Author's Note:

Hello, all!

Thank you to Lady Rav for providing me with a prompt; she suggested I try my hand at writing a Garrus V. x OC human romance, with a healthy dosage of mental abuse, angst and a tiny bit of genetic modification - just to make it more interesting. :)

This helped renew an idea I had buried and entertained for awhile, waaaay back, it seems; since I never got around to it, and this got me going, I think it's time.

Don't worry! I won't abandon my other stories. I know Rocket Meets His Match is a fav - but as it's a long one, I need something else to write to help my creative juices to keep flowing.

So, without further ado - enjoy this little scene before the story begins...

"GraaaAAAaaaHhh…"

Dragging his tri-digit hand down his face in exasperation before bringing his other hand up to cradle his face in hopes of hiding from his infuriating Captain.

Shepard sits across from him, lounging comfortably with a drink in her hand.

"Sounds like you are the one who needs the drink, Garrus. Care to share your frustrations?"

He didn't need to look at his Captain to know she was wearing an infuriating smirk, finding his dilemma 'oh-so-amusing,' but he moves his two digits aside and shoots her a glare for good measure – not that it did any good, Shepard had nerves of steel and would never waver under the scrutiny of any race – but it did make him feel a bit better.

She held his one-eyed Turian glare before he sighed heavily and drew himself to his full height of six-foot five-inches, rolling his eyes and his shoulders as he did so.

"You know damn well what I'm pissed about, Shepard. Now where's the good stuff?" He grumbles good-naturedly as he looks around Shepard's expansive quarters (compared to his, anyways). She throws a finger in the general direction of the cabinets behind him, "Over there. Bottom cupboard to the left."

"Right."

"So, you going to tell me why Tali, Gabby and Maxim came back covered in orange-colored goop today?"

Garrus non-so-gently slams the cupboard closed after pouring himself a heavy shot of Turian ale. He groans out loud again as he leans against the Captain's counter, "It was so… stupid. Why EVE told us that we'd get a better 'target practice' out there is beyond me." He knocks back half of his glass, not even phased at the burn as it makes his way down his throat.

"What I don't get, is that EVE is usually really good at calculating and anticipating those kinds of things. How she did not pick up on her scans that it was a 'glorfian beast habitat' is beyond me."

Unbeknownst to the Turian ex-officer, his Captain is trying so hard to hold back a laugh at her First's expense. The mischievous glint in her usually dark brown eyes being the only giveaway that she knew more than was letting on.

"Seriously, Shepard!" He had finished his glass at this point and had turned around make himself another, animatedly retelling his tale, glad he could finally be childish about it, "It was already a pain-in-the-ass going over the basics in combat tactics with the engineers, but about a half-hour in, Kenneth had already sprained his stupid ankle, and Hsu nearly knocked himself over with the kick-back from a pistol!"

"A fucking pistol, Shepard! That Salarian is probably still in medbay. The entire time he couldn't focus because he was so worried he'd 'fractured or bruised a vital organ' – ugh. Pussies. The girls were much better shots, but wouldn't stop talking."

"Tali and Gabby are our best engineers, and Tali knows how to fight. It couldn't have been that bad, surely."

"I know, that's just it, Shepard! Alone or apart they are great. Serious, and Gabby at least tries to learn how to handle the weapons properly… but together. Oh my god, it was like those silly earth-human movies you girls watch on your movie nights. Horrific. So much freaking talking."

She couldn't hold back anymore, Shepard belted out a laugh. Loud and obnoxious, laughing so hard that tears started to well in her eyes – taking a peek at Garrus' put-out expression didn't help the situation either.

"Seriously, Shepard… Shut. UP!"

This, of course, only made his Captain and friend laugh harder, and him feel even more ridiculous.

He was going to march out of here. He really was.

What kind of Turian man takes this shit?

Exasperatingly, he watches – very unamused at Shepard's outburst – as he friend struggles for breath.

"I hope you've learned your lesson, Shepard. Laughing that hard will surely kill you, you know. Bad habit, that." Garrus drawls, crossing his large, muscled arms over his jutting chest.

"Oh… oh yes, we wouldn't want that now… would…weee…heheeheehee!"

"Okay, I'm not seeing the humor in this. I'm leaving." He turns sharply and makes his way towards the door.

"NO!"

He stops and gives his friend the equivalent of a human eye-brow-raise, looking at her expectantly. Much like a parent would a child who was misbehaving. Scary thought, that. Children.

"Okay… okay okay…" She draws in a deep breath then lets it out with a happy sigh. Easily she re-composes herself on the couch with her drink that she didn't manage to spill throughout that attack and recounts Garrus again.

"So. Sorry, it's just… your reaction was great. Really refreshing to see someone else take the shit-assignments once in a while."

He glares at her, retracing his steps so he's closer to her. "What the hell are you on about? You never get 'shit missions.'"

"Not true! You think I wanted to trounce about that hovel of a plant crawling with Vorcha?!"

"At least you got to shoot them in the face afterwards."

Shepard almost does a spit-take at that. It was true, she did get to shoot them. Then blow them up. It was very satisfying after spending over two hours trying to talk to the bastards. She was, what her mother used to say, "Pleased as peach" when they went back on their word (how little value it had anyways), but Anderson did want her to try.

"Anyways, Garrus, you totally deserved that."

"Look, I know I'm not an ass – what could I have possibly done to –"

There's a pause in the conversation as everything comes together. It was as if, for the first time since he stormed in here, the Turian noticed the knowing glint in her eyes and the confidence in which she lounged and sipped at her martini.

All that cool composure she was trying to hold on to, was threatening to crack again at the look on her friend's plated face.

If Turians could change color, he'd be as white as a ghost.

At the moment all of his focus was on replaying the past week in his mind like the C-Sec interrogation feeds they'd watch in the officer lunch room back on the Citadel.

After about five aguishly long seconds to Shepard, Garrus breaks the silence.

"No." he says weakly, then as if it was an afterthought, he shakes his head twice.

His Captains teasing smile thins into a righteous smirk.

"Yes."

"No. She wouldn't…"

"Oh, yes. EVE is quite devious, I tell you. It was her idea, and I supported it one hundred percent."

Then a suave, female automated voice came over the speakers with EDI's blue orb that materialized behind him, "Thank you, Commander Shepard. I found it was necessary to apply the human idiom to give Vakarian a 'taste of his own medicine.'"

Garrus… did not know what to think… only that his eyes hurt from bulging out of his skull.

Shepard congratulated her favorite AI, snickering along with it as the AI recounted the 'misfortunes' of 'Vakarian's day out'.

The shock was fading and now righteous indignation was rearing its ugly head. He could feel the frustration and anger well up within his plated chest like a pressure-cooker –

So he let it out.

"WHAT?!"

Now Shepard dropped her glass, and her composure, as she fell forward and on her side to the floor – narrowly missing her coffee table.

Raucous laughter and EDI's not-so-apologetic apology chasing the embarrassed and enraged Turian out the door.

He rode the elevator down to the Cargo Bay in hopes he'll be able to let off some of his frustrations on the irritating, hormonal, pod-born Krogan before it was time to recalibrate shit again.