"No. It's a partridge."
"In a tree?"
"A pear tree."
"Right."
"So he got you two doves?"Merlin stood in Gwen's chambers looking at the odd sight in front of them.
"Two turtle doves apparently."
"And yesterday he got you a tree?"
"With a partridge in it."
"Right."
"You know what I've learnt Merlin?"
"That Arthur has a fetish for poultry and game?"
"No. Well yes I suppose he does. But that's not the point."
"Go on then, what have you learnt?"
"Partridges, doves and hens don't get on very well with each other."
"I've learnt something else today."
"Really?"
"Pears give all birds upset stomachs."
"What did he give you today?"
"Four calling birds."
"I wondered what that noise was. And that smell."
"That would be the birds."
"You have fun with that."
"I realise the birds may not have been the best presents."
"Oh no Arthur, they were lovely really."
"You liked them? Really?"
"Yep."
"Oh, well I got you these gold rings today but I can go back to birds for tomorrow."
"Oh but-"
He had already walked away.
"We're back to birds?" Merlin asked her.
"Back to birds."
"What sort today?"
"Geese. Six of them."
"Well that's not that bad I guess."
"They're laying eggs, everywhere."
"Ah."
"Arthur I heated the water for your bath but I can't seem to find the tub."
"That Merlin, is because I gave Guinevere her present in it."
"You did."
"Yep. Seven swans a swimming."
"So how are you meant to wash?"
"Err..."
"Maybe not one of your best thought out plans there then?"
He ducked as a shoe hit the wall next to him.
"No need to get violent."
"Gwen, why is your room mooing?"
"Arthur."
"He got you cows?"
"No."
"So the mooing is coming from?"
"He got me eight maids a milking. So yes. There are cows involved."
"This is getting out of hand."
Merlin stared at the nine girls that danced in a circle around Gwen.
"Do I even need to ask?"
"Probably not."
Merlin threw himself to the floor as ten lords came leaping down the corridor. At the front of them Arthur was walking normally.
"Guinevere, oh Guinevere!" Gwen came round the corner at the sound of her name. Her eyes widened.
"For me? I don't know what to say."
"I'm going to speak to Arthur!" Merlin yelled over the noise at Gwen.
"No! Don't! He might get offended!"
"Gwen, this is ridiculous! We can't even hear each other to have a civilised conversation over the sound of these bloody pipers!"
"I know. but he said it was just one more day!"
"For the sake of my sanity it better be!"
"So what are you giving Gwen today?"
"I already sent them down to her chambers."
"Them?"
"Yes, the twelve drummers."
"You gave her drummers."
A loud noise suddenly echoed from somewhere in the castle beneath them.
"Yes."
Arthur surveyed Gwens chambers in dismay.
"Help!" she called from where she was standing on a chair.
The room was getting trashed by the array of people, poultry and cattle that were running around.
Arthur sighed as a bucket of milk was knocked over.
"Clean this up will you?" he turned to Merlin.
"You have got to be kidding."
"Go on." he gave him a little push into the room where he was promptly trampled by a cow.
"Ow."
"I'm going to kill him." Merlin mumbled as he woke up Gaius' chambers.
"Who?" asked Gaius,
"That prat of a king that pushed me in front of a cow."
"Isn't killing him sort of going agaisnt your destiny a bit?"
"I don't care."
"Not to mention treason."
"Well damn him for being royal."