Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the characters. Trust me, it'd be a whole different anime if I did!
Author's Note: Um, listen. This why sleep deprivation is a bad thing. Enjoy!
000
A Dirty Situation
By: Obsidian Sphinx
000
The corridors of the Oz the prison cells were feared by many, as the darkness that inhabited them hid secrets of cruel, unusual, and shameful events that had occurred in the past. The metal walls had observed many things that would cause nausea and thick, burning bile to rise up in the throat of the coldest of humans. But even the dark shied away from the approaching figures that graced it with their presence, and the walls averted their seasoned eyes, for the spirits of two most fascinating people overcame them.
The infamous Lady Une of the Oz Forces, whose very voice demanded respect and could strike fear into the hearts of brave men walked with confidence down the hall and next to her was the magnanimous Treize Kushrenada. He was the dashing, young, idealistic founder of Oz with a certain grace about him that diverted people's attention from his cold-hearted endeavors. They were truly an awesome pair unrivaled by any other duo.
"Lady Une, in which one of these cells are they being held?" Questioned the politician in a trademark easy tenor.
"Sir, right up here, Sir," responded the forceful voice of Lady Une.
Indeed, a cell, dark and foreboding in the shadows, appeared as if from nowhere to offer its precious cargo to the two esteemed people approaching it.
"It has taken us so very long to catch one, hasn't it?" Inquired Treize, his tone suggesting.
Lady Une, her face a cold mask of stoicism, did not betray the shame she felt at the inference her commander had insinuated. Indeed, she had made him wait far too long and had therefore failed him. However, with them finally in his grasp, perhaps he would be able to look upon her with pride once more. She needed, craved, and yearned for his approval.
Her gloved hands removed a ring of keys from her belt, and she flipped each key until she found the one that would open the heavy door separating them from the prize. As she slid the favored key into the lock and turned, she heard a slight chuckle from within the bowels of the cell. It was a low, unnerving chuckle, though neither Treize nor Lady Une would ever admit it.
She pulled open the massive steel door and was greeted with utter darkness save for an eerily glinting piece of metal that shimmered precariously in the shadows. She could barely make out the figure, but concentration allowed her to eventually see his outline.
"On your feet," she ordered, her voice containing a harsh wintry tone.
The figure in the cell made no move to obey. Rage and embarrassment surfaced inside of her at his insolence in front of Treize Kushrenada.
"I said, on your feet," she repeated, her voice lower and more cautioning.
"And why should I do that?" Asked the voice. "Because Mr. Treize is here to see me?"
Une glared into the blackness. "That is precisely why," she replied.
The figure shifted slightly, perhaps raising its head to look at her. The shimmering metal she had seen took on the shape of a cross hanging around his collared neck.
"What makes him so special that I might go out of my way to stand and greet him on my tired feet? I've been shown no courtesy, I have no respect for him, why should I waste my energy?" The figure's voice taunted her.
"You could have been killed," interjected Treize. "It was by my word and my word alone that you are still breathing." His pride had been wounded.
"Breathing? In here? I am suffocating in this place, Mr. Treize. Your word and your word alone is torturing me."
Lady Une glanced at Treize who seemed to be taking the prisoner's words to heart.
'Ridiculous,' she thought. 'He is too great a man to be spoken to so rudely.'
"You will not treat him so--"
"What?" The figure asked, cutting off her sentence. "Disrespectfully? What makes him so wonderful, Lady Une, that you have to worship the ground he walks on with such conviction? Don't you think he makes mistakes . . . his ass is just as dirty as everyone else's," said the figure.
Lady Une's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. 'Mr. Treize . . . like everyone else?' She thought.
Suddenly, she began to have doubt and looked to her commanding officer for reassurance. "Is what he says true, Mr. Treize?"
Treize raised an eyebrow. "I am only human . . . I have made errors," he replied.
Lady Une shook her head. "No, Sir, that's not what I mean. Is it true that . . . your ass is as dirty as every other person's?"
Treize sighed. "He's speaking nonsense. The cleanliness of my ass transcends all clean asses, as mine is the cleanest and perhaps most fragrant of all the asses, Lady Une. Rest assured that your devotion serves a man with a most callipygian and beautiful buttocks."
Lady Une sighed, content with the answer. "I knew it, Sir. I don't know why I let this prisoner with a lesser ass get to me. Forgive me, Sir."
Treize held his high. "Of course, you are forgiven. But I warn you to never question my ass again."
"Never, Sir. Never again. You are the greatest, highest, and most celebrated ass that there is, Sir!"
Treize nodded with approval. "Indeed," he said.
They both turned to the prisoner who seemed to be making sounds that were suspiciously similar to stifled laughter.
"Let us leave this man, Lady Une," Treize said.
"But, Sir, we came all this way . . . "
"Indeed, but I don't have time to waste on a person whose ass is far too stubborn and less godly than my own. Let us go."
Lady Une nodded. "Yes, I only place myself in the presence of those who have the finest and cleanest of asses."
With that, she closed the door leaving a stunned Duo to start laughing hysterically. His laughter awoke four other boys who had all been sleeping prior to his outburst.
"Duo, what is it?" Questioned a drowsy Quatre.
"Aw man, you guys. We gotta rethink the people we're fighting against. I get the feeling we're all thinking WAY to hard about this!"
Owari