Hi there, this is my first Crackfic, but it's really fucked up too! Don't read further if you can't handle use of drugs, corrupted police officers, gays, and just fucked up Naruto characters!
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, but the plot is all mine.
Crackfic at its worst!
A crackfic from Sakura's point of view.
I'm driving up in front of the big purple house, while the music is still playing from my radio. Well, I can't hear it at all because of the much louder music coming from inside the house.
It's the house of Akatsuki, a 'gang' known to throw the most awesome parties. And besides, they ARE selling drugs, how can they not set up the wildest, most awesome party in under an hour? Well, they can, and they just did.
I know cus' I'm a very loyal costumer. Hah, and hey! There's Ino!
I quickly turn the engine of, and step out in the mild summer evening. I'm not wearing much clothes, but a small top that only reaches my navel, and a miniskirt. But I don't bother, the alcohol is streaming through my veins, and heating me up.
The door is already open, and I only get two steps inside before a really really drunk, and probably pretty fucked Hidan sees me, and almost attacks me!
"Heeeeey Saukra!" His voice is loud, and his eyes are.. Big. Actually, his pupils(?) are big. But I don't see his scythe anywhere.. "Are you fucking here for the party, or the usual, fucking?" He added, with a dirty look in his eyes.
(Well, the usual usually ends up with me buying drugs, and me fucking Hidan or Sasori – Or both..)
I smirk at him, but pushes him of me when I realize that we are still on the floor, with him on top. I stand, and he does too, and then we go further into the house, where I kind of know everyone. Naruto is here, kissing with Sasuke again. Those two, pheew!
I step over them as they lie on the floor, but they don't seem to even sense the rest of the world. That Cocaine, it's not good for either of them.. Especially then you think about all the fighting those two can have, the drug is not helping at all! – Well, not my problem.
Then there's Tobi, who is looking at a toothbrush. Very intense. "Sooo many colors! What if I had that many colors, would I be such as pretty?" He asks when we walk by, and I can't stop myself laughing. Hidan just kicks him in the face and move on. He's cute sometimes.
I can hear Kakashi in the living room, talking prices with Kakuzu. I walk in there, but I've lost Hidan somewhere..
Ohh well. Kakashi turns to look at me, and smiles when he recognizes me. He's not wearing his mask today, weird.. Kakuzu just looks a little grumpy, but I know it's because Kakashi haven't bought anything yet. It's some Ecstasy pills, the good ones.
I can't help it, but touching Kakashi's neck and whisper to his ear, "Mhh, Sensei, can I have one of those?" And looking as innocent I can. His eyes widen, and his breath gets heavier.
"B-but Sa-saku-kura, haven't y-you school t-tomorrow?" He asks, a biiiit nervous.
"Kakashi Sensei, haven't you class tomorrow?" I give him back. I bite my lip, because I know that he likes it.
Just right after he gives Kakuzu the money, (very much overpriced!) and he gives me one of the pills, and watches me while I swallow it. Quickly I kiss him on his cheek, turns around and walks out of the room, where Kakuzu is counting money, and Kakashi is breathless.
Soon after I find Pein, and Zetsu who is almost naked, dancing on a table in the kitchen. Only Pein jumps down to kiss me welcome.
Two seconds after, Kisame is coming in. He is almost more blue than usually, and I can see the white powder around his nose. "Hey everybody! I'm da fucking king of this world! And Itachi is hugging his bear again!" He yells, and then he's out, running towards the living room. Probably for more what-ever-he-is-taking.
"Itachi is hugging his bear again?" I ask carefully, and Pein is nodding.
"Shikamaru broke up with him the other day, and moved out. And Itachi has done nothing but hugging that big teddybear that Shikamaru gave him on valentine's day last year." He says. "And especially now after Jirayah dumbed their affair for Tsunade. It has just broke his heart." And then he looks to the floor.
Well, I understand why Pein is having a bad time, it was kind of his fault that Jirayah took off.. Because he convinced Tsunade to leave the leaf village to marry him.. Poor Pein.
Not even Hinata has returned.. Well, she and Deidara is probably still in Brazil.. Buying (and trying) some mushrooms down there. And fucking.. I guess they are fucking a lot too! Hinata.. She's more horny than Ino! And even I have been on Ino..!?
I take some smokes on the table where Zetsu is still dancing, but now he's only completely naked. Lit one on fire and put them back. Then I look back at Pein, who is now talking to Gaara. The music has been turned on again, even louder, and the Ecstasy is beginning to work.
Gaara seems upset about something, but that's not all, Kiba is with him. Kiba and Gaara, huh?
I remember another party, where those guys had a fight. A real fight. Gaara accidently killed Akamaru. I didn't think Kiba would ever forgive him.. Oh well, fuck that, I'm just happy and fucked now.
I turn to my right where Kakashi stands, with one hand on my ass. I smirk at him, and he smirks back. He is brave now huh? Well.. I could fuck him, but.. He's my teacher, and he's only brave when he's on drugs. Tomorrow he will be all shy again.. Naah, let's see later, I'm not in the mood now anyway.
Outside we hear the sirens from a police car. Two or three actually. And then the door and hall gets filled with policemen! They are everywhere, and soon also in the kitchen. The drugs are everywhere, and it's obvious that some of us is minors. I am at least. 17 years old, booyah! Then there's the Akatsuki, who's everything from 19(Deidara) to 91(Kakuzu). And Kakashi Hatake, my teacher who's a well-known man, on 32.
Let's just say that I got relieved when one of the officers suddenly yelled, "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"
I'm throwing my hands in the air, and Zetsu starts to dance again. Hidan is now on my left side, with his hand on my ass too.
But then Pein is dragging me away from the two of them, to show me into another room where he hides the Acid. LDS in small pills. I love that shit!
He gives me a pill, and I know it's in there, I just have to swallow it. And I do.
Pein reaches down to me, and kisses me deeply.
"You. Are. My. Favorite. Costumer." He says between the kisses. "And. You. Turn. Me. On!" He adds.
His hands are everywhere, his tongue in my mouth, and I can't stop a moan.
He smirks at me, and pulls away while looking me in my eyes. I smile a little shy, but pulls him back.
-
Half an hour later.
-
I'm picking my miniskirt up from the floor, at gets it on. Pein is lying on a mattress on the floor, all naked. I smirk at him.
"Sakura, such a young girl and yet you've been the best in ten years at least!" He says, with a grin on his face. The Ecstasy is definitely working now.
I walk back to the others, who is still all party hardy. Itachi is now drinking directly from an absinth, while Kisame is dancing with some stripper in a cop costume, while a real cop is flirting with Ino.
In the meantime Tobi has passed out in the doorway, and Sasuke is.. Sasuke is shitting on his stomach.. I guess Naruto must have passed out too.
I've decided to walk to the living room, where Kakuzu probably still is. But no. Only two cops are playing Russian roulette. One is already down.
I feel a headache, and turns around.
'What about upstairs?' My Inner is whining. It's the first time tonight I've actually listened to her.
I almost jump to the staircase, because all the way through another big room that's only used on nights like this, are filled with people and cops who are all passed out. But Naruto ain't here. Weird.
The stairs are filled with beer, cocaine, mushrooms and so on. That must mean that Deidara and Hinata are back!
Upstairs I hear laughter. And then I walk in.
A police officer, Deidara, Hinata, Naruto, Kakuzu, Sasori, Gaara and Kiba, all stoned and high on those mushrooms, are sitting in a circle on the floor.
Hidan is in the middle, jumping around like on a cloud, in a wedding dress. Oh my..
When they finally notice me, they all crack in laughter.
"Hey Sakura, try these!" Sasori says, and troughs some of the mushrooms at me. I catch them and eats one right away.
Well, this shit must be good, because even Gaara and Kakuzu are laughing like maniacs!
Hidan is still dancing around when I sit down next to Kiba and Hinata.
I must admit, he looks kind of cute in that dress.
ooOOOoooOOoOoOOoooOOOoo
My head starts spinning, and all the colors in the room are shining in a way I've never seen before. I feel a need to laugh, and I do!
Suddenly Hidan yells: "I WANT TO FUCKING SAIL! ANYONE WHO WANT TO GO SAILING WITH ME!?"
Sasori, Deidara, the police officer, Kakuzu and Gaara all yells at the same time: "HELL YEAH!" And we're off.
Everyone starts running down the stairs. Downstairs Kisame and Sasuke hears us, and comes running after us.
Well, there's a very large lake behind The Akatsuki's partyhouse, which looks fantastic right now! All the colors are dancing in front of me!
While I stands in their frontyard and looks at the pretty colors, I can hear Hinata, Naruto, Hidan and Kiba yell to the others that they have found a ship.
I turn around and see Naruto run around with a bathtub over his head. He's on his way to the lake and all of us starts to run after him. When down there, he puts the bathtub in the water and Hidan jumps right in it.
Kisame pushes as hard as he can, and then Hidan are off to the sea! But.. It looks like its sinking? Why does it look like it's sinking?
I can hear Hidan starting to sing that song from Titanic, and then we just watches him sink with his ship..
When the bathtub is almost underwater he suddenly yells: "WHERE THE HELL IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO FUCKING RESCUE ME! HUH?"
But none of us can keep the laughter in anymore, and we just roll around on the grass while laughing. Hidan stars cursing and yelling at us, and we just keeps laughing!
Suddenly I wake up! The sweat is running down my face and I can feel how it is on my pillow too. What a weird dream….