Disclaimer: I do not own anyone from the L Word
A/N: This is my first shot at an L Word story, let me know if I should continue or not, it's only worth it if you guys like it :) Love forever and always.
Second Shot at Love
"Fuck!" My skins on fire, I can't breathe...Fuck this Goddamn shirt won't come off fast enough. I hear the sound of the buttons on my top falling to the ground in the distance; I throw my shirt down as fast as I can.
My body's shaking as I step into the shower, I can barley stay up right. I turned on the shower with a shaking hand and make sure that its ice cold. I stood under the shower head and let the water soak me and the clothing I still had on.
Soon I felt my body began to cool down, I slid down the wall of my shower and pulled my hair tie out with a still shaking hand; though now I can't tell if it's from the cold water or withdrawal . I pull my knees up to my chest and put my head between them, I could feel the nausea build up.
I dragged myself out of the bathtub; I couldn't fight the nausea anymore. I moved to the toilet and threw, whatever little I had in my stomach, up. Withdrawal's a bitch.
"Carmen?" I hear a voice yell, it's my roommate Jessica Harper. I hear his footsteps get closer over my retching. "Shit Carmen" He kneels down beside me and pulled my hair back. "You're shaking so much" He rubs my back.
Finally I'm done throwing my guts up, I lean back into him and ran a hand over my face. He moves me gently and leans me against the wall by the sink, I watch Jess as he turns the shower off.
"How much did you do?" He asked me as he kneeled down again, I leaned back not answering his question. "Carmen" He makes me look at him. "How much did you do?"
"What time is it?" He let out a sigh before looking down at his watch.
"6:36" I nodded and began to stand up, with Jessie's help.
I moved to the sink and began to wash my mouth out.
"In the morning I did a few bumps of coke and later I shot up and then I think I passed out" I said with a small laugh.
What can I tell you, my name's Carmen Morales and I'm an addict...I moved back to West Hollywood after two years of getting away from it all I moved back...What the hell was I thinking. I started the drugs about three years ago, after...after my life got turned upside down and haven't stopped since...How am I alive? Good question.
"You need to stop doing this crap" I nodded, he's right I needed to stop this shit...Doesn't mean I'm going to.
"Look, as much as I would love to argue about this and I really would, but I need to go lie down because everything is spinning" I put my hand on his shoulder and leaned on him to emphasize my point.
"Alright, come on" He helped me to my bedroom and into bed. "I'm going to make you something to eat" I nodded before he left the room.
I made sure he was out of the room before I turned over and opened the bedside drawer, I pulled out a miniature bottle of vodka, 24%, I chugged it back without a though.
Oh did I forget to mention that I was an alcoholic? Well that fall's under addict doesn't it?
"Do you want eggs?" I pulled the bottle away from my lips before answering.
"No, it's too filling" I put my head back against the pillow and dropped the bottle, feeling the alcohol kick in. "Just coffee and toast"
"Alright" He walked back into the room with the toast. "Here" I sat up and took it from him.
He moved to my closet and began to scan through.
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying my best to keep the slur out of my voice.
"Well you can't lie there with wet clothes, here wear these" He tossed short shorts at me and a tank top. "I'll be back with your coffee" I got out of the bed with a struggle and struggled even more to change.
It's times like this when I realize that I need to clean up, I'm just not willing to that high is just too good.
"Can I come in?" I sat down on the bed before answering.
"Yeah" He walked in and passed me the coffee, before taking a seat beside me. "Thank you" I said before taking a sip of the coffee. "So, did you come here to check up on me or...?" I trailed off.
"No, I actually had a couple of reasons" He got comfortable before continuing. "Well, I wanted you to be the first to know that I'm engaged" I turned and looked at him in shock.
"Oh my God, you finally asked her?" I stood up and placed the coffee mug down on the desk, turning back to Jessie.
"Yes" He said with a smile as he stood up as well.
I pulled him into a hug and felt my eyes tear up, Jessie and his girlfriend Elena had been going out for forever and I know how happy she makes him. I couldn't be happier for him. Maybe I should warn him thought, that day might not turn out the way he thinks it will.
"Congratulations" I said as I pulled back.
"Thank you, it's been a long time coming" I nodded, he looked away and suddenly everything got serious. "It's in a year, that much we know, and we both want you there" Okay, I know where this is going. "You need to clean up, please I love you and I don't want to lose you"
"Okay" I said with a small smile.
"Okay?" I nodded again.
"What's the other reason?" I changed the subject quickly; we've had this conversation for the last three years.
"I talked to your mom" Oh fuck me.
My mother, my Mexican very catholic mother, was someone who didn't approve of my lifestyle, I'm talking about the drugs of course; it didn't turn out well when she walked in on me snorting coke. That was a year ago in New York and I haven't heard from her since, the last thing she said to me was 'Your father must be rolling in his grave because of what you've become' I was too high to give a fuck.
"What did she want?" I crossed my arms and sat back down; I have to admit I felt a hell of a lot better with that vodka in my system.
"Sunday family dinner" I let out a laugh.
"Bullshit" He shook his head.
"No, she wants you there" I looked at him before shaking my head and looking away.
"No, she wants to know if I'm off drugs" He ran a hand through his short hair and shook his head.
"She cares about you Carmen" I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
"She stopped caring the second she saw me doing blow" He gave me a small shrug.
"Who's fault was that?" That pissed me off; I stood up and got in his face.
"Fuck you!" His face scrunched up, and then his eyes moved away from mine and to the bedside table.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me" He moved passed me and bent down, he stood up holing the bottle with him. "Are you serious?" I looked away and ran a hand through my hair. "You need to stop doing this shit or you're going to end up dead!"
"Why do you care, we've known each other what? Six months?" He looked at me as if I just slapped in the face.
"Fuck it, I'm done with this" He walked passed me and began to leave my room. "You want to die? Fine, I'm done trying to save you" He walked out of the room.
"I never asked you to save me" His answer was slamming the door.
I grabbed the mug that contained the now cold coffee and headed to the kitchen; I poured out the coffee into the sink and made my way to the fridge. I pulled out a bottle of Russian Vodka and poured into the cup, half way. This is my salvation, this is what Shane has done to me.