Halloween: Spoofarrection
By William H.
This is written in play form, but is just as stupid as ever.
Laurie Strode was setting in a sanitarium. Laurie: (voice over) there is a door, that door can either lead you to Heaven or Hell. I am in HELL!
Two nurses are walking down Sanitarium Hallway. Nurse #1: HEY! CONNIE! GET YO SELF OVER HERE! Connie: hello Wanda. Wanda: How yo doin Connie? Connie: I'm ok, what's the deal with this Strode girl? Wanda: I dunno she spossed to be retarded or something, she never talk. Director: (off camera) AHEM! Wanda: oh right. (Pulls out script) uh-huh, uh-huh, mmmhmmm. Oh right, she chopped of a mans head.
Flashback.
Laurie: (holding axe and is very sarcastic with half shut eyes) Well, Michael what have we learned today, hm? You killed the teenagers Thank God and now your try to kill me. Michael begins waving arms and shaking his head 'no' Laurie: I am going to finish you off once and for all. Michael gets paper and writes on paper 'I'm not Michael, Michael is behind you. Laurie: (grabs paper and wads it up) SAVE YOUR LOVE NOTES MICHAEL! Michael slaps mask head with hand. And closes eyes and stretches hands back as he is ready to die. Laurie: oh you're ready to die. wait. I'm beginning to think you aren't Michael after all. Guy in mask claps hands Laurie reaches out hand slowly going over to guy. than swings the axe over and chops his head off. Connie: that's horrible. who was it really? Wanda: The paramedic, his talking chords were crushed. The nurses go into room where Laurie is and she is setting in wheelchair. They give her pills and walk out door. Laurie eats pills. Laurie still has sarcastic eyes. Laurie: These things are like candy.
We see a security guard walking and Michael standing behind him with a giant knife. Security guard then spins around to see Michael. Guard: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael covers ears backing away and squirming. Guard: (takes an enormous breath) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Security guard looks at the doorway that says 'EXIT' and looks at the stairway that leads to a dead end. Security Guard runs upstairs and comes to a dead end. Guard: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Help! Michael goes over and stabs security guard and on the first time more than a waterfall of blood flies all over Michael. Michael stabs him again and same thing happens. Michael then walks down the stairs and he is covered in blood. Michael than goes up stairs to hallway where Laurie's room is. He then kicks open the door with his foot. And Laurie Strode then comes out with a pole and begins beating Michael Myers.
Laurie: DIE PALE FACE!!!!!!!! (Continues beating Michael)
Laurie then runs down hallway with Michael after her he chases her to roof. Michael arrives on the roof but Laurie isn't there. Michael steps into cord and looks down confused and tries to pull out of it but can't he begins twisting around and twist's so much that he gets tangled in cords and his feet are tied, trying to cut them he swings knife around and accidentally pushes a button that lifts the cords by a hanger. He is now dangling over top of the building.
Laurie busts down the roof door, and has two machine guns one her back two pistols in her pocket and holding a bazooka with one hand and has a knife holder with knives in them on each side of her.
Laurie: (is sarcastic as ever) You have got to be kidding me. Well, I though I was going to kill you (puts bazooka down and takes machine guns off back) But it looks like you've already done that now one more finishing touch. (Laurie takes out knife and begins cutting rope that is Michael is hanging from) what am I supposed to do now (Pulls out script) I don't need this. I am supposed to be a professional. I am supposed to. say 'no I have to be sure and go to REMOVE MICHALES MASK!!!! SCREW THAT! Lets give the people what they really want.
Laurie Jumps up on roof.
Laurie: See you in Hell Michael. if you ever get there.
Laurie Jumps off roof.
Michael watches in unbelief, shakes his head, and pulls out knife in pocket and cuts cord. And falls down on roof. He then walks out the door.
Sara, Jen, Rudy, Bill, Jim, and Donna are all entering the Myers house for a live broadcast from the Internet. They are all rigged with cameras and ready to go.
Jen: so what is the name of this guy again?
Sara: Michael Myers
Jen: oh. hey is that the guy who play's Austin Powers?
Sara: no that is Mike Myers.
Jen: Yea. I know. that's what I meant
Sara: no it's. ah forget it.
Freddie is standing outside. Freddie is the one who put this together. amd his assistant Nora.
Freddie: Let the da- dagger- oh great I can't pronounce it (takes script out) lang-Bang-Jang-Swang-Gang-Fang-hang-kang- Why can't I pronounce dangertainment?
We see Nora in front of a bunch of computers hooked up to the cameras.
Nora: Now for some music
Nora turns on radio to the classic channel and begins break dancing to Mozart.
Meanwhile, back to the other characters.
Bill: I have trouble getting girlfriends it seems like I can never say the right words
Sara: well it can't be that bad. Demonstrate please.
Bill: ok I was wondering if-
Sara: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! NO MORE! NO MORE! STOP PLEASE ITS TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jen comes in.
Jen: Sara? What's wrong? Is this guy bothering you?
Sara sets down on couch and covers face with hands.
Bill: that's my best one yet. usually girls commit suicide before I say anything.
Meanwhile,
Rudy: I'm and expert with knives.
Donna: oh really?
Rudy takes 2 knives and begins twirling them around really fast.
Rudy: HA! Beat that! (Shirt falls apart)
Rudy: Well everyone I think we should start exploring.
All: good idea
(Bathroom)
Jim is looking around.
Jim: (comes to mirror) hmmm. what an old mirror.
Michael busts out of mirror and grabs Jim by the throat.
By William H.
This is written in play form, but is just as stupid as ever.
Laurie Strode was setting in a sanitarium. Laurie: (voice over) there is a door, that door can either lead you to Heaven or Hell. I am in HELL!
Two nurses are walking down Sanitarium Hallway. Nurse #1: HEY! CONNIE! GET YO SELF OVER HERE! Connie: hello Wanda. Wanda: How yo doin Connie? Connie: I'm ok, what's the deal with this Strode girl? Wanda: I dunno she spossed to be retarded or something, she never talk. Director: (off camera) AHEM! Wanda: oh right. (Pulls out script) uh-huh, uh-huh, mmmhmmm. Oh right, she chopped of a mans head.
Flashback.
Laurie: (holding axe and is very sarcastic with half shut eyes) Well, Michael what have we learned today, hm? You killed the teenagers Thank God and now your try to kill me. Michael begins waving arms and shaking his head 'no' Laurie: I am going to finish you off once and for all. Michael gets paper and writes on paper 'I'm not Michael, Michael is behind you. Laurie: (grabs paper and wads it up) SAVE YOUR LOVE NOTES MICHAEL! Michael slaps mask head with hand. And closes eyes and stretches hands back as he is ready to die. Laurie: oh you're ready to die. wait. I'm beginning to think you aren't Michael after all. Guy in mask claps hands Laurie reaches out hand slowly going over to guy. than swings the axe over and chops his head off. Connie: that's horrible. who was it really? Wanda: The paramedic, his talking chords were crushed. The nurses go into room where Laurie is and she is setting in wheelchair. They give her pills and walk out door. Laurie eats pills. Laurie still has sarcastic eyes. Laurie: These things are like candy.
We see a security guard walking and Michael standing behind him with a giant knife. Security guard then spins around to see Michael. Guard: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael covers ears backing away and squirming. Guard: (takes an enormous breath) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Security guard looks at the doorway that says 'EXIT' and looks at the stairway that leads to a dead end. Security Guard runs upstairs and comes to a dead end. Guard: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Help! Michael goes over and stabs security guard and on the first time more than a waterfall of blood flies all over Michael. Michael stabs him again and same thing happens. Michael then walks down the stairs and he is covered in blood. Michael than goes up stairs to hallway where Laurie's room is. He then kicks open the door with his foot. And Laurie Strode then comes out with a pole and begins beating Michael Myers.
Laurie: DIE PALE FACE!!!!!!!! (Continues beating Michael)
Laurie then runs down hallway with Michael after her he chases her to roof. Michael arrives on the roof but Laurie isn't there. Michael steps into cord and looks down confused and tries to pull out of it but can't he begins twisting around and twist's so much that he gets tangled in cords and his feet are tied, trying to cut them he swings knife around and accidentally pushes a button that lifts the cords by a hanger. He is now dangling over top of the building.
Laurie busts down the roof door, and has two machine guns one her back two pistols in her pocket and holding a bazooka with one hand and has a knife holder with knives in them on each side of her.
Laurie: (is sarcastic as ever) You have got to be kidding me. Well, I though I was going to kill you (puts bazooka down and takes machine guns off back) But it looks like you've already done that now one more finishing touch. (Laurie takes out knife and begins cutting rope that is Michael is hanging from) what am I supposed to do now (Pulls out script) I don't need this. I am supposed to be a professional. I am supposed to. say 'no I have to be sure and go to REMOVE MICHALES MASK!!!! SCREW THAT! Lets give the people what they really want.
Laurie Jumps up on roof.
Laurie: See you in Hell Michael. if you ever get there.
Laurie Jumps off roof.
Michael watches in unbelief, shakes his head, and pulls out knife in pocket and cuts cord. And falls down on roof. He then walks out the door.
Sara, Jen, Rudy, Bill, Jim, and Donna are all entering the Myers house for a live broadcast from the Internet. They are all rigged with cameras and ready to go.
Jen: so what is the name of this guy again?
Sara: Michael Myers
Jen: oh. hey is that the guy who play's Austin Powers?
Sara: no that is Mike Myers.
Jen: Yea. I know. that's what I meant
Sara: no it's. ah forget it.
Freddie is standing outside. Freddie is the one who put this together. amd his assistant Nora.
Freddie: Let the da- dagger- oh great I can't pronounce it (takes script out) lang-Bang-Jang-Swang-Gang-Fang-hang-kang- Why can't I pronounce dangertainment?
We see Nora in front of a bunch of computers hooked up to the cameras.
Nora: Now for some music
Nora turns on radio to the classic channel and begins break dancing to Mozart.
Meanwhile, back to the other characters.
Bill: I have trouble getting girlfriends it seems like I can never say the right words
Sara: well it can't be that bad. Demonstrate please.
Bill: ok I was wondering if-
Sara: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! NO MORE! NO MORE! STOP PLEASE ITS TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jen comes in.
Jen: Sara? What's wrong? Is this guy bothering you?
Sara sets down on couch and covers face with hands.
Bill: that's my best one yet. usually girls commit suicide before I say anything.
Meanwhile,
Rudy: I'm and expert with knives.
Donna: oh really?
Rudy takes 2 knives and begins twirling them around really fast.
Rudy: HA! Beat that! (Shirt falls apart)
Rudy: Well everyone I think we should start exploring.
All: good idea
(Bathroom)
Jim is looking around.
Jim: (comes to mirror) hmmm. what an old mirror.
Michael busts out of mirror and grabs Jim by the throat.