A/N: So I write Castle fan fiction now too. I am obsessed with this show and the relationship between Castle and Beckett. Please make requests and review. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Caslte. I am simply creating a story with the characters created by Andrew Marlowe.
"Keep it. I resign." Kate declared as she lay her badge down on her captain's desk. She could feel both Gate's and Esposito's stares bore into her.
Her decision to resign from the NYPD, although hasty, felt right in the moment. She had planned to just deal with her suspension, but as her captain requested her badge, something changed. When her mother was murdered, the badge felt like a lifeline to her mother..in some twisted morbid way. If she couldn't get her mother back, she could avenge her death and at least get justice for her. But at what cost? Her life? Her chance at discovering true happiness with the man who has stood by her side for four years? As she held the badge in her hand, analyzing every curve and glimmer of light, it suddenly felt much heavier than it had in the beginning of her quest for justice. The badge now felt like a weight, keeping her from moving forward. Kate had no idea how she planned to move forward, but it wasn't like this. With one last glance, she tossed the badge on the desk. Finally, she was allowing the past to remain in the past.
She walked out of the office, not daring to look into the eyes of her captain or her partner. She knew if she did, the doubt she had been suppressing would surface and she would rethink her plan entirely. Although she didn't really have a plan did she? She strode to the elevator, paying no mind to the looks she was receiving from the uniform officers on shift. She suddenly felt naked without her badge. However, she didn't let it falter her steps.
When she finally made it to the elevator and watched the doors slide closed she let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. She then let out another one, a breath of relief. If she made it this far, she could keep going. She had to keep telling herself that.
The doors finally opened. She had started to retrieve her cruiser but she had to stop herself. Right. She wasn't authorized to use that anymore. Kate decided it wasn't a bad night for a walk.
She started walking, lost in her own thoughts. She had no idea how it happened. But somehow Kate ended up at the swing set. Their swing set. Internally, she let out a bitter laugh. Of course she would end up here. He was the center of all these rash decisions. It was his fault. Although, she knew it wasn't. It was all her fault. Kate felt like a tornado, bringing destruction wherever she went. She wanted to run away; she didn't want to cause anybody the trouble she seemed to carry with her wherever she went. But she knew she couldn't, because that's the exact problem she was trying to fix.
Kate realized she had been standing at the entrance of the park for almost 10 minutes now. Deciding that being here was probably better than drowning herself in a bottle of Pinot Nior, she walked toward the swing set and took her spot on the swing. She glanced at his swing. He should be here. But he wasn't. He left. Kate couldn't blame him though; she pushed him away. He started causing too much destruction to the wall she had built around her heart.
The skies decided now would be a good time to open up, causing a heavy downfall of rain to fall. Perfect timing, as the tears that Kate had tried so desperately to hold back, finally fell. She was suddenly drenched, unable to tell the difference between the rain drops and tears streaming down her face. The leather jacket she was wearing now made her feel restricted but she made no effort to remove it.
Without warning, she flashed back to the last time she sat in this swing. She has closed herself off from Rick for 3 months. She told him she'd call. And she really wanted too. Kate had picked up the phone so many times but could never think of the right words to say. Castle had professed his love for her as she lay bleeding on the ground with a hole in her chest. The broken look on his face nearly destroyed her. He thought he was going to lose her. In reality, it seems he has.
Kate never doubted her feelings for the writer. She's not sure when it happened, but she loved him. However, as Castle,oh so kindly, pointed out, she hides in relationship with men she doesn't love. If she doesn't love them she can lose them and not feel the immense pain she felt when she lost her mother. That was the logic behind her walls. She loved if he decided he couldn't deal with the broken, frustrating, maddening, independent, Kate Beckett. She knew he'd never do that, but the little voice in her head told her he deserves better.
Kate felt a little foolish because she had kept him on the other side of her walls for so long in order to avoid losing him, but now she had. She has pushed him away because he could see threw the walls. He could read her like one of his books. And she hated it. It made her vulnerable. Kate Beckett doesn't do vulnerable. Castle wasn't afraid to call her out on her crap. But the truth stings.
She really doesn't get the right to be mad about his blunt honesty considering she lied to him for about a year. When she was in the hospital after her shooting, telling him that she didn't remember his confession of love seemed like a good idea at the time. Kate was with Josh. Hell, she had just been shot.
But then she left him for 3 months without a word. She waited all this time and he didn't even find out she lied from her. He found out because she slipped up in an interrogation with a suspect. Although Dr. Burke, her therapist, has pointed out that she wasn't waiting, she was healing. She didn't find the excuse justifiable to her actions.
She wasn't ready. But how long could she keep him at arm's distance before he pulled away? It wasn't fair to him.
Her mind started to replay every moment of their partnership, their friendship. Kate realized that Castle was always there for her no matter what. No matter how deep she went into the rabbit hole, he was always there to pull her out.
Always.
Last time she sat on these swings with him, she told him she couldn't have the kind of the relationship she wanted until her wall came down. But how does one knock their own wall down? Their was an unspoken agreement made with the way they looked at each other after she had told him that. He'd wait for her. She could see the decision he made; when she looked into his blue eyes she could see the promise he was making to her. He would stand by her until she was ready, until her wall came down.
She remember her last session with her therapist.
"So what do I do?" she asked in exasperation.
"What do you want to do." he asked in return.
She knew what she wanted to do now.
Kate stood up from her spot on the swing, her clothes clinging to her. As she walked toward her destination, she could feel the bruises from her near death encounter forming. Those bruises didn't compare in the slightest to the bruises on her heart, that she tried so hard to protect.
She finally reached his loft. Walking through his doors, she could feel the anxiety building. What she was about to do would change everything. As she made her way through the lobby, the doorman gave her an odd look but he didn't question her. Making her way too his floor in the elevator, she changed her mind about a million times. She knew she had to do this.
She stepped off the elevator and didn't move any further then that. Who knew if he would even want to see her? She quickly retrieved her phone from her pocket, thankful that it still worked after the shower it must have endured. She pulled up the familiar contact. The tension in her stomach grew stronger with every second the call remained unanswered. Voicemail. Well that answered her previous question. He didn't want to talk to her. Disregarding that, she walked to his door. Her mind was at war on wether or not she should knock. She knew that this would either make or break them.
Finally making her decision, she knocked on his door.
Second later the door flung open. He had a friendly smile on his face until he saw who was on the other side of the door. She saw his smile turn into a scowl and his eyes visibly darken, but not in lust; they darkened in anger. Kate had never seen Castle this angry before. She could barely recognize him. No longer was he the nine year old on a sugar rush. All Kate saw was pure anger. It was directly pointed at her. She never took her eyes off of his though. It was time for a change so no matter how much her head told her to run, she wouldn't.
"Beckett, what do you want." he hissed.
Seems that's a very popular question. She could finally answer it.
"You." she said breathily.
With that, she stepped through the threshold, into his loft. Surprised, Castle started moving backwards away from her. She cupped his face with her hand and crashed her mouth onto his. She poured four years worth of passion into one kiss.
Although the amount of passion was large, the time span of the kiss was not. She pulled her lips away after seconds, continuing to cradle his face with her hands and brushing the pads of her thumbs across his cheekbones. After a few more seconds she let one hand fall to his shoulder and the other intertwined with one of his own. That one kiss left them both panting. Their eyes focused on each other mouths, the magnitude of what just happened being overwhelming. Their foreheads were resting against each other, so close that their noses were touching and they could feel each others warm breath against their skin. Castle could feel the chill of her rain soaked clothes and hair against him, but he couldn't find it in him to care. With everything that had happened in the past few seconds, her wet clothes dwindled in comparison.
Never changing the proximity of their faces, she whispered, afraid that if she spoke too loud that the moment would somehow disappear. "I'm so sorry Castle. I'm so sorry."
She desperately craved to press her lips against his again. Instead, choking back tears that were burning in her throat, she whispered again. "I'm so sorry."
Not being able to hold back any longer, she fused their mouths together again, while bringing her hand up from his shoulder to caress his cheek. Castle gripped her wrist pulling her away. For the first time that night, he looked into her eyes. He could see something he never thought he would ever see. Behind her eyes, they were clearer; there was no wall up keeping him out. The sight made his breath hitch. She looked back at him, her eyes glassy from the tears threatening to fall. He couldn't contain his curiosity any longer.
Kate, not being able to handle the intensity of his gaze, afraid of what it might mean, looked down.
"What happened?" he asked, his voice softer than she had expected.
Kate looked up at him, once again starting him with the clarity. The look in her eyes told him that her problems didn't matter anymore. She wasn't sure exactly what he was referring to so she gave him the answer she thought he was looking for.
"He got away. And I didn't care.", she started, "I almost died.", she continued, shaking her head, but returning her eyes to his, making sure he felt the intensity of what she was about to say. "And all I could think about was you."
Rick knew he could never stay mad with her. No matter what she did, he loved her too much. His head was spinning over the fact that she felt that he was more important than her mother's case. She didn't care if she never got justice for her mom's murder, as long as she had him. She looked at his mouth again as she said the last part, and then studied his face, as if she was trying to memorize every detail. Finally, she brought her gaze back to his eyes.
"I just want you." she declared, still whispering. She almost went in for another kiss, her mouth opening, but instead letting out a shaky warm breath against his face, unsure if he reciprocated her feelings. Castle wasn't entirely sure of what he wanted. His mouth trembled as she was about to go in for the kiss. He never thought this day would come but Kate Beckett always delivered the unexpected. Her warm breath against his mouth made him crave her and the taste of her lips that was so uniquely her. She brushed the pads of her fingers against his lips. Although the gesture was innocent, it ignited something in him.
And just like that, Rick made his decision. He wanted her too.
It all happened so fast. With a burst of lighting, he pushed her against the door, slamming it closed in the process. His hands on her hips, her hands cradling his face, he smashed his lips onto hers, both of them pouring all of the love and passion that has built up over the last four years into a mind numbing kiss.
He moved his hands to cradle her head while she ran her hands through his hair, their lips and tongues still mingling. He had her pinned against the door and he was pressing his lips onto hers so hard that she could barely remember her own name. This kiss was so different than the first one. The first one was short, and gentle. This kiss was passionate, and long, neither coming up for air.
They pulled apart for less than when air was really a necessity, before crashing their mouths back onto each other. This kiss was desperate and needy, her hands anywhere they could go. She could barely focus on the pleasure, due to the dizzy aftereffects of his lips on hers and his breath mixing with hers.
Her hand travelled along his body. Her arms were wrapping around his chest and his neck. He lowered his mouth to her neck, a mixture of kissing and sucking, that was causing her head to spin. She had no idea how her legs were still holding her up against the door. He returned his mouth to hers, their tongues doing a sloppy dance in each others mouths. He put his hands around the sides of her neck, keeping her head in place. Once again he tore his lips away from hers, leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses on her left cheek, and then along her jawbone, moving down to her neck. She left a weak, hot, breathy kiss to his neck as he devoured her. Kate was gripping his upper back, desperately trying to catch her breath. She ran her hands down his arms and he pressed hard kisses to the right side of her neck that were making her legs quiver. He pushed her harder into the door in order to prevent her from falling. Castle placed his hands on her sides while he placed a kiss on her chest. He took his mouth off of her and brought his hands to her shirt, undoing the first few buttons. He knew what was underneath. Popping the buttons open revealed her bullet scar. How such a small scar could create such a big impact on their lives, he would never understand. He stared at the scar, tentatively raising his hand to touch it. Kate wrapped her hand around his, pressing it into the scar, never taking her hand away. With her other hand, she let her fingertips rest on his jawbone while they shared a more intimate kiss, understanding what that scar meant. That kiss turned into a series of slow kisses, with warm breath being exchanged between them, their faces never more than a few centimeters apart. Their noses brushed against each other. Making eye contact, they both smiled a shy smile at each other, rubbing the tips of their noses together. They intertwined their hands, finally pulling away from the door to continue their love in the bedroom.
Her wall came down.