I meet up with Vanessa about once every year. She stayed on at Manticore after proving how trustworthy she was, not as a lowly birth mother but as the one who cleaned the barracks for the kids. She also worked in their cafeteria. At least then she could look down her nose as the birth mothers for the next generation, the X6s.
My name is Celeste and I was the surrogate mother for the X5 known as 452. After Manticore I went into a phsychiatric facility for a few months. I tried to move on. I got married and I have two other children, a boy and a girl, just the way everyone wants it. I wonder what they would think if they knew that somewhere in the world they had an older sister who has never watched a cartoon or been to the park, but knows how to fire a gun and flip the older members of the X5 group over her shoulder with one arm.
The neighbours laugh, they say I'm obsessed with Alicia and Luke. I ask them how their friends are, what they've done that day- they're my universe. They aren't perfect, but they're mine and I love them.
I sit in the usual booth at the diner in town. Luke is playing at a friend's house and Alicia is with her dad, shopping. As often as I can, I meet up with Vanessa and ask her all about the X5s or more specifically, my baby. 452. In my mind I tried out all kinds of names, but what did you name a killing machine?
Vanessa walks in, the hood of her coat up. She sees me and comes to sit with me. We order our routine coffees and greet each other.
She was the birth mother for 798. Vanessa smiles at me in a way more businesslike than friendly and sets down her bag on the table.
"Vanessa, how's everything at Manticore? How's 452?"
"She and 210 are still joined at the hip," says Vanessa, smoothing her skirt. "Although I think..."
"What?"
"Well, I've been hearing them talking. All of them. And you know, I think they've got names for themselves."
I'm delighted. "How do you know?"
"I listen to them, Celeste. And although they never say anything more to me than 'Thank you, ma'am.' I listen to the conversation at meals. They're not allowed to talk much but- well, anyhow. I heard 210 and 452 whispering in the lunch line. My little girl, 798, she was well-behaved as usual but I think I distictly heard 210 call your little girl Max. When Max next spoke to her, 210 answered to the name... what was it? Jondy," says Vanessa.
Max. I try it out in my mind. My kids are Alicia, Luke and Max.
I sort of like it. I don't know if it suits her, I've never actually seen my X5 daughter. I voice this thought to Vanessa.
She snickers as our coffees arrive. "As much as it makes me nervous, coming here, I think you'll be glad I've come. You see, I was doing a little cleaning inside the file room and I found something you'll like to see..."
Vanessa reaches into her bag, rummages around and pulls out what appears to be a piece of paper. She hands it to me.
It's a photograph. Of my daughter. It's the first time I've seen her face since she was born. Then I only got the merest glimpse of her being carried away from me. It's so strange to have her staring unblinkingly into my eyes.
"You see, every year they have mug shots taken for their records. They do their physicals, have their heads shaved and they're fitted for new uniforms. They happen to keep the negatives in their files," says Vanessa, who seems a very long way away.
My daughter poses like an experienced criminal, almost glaring at me. She has dark hair in a severe crew-cut. My daughter- Max, her name is Max- doesn't really look like me apart from the hair colour, but then again neither do Luke and Alicia, who both resemble their father.
"I took the liberty of getting you that photo. My boyfriend is a photographer, he developed it."
"I thought he was a builder."
"No, this one's a photographer. That was Adam. The flavour of the month is Richard." Vanessa laughs cynically. "D'you know it'll be 452's ninth birthday in nineteen days?"
"You remember everything, Vanessa! God, I wish I could see her on her birthday."
"Dream on, Celeste," laughs Vanessa, sipping her coffee. "I could really go for something to eat. Can I borrow a few dollars?"
Every time Vanessa comes to see me, I end up shouting her a pastry. Oh, well.
"Sure." I hand her a bill and she grins at me.
"Great. Want anything?"
"I'm good. I just want to have another look at this picture." Vanessa goes to get a donut up at the counter.
In one moment, I'm inspired. I dig into my purse and find a small pad of lined paper and a pen. I write something and wait for Vanessa to return.
"Listen, I gotta go. I have to visit a friend anyway and still get back in time for my shift."
"A woman's work is never done," I say with a smirk. I hold out the paper.
"What's this?"
"I want you to give it to 45- Max. It's for Max. On her birthday."
"Birthday greetings, huh? Seriously, Celeste, I can't. I could get in a lot of trouble-"
"Drop it onto her tray at dinner, then. Whatever you do, make sure Max reads it."
* * *
I am starving. Jondy stands ahead of me in the line to get dinner- it smells better than usual. I grab a tray and sniff deeply. "Chicken," I say in an undertone to my best friend. "I need some food. I didn't eat enough yesterday."
"I hate chicken," says Jondy loathingly.
"Well, food is for fuel, not fun, Jondy."
"Yeah," agrees Jondy halfheartedly, taking a heaping portion of chicken from one of the dinner ladies. She goes to sit beside Syl, saving the seat next to her for me.
I take my chicken and sit with Jondy. I notice suddenly that a small piece of folded paper has been put on my tray with my food. Curiously, I open it and read.
"Max. On this day I want to wish you happiness and health for the rest of your life. I have not contacted you before and may not be able to contact you again, but you must know that I am nearby and I care about you. Keep being strong and pray that one day I'll be able to find you and you won't get taken away. With Love, Your M-" I read out slowly.
"452!" barks one of the soldiers at the door. "Eat your food!"
I jump, jump so suddenly that everyone looks at me because they think I am having a seizure. The tiny piece of folded paper falls from my hand and skittered across the floorboards. Syl is swinging her feet underneath the table and accidentally kicks it across the floor. When I dare look down, I can't see it anywhere, not even with my enhanced vision.
Tonight there are no lectures, no exercises. Just showers and bed. I interrupt Ben as he begins his latest installment in the serial about a great and powerful soldier he's named Danny, after a brother who's passed away a year or two ago.
This kind of unity is not seen or allowed by the adults. Tinga's arm is linked through Brin's, Jondy and I have our arms around each other's shoulders. Krit, Syl, Jack and Eva are curled up like puppies on the same cot. The X5 group are not allowed to openly show affection for each other. A couple of us had never had any kind of hug until they were old enough to sleep in a barracks by themselves.
I remember the first time Jondy gave me a hug. We couldn't have been older than babies and it was evening, after a day spent away from my brothers and sisters getting treatments prescribed for a virus. Jondy had been sitting upright on her bed, swinging her legs in worry. She'd seen me brought through the doors of the dormitory and toddled over to me, giving me a hug. She hadn't known it wasn't allowed, but just that one time, the soldier escorting me had allowed Jondy and I to show we cared about each other. Although we'd had no names at that time, I never could have mistook anyone else for Jondy.
"Where was I last time?" asks Ben, prepping himself to become the dormitory's Supreme Storyteller.
"Danny was just about to fight the fearsome Nomalies in the basement," volunteers Brin. "He had his gun out. He was going to come and rescue the young X5s they'd wrongfully taken prisoner." You can't help but have your vocabulary increase around Ben. It's infectious.
"I have something to say," I interrupt. Everyone looks at me, some with curiosity, others with mild annoyance. Everyone really, really wants to find out what is going to happen the the Great Soldier Danny.
I tell everyone about the note. Ben's eyes gleam with interest and enthusiasm. "I bet you it's the Blue Lady!" he proclaims aloud to everyone. "The Blue Lady cares about us but can't contact us."
"Do you think it's your growth and development monitor from when you were little, Maxie?" asks Krit lazily.
"It's the Blue Lady!" says Ben in annoyance. "She said for Max to keep being strong, what does that tell you?"
"But WE'RE the ones who make her strong," calls Tinga. "It's our teeth that make Her strong, remember?"
"Of course I remember," says Ben irritably. "I was the one who told you about Her in the first place. I know everything about the Blue Lady."
"You're a religious fanatic, Ben," giggles Syl. Krit laughs, he seems to find Syl funnier than all of his sisters put together.
"Yeah, Syl!" he says. She and Krit proceed to do one of Jondy and my special handshakes. We're very annoyed, our special handshakes are for us alone.
Eva holds her head up a bit higher as she lies propping it on her hands. "I have something to say." Everyone looks at Eva. Eva is smart. Eva knows practically as much as Zack and Ben and Tinga. "Hey, come onto the cot with us, Jace." Jace hesitates and then jumps very high into the air, sort of landing on Eva's cot but mostly landing on Eva, Krit, Jack and Syl. Jace likes to show off. They all yelp and shove her, but Eva makes room and even puts her hand on Jace's shoulder in a sisterly fashion.
"That wasn't very relevant," says Omri scathingly. Omri, Splint, Cloe, Amna and Clay all sit cross-legged apart from Omri, who assumes his usual pride of place spot on his favourite sister Amna's lap. Omri is Amna's favourite brother. They have the kind of friendship Jondy and I have, or Syl and Krit, or like Danny used to have with Clay...
"I have something else to say. Max is lucky. Somewhere is someone who... who loves her."
Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement. I feel special all of a sudden. Different. Some of my brothers and sisters look jealous or envious or proud. Someone knows who I am and cares about me... cares about what happens to all of us.
I wish I could find them...
* * *
I don't see Vanessa for a very long time. When I finally contact her, she agrees mulishly. Unfortunately, I have to bring Luke and Alicia with me, so I allow them to invite friends and sit at their own table so Vanessa and I will have privacy.
"So, Vanessa, how is she? Did she get my message? Did my girl- Max, did she read it?" It still feels strange to call my X5 daughter by a person's name.
Vanessa is red-eyed. "She read it," she mutters. "Celeste, I don't know how to tell you this..."
"Tell me what?" I pale. "Oh my God, something's happened to her, hasn't it? Is she sick? Is she hurt? What-"
"She escaped," blurts Vanessa.
I sit in shock for a moment. "You mean... how?"
"Your little girl had a seizure during class. The X5 group tried to leave the building, led by one of the girls... Lydecker and his men found them in the hall. He shot the girl through the heart and the others escaped through a window."
I can hear Alicia and Luke laughing with their friends at a table.
"It was below-zero and none of them were wearing shoes. A couple were killed by soldiers, and the CO, X5-599, he's been recaptured. I don't know what happened to your girl, Celeste, but she escaped Manticore and nobody's heard anything of her. She could be on the streets, in a foster home, in a hospital- she could even be dead."
"What about your little girl?" I hear something that sounds like my voice asking.
"It's horrible," she whispers, tears in her eyes. "She didn't leave. Whether she was caught or afraid to escape I don't know, but she and the ones who were taken back, they've... changed. They were put through some psychological reprogramming and now they're like robots. They think of the ones who escaped as traitors, the enemy. My little one- she's not just well-behaved, she's completely changed. She's not like a child any more."
Vanessa leaves after we discuss the situation further. I don't think she'll ever want to see me again. It'll be too painful for her.
That night, I find Max's mugshot in my diary, where I put it. Max has been AWOL for about three months now. There isn't much time.
I draw up a MISSING poster on my computer with Max's photograph at the top. I read over it.
"MISSING. Young girl of nine-ten years, answers to the name of Max. Can be distinguished by a barcode tattoo on the back of her neck..."
I think for a second and add something else.
"May be accompanied by another child, a nine to ten-year-old girl who answers to the name of Jondy. Any information on the whereabouts of Max would be appreciated, and a cash reward is offered for her safe return."
I make one hundred copies. I use up all the black ink on the first seventy and print the last thirty off in red. It can't be helped. I have to find my lost daughter.
The next day, the Pulse hits while the kids are watching television. All the electricity and phones are disabled- the nation has been brought to its knees.
Riot police are working round the clock to control the panicking population. The MISSING posters lie forgotten on my desk while my husband and I frantically try to get ourselves and the kids out of the city.
We finally secures four seats on a bus leaving the state. There is about two hours for us to pack and make it to the bus station across town. We are making our way out of the house when I stop in the doorway.
My family apparently hasn't noticed that I'm not walking with them as they cross the street.
I look at them- a happy, normal family. MY happy, normal family. I have to hurry. I don't even remember where I put those darn posters.
And I think of Max. In this terrifying post-Pulse world, where is she? I imagine her shivering in a gutter, hurt, afraid, alone.
"Come on, Celeste!" yells my husband.
"I forgot something, I'll catch up with you!" I reply, and jog back into the house.
I snatch forty posters before tearing out of the house to keep up with my family.
We manage to escape the city and move to a rural community for a few months. When finally we feel safe spending a day in the city shopping for new clothes for Alicia and Luke, I stop by a telephone pole with one of the MISSING posters.
I don't believe this.
The pole is literally covered in MISSING posters and WANTED fliers. Nobody even slows down as they pass it- these people will most likely never be found.
Alicia comes over to me with a shopping bag and Luke in tow. "Mom, why are you- who's that?" she asks, pointing at the MISSING poster dangling hopelessly from my hand.
"It's someone I lost a very long time ago," I say wearily, and we go to get the next bus home.
I never have stopped looking for Max. It's hopeless. I don't even know her last name. Every few months I stop into foster homes, youth hostels and hospitals, brandishing Max's mugshot and asking desperately if anyone who even vaguely resembles her has turned up.
But Max is growing older, and I know that one picture of her face from when she was a child is not going to help much.
I will never stop searching for her. I may never find her. I just hope... that wherever my daughter is now, she's safe and she's happy.
* * * * *
DISCLAIMER: 'Dark Angel' belongs to Fox and James Cameron. Not me. So don't sue.
My name is Celeste and I was the surrogate mother for the X5 known as 452. After Manticore I went into a phsychiatric facility for a few months. I tried to move on. I got married and I have two other children, a boy and a girl, just the way everyone wants it. I wonder what they would think if they knew that somewhere in the world they had an older sister who has never watched a cartoon or been to the park, but knows how to fire a gun and flip the older members of the X5 group over her shoulder with one arm.
The neighbours laugh, they say I'm obsessed with Alicia and Luke. I ask them how their friends are, what they've done that day- they're my universe. They aren't perfect, but they're mine and I love them.
I sit in the usual booth at the diner in town. Luke is playing at a friend's house and Alicia is with her dad, shopping. As often as I can, I meet up with Vanessa and ask her all about the X5s or more specifically, my baby. 452. In my mind I tried out all kinds of names, but what did you name a killing machine?
Vanessa walks in, the hood of her coat up. She sees me and comes to sit with me. We order our routine coffees and greet each other.
She was the birth mother for 798. Vanessa smiles at me in a way more businesslike than friendly and sets down her bag on the table.
"Vanessa, how's everything at Manticore? How's 452?"
"She and 210 are still joined at the hip," says Vanessa, smoothing her skirt. "Although I think..."
"What?"
"Well, I've been hearing them talking. All of them. And you know, I think they've got names for themselves."
I'm delighted. "How do you know?"
"I listen to them, Celeste. And although they never say anything more to me than 'Thank you, ma'am.' I listen to the conversation at meals. They're not allowed to talk much but- well, anyhow. I heard 210 and 452 whispering in the lunch line. My little girl, 798, she was well-behaved as usual but I think I distictly heard 210 call your little girl Max. When Max next spoke to her, 210 answered to the name... what was it? Jondy," says Vanessa.
Max. I try it out in my mind. My kids are Alicia, Luke and Max.
I sort of like it. I don't know if it suits her, I've never actually seen my X5 daughter. I voice this thought to Vanessa.
She snickers as our coffees arrive. "As much as it makes me nervous, coming here, I think you'll be glad I've come. You see, I was doing a little cleaning inside the file room and I found something you'll like to see..."
Vanessa reaches into her bag, rummages around and pulls out what appears to be a piece of paper. She hands it to me.
It's a photograph. Of my daughter. It's the first time I've seen her face since she was born. Then I only got the merest glimpse of her being carried away from me. It's so strange to have her staring unblinkingly into my eyes.
"You see, every year they have mug shots taken for their records. They do their physicals, have their heads shaved and they're fitted for new uniforms. They happen to keep the negatives in their files," says Vanessa, who seems a very long way away.
My daughter poses like an experienced criminal, almost glaring at me. She has dark hair in a severe crew-cut. My daughter- Max, her name is Max- doesn't really look like me apart from the hair colour, but then again neither do Luke and Alicia, who both resemble their father.
"I took the liberty of getting you that photo. My boyfriend is a photographer, he developed it."
"I thought he was a builder."
"No, this one's a photographer. That was Adam. The flavour of the month is Richard." Vanessa laughs cynically. "D'you know it'll be 452's ninth birthday in nineteen days?"
"You remember everything, Vanessa! God, I wish I could see her on her birthday."
"Dream on, Celeste," laughs Vanessa, sipping her coffee. "I could really go for something to eat. Can I borrow a few dollars?"
Every time Vanessa comes to see me, I end up shouting her a pastry. Oh, well.
"Sure." I hand her a bill and she grins at me.
"Great. Want anything?"
"I'm good. I just want to have another look at this picture." Vanessa goes to get a donut up at the counter.
In one moment, I'm inspired. I dig into my purse and find a small pad of lined paper and a pen. I write something and wait for Vanessa to return.
"Listen, I gotta go. I have to visit a friend anyway and still get back in time for my shift."
"A woman's work is never done," I say with a smirk. I hold out the paper.
"What's this?"
"I want you to give it to 45- Max. It's for Max. On her birthday."
"Birthday greetings, huh? Seriously, Celeste, I can't. I could get in a lot of trouble-"
"Drop it onto her tray at dinner, then. Whatever you do, make sure Max reads it."
* * *
I am starving. Jondy stands ahead of me in the line to get dinner- it smells better than usual. I grab a tray and sniff deeply. "Chicken," I say in an undertone to my best friend. "I need some food. I didn't eat enough yesterday."
"I hate chicken," says Jondy loathingly.
"Well, food is for fuel, not fun, Jondy."
"Yeah," agrees Jondy halfheartedly, taking a heaping portion of chicken from one of the dinner ladies. She goes to sit beside Syl, saving the seat next to her for me.
I take my chicken and sit with Jondy. I notice suddenly that a small piece of folded paper has been put on my tray with my food. Curiously, I open it and read.
"Max. On this day I want to wish you happiness and health for the rest of your life. I have not contacted you before and may not be able to contact you again, but you must know that I am nearby and I care about you. Keep being strong and pray that one day I'll be able to find you and you won't get taken away. With Love, Your M-" I read out slowly.
"452!" barks one of the soldiers at the door. "Eat your food!"
I jump, jump so suddenly that everyone looks at me because they think I am having a seizure. The tiny piece of folded paper falls from my hand and skittered across the floorboards. Syl is swinging her feet underneath the table and accidentally kicks it across the floor. When I dare look down, I can't see it anywhere, not even with my enhanced vision.
Tonight there are no lectures, no exercises. Just showers and bed. I interrupt Ben as he begins his latest installment in the serial about a great and powerful soldier he's named Danny, after a brother who's passed away a year or two ago.
This kind of unity is not seen or allowed by the adults. Tinga's arm is linked through Brin's, Jondy and I have our arms around each other's shoulders. Krit, Syl, Jack and Eva are curled up like puppies on the same cot. The X5 group are not allowed to openly show affection for each other. A couple of us had never had any kind of hug until they were old enough to sleep in a barracks by themselves.
I remember the first time Jondy gave me a hug. We couldn't have been older than babies and it was evening, after a day spent away from my brothers and sisters getting treatments prescribed for a virus. Jondy had been sitting upright on her bed, swinging her legs in worry. She'd seen me brought through the doors of the dormitory and toddled over to me, giving me a hug. She hadn't known it wasn't allowed, but just that one time, the soldier escorting me had allowed Jondy and I to show we cared about each other. Although we'd had no names at that time, I never could have mistook anyone else for Jondy.
"Where was I last time?" asks Ben, prepping himself to become the dormitory's Supreme Storyteller.
"Danny was just about to fight the fearsome Nomalies in the basement," volunteers Brin. "He had his gun out. He was going to come and rescue the young X5s they'd wrongfully taken prisoner." You can't help but have your vocabulary increase around Ben. It's infectious.
"I have something to say," I interrupt. Everyone looks at me, some with curiosity, others with mild annoyance. Everyone really, really wants to find out what is going to happen the the Great Soldier Danny.
I tell everyone about the note. Ben's eyes gleam with interest and enthusiasm. "I bet you it's the Blue Lady!" he proclaims aloud to everyone. "The Blue Lady cares about us but can't contact us."
"Do you think it's your growth and development monitor from when you were little, Maxie?" asks Krit lazily.
"It's the Blue Lady!" says Ben in annoyance. "She said for Max to keep being strong, what does that tell you?"
"But WE'RE the ones who make her strong," calls Tinga. "It's our teeth that make Her strong, remember?"
"Of course I remember," says Ben irritably. "I was the one who told you about Her in the first place. I know everything about the Blue Lady."
"You're a religious fanatic, Ben," giggles Syl. Krit laughs, he seems to find Syl funnier than all of his sisters put together.
"Yeah, Syl!" he says. She and Krit proceed to do one of Jondy and my special handshakes. We're very annoyed, our special handshakes are for us alone.
Eva holds her head up a bit higher as she lies propping it on her hands. "I have something to say." Everyone looks at Eva. Eva is smart. Eva knows practically as much as Zack and Ben and Tinga. "Hey, come onto the cot with us, Jace." Jace hesitates and then jumps very high into the air, sort of landing on Eva's cot but mostly landing on Eva, Krit, Jack and Syl. Jace likes to show off. They all yelp and shove her, but Eva makes room and even puts her hand on Jace's shoulder in a sisterly fashion.
"That wasn't very relevant," says Omri scathingly. Omri, Splint, Cloe, Amna and Clay all sit cross-legged apart from Omri, who assumes his usual pride of place spot on his favourite sister Amna's lap. Omri is Amna's favourite brother. They have the kind of friendship Jondy and I have, or Syl and Krit, or like Danny used to have with Clay...
"I have something else to say. Max is lucky. Somewhere is someone who... who loves her."
Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement. I feel special all of a sudden. Different. Some of my brothers and sisters look jealous or envious or proud. Someone knows who I am and cares about me... cares about what happens to all of us.
I wish I could find them...
* * *
I don't see Vanessa for a very long time. When I finally contact her, she agrees mulishly. Unfortunately, I have to bring Luke and Alicia with me, so I allow them to invite friends and sit at their own table so Vanessa and I will have privacy.
"So, Vanessa, how is she? Did she get my message? Did my girl- Max, did she read it?" It still feels strange to call my X5 daughter by a person's name.
Vanessa is red-eyed. "She read it," she mutters. "Celeste, I don't know how to tell you this..."
"Tell me what?" I pale. "Oh my God, something's happened to her, hasn't it? Is she sick? Is she hurt? What-"
"She escaped," blurts Vanessa.
I sit in shock for a moment. "You mean... how?"
"Your little girl had a seizure during class. The X5 group tried to leave the building, led by one of the girls... Lydecker and his men found them in the hall. He shot the girl through the heart and the others escaped through a window."
I can hear Alicia and Luke laughing with their friends at a table.
"It was below-zero and none of them were wearing shoes. A couple were killed by soldiers, and the CO, X5-599, he's been recaptured. I don't know what happened to your girl, Celeste, but she escaped Manticore and nobody's heard anything of her. She could be on the streets, in a foster home, in a hospital- she could even be dead."
"What about your little girl?" I hear something that sounds like my voice asking.
"It's horrible," she whispers, tears in her eyes. "She didn't leave. Whether she was caught or afraid to escape I don't know, but she and the ones who were taken back, they've... changed. They were put through some psychological reprogramming and now they're like robots. They think of the ones who escaped as traitors, the enemy. My little one- she's not just well-behaved, she's completely changed. She's not like a child any more."
Vanessa leaves after we discuss the situation further. I don't think she'll ever want to see me again. It'll be too painful for her.
That night, I find Max's mugshot in my diary, where I put it. Max has been AWOL for about three months now. There isn't much time.
I draw up a MISSING poster on my computer with Max's photograph at the top. I read over it.
"MISSING. Young girl of nine-ten years, answers to the name of Max. Can be distinguished by a barcode tattoo on the back of her neck..."
I think for a second and add something else.
"May be accompanied by another child, a nine to ten-year-old girl who answers to the name of Jondy. Any information on the whereabouts of Max would be appreciated, and a cash reward is offered for her safe return."
I make one hundred copies. I use up all the black ink on the first seventy and print the last thirty off in red. It can't be helped. I have to find my lost daughter.
The next day, the Pulse hits while the kids are watching television. All the electricity and phones are disabled- the nation has been brought to its knees.
Riot police are working round the clock to control the panicking population. The MISSING posters lie forgotten on my desk while my husband and I frantically try to get ourselves and the kids out of the city.
We finally secures four seats on a bus leaving the state. There is about two hours for us to pack and make it to the bus station across town. We are making our way out of the house when I stop in the doorway.
My family apparently hasn't noticed that I'm not walking with them as they cross the street.
I look at them- a happy, normal family. MY happy, normal family. I have to hurry. I don't even remember where I put those darn posters.
And I think of Max. In this terrifying post-Pulse world, where is she? I imagine her shivering in a gutter, hurt, afraid, alone.
"Come on, Celeste!" yells my husband.
"I forgot something, I'll catch up with you!" I reply, and jog back into the house.
I snatch forty posters before tearing out of the house to keep up with my family.
We manage to escape the city and move to a rural community for a few months. When finally we feel safe spending a day in the city shopping for new clothes for Alicia and Luke, I stop by a telephone pole with one of the MISSING posters.
I don't believe this.
The pole is literally covered in MISSING posters and WANTED fliers. Nobody even slows down as they pass it- these people will most likely never be found.
Alicia comes over to me with a shopping bag and Luke in tow. "Mom, why are you- who's that?" she asks, pointing at the MISSING poster dangling hopelessly from my hand.
"It's someone I lost a very long time ago," I say wearily, and we go to get the next bus home.
I never have stopped looking for Max. It's hopeless. I don't even know her last name. Every few months I stop into foster homes, youth hostels and hospitals, brandishing Max's mugshot and asking desperately if anyone who even vaguely resembles her has turned up.
But Max is growing older, and I know that one picture of her face from when she was a child is not going to help much.
I will never stop searching for her. I may never find her. I just hope... that wherever my daughter is now, she's safe and she's happy.
* * * * *
DISCLAIMER: 'Dark Angel' belongs to Fox and James Cameron. Not me. So don't sue.