A/N: So I heard this song the other day and immediately thought of Dean but I was faced with a problem: Somehow, I can't really picture Dean listening to country. Then my friend suggested what if he "wrote" the song? And thus, this one-shot of fluff was born. I can probably write this better but I kinda dig how this came out. The song is called "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice and I changed the lyrics around a little. Not too much. Hope you guys enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I do not own Cas or Dean or Supernatural or the song. Dean Winchester did not write the song but let's be honest, he might as well have. Lee Brice owns the song. Good on you Lee.
Dean was pacing around his motel room and muttering to himself. Cas had been working a job with him and Sam this week and earlier today, after Sam went to do research or whatever nerdy things he did when he ditched them, Cas and Dean got into a fight. It was over something stupid, Dean was sure, but he had to admit he wasn't sure why exactly the angel had gotten mad. It had been a couple hours since Cas had flown off in a huff and Dean decided that this was probably enough "Time to think" so he could call his boyfriend back. He sat on the bed and closed his eyes (out of respect for Cas he never kneeled when he was praying to him... don't ask, there was a thing), "Hey Cas... I know that you're pissed but can you come down here and talk, please?"
He waited for the familiar sound of Castiel's wings flying him in and didn't hear anything. Dean stayed perfectly still for about five minutes, not even daring to breathe in case it would cause him to miss the sound he was waiting for. After five minutes of nothing, Dean laid back on the bed and just started talking to Cas, not even caring if he was going to come back at this point. They needed to have this conversation and Dean was going to have it with him whether Cas wanted to hear it or not. He had to hear it anyways, at least that's what Dean had surmised. Cas can't tune out his prayers.
He talked for a half hour, at first apologizing continuously for whatever it was that had upset the angel and then just talking to get Cas to come back. Dean tried dirty talk, he tried being honest, he tried telling Cas how he was feeling. Nothing worked. "Alright Cas, you win. I'll leave you alone for now..." he sat up and rubbed his forehead, trying to think of how to say the next words, "I want you to know that I'm sorry. I love you. I hope you come home soon."
Feeling utterly defeated Dean pushed himself off the bed and walked over to the other side of the motel room to grab the guitar Sam had bought him last week for his birthday. Dean hadn't played since high school but he remembered enough to put together a tune and a melody that sounded good to him and eventually, words started coming to his mind to go along with the music. At first he was just singing quietly to himself and then he realized that what he was singing was good - it was what he'd been trying to tell Cas. He got up and searched the room for the little note pad that hotels and motels usually leave by the phone and found it. Dean went back to the guitar and sat on the bed and wrote out the chord progressions first, so he wouldn't forget. When he was done he started singing again and anything he liked he wrote down on another sheet of the pad.
An hour later Dean had put together a song that he was quite proud of, considering how long it had taken him to compose. He stood up from the bed and closed his eyes to pray again, "Castiel I'm pretty sure you've been watching me or at least listening in. I hope you didn't hear me because I have a surprise for you. Please..."
A gruff voice spoke from behind Dean, "What do you want Dean?"
The hunter almost winced when he turned and saw that Cas was on the other side of the room instead of way too close to Dean, like he normally was. Dean cleared his throat and gestured to the bed, "I know you're pissed Cas and I'm sure I deserve it but... I wrote something for you." Cas eyed Dean curiously, "You wrote something for me?"
Dean nodded and licked his lips unconsciously, "Yeah. Can I... can I play it for you?"
There was the smallest hint of a smile on Castiel's face as he sat on the bed opposite of Dean and nodded, "I would like to hear it." His voice was a little bit softer now because he knew how private Dean was about his music. He'd written songs for most of his adult life, and Cas knew this, but he'd never played them for anyone. Ever.
He was really nervous now. Dean walked over to the guitar and picked it up, "Okay... I know you hate when I doubt myself or when I think poorly of myself. But I need you to listen to the song all the way through. Please?" He breathed a sigh of relief when Cas nodded and motioned for him to play. Dean sat on the bed and closed his eyes, replaying the chord progression in his mind as his fingers started moving. His voice was soft and tentative at first but progressively got more confident as the first verse went on,
I am insensitive, I have a tendency
To pay more attention to the things that I need.
Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust,
Sometimes I don't know why you stay with me.
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
No I don't make it easy,
I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
You say that you need me,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me,
Good.
I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball
Crashing into your heart like I do
You're like a Sunday morning,
Full of grace and full of Jesus
And I wish that I could be more like you.
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
No I don't make it easy,
I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood,
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
And baby I need you,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me,
Good
Love me good
Cas you've given me a million second chances
And I don't ever wanna take you for granted,
But I'm just a man, I'm just a man...
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
Oh I don't make it easy
And I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.
I'm hard to love, hard to love
And you say that you need me,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me,
Good.
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
Oh I don't make it easy,
And I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.
I'm hard to love, hard to love
Please don't leave me,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me,
Good.
You love me good.
When Dean opened his eyes again Cas wasn't on the bed across from Dean, he was sitting right next to him with a smile on his face. He leaned over and kissed Dean gently, pulling his boyfriend as close as he could get with the guitar between them, "I loved it." Dean smiled and kissed Cas back a little forcefully.
"There's just one problem with it..." Cas murmured against Dean's lips, a smile on his face. Dean pulled back and frowned, "What's that?"
Castiel pulled Dean back in for a kiss, "You're not hard to love."