RIGHT ON TIME! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Why you? It was a constant question I would ask over and over in my mind. Just...why you? I would bite off my tongue before I ever admit out loud that I'm fascinated in you. But that's just it, I'm fascinated in you. You have me wrapped around your finger tighter than the choke collar of curiosity around my neck. And you know that don't you Near? You...and this life, suffocating me. My body trembles with the thought that I might be too curious for my own good...that I might be addicted to you. Or rather you've become the new alcohol source for my body, instead of being drunk with anger, I'm drunk with you. Never the less I'm stuck in your web...and I'm not completely sure if I want out. Instead of escaping I wanna turn the guns. And control you for a change.
"I will be getting Mello a Christmas gift." That's what you said to me right? While curling your stupid hair.
It was a bitter cold evening. After studying long and hard I looked out my window to check on the snow and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was you. Outside, heading into the woods. I jumped up from my seat and impulsively followed. You never seize to amuse me.
I followed you outside...and into the woods, where we were alone... I hated that the thought of being alone with you made me blush...the snowy scenery makes you look beautiful. I hate you. When you turn around and noticed me all I hoped was that you mistake my pink cheeks for the cold.
Speaking of cold...you were shivering. I examined you as you blew hot air into your hands. You're an idiot. Coming out here with no gloves, no jacket, you're still wearing your stupid white pajamas as clothes.
"Why are you out here...?" I asked. My voice had been raspy from the cold weather lately.
"...to see the snow."
You fascinate me. "Do you like the snow Near?" My interest was peaked.
He held out his hand as small snow crystals began to drift down "...I don't know."
My eyes narrowed. Such a stupid answer from such a deep boy. "..." I had nothing to say. I just took off my black scarf and stepped over to him. Wrapping it around his neck, I noticed his eyes widened with surprise but I didn't look directly into them. The black scarf was so bold on him. After taking a quick look I turned away and started to walk back to the Wammys house "don't stay out here for long. You'll freeze."
I could tell he was still speechless for a moment since it was silent. But I knew he wouldn't let me have the final word.
"Mello..." his voice came softly through the trees.
I stopped and glanced back at him "what."
"...I will be getting Mello a Christmas gift." He stated.
My eye brow rose, he knows how to interest me. "Oh? Is that so? Why is this year special Near?"
He kept a straight face "oh I think you know why Mello."
I hated him. I can't stand him. So I left.
So now here I am with a week till Christmas. Observing you…hating you…watching you play with that little brat Linda as she clearly flirts with you and you refuse to acknowledge it. I know why you said what you said Near, stop torturing me!
Thank god a distraction arrived when Matt came over and asked me what I was doing.
Taking a bite out of my chocolate I replied "sulking."
He laughed "Why? It's a week till Christmas! Did you finish your shopping?" he asked sarcastically before laughing again.
But…he didn't know "…Actually no. I need to get Near something."
"Near!" he crouched down in front of my and pushed his hand against my forehead "Are you feeling ok? Are you sick?"
I shoved him away by the arm "No! I'm thinking perfectly fine!"
"Then why do you want a gift for Near?"
"Because the stupid bastard is getting me one!"
He just looked even more confused "…I don't get what's happening…"
I sighed letting out a little groan in the process "it's a long story Matt…"
He smiled back at me like the true friend he was "Well…I got time."
It was a bit of time before I smiled back, you always did know how to put me in a better mood Matt "Let's talk in my room."
"I can help you find him a gift!" he said with a spark of Christmas spirit. I wouldn't mind Matts help, I wouldn't doubt if Linda was helping Near. I wish she would stay out of our business.
"Thanks, that would help. The hard thing is Near and Christmas, he has like every toy ever made in the world."
"Then don't get him a toy. Get him…something special."
I grabbed a pillow off my bed and swung it at his head, smacking him down "I don't want to get him something special! I just want to get something that will beat his gift!" I snapped.
He looked up with a puppy whine rubbing his head "Christmas isn't a contest Mello…"
"Well between me and Near it is!" I said stubbornly.
He sat back on the bed "Well then, if that's your concern you'll have to surprise him."
I gave out a mere chuckle "A surprised Near, that would be a face to see."
"Well…the only way to surprise him would be thinking outside the box…so only thing you can get him is something special…"
It then occurred to me…Matt was right. To beat Near at this stupid holiday game, I had to give him something special. God damn it…
It was late that night and I was snug in my bed. Near wasn't.
Linda, who had gotten up for a glass of water was wondering around in her festive pajamas when she noticed Nears light on and opened the door slowly. She didn't knock, none of the kids did after lights out. The sound of a knock on your door meant you were caught by a teacher. If you were a kid, you go right in.
"Near? It's so late…what are you doing up?" she asked softly.
He was sitting on his bed fidgeting with something "working on Mellos gift…" he answered in a light tone.
"May I come in…?" she said shyly, probably never been in Nears room after hours. He nodded and she let herself in and shut the door behind her. Walking over she sat on Near bed and saw what he was working on. She smiled a little, but only a little "You didn't use my idea…"
"I appreciated the idea but I found it too predictable for Mello. I thought of something else, no offense to you of course."
She smiled, instantly perking up since she always thought Near was so nice to her. Stupid girl never wanted to realize, Near was nice to everyone "That's ok Near, that looks like a better idea. Mello would love it." she was jealous. Near was giving me a special gift, no doubt she wanted to be in my place.
"Thanks." He said stopping and putting his project in a nearby drawer "I'll work more on that later.
She giggled blushing a bit "Are you getting me anything for Christmas?"
"I didn't think you wanted something. I usually don't exchange gifts; I was just getting Mello something this year."
She wanted to pout from the comment but she always tried to be on her best behavior around Near "Oh…that's ok…you don't have to get me anything…" she said with a small pouty lip, as if trying to play the guilt card. Damn girls are so manipulative.
Nears eyes glanced around his room in search while spinning his hair between two fingers before getting up from his bed and stepping over to his book self. Grabbing a small box he brought back a puzzle to where Linda was and sat down "Here. Merry Christmas."
Her eyes lit up light it was a fucking diamond "your puzzle? Really I can have it?"
He nodded "I'm done playing with it, I think you would like it."
She wanted to hug him, and almost did, but she knew Near wasn't one to be touched "Oh Near thank you! It's perfect!"
"You should probably go to bed now…"
She nodded still wearing a big smile she'll probably have all night "Alright…goodnight Near!" she scuttled out of the room quickly and skipped back to her own.
Near went to bed.
In Wammys Christmas was such a big holiday, we have little decorations be they were spread all over the house, mixed with a bundle of decorations made by kids. Also waited anxiously for Christmas day, not because we get our one gift, but because we get the greatest gift of all, a day to see L. it was the one day of the year L was free and every year he would set It aside for us. That was the only thing I looked forward to see in December. But luckily and unfortunately I had something else to distract my mind from the countdown till L and that was finding that damn Near a gift. Me and Matt spent a lot of time during a Christmas break together and most of the time aside from playing his video games we brainstormed on what would be the perfect gift for Near. We thought of everything, I was really out of luck. It's not like I had a lot of options, I didn't have access to a mall and I didn't have a lot of money, and like Hell I was gonna make the little brat something.
"Maybe I'll chop of one of Linda's pig tails and give it to him." I joked with Matt while we cut up paper snowflakes.
He laughed "She'd let you too! Cause it would be for Near~" he mocked a girls voice in an impression to show how pathetic Linda was, a performance I couldn't help but laugh at.
"She's so stupid…" I muttered finishing one more snowflake "Think L would like these?" I asked Matt holding up my pile. Like I said, I didn't have a lot of money. So I was making paper snowflakes for L. something he could hang back in his office or whatever to make his place festive. Something he'll look at and think of me. Im pretty sure last year for Christmas me and Matt made him a snowman for when he arrived. I felt good when L took a picture of it and patted me on the head saying he was gonna hang the picture on his bulletin board.
Matt chuckled from my impulsive nature to do so well at everything "Yes Mell they look fine! Now Come on, it's Christmas eve. L comes tomorrow." He said with a smile, cleaning up the trash and standing with his pile of snowflakes and scissors.
I nodded and helped clean up.
We returned our scissors to a teacher and headed down the bedroom hall to our rooms.
"You and Near will probably be exchanging gifts tomorrow…what are you gonna get him?" he asked softly as we walked down the sleeping hallways.
I bit my lip, trying to think again of any last minute ideas! But nothing came to mind… "I don't know…I'll think of something."
He smiled approaching his bedroom door which was right across the hall from mine "Well, night Mell. Merry Christmas."
I smiled back at my friend "Yeah Matt, Merry Christmas."
He chuckled "Get to sleep quick, or Santa wont come."
I rolled my eyes with a sympathetic chuckle "Don't give me that crap Matt just go to bed."
"Haha, kay, Night Mell." He went into his room and I into mine.
Lying in bed I just couldn't sleep…not without having something for Near… I let my mind wonder hoping it would return with some ideas. But I started to wonder about what Near possible got me? I wonder if he was just as stumped as I was…no. Near being stumped, not possible. He got his hands on something and now I was too curious to sleep. But wouldn't that be something? Both of us not getting each other a gift for Christmas-?
My mind wondered to a place I never wanted it to go. But sometimes, it would go there. Sometimes in my dreams… God damn it I'm a boy! Me and my stupid hormones I wish those fantasies of me and Near would just stay out of my brain! I guess I thought up that image because if we both had nothing to give we would just have to-
Finally, an idea came to mind! and it only took a week or so…but it wasn't too late! For Christmas Near, I'm going to give you your first Christmas kiss. Ugh…I hate this. So much.
Still unable to sleep I glanced to my window to see if it was snowing. And it was, that's also when I noticed I left my window cracked a little, no wonder it was so cold in here. I got up from my bed and tiredly made my way over to my window. Shutting it and looking outside I saw a snowy pale boy wrapped in a black scarf heading into the woods again.
My eyes narrowed and squinted trying to see through the heavy snow fall "Near…? God damn it!" I grabbed my jacket and boots and headed outside into the freezing.
"Near!" I shouted out to you, following you through the snow, deeper into the forest. Finally you stopped and looked back at me.
"What is Mello doing out here so late on Christmas Eve?" You ask softly, like an idiot. God damn this heavy snow!
I caught up to you and grabbed your arm "coming after you in this snow you, idiot! It's late on Christmas Eve night and it's snowing outside! Why the hell are you out here?" I growled. I noticed his eyes widened a bit but like always I avoided them.
He kept a calm tone as he parted his lips to speak again "I...I wanted to...feel the snow."
My eyes widened just slightly from the unexpected answer and my grip lightens "f-feel the snow…? Why…?"
He looked into my eyes, I felt the pull of energy when our gazes locked, and my cheeks grew warmer.
"The snow…it fascinates me."
Like you fascinate me. "Why?"
"Because it's soft, and beautiful. The feel of the coldness on my skin causes chills. It gives me a sensational feel I have never experienced before." He explains to me, in the best way he knew how.
But I understood. Near wasn't one to be touched, the snow interested him because of the feel. And that interested me. Near…you are like my snow, something delicate and un-expecting, causing a sensation and unexplainable feel that you have never experienced. Near does that to me.
I sigh and let go of his arm, turning away with a slight grumble in my voice "…if only I could give you snow for Christmas." I mumbled, but with the silent night and peaceful air around us he heard me clearly.
"I'm not a predictable as Mello, am I?" he said softly. He must of knew I was rattling my brain trying to think of a gift.
"You are, if I want to be cliché. I could of easily gotten you a toy, but that would have been to expected." I sneered back, him growing on my nerves.
He nodded "Mello is the same. It's easy to buy something expected, for someone predictable. I didn't want to give Mello chocolate for Christmas. I wanted to give him something else-"
"-Something with more meaning?" I cut him off. I couldn't listen to his dribble anymore. "Don't give me that bullshit Near, why did you even start this stupid game!" I needed to know. Why Near? Why are you doing this!
He blinked, and calmly replied "Because I wanted to get Mello something for Christmas-"
I grabbed his arms and forcefully but not violently pushed him up against a tree with a narrow stare. I took a moment to pause and have his own voice fall silent.
"M-Mello-?"
"You wanna know what I really want for Christmas Near?" I hiss deep in my throat, staring down at him hoping to cause intimidation. But I wasn't trying to send fear…I was trying to send dominance. And he knew it.
He wasn't scared, just small "I have an idea Mello. If that's all you truly want for Christmas then do it."
Challenging me Near? Fine. I hold his shoulders and leaned down. In this icey weather I press our warm lips together causing just a spark of heat. He didn't pull back, or freeze, he wasn't even surprised. In fact…after a moment he kissed back…and that didn't surprise me. It's because…we have been here before.
Slowly after a moment I pull back at me, and he looks up at me with gentle eyes.
There was a moment of bliss silence that lingered in the air before he parted his lips and broke the silence "Mello…"
Slowly my averted eyes turn back in his direction.
"The day you gave me your scarf, out of kindness, was not where our adventure together began." He stated, as if I didn't know.
But I nodded, calmly "Yes. I know. It started last summer…didn't it Near?" he nodded as well, in agreement. We both remember that day very well…and only us.
It was summer break and there were no classes, test or homework. I thought I was finally able to get a break from stress and Near. But I guess without an opportunity to compete with him and win, I grew deprived of the attention. I started picking fights with Near just for his attention, and yes when I became aware of what I was doing it sickened my stomach. But I couldn't stop. I kept coming back to him, and he started expecting me. That wasn't all, he started meeting me half way. I didn't notice till later on but Near was slowly growing curiously with me, and day by day he was merging from his comfort bubble in order to get closer to me. There was a pull between us, like a chain around our necks. And neither of us could stay away. The more I clung to him the more I hated him, my limit was rising and pushing to breaking point. Although don't understand why…I kissed him. That breezy summer night, he came outside. For the first time he came out side, for me. I was outside trying to clear my mind from him and sure enough there he was. It was the final straw! I ran away to the cold summer air to escape him then he has the nerve to do something as bold as follow me, just to see me! I thought I was going to his him that night. I remember his shirt tight in my first, my angry face, inches away from his-! Then…my mind went blank for a moment…and our lips were touching. Actually…touching is an understatement…they were pressed roughly together, and soon after a moment I wanted more. I wanted to move my lips, rise this heat, make him moan. God damn it I even wanted to use my tongue! But that thought it was made me shove him away. Except…since that night…I have been unable to break away from him. I was trapped under this spell.
"Although…I still don't understand. Why did you do that Mello?" it was those words alone, that calmed me.
"You don't understand? That's how I want it. I don't fully understand my motives myself. Perhaps I just wanted to puzzle the brilliant Near."
He looked down, thinking about my words carefully. I probably did puzzle him, in fact, I have no doubt I did. But I do doubt that he would admit it to me.
He look down, twirling his finger around of curl of his hair "It's Late…and tomorrow is Christmas. You should get some sleep Mello." He said before walking off back inside.
I went back to my room, my mind unable to ease. I knew Near was probably thinking over my words, and trying to solve his feelings…
Christmas morning was here and I wasn't as excited as a normally was. In fact, it felt like a normal day… My mind kept spinning around what happened between me and Near last night and I couldn't stop it. Sighing and groaned I crawled out of bed only to have my door abruptly swung opened.
"GOOD MORNING MELL!" announce Matt without knocking.
I groaned "Don't shout…I didn't sleep well last night…" I said massaging my temples a bit. Glancing up I noticed the puppy pout on his face. Christmas wasn't a time to be a Grinch…what kind of friend would I be to bum out Matt on his favorite day of the year…so putting everything in my mind aside I forced a smile. "Haha, Merry Christmas Matt."
His goofy grin slowly returned, and that's what I wanted to see "Merry Christmas to you too Mell. Come on! Presents!" he grabbed my wrist and yanked me down stairs where all the children were collecting there small, lovely wrapped gifts from the large beautiful tree.
I waited by the tree silently, patiently waiting for Near. Because of the crowd Near didn't like to retrieve his gift till later. But that didn't stop Matt from ripping over his gift, like we all didn't know what it was going to be.
"A new video game! Awesome!"
Most of the children opened their gifts, their eyes would light up, and after a moment of excitement and as the Christmas magic sunk in they slowly retreated back to their rooms. It wasn't long before it was just me and Matt.
"Mell? Don't you wanna open your gift?"
I smiled lightly "ya, ok fine." He handed it to me and I opened it. it was a book, a new book to a series I had been working on. Knowing L got me something that I was currently reading, and that I needed the next chapter did touch my heart a bit. "heh, this is great."
Matt smiled "Don't you like it?"
I smiled "Of course I do. What a nice Christmas don't you think?"
Matt smiled back and nodded in agreement, I knew how much he loved this day. He stood and plucked my stocking off a nail on the wall "Here," He handed it to me "Everyone got a chocolate bar."
He smiled taking out the chocolate, although it wasn't true. I knew for a fact there was no candy bar in Nears stocking. He didn't want one, and I never knew why. It couldn't be because he doesn't like them, who doesn't like chocolate?
Then it hit me! Standing quickly I grabbed Nears gift from under the tree and darted off to his room.
"Mello? Where are you going!" Matt stood from my abrupt motion.
"To give Near his gift!" I said running down the hall. And with that warning, Matt did not follow.
I bursted into Near room without a single knock, running in so fast I saw him jump. He had been up this whole time playing with a train set on the carpet.
"Near!" I announced loudly out of breath, then I jerked out my hand and pointed the chocolate bar toward him, panting a bit, "Here. Merry Christmas." An unpredictable gift Near. Take that.
He stood, surprised. An expression I have yet to see and slowly he took it from my hand "…chocolate Mello?"
I smiled, with a small smirk hidden in my lips "Getting Mello chocolate is predictable, just as much as getting Near a toy. But…" I took his hand and curled his fingers around the bar "Getting Near chocolate…is a perfect surprise. Taste it."
He looked down, truly surprised. And for a moment, I didn't even care if I beat him at this game. I had completely forgot about that…I was just happy…I surprised him. Slowly and seemed like also cautiously he opened the chocolate and broke off a corner, placing it on his tongue. His expressions…sent mixed messages.
"Do you like it…?"
"It's…" he swallowed and thought for a moment "different…"
I smiled "Sometimes…different is good Near."
He nodded a bit, and we took a pause to let the moment sink in then he stepped over to a drawer and pulled out something that interested me. Its shape…its color…it couldn't be.
"Merry Christmas Mello." He said…holding out a handmade plush of myself.
"Near…you made this…? For me…?"
It was a rare thing to see Near smile, and I did. "Getting Mello chocolate is predictable. But getting Mello a toy is a perfect surprise, isn't it?"
My heart warmed…my mouth curled into a smile "Thank you Near…"
"And thank you Mello…"
That moment…I didn't hate him. i…I'm not sure what I thought of felt about him, but I felt we were equal. I didn't want to risk the moment growing dull so slowly I stepped out of the room, with the doll in hand.
Walking down the hallway I heard the commotion and I knew L was here. I chuckled, turning away and going to my room. Usually I was one of those kids in the see of children jumping and surrounding L desperate and begging for attention, but not this year. This year is different.
That evening I was walking around in the snow, just for some air. I revisited the place where me and Near kissed last night. I walked around al day with that doll in hand. It was truly the most thoughtful gift I had ever received, and I treasured it.
Walking around the Wammys house I noticed L on the porch watching the snow.
"L?" I said softly walking up to him.
"hm? Oh, hello Mello." He smiled "I was surprised not to see you with all the other children this morning. Usually you're in the front of the pack."I stepped up and stood beside him, watching the snow as well "What's that Mello?" he asked looking down at the doll I suddenly held tighter.
"Im not going to lie to you L. I was with Near this morning."
"Near? Really?" he said sounding interested and surprised, but also there was a tint of joy in his tone.
I nodded "Yes. He made me this plush. We exchanged gift this year."
I noticed a bright smile of pleased on his face, he loked almost proud of me, and that made me feel good.
"That's wonderful Mello."
"Yeah…this year seems to be different." I glanced away "In many ways."
He smiled and looked out again at the the blanket of snow coating the backyard "Mello, I believe I was just about your age when I gained my closest friend."
"Really?"
He nodded "Yes. We had such strong feelings for each other. Feelings that no one else could understand. Feelings that we only kept between us, as our secret."
My eyes widened a bit, did he know? But he just smiled at me…and said
"Near's probably waiting for you Mello. Go."
No questions asked. Not a word spoken. I just turned away, from my idol, my hero, my father figure…and ran to Near. Who I couldn't deny any longer but I loved.
L looked out onto the snow and smiled. He thought of beyond…his friend. His love.
"Beyond…you loved those forests…" he spoke under his breath softly into the chilled air "so many secrets…shared in those woods…" he watched carefully, eyes swelling with peaceful thoughts and memories. He remember when they were Mellos age, it was Christmas. And Beyond took L into those woods, and for a gift, placed a gentle kiss on his lips.
"You can't tell anyone L…promise? If you do…I'll tell you a secret."
"I promise."
The curious children smile to each other "I love you." Whispered Beyond.
L smiled remembering…"I love you two Beyond." He whispered to himself reminiscing then sighed a bit "Mello is reminding me so much of Beyond." His eyes glanced down "And Near…as me."
I stepped into my room, surprised to see Near. I was looking for him yes, but I didn't expect him here.
"Near…? What are you doing here?" I asked calmly, observing him. He was laying on my bed, nibbling on that chocolate bar still. He must have been savoring it.
"I…I wanted to give you one more gift…"
You never stop interesting me. I stepped in and shut the door, locking it. slowly I walked over to the bed and he sat up. "Another gift?"
"Yes…you told me last night…what you wanted for Christmas." And before I could speak another word he shyly grabbed me by the shirt and pressed our lips together .i didn't push him back, I didn't even get angry. I didn't mind at all in fact, I held him. I held him close to me, pressing out bodies together and sharing warmth.
Shyly he pulled back, but slowly lingering his lips as if I taught him well. "Mello…?" he nervous voice shook a bit.
Slowly, I smiled, laying him down on my bed "You're right Near. As always, you're right. That's all I wanted for Christmas. You." I leaned down and kissed him again.
That night, Christmas, I did take all of him. His innocence…it was now mine. And he was my first.
That year, Near truly did give me the best gift in the world.
Because, he fascinates me.