When its writtin in bold it means Nostalgia Critic is talking while reading the story. when its writtin in italic its the story and when its normal text its just the critic talking.

NC: (voiceover): (talks in a low, exhausted voice similar to Max Payne, and will do so for the rest of the review; there are camera shots of him tossing and turning on his hotel bed, plus a shot of him staring out a window) Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it, but just barely. I'm at a con in Ohio called Animarathon, but that's not the reason I'm writing this. I'm writing this because…I have nothing to review. Oh, I read a story—Good fuck God, I read a story!—but it is a story that's so dumb, so ridiculous, so not engaging, that I literally have nothing to say about it. It's the third time that's ever happened, and I wonder if I can ever review again because of it. This genocide of imagination goes under the name…"Sex Life on Deck."

(Nostalgia Critic crosses his eyes and collapses backward on the bed)

NC: I literally got dumber reading this story. It has nothing interesting, no interesting story, no interesting characters even a half-assed "Roger Rabbit" reunion couldn't possibly make this enjoyable!

( NC stares expressionless into space.)

NC (voiceover): God help me for its sins. All I can do is sit here and ponder how. How could this film have made so little an impact? Well, let's start at the beginning.

NC (voiceover): At first, I wrongfully raised my expectations when I see the author Funfan1, the same author of "Savior Of Kansas," but where that story came from actual genius this is…nonsense. Lets start we start off with London played by Brenda Song lying on the sun deck.

One day on the S.S. Tipton London is lying on the sun deck in a sweater and blue jeans. She Looks Mad.

"London, what are you doing?" Cody asks.

"Oh, Hi Cody! I'm trying to get a tan. And it's not going to good" replied London

NC (voiceover) Yeah I wonder why so Zach suggests she take her jeans and shirt off. so she dose the twins agree she looks great and hands Zach her clothes and the twins walk off as if they just saw a goddess.

Zack and Cody start walking towards London's Cabin.

"That's it! I can't take it anymore!" shouts Zack.

"You can't take what anymore?" ask Cody.

"Seeing London naked!" Here take her bra. I'm going to go to my cabin get a camera and take some pictures."

"Okay. And when u get then developed get duplicates so i can have some."

"Will do buddy." Says Zack. Zack runs out of site.

NC (voiceover:) So Cody continues down the hall walks in and in to the room were Baily has just emerged from the shower.

"Cody! What are you doing in here!" Says Bailey shyly while trying to cover up her boobs and pussy.

"Ummmmm. London asked me to bring up the clothes she was wearing so she could get a tan."

"Ya right!" shouts Bailey "Prove it!"

Cody shows Bailey the clothes he brought up

"So you're telling me that London is laying butt naked on the sky deck."

"Yep"

NC (voiceover): (talks through his clenched teeth) He's holding her clothes. what more proof do you need?

"You've got to be fucking me!"

"Okay." Cody stands up and starts to undress

"What are you doing?" Bailey asked nervously

"You said that I had to be fucking you. So that's what I'm going to do. Fuck you"

"I was using that as an expression! I'm not going to have sex with you!"

"Later?"

"Maybe"

"Can I at least see you naked and get some pics?

"That much I'll let you do."

NC (voiceover): so he takes some photo's and she kicks him out. Good thing too back on the sun deck we see Zach taking pictures of London who has fallen asleep.

London snores

"Sweet London fell asleep." Zack strips down to nothing and starts sticking his 6 inch long cock in and out of London's Pussy. "I hope she doesn't wake up when I'm doing this."

NC (voiceover): (stands up to stare off-screen in horror) My God! I suddenly remember. This ship has no security! (a demonic choir begins to sing as Zach starts fucking London) Sweet Jesus alive! No one should ever have to see that! This is supposed to be a Disney show, and yet, strangely enough, that penis looks like the horrifying love-child of Andre the Giant and Gollum!

Cody comes running up "Zack you'll never guess what I just saw!"

"What." Zack replies not seeming to care.

"I saw Bailey naked!"

"What! I don't believe you."

"Here's prove!" show's Zack the pics. "Wow. Lucky."

NC (voiceover): (sarcastic) Yes, that makes sense. Why take a couple pictures too jerk off too when you can stick your cock into a hot stupid bitch? Except, you know, make it the fuck little more creepy. (Zach continues to fuck sleeping London ) I wouldn't mind so much, except that the fact that taking nude photos of Debby Ryan actually seems more convincing than FUCKING Brenda Song in her sleep!

(Cut to footage of activity going on at Animarathon and the smiling faces of the attendees as NC walks through the con)

NC (voiceover): But it only got worse. As I walked through the con seeing all the happy faces and their cheerful costumes, I knew…that they…had not read "Sex Life on Deck." (whispers) How I envy them. (normal voice) It made me think about the so-called needs we all have.

Back to the story

NC (voiceover): Suddenly Mr. Mosbey walks around the corner and sees London naked and Zack naked on top of her and Cody off the side staring out into the ocean.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" Shouts Mr. Mosbey. "Zack just wait until your mother hears about this!"

"Zack no please Mr. Mosbey Anything but telling mother."

"Fine let's make a deal you have to write a one-thousand word

essay on the history of the Tipton's! As for you London wait for me in my cabin." said Mr. Mosbey.

NC (voiceover): Ok now this is really creepy.

"One-thousand!"

"Fine Two-Thousand!"

"Two-Thousand!"

"Fine make it a one-million word essay"

"Zack, I would shut up if i were you. Because this is one essay I'm not writing for you."

"What! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was board and I didn't feel like moving."