's office. She knocked on the door.
"Come in," Bogo said, but he was very surprised when he saw the one who came in was Gazelle. "Oh, uh… Gazelle! I suppose we've been expecting you."
"Your boyfriend is adorable and I couldn't have asked for a better number one fan," she said.
"Indeed," Bogo responded matter-of-factly, "Wait… how did you know he was my boyfriend?"
"He told me," she responded.
"Oh," Bogo said proudly, "Well, he does like to brag about me."
"Say, he said 'Try Everything' was your song," Gazelle said, "I'm assuming that means you're also a fan."
"Oh, yes, I love your music," Bogo said, "I mean… I'm actually kinda surprised I'm not handling this more awkwardly." He had started to wear the dorky smile again.
"Hee, I guess you're adorable too," Gazelle said.
"I am not adorable," Bogo reflexively defended. He laughed a little bit, resumed his dorky smile and said, "Okay, maybe a little, but don't tell anyone."
"That reminds me," Gazelle said, "How would you two like it if I wrote a song about your relationship?"
"What?" Bogo asked, his jaw practically hitting the floor, "Exactly how much would it cost?"
"Free," Gazelle said, "Pro bono."
"For nothing…" Bogo repeated. "This is a huge opportunity! Of course we'd love it! But why us?"
Gazelle said, "I thought that it would be nice to share a love story about real life heroes in a situation that the majority of my fans could easily relate to."
"Heroes?" Bogo asked, "Well, that's quite a compliment."
"It's well deserved," Gazelle said, "The ZPD does a good job, Chief. And I'm sure that's all thanks to you."
"Oh, pfft… if it wasn't for my stellar detectives and administrative workers doing all the grunt work, I'd be lost at sea," he admitted.
"I'd like to consult with you on the storyline before I start thinking of lyrics," Gazelle said. "If your boyfriend agrees, we can get started right away."
"Thank you, Gazelle," Bogo said, and you couldn't wipe the dorky grin off his face. They walked down the stairs together.
"Clawhauser!" Bogo said, "Come over here."
"Yes?" Clawhauser asked, "What is it?"
"Gazelle wants to write a song about us," Bogo said.
"She does?" Clawhauser asked. Gazelle nodded.
Clawhauser said, "I see, that's…" and then he burst into tears.
Gazelle looked at him in concern. "Oh sweetheart," she said, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said, "I'm just… so… so… so happy!"
"Well, then I guess you're both on board," she said, "I'm glad. So you are Benjamin… lots of possibilities with that one. What should I put down for a first name?"
"None of your business," Bogo said. "I'm sorry, you're amazing and wonderful but I have to draw a hard line on some things."
"If it makes you feel better, I don't even know it yet," Clawhauser whispered. "And we're dating. But you knew that already because I already told you. Okay, I'll shut up now."
"Okay, 'the Chief' it is," Gazelle said, smiling. "Do you have time to start consultation now?"
"I guess so," Bogo said, "It has been kind of slow around here lately, thankfully. Let's go sit by Clawhauser's desk. In case something does happen, it's right by the front door and the radio alarm."
"Okay, first question, how did you two meet?" Gazelle asked.
"I applied for an administrative support position at the ZPD," Clawhauser said, "Got the mandatory training, had a few interviews with him and then got hired, surprisingly."
"I gave him a shot because he seemed interested enough in trying to please me, even if he ended up ultimately incompetent," Bogo said, "He surprised me by how efficient and accurate he was even in the midst of being a complete weirdo."
"Okay, but that's just business, how did you fall in love?" Gazelle asked.
"Well, I fell in love when I kinda sorta overheard him telling off a group of detectives ridiculing my weight, sexual orientation, personality, order, and subfamily behind my back," Clawhauser said. "But of course I thought it couldn't possibly work out."
"I remember that incident. It was a week or two before the performance review where I decided to keep him. Then he called me 'nice' and I flipped out at him for it. Not one of my proudest moments, but what made my heart flutter was his reasoning for saying that," Bogo said. "He said that he trusted me because what I said was no worse than what I thought, and that the surface didn't matter as much as what was deep inside. Of course, I hid these feelings from everyone including myself."
"That is beautiful," Gazelle said, "Using that. How did you finally decide to admit to each other that you liked each other?"
"Well, that was a little awkward," Clawhauser said, "Can I share this?"
"Oh, go ahead," Bogo said, "She already knows that I'm her fan."
"I accidentally walked in on him playing with your app once and, well, he was a little self-conscious about it, but after I kept that from all the detectives, he started to trust me more with secrets, especially the ones that were also true about me. So, when he finally realized that he was gay, I was the first animal he came out to," Clawhauser said.
"But the silly little thing didn't tell me that he had a crush on me, because he apparently thought I could automatically read his feline body language—I couldn't, by the way—so it took me a few months to finally get the courage to invite him to your concert," Bogo said.
"Cute," Gazelle said, "Anything about how 'Try Everything' is your song?"
"That one's kinda simple, we danced to it together on our first date," Clawhauser said.
"You were being very straightforward about your feelings that night, kitten," Bogo said.
"I thought you liked that," Clawhauser said.
"I did," Bogo said, "Didn't you see my face? I didn't even know for sure that you thought it was a date until I saw it."
"Alright, that seems more incidental than anything…" Gazelle said, "Maybe I'll include it, maybe I won't. Hardships?"
"I'll give you a hardship. How about seeing your talented sweet happy employee that you care for very deeply and that you might be in love with without realizing it burst into tears of sadness because you've been strong-armed into moving him—or worse, firing him—simply based on how he was born," Bogo said.
"Was that part of the race riots based on the savage animal attacks?" Gazelle asked.
"Yes, unfortunately," Bogo sighed. "But I fought to keep him in place as long as I could, and I fought to keep him on the whole time. And the second the whole thing was cleared up, I put him right back where he was supposed to be."
"This is great material. Is there anything else important you think I might be missing?" Gazelle asked.
"Oooh! I know!" Clawhauser said eagerly.
"What?" Gazelle asked.
"The fact that everyone says that we're really different because he's tough, bureaucratic, and cynical and I'm gentle, spontaneous, and optimistic… but that we love each other just the way we are, even though he's gruff and I'm strange. And that we both really care about being honest so we don't have any trust issues," Clawhauser said.
"Oh, I love it," Gazelle said. "This is really great material."
"Oh, and don't forget the fact that we're a predator-prey couple," Bogo said.
"Prey in charge," Clawhauser added casually.
"Very, very good point," Bogo said.
"This song writes itself," Gazelle said. "Thank you guys. I'll send you a demo as soon as it's done. Which hopefully will be around the same time I get those salt and pepper shakers."
"We'll be waiting with bated breath," Bogo said as she left. As soon as she was out of the building, Clawhauser and Bogo began to jump around ecstatically.
"Oh," Judy said upon seeing them, "You two look happy."
"Gazelle is going to write a song about us!" Bogo shouted boisterously, which caused Judy to fall backwards in alarm.
"Really?" Judy asked, "That's awesome! Congratulations!"
"Yeah! Let's see… she bought a product I helped design, visited my workplace, signed my mug, said I was adorable, complimented my work skills, and decided to write a song about me all in one day. Love, did I die and go to heaven?" Clawhauser asked.
"No, you couldn't have because Hopps is still here," Bogo teased.
"Haha, very funny," Judy said, rolling her eyes. "You know that if it weren't for me, a monster in sheep's clothing would still be at large, right?"
"I won't let your reckless disregard for society's rules detract from your resourcefulness and resolve," he said bluntly, "But I can still tease you about it."
"Oh, yes, because when you refused to listen to Nick just because he was a fox, or maybe a fox who was friends with me, you were totally being ethical and objective," she retorted sardonically.
"Impressive counterstrike," Bogo said without a hint of irony.
"Thanks," Judy responded, laughing slightly. "So, any word on the song?"
"We should get a demo soon," Clawhauser said.
And so, they waited… and waited… and waited. Until one day, Clawhauser looked in his mail slot and found a CD. The CD was labeled "Even Cops Have Heartaches Some Days – Gazelle [DEMO]."
"It's here!" he squealed, "It's here! It's here! It's here!"
"Really?" Bogo asked. The two of them went to Bogo's office, popped the disc into the slot on the side of Bogo's laptop and listened to the song. They thought the song was cute and were really excited to hear it live.
Clawhauser noticed a note was attached to the outside of the jewel case. It said, "Hey Chief and Benjamin—wrote this song for you and want you to come see my next concert. Two VIP tickets will arrive in the mail for you shortly. And remember—you are both beautiful and wonderful just the way you are. It was really nice meeting you. Lots of love, your friend, Gazelle."
"It's like I'm living in a dream," Clawhauser said.
"I thought your dreams tended to either involve horrible catastrophes or things like Wilde with a cantaloupe for a head in a tutu reciting all of William Shakesbear's catalogue in reverse alphabetical order…" Bogo said.
"Not literally, silly," Clawhauser responded. "You know, like a fantasy! I can't believe Gazelle actually likes me! Enough to give us VIP tickets!"
"Of course she does," Bogo said, "She has good taste."
"Oh, you," Clawhauser said, giggling softly.
Months later, Bogo and Clawhauser happily went to the Gazelle concert together. Gazelle said, "This is a brand new song on my new album, and it's dedicated to a lovely couple."
The crowd cheered. Bogo nudged Clawhauser and asked, "It's the song about us, isn't it?"
"I hope so," Clawhauser said happily.
"It's called 'Even Cops Have Heartaches Some Days'."
Clawhauser whistled loudly while Bogo hollered, the rest of the crowd following suit.
Gazelle stood as the introduction played, and then began to sing, "Ben was a sweet little cheetah; the Chief was a big tough buffalo. They made a pledge to help protect the city, and they had the sweetest love you'd ever know."
She paused as the music began to get faster. She continued, "When Ben first started at his work, he learned Chief would protect his quirks, and he needed to say the word, the sweetest thing you'd ever heard—he said, 'Chief, I don't think you're a jerk.' As the years went by their love grew, though mutual neither of them knew. They loved each other as they came—no urge to change, no urge to tame—and both believed they needed to be true."
As the song continued into the pre-chorus, Clawhauser was grinning up at Bogo and rubbed his head against Bogo's arm affectionately. Gazelle continued, "You might think that these guys are nothing like you, they don't have any idea what you've been through, and you might think they'd never understand, all about your future or what you had planned… but even cops have heartaches some days. Listen and you'll hear that bravery comes from fear. They are just like you in many ways. The only thing that keeps them going is the hope of someday knowing they made the world a better place for the entire mammal race, and even cops have heartaches some days."
Bogo smiled lovingly at Clawhauser and wrapped his arms around Clawhauser's torso, pulling him close, as Gazelle began the next verse, "When the chief finally took a chance, asked Ben to dinner and to dance, they could be spotted in the crowd, not insecure but very proud, and you could tell this clearly at a glance." She then continued by repeating the pre-chorus and chorus. At this point, Bogo was petting Clawhauser's fur as Clawhauser nuzzled close to him and purred.
Gazelle sang the bridge, "It's hard in this world when they tell you your love is wrong, one way, two ways, three ways, to be strong. It's hard in this world when they tell you your love is wrong, one way, two ways, three ways, to be strong." After a brief instrumental interlude, the music came back into verse melody, but very quietly, as she sang the next verse softly, "The worst pain the chief ever got, was when he fought and fought and fought to keep Ben in his rightful place where you could see his shining face, but in the end it turned out all for naught." The music became more triumphant once again as she sang the next section, "But when at last he got his say, to make sure to let Benny stay, it all happened so very fast—Ben knew it was built to last, his darling Chief had saved the day."
Clawhauser leapt up and wrapped his arms around Bogo's shoulders, kissing him passionately.
"You now know that these guys are just like you, that they go through the same things you go through, and I think you probably understand their futures and the things that they have planned… because even cops have heartaches some days. Listen and you'll hear that bravery comes from fear. They are just like you in many ways. The only thing that keeps them going is the hope of someday knowing they made the world a better place for the entire mammal race, and if they do they'll still be surprised and happy to succeed and even cops have heartaches some days," Gazelle finished. The crowd burst into uproarious applause.
"Come on up, you two!" she shouted into the crowd.
Bogo and Clawhauser parted their kiss and walked onto the stage.
"Zootopia! I'd like you to meet my very good personal friends, Chief Bogo and Benjamin Clawhauser," Gazelle said, "Who have graciously permitted me to write a song about their love story and provided consultation on the details."
"Woooooooo!" a female ferret wearing an ascot, a beret, and round-framed glasses cried, "Way to go, Benji!"
"And because of this, I am prepared to give each of you a full ten percent of my net profits from single sales and digital downloads," Gazelle said.
"Are you serious?" Bogo asked way too loudly for how close he was standing to a microphone. He self-consciously looked around and rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, I thought you were doing it for nothing but not that you were going to pay us, especially not a percentage! This is great news!"
"Thanks, Gazelle, but I don't need the money," Clawhauser said.
"Oh, I insist," she said, "It's the least I can do. Especially after you two and your bunny and fox friend sold me those adorable salt and pepper shakers. And… Benjamin," she said. "I would love it if you helped choreograph the music video for the song."
Clawhauser collapsed backwards into Bogo's arms. "Oh no, is he alright?" Gazelle asked.
"You just need to stop making him so damn happy," Bogo said in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek tone.
"What can I say?" Gazelle asked, "I really love my fans."
The entire crowd cheered even louder, which caused Clawhauser to awaken and weakly say, "We love you back."
Author's Note: The thing about Clawhauser wanting to be Gazelle's choreographer was a bit of Word of Saint Paul provided by Nate Torrence in an interview.