Title: Crazy Daisy
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
AN: After Advent Children, I went through this three times and can't really fish out my mistakes that well. I should get a beta reader but that's too much time, I don't have time for that. Sorry for the mistakes and hope you enjoy my pathetic sqwabble. It may or may not continue… depends. On with the show.
The men in white coats hold him down as they strap the backwards white jacket on him, forcing his arms through the long sleeves and the sound of buckles being snapped and wrapped behind him makes him shiver.
"Please, please, no. No! No, don't, please!" He screams, half his face against the cold floor. "I'll behave! I'm sorry!" His voice breaks as he screams for freedom.
Wet tears flow down his cheeks, and a slight pinch on his arm instantaneously has him weak. He tried to tell them about the voices in his head, about Sephiroth and how he will come back but they sent him straight to the mental ward in some bumfuck place he never even heard of… this was about a month ago and they broke him faster than a twig.
He can still remember how this hell began.
A disheveled Cloud enters Rufus's office, Reno and Rude walk outside and guard the door even though there is no real reason for them to anymore. After defeating Sephiroth and the three remnants and curing the geostigma it has been peaceful and hardly any criminal activity that required Turks. Not that the president would get rid of the Turks, they're his entertainment and family. One fucked up family.
"You look horrible." Rufus says. "Sit down, you need to get more sleep."
Yeah, sleep. Cloud scoffed at the thought and wished he could have at least that in his life. He sits down and doesn't know where to begin so he just stares at his shaking hands, drinking coffee every two hours to stay awake so he wouldn't get plagued with nightmares.
"Cloud."
"I hear him Rufus."
Rufus raises an eyebrow.
"And, he is always here." Cloud puts a finger to his head. "I can't, I don't know who to turn too. I tried everything and I can't live like this. Do you know anyone?"
"Like a shrink?" Rufus immediately says, though his mind going a millions miles a minute as to what this could mean. Cloud shakes his head and takes a deep breath.
Cloud nods. "He says things. And stranger things have happened to me. You know something I don't? Perhaps he really can come back." He mumbles to himself and looks at Rufus trying to read his expression.
"I know a couple people at this Medical facility, who have expertise in things like this." Rufus starts to shuffle through his desk while Cloud starts to pick at his nails as a bad feeling starts to grow in his gut while the voice in his mind gets stronger.
"Here take this number. It's a guy my father knew, name is Stan Edmund and works as a head doctor... you know? I think it's the stress honestly, but do what you have to." Rufus stands up and Cloud does as well after taking the card.
"Thanks." He mumbles and Rufus looks at him with something he couldn't identify, sympathy, pity… awkward?
As Cloud is leaving Reno grabs his arm.
"Yo, yal'right?" Reno asks.
Cloud stiffens and looks at Reno then quickly turns away and shakes his head.
"You ever feel haunted?" Cloud asks and pulls away his arm. " Everyday, everynight I feel like… I must be crazy."
Reno nods and takes out a bottle and hands it to Cloud.
"These help me."
"Thanks."
"Call me yo, when ya need a drink or somethin'."
And that was that. He called Stan Edmund, they immediately had him come in and they brought him to a nice room where they decided to fool him. Ever since then they constantly made him drowsy so they wouldn't have to deal with Cloud, who they undoubtedly knew defeated Sephiroth multiple times. It was so sneaky that he didn't even see it coming.
"Oh welcome Cloud! Please sit. Sit. Rufus called about you." Stan said behind a desk way to big for him.
Cloud walks in nervously holding a sheet the women at the main desk gave him.
"I'm just going to evaluate you, if you mind me asking some questions to get started? Or do you have any questions?" Stan smiles, his brown slick hair to the side and his white teeth shining in the evening sun glowing in through the curtains.
"How long will it take, to, um…" Cloud clears his throat. Doctors always made him feel uneasy. Especially with Stans beady eyes staring… evaluating.
Stan nods. "How long it takes is up to you, Cloud. Please sit." Cloud nods and takes the left seat in front of the desk, vaguely wondering if this is a mind game, maybe he should have sat in the right chair.
"Now, what is our main concern Cloud? Please tell me your problem." Stan crosses his legs in a professional manner with no pen or pad to record anything.
Hojo would write everything down. Everything. Cloud shivers.
"That bad huh?" Stan asks as he notices Clouds discomfort.
This is ridiculous, I defeated Sephiroth.
'You did no such thing Strife.'
Cloud shakes his head. "Well, I hear a voice in my head. Sephiroth's to be exact."
"And what kind of things does he say?"
Cloud looks down at his sweaty hands, the room starting to feel stuffy.
"He tells me things, bad things mostly…"
Stan nods. "About yourself."
Cloud nods.
"And do you talk back to him?"
Cloud doesn't reply for a second. "Sometimes… you mean in my mind or out loud?"
"Both, it seems you are very stressed. Do you think that maybe you took too much in trying to beat Sephiroth that he became an obsession?"
"He was trying to destroy the world. I had to defeat him. I don't think I obsess about him but…"
"Okay. Why don't you tell me about yourself, lets move onto that shall we?" He presses a button on his desk. "Amanda, will you bring us some nice tea. Thank you."
He looks back at Cloud and smiles. "You may begin Cloud."
"What?"
Cloud was too distracted about the way this man, this doctor acted. The way he moved and everything something just irked him. If Zack were alive would he have this problem?
' He would be alive if you weren't weak.' A dark chuckle shadows over his mind.
"- about yourself." Stan finishes and Cloud just catches the last part.
Cloud shrugs. "About myself. I'm a normal guy."
"Define normal Cloud, what is normal to you?"
In a flash he realized what irked him, Stans voice, it had the same tone that Hojo would use on him when he… before he…
"Well, normal, like motorcycles, I like to help, and using a sword." He frowns.
The door behind him opens and he quickly looks behind him. It was just Amanda with the tea. She sets a cup of tea in front of him and one in front of Stan then quickly leaves closing the door behind her.
"Enjoy, hopefully this will sooth you. You seem like a paranoid fellow. Are you normally startled like that?" Stan asks before taking a sip of tea, his eyes still locked on Cloud.
"No, just nervous." Something just didn't feel right.
Stan puts his tea down and looks down at a file on his desk. Then looks at the paper folded on Clouds lap.
"Did you read and sign that as the secretary instructed?" Stan asks.
Cloud nods and hands it over to Stan.
"Good, good. Oh Cloud drink your tea before it gets cold. It's imported, I just can not enjoy the tea here so I buy the best elsewhere."
Cloud nods and holds it in his hands, he isn't cold but the warmth still felt nice in his hands.
"Tell me about Zack and Aerith, Cloud." Cloud almost drops the teacup.
'Yes tell him about how you killed them.'
"I didn't." Cloud says.
"What didn't you do?"
"I didn't kill them." Cloud whispers then takes a sip of the lukewarm tea. It seemed off, the taste; something lingered there in his mouth.
'Denial Strife will get you no where.' He starts to feel woozy, Sephiroth's voice seeming like he is in the same room rather than his mind and he quickly looks around.
"I'm- I'm not in denial." His eyelids started to close. Something is wrong, he stands up but the wave of exhaustion hits him like a punch in the face.
He didn't realize until later that the punch in the face was actually hitting the floor face first. What a lovely beginning that was. At least he didn't wake up in a glass tube filled to the top with mako, or rather, at least he was alone this time and no one else had to suffer. Like Zack.
The mako in his system was no match for what they gave him, the science department was definitely upgrading, some showing their dislike for a soldier like Cloud through their glares and how they stabbed him with needles and how they slammed him to the floor.
Not to mention the insane people in this place, he didn't want to become one of them. But day by day he felt his sanity wearing thin like he had no choice but to become insane like they thought he was which he was beginning to think he was sane before coming to this hell hole. He dealt with Hojo in the past, so why had he trusted these doctors to begin with? He was forced to sleep, they gave him so many pills it was hard to count. Some making him focus hard on the ceiling designs it made his brain feel ready to explode. Others made him feel like he was floating in water, he never tried cocaine but sometimes he felt ready to take off in crazy tantrums in an anxious way, but they usually settled him down before he could do anything of the sort.
Big tall bulky men were near him at all times, staring him down like a piece of meat.
"Are you with us yet, Strife?"
He shuffles on the floor where they left him, zoning out was another thing he started to do a lot here.
"Yea." He whispers and blinks his eyes up at the nurse. She is the same woman who was nice to him while he was filling out the form for doctor visits, he knew what he was filling out. But when he was knocked out and tied in a straight jacket they showed him the form again with his signature on it stating how he entered himself in an asylum and he wouldn't leave until they deemed him fit. They made him fill out a fake version and took his signature and pasted it on the real one.
The women calls for him again. "You are definitely sick aren't you?"
Cloud nods his head, he is sick, sick and tired. He was trusting that Doctors weren't so bad, that he would get help. So much for that. He is reminded of how Tifa thought he was crazy when he yelled at her for bringing Denzel to the doctor.
"He's sick Cloud! There are good doctors out there, trust me!" Tifa slams down her fist on the bar counter.
"And what if this doctor is like Hojo huh? Or tries to molest Denzel! Doctors are crazy people that like to experiment!"
"If you're so worried Cloud, you take him to the doctors. But he still needs his check-up, and that's my final answer."
So Cloud did, and the doctor was nice and gave Denzel some stickers when they were finished.
"Yes Strife, I am so glad you recognize it. Most cases don't. Your lunch will be up in a minute then Dr. Edmund will talk to you about your illness." She leaves and locks his door from the outside. Not like he can get out. They took him out of his straightjacket about two weeks ago, was it two weeks?
They keep doping his food and he had to eat, sometimes they had to force him because he was too cracked up with something.
He told Tifa he was going on a vacation to clear his mind, and he has been gone a month, he wouldn't be surprised if she thought he was fine besides she is used to him leaving on long leaves. The only one who knows where he is is Rufus. And unless Tifa goes to him he isn't sure they will find him, or even realize he is in danger until they have to go through a lot to get him out.
One long month of having orderlies giving him pills, which he tried to resist but had little luck. They kept him drugged at all times or so it felt. The food was the same slosh everyday, worse than the food he had when he was a cadet. The nightmares only got worse and Sephiroth's voice wasn't around as much as it used to be, though he knew somewhere in his mind it wasn't that it went away, it seemed more like it was covered up with all the shit they gave him.
The first day he woke up after his encounter with was pretty bad.
"Let me out of this thing!" He struggled with the straightjacket. "I'm not dangerous or crazy, you have no right to do this to me!" He glares at the nurses who simply take out a needle.
"No! Don't! I won't yell… please," he calms his voice but she still walks towards him. "please lets be civil."
She laughs, "There is no such thing as 'civil' toward a patient here. That is why we have sedatives. Now hold still." He struggles against the restraints and she sticks him in the arm anyway. "There all better!"
He starts to breath heavy as he struggles, he's too weak, he stops knowing it is futile. He hears keys rattle and looks over at his door. The room they put him in is white, small, lights in the ceiling and a small mattress with a white sheet. Why everything needs to be white is beyond him. They're the crazy ones.
Stan comes into the little room and kneels down to where Cloud is laying on the floor. Cloud glares up at the man who smiles back down at him.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Do you still hear his voice Cloud?"
"I asked you a question, answer my question!" Cloud yells with as much strength as he can muster.
Stan stands up and leans against the wall behind Cloud so he can't be seen. "We are just trying to help, you told the nurse you are not dangerous, but you defeated the great strong and insane Sephiroth. Which means you can be dangerous. You are hearing Sephiroth's voice, who is to say you won't start to do what he did? Who will stop you? Sephiroth also started hearing voices before he truly went insane correct?"
"It's not like that! I am not like him! He went insane for a different reason!"
Clouds heartbeat flutters frantically, and he is not responded with anything.
"You hear me?" Cloud struggles and looks over to see the doctor staring at him and even though the whole room is bright he can still see a shadow cast Stans face.
Cloud looks away, a shiver crawling down his spine. "I read the agreement, you can't keep me here."
"Oh yes we can. But you don't have to worry about that Cloud."
"What, what do you mean 'we can' no you can't!" Cloud shouts were weary from the sedative, too tired to put any meaning behind his words. Stan starts to walk toward the door but not before showing Cloud the smile spread on his face. "Don't leave! Tell me! You can't do this to me! No! No. No no no." Cloud puts down his head on the floor then falls quickly asleep.
After that day everything went downhill. He was allowed once a week to be in the patient lounge where patients can listen to the radio and play cards and play checkers, sit on the couch. The first time he was allowed there they gave him something that really made him feel like… weird would be a good way to describe it. Didn't help he wasn't feeling himself while all these crazy people were surrounding him, and he didn't have his buster sword.
"What's your name huh? Name, tell me, can you tell me?" A frail looking man asked as he sat beside Cloud on the couch, which was falling apart and it was white as well.
"Cloud."
The man looks insulted. "No your name! Name! Not Cloud, tell me your name! It can't be Cloud. It's not!"
Cloud shifts away from the man, "Yea… you're right. Its actually…" … Cloud tries to think. "Reeve, my name is Reeve. Sorry, I didn't mean to trick you? What your name?" Cloud asks the man while asking himself why he is talking so much. He needs to concentrate on something… like the white indents on the ceiling. The man is telling him his name is Reeve as well. This man is crazy.
"Your name is Reeve too?" Cloud asks skeptically.
"You-you don't like my name? Haha! I trick you too! My name is actually Randy, but you should have seen your face Reeve! See! You don't like being tricked huh? You don't do you?"
A women who seemed to be old herself came over hesitantly while Cloud continued to stare at the indents on the ceiling, 'fiftyfive indents so far… a hundred more and that would be great.' Cloud thinks and looks over at the women with long black hair.
"You're hair." She whispers and scuttles over to Cloud and runs her hand in his hair causing him to jump away from her.
"Please don't do that." He says firmly and looks back at the ceiling, 'where was I fourty? No…damnit I lost count. Fuck.' He looks at the woman who is still staring at his hair. "Stop staring at me!" He shouts and she snaps her eyes at him. He walks away while glancing at the orderlies against the wall who are shifting their eyes on him. Cloud just wanted to leave this place, but that women was crazy, why yell at her? Maybe they are giving her something that they gave him. Would the ceiling yell at him for staring?
His hands start to shake, this isn't like him. This isn't him. He looks over at the black haired women who is being escorted out by a nurse.
"Cloud, time to go back to your room for dinner and your medication." Two big men stand behind the nurse talking to him and they give him a dirty glare.
He shakes his head. "I want to stay here," he backs away form the nurse and the men behind her. "I don't want my medication either. You know who I am? I'm Cloud Strife! I saved your sorry asses!"
He notices the women not paying any attention to him and is whispering to the men who are now gradually walking up to him. "No! Stay away! I don't want this!" He stumbles back and starts to run for the door. Two more men blocked the door way and he came to a stop. He looks behind him and see the men closing in on him.
"No!" They jump him at once, he manages to punch one man in the chest and kick another in the face as they throw him to the floor. "No, ge'off!" They try to hold him down but he manages to break free from the man holding his arms and punches that man in the face as well. Someone punches him in the gut and suddenly he is woozy and tired. He looks up to see the nurse taking out a syringe from his arm, and lies limply on the floor. One of the men who he no doubt hurt punches him one last time.
"Take him away to ward two, he won't bother anyone there."
"Please…"
He feels himself being carried away before passing out.
That was the last time he got to use the patient lounge, and the last time he saw the other patients. The rest of the time he was kept inside the small room in supposedly ward two. Stan would come into his room every other day, asking him questions, questioning his morals, asking about his friends, what exactly did Hojo do. Whenever asked about Hojo Cloud would freeze up and never respond. The other questions he answered simply because he wanted Stan to know he was capable of being a normal man, that he isn't crazy or will turn evil.
" So you think you are perfect, because you saved this planet?"
"I never said that." Clouds voice rasps, dehydrated and tired he waits for the doctor to leave.
"But that's what you made it seem when you started the fight with the orderlies. Why did you fight them?" Cloud sighs, and Stan looks down at Cloud who is tied to his mattress.
"They wanted me to do something I didn't want to do. I'm not perfect by any means. If I were I wouldn't be here now would I?"
"You are absolutely right, you are not perfect."
"You're beginning to sound like Sephiroth."
'Because everyone knows I am right about you, why would I tell you lies?' The voice in his head scoffs.
"Is that the kind of things he tells you Cloud?" Stan leans toward Cloud a tad bit, eager to hear more.
Cloud tries to lean away and settles for turning his head to the left.
"What else does he tell you?"
Sephiroth answers, laughing. 'Tell him I think that you should join me in hell where I will rape you until you puke blood.'
"Nothing worth knowing."
"Hm. I think I will be the judge of that. Tell me or I will have a nurse bring you your medication."
"Why." Cloud shuts his eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?" The drugs were beginning to take their toll, his mind cracking and his body feeling slower each day.
"Because I love seeing you in pain. Now tell me."
Cloud thinks for a moment. "He tells me that I am guilty for… for killing my friends. And I will never be forgiven and how I will never go to the lifestream and he will haunt me forever… stuff like that." He takes a deep breath and shifts on the bed, his back aching from laying in the same spot for over an hour.
"Well that is certainly worth knowing. To you he sounds like he can read your mind. But in all actuality he is only a figment of your imagination, of course, and so he would obviously know all your weaknesses. Do you feel guilty?"
Cloud nods.
Stan smacks Cloud across the face, though shocked Cloud refuses to make a sound.
"I expect you to answer the question verbally."
"Yes I do."
Another smack sounds through the room, this time across the other side of his face.
Cloud scowls. "I feel guilty because… cause it was my fault. I should have been there for both of them." Cloud notices Stan giving him a stern stare and so he continues. "Zack… was my mentor and in his time of need I was weak and couldn't do a thing. Sephiroth killed Aerith and I wasn't there to stop it."
"Very good, now was that so hard Cloud. I expect you to start replying to my questions as any patient who needs help should. Now its time for your medication." He heads toward the door while Cloud protests.
"You said, I- I … no I don't need it! Please I can't take how it makes me feel! What else do you want to know? I will answer, please don't make me take those pills." Cloud struggles against the restraints which start to burn his wrists and ankles. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you motherfucker! I'm going to shove my buster sword so far up your ass you'll puke blood!"
The nurse comes in with a syringe instead of pills, probably because he started to freak out.
"I hate you too!" He spits in the nurses face as she sticks him hard with the needle.
She wipes her face and glares down at Cloud. "We can always make sure we give you more than you need. Maybe we will overdose you. Your life won't be missed here." She struts out in her high heels and slams the door.
All left to be heard is his harsh breathing and the dark laugh echoing in his head that was not his.
'Shove my buster sword so far up your ass you'll puke blood'? Why Strife, using my insult is indeed a compliment.'
"I changed a few words."
'Well I would too, no one would want to stick their dick in that fifty year old virgin.'
"I'm glad we agree on one thing."
'You on the other hand, Strife, I would fuck all night long, you would beg for mercy at first but eventually scream my name begging for more.' Sephiroth says his voice full of lust.
Cloud submits to the drug taking over his now foggy mind and falls asleep.
He wakes up to the sound of loud noises, banging, shouting, like something is attacking. He doesn't even bother to break from the restraints. Absolutely no point, he tried at least twenty million times and the damn buckles won't even budge, so screw it he will face whatever is out there will an iron… mouth. Instead of fist, okay that sounds wrong. In the midst of curiosity and fear of what is happening outside he feels his stomach rumble. A hamburger with cheese and tomato and lettuce…. Bacon. He groans.
Maybe Reno will be a sneak like always and find out where he is, maybe he will help him, maybe he will even buy him a hamburger with bacon. Son of a bitch owed him, well not really, he did give him the pills as he left Rufus's office.
The door opened, and he snaps his attention to the doorway. Speaking of the devil, his eyes go wide in shock.
"Reno? Are you here? Hahaha! This is insane you are here!" He weakly struggles against the belts and while looking at his friend, Reno immediately runs over and starts unbuckling everything then helps Cloud up. He lets him go only to catch Cloud before he falls to the floor he looks at cloud with concern for a moment while leading him out of the room and down the hall in a fast pace.
"What they do to ya?" Reno mumbles to himself. "Can you walk Cloud?"
Cloud giggles and nods, this is too funny, he thinks to himself. He is not walking out of this place, there is just no way this is really happening. These doctors are too strong and evil for that to happen. Bunch of pill obsessed, syringe crazy bastards.
"Reno, don't drink their tea it will knock you out." Cloud says. "Like a light."
Reno looks over Cloud while he talking, The kid was definitely off kilter and who knows what they did to him, at least he is laughing even if it is out of desperation.
"How did you find me?" Cloud asks and stops walking as he noticed most of the orderlies lying on the floor groaning in pain. "Reno did you do that? This is great I'm really getting out of here! You are great Reno!"
Reno shakes his head, "Cloud, I need you to know something okay? Zack is alive." Clouds expression remains normal as it was just a second ago. "Cloud, man you understanding me?" Cloud pulls away and leans against the wall while he looks down the hall at the men on the floor, some attempting to get up.
"Where is he? How? This isn't real." Clouds eyes start to tear up, if this isn't real then he isn't getting out of this place. Reno isn't here and there is no way Zack is alive, he saw him die. He feels his shoulder shaking and he looks into Reno's anxious eyes.
"You have to stay with me Cloud," the red haired Turk starts to pull Cloud along quickening their pace, expertly moving through the halls like he knew every nook and cranny. Reno suddenly takes out his cellphone.
"I have him."
They take a sharp turn. Did the doctors really hide him in this building? He never knew how big the place was. But then again he didn't know where he was half the time. No windows, all white walls, white doors, bright white lights, off colored white clothes. The only thing in this place that doesn't seem dead at the moment is Reno's vibrant red hair. And Zacks alive. Its like... you get a glass of water and a million dollars. White walls, paranoia schizophrenia and Zack. What is going on?
"He ain't himself if that is uh any indication yo." Reno looks back at Cloud who is staring all around him looking kind of weak.
"Hold on," Reno stops walking and turns around to Cloud. "Zack wants to speak to you, okay? You okay?" Reno snaps his fingers in Clouds eyes.
"I don't think I've been out of that room for a while Reno. I can barely feel my legs and if you are bullshitting me about Zack, Reno so help me Gaia… I will… I will be extremely hurt. Look me in the face and tell me its him."
Before Reno can utter a word Zack's voice screams through the phone.
"Cloud talk to me!"
Clouds eyes widen and Reno smiles and starts to drag Cloud through the halls again while Cloud puts the phone to his ear. His hand feeling like the phone is on fire.
His mind a discombobulated mess.
"Zack?"
"Cloud, buddy? I know this is hard to take in and I want you to know that I'm at the hospital now, Reno and I are taking you home. You are leaving this place."
Cloud feels his vision blacken for a second then feels himself being shaken awake, he realizes he is being carried as his face is in Renos neck, red hair tickling his face. The sound of a chopper gets louder and louder as Reno continues to run full force.
Cloud blacks out as a familiar black haired SOLDIER is in view.
AN: WHOPNER. So… Nay? Yey? Delete? More? Let me know.