The Apology Misfire

By Laura Schiller

Based on: The Big Bang Theory

Copyright: CBS

Emily cared about Raj very much, but being his girlfriend was hard work sometimes. Not just because he talked to his dog in similar terms as to her, or because her favorite books and movies made him squeamish, or even because his outbursts of emotion were foreign to her nature … no, it was his friends that really tried her patience. Especially Sheldon Cooper.

The same Sheldon who was sitting in Raj's armchair, staring at her with unblinking, fishlike eyes that were probably meant to look sincere, and holding out a T-shirt that said Sheldon Cooper Apologized To Me.

"Emily? I'm sorry I told you dermatologists aren't real doctors. My honesty sometimes hampers me in social interactions, but it was never my intention to insult you. And I'm not just saying that because I really want to be invited to Vegas, even though I hate Vegas. Or because I need you to reassure me that the spot on my left buttock is not a melanoma."

Raj, sitting next to Emily on the sofa, made a disgusted noise at the mention of Sheldon's buttocks, and Emily agreed. She had examined the spot in question before, and she was getting tired of it. Hypochondriacs might be good for business in the medical profession, but they were also irritating as hell. At this point, she was almost hoping for Sheldon to develop a melanoma, so she could cut it out and give him as much pain in the ass as he was causing her.

"Okay, Sheldon," she said, summoning the polite but firm manner she used to deal with difficult patients, "I accept your apology … " For what it's worth, you pretentious jerk … "And I understand how important it is to you to be included in this trip, but - "

"Great!" Sheldon clapped his hands. "That's settled!"

" – but … are you sure you want to go?" How could she persuade him? He was a fan of Spock, wasn't he? Emily had sat through enough Star Trek episodes with Raj to have a general idea of what that character was like.

"Think about this logically for a second. Why would you travel to a place you don't like, and risk picking up another infection, just to spend time with people you already see every day? I'm sure you could use a break from us as well as we could use one from you. Even the best relationships benefit from giving each other space."

She made a conscious effort not to look at Raj, who had an unfortunate habit of texting her at work and feeling hurt if she didn't reply.

"You could focus on your research," she continued, keeping her voice soothing, the way she did when trying to explain a surgical procedure in layman's terms. "In peace and quiet, while the rest of us drink and play roulette and do whatever people do in Las Vegas – I don't know, I've never been there either. Then when we come back, we'll all be refreshed and happy to see each other, and have plenty of stories to catch up on."

"That's right," said Raj, patting Emily's knee. "Can't argue with logic."

Sheldon looked thoughtful for a moment, but then his eyebrows drew together with an almost audible click. He re-inserted the blue T-shirt into his backpack, with such meticulous care that it made her want to rip the thing out of his hands and toss it into a corner. Then he stood up and gave them a glare that could strip paint.

"I know what you're doing," he declared, "You're using logic against me, but it won't work. You see, Emily, people may call me an emotionless robot, but you're a much more convincing version than I am. And that is why you'll never belong with us."

"Sheldon!" Raj started up indignantly to defend her, but Sheldon had already slammed the door and left.

Emily looked down at her hands, realized that she was clasping them together so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. She unclasped them and stood up, with the graceless, mechanical movements of the robot to which she had been compared. She was fine. She was in control.

"Excuse me," she said, in a voice that sounded oddly far away, "I think I should be going."

"Emily?" Raj put his hand on her arm; she shrugged him off. "Emily, please don't go yet. We wanted to watch Phantom of the Opera, remember? We have just two hours before I have to pick up Cinnamon from her doggy spa. Don't let Sheldon bother you. I'll give him a piece of my mind next time I see him, I promise. But there's no need to let him ruin our time together."

She found it difficult to concentrate on what he was saying. There was a sound like the ocean in her ears. Blood rushing to her face, she realized. With a complexion like hers, no wonder she was flushed. This was why redheads had a reputation for being hot-tempered. But she wasn't hot-tempered, never had been. She was cool. She was in control.

That is why you'll never belong …

"You know it's not true, anyway, what he said." Raj kept close on her heels as she went to get her coat from the coat rack by the door. "If anyone can prove you're not a robot, it's me. And of course you belong with us. If you didn't work such long hours, we'd be happy to … oh my gosh, Emily, are you crying?"

Emily hadn't cried for years. She was a grown woman, not a child. But when she swiped at her cheek with the back of her hand. It came away wet.

"I'll be fine," she said. "I just - need a minute - "

Raj caught her raised wrist, gently but firmly, in his fingers. "What you need," he said, "Is to tell me what's really going on. This is about much more than Sheldon, isn't it? Darling, please talk to me. Don't shut me out."

Learning that he agreed with Sheldon, even if he phrased it in much kinder terms, hurt more than she would have thought possible. But both men were right; she did have a habit of shutting people out. She kept them at a safe distance with her calm, her politeness, or her twisted sense of humor, and when that didn't work, she simply left the room. She liked to think of it as maturity, but really, it was fear.

Raj's friends - especially Sheldon and Howard - were her polar opposites; their bluntness and her reserve were like the proverbial oil and water. As for Penny, Emily had tried and failed several times to get over her jealousy. The only solution she had found was to avoid each other, which, to give Penny credit, the blonde had sense enough to do.

Emily liked the rest of them well enough, especially Bernadette, who was a kindred spirit when it came to medical humor. But it was Penny and Sheldon who set the tone for the group, and it was a tone she could not tolerate for more than a few hours.

"We might as well face it," she said, with a defeated sigh. "Sheldon's right. I don't fit in with your friends, and that's not fair to any of us. We're just too different. I don't know if we can do this much longer."

"Are you … breaking up with me?"

Raj's brown face turned several shades paler, the way it did when they watched Carrie or The Shining. She was learning to predict the scenes in a movie that would make him cling to her arm or hide his face on her shoulder. She loved those moments, but right now, upsetting him was the last thing on her mind. Wouldn't life be so much easier if it came with a remote control?

"I don't want to," she said, catching hold of his corduroy sleeve, as if closing the physical distance between them could do anything about the mental distance. "I'd rather stay together. But I don't want to get between you and your friends either."

Raj looked down at her hand on his sleeve with something like awe. She could guess what he was thinking; it was as if their roles had been reversed. Confidence washed over him like a sunrise, and before she knew it, he had caught her up in a fierce, dizzying kiss.

"You don't have to," he said, with another kiss for emphasis, one hand at the small of her back and the other buried in her hair. "I waited my whole life to find you, I won't lose you now. You're dating me, not my friends, remember? There's plenty of me to share."

She smiled at the typical double entendre. Did he hear himself when he said things like that? Still, if anyone could manage to share time and attention with radically different people and make them all feel special, it would be Raj.

"So, if Sheldon does come along with you to Vegas, you really don't mind if I stay home?"

"I don't mind. I'll miss you, of course, but that's a given." He smiled at her like a schoolboy trying to charm his way out of detention. "And I promise to keep all my Vegas activities G-rated. Unless you come along, of course, in which case the rating will go – phwoomp! - through the roof." He used one hand to mimic an airplane, or perhaps a spaceship, soaring upward.

She had a momentary flash of him dancing around a stripper's pole, and her redhead complexion betrayed her with another blush. "Now I'm curious," she said, poker-faced. "About what you mean by Vegas activities. You'd better behave yourself, Dr. Koothrappali."

"I will if you will, Dr. Sweeney."

Whatever happened, this was going to be a weekend to remember.

As for the doubt that lingered at the back of her mind, she truly, sincerely hoped it would be proven wrong.