Greetings, mortals. Don't get me wrongo, I loved AOTC, but there were some
things I was looking forward to seeing and didn't. So here's me taking out
my frustration. This was originally a simple Top Ten list, but those aren't
allowed on the ever-so prestigious FF.net (hear my embittered sarcasm?), so
I cleverly disguised it as a story. Enjoy and review. (-_-)
***
"Enough of you, I have had!" Yoda tapped his gammer stick with brutal force against the cold marble floor of the Jedi Council room. A16-year-old Obi- Wan Kenobi winced at each wicked smack. "The last prank you will ever pull, this was," the old troll went on, "a dire punishment, you have earned."
"With all due respect Master Yoda-" the youth began.
"Time for you to speak, it is not, young Kenobi. Time it is for you to learn the true value of your surroundings."
Obi gave the little green one a puzzled stare. Yoda smiled slyly.
"In an unmarked escape pod, you will go, into the far reaches of the galaxy. Find your way home, you must."
"Oh, wise, great, powerful, kind Master Yoda," Obi-Wan gave his most dazzling smile, "don't you think that's a little severe? After all, all I did was-"
"Waiting for you, your pod is," Yoda turned and left the kneeling Padawan.
***
"Puff," Obi muttered to himself as he gazed out the round window of the escape pod. It was cold in here, and he hadn't taken an over robe. He had an itch in his boot, but the pod was too cramped to get it off. Argh.
But what was this? A blue ball amidst the star-speckled blackness. A planet at last! Yay.
***
Caitlin dug a spoon out of the drawer and began to expertly mix her Ovaltine. Ahh, breakfast at 2 in the afternoon, life was good. She went into the living room, eyed the bootleg copy of AOTC on the table. Evil little thing, the rehab patients at the hospital she did community service thought they were getting her a gift. She wanted to smack them for sacrilege. But oh well, it would serve as a reference for her Zam Wesell costume, she figured. Speaking of, she went into her room to pick up her sewing, smiled at her several Obi-Wan posters. Mmm, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
***
"There's no need for alarm," Obi-Wan shouted at the very perplexed pedestrians as he stumbled out of the escape pod into a very crowded city street. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw two uniformed individuals with sticks nearing him. Not good. "Excuse me," he said repeatedly as he tried to make his way through the crowds.
"'Ey you! C'mere!" One of the officers called out and quickened his pace. Obi-Wan spotted a flight of stairs leading underground and tumbled down them. Apparently this was some form of transportation, and he was kept from riding it by a rotational metal bar. Hop! He careened into an awaiting subway car just as the doors slid closed. He heard a very satisfying thud as the more athletic officer slammed against the closed door. Obi-Wan cackled maniacally and grinned at the angry cop. The train started moving. Satisfied with himself, he turned around and leaned against the door.
It was at this point that Obi realized he was very out of place. Nobody else had a tunic, or leggings, not even any bloody boots! What was WRONG with these people? Feeling self-conscious, he unhooked his lightsaber and rolled it around between his hands.
"Rrrround ah wayee th' birds ah singin'" he sung to himself quietly as he observed the people around him, "rrrround ah wayee th' sun shiyeeenes brrriight."
Suddenly he stopped and gulped. Three pairs of female eyes were very intent on him. He found a very captivating speck on the floor to stare at as they approached him.
"Now, what have we here?" One said.
"A pretty boy in tights," said Two.
"All by himself," grinned Three. Obi-Wan cleared his throat calmly.
"Ladies, please don't make me ignite my lightsaber in a public place," he said softly in his best persuasive tone. For some unknown reason, they found his request very amusing.
"And just what if we did?" One leaned in closer to him, placed a hand on his thigh.
"Then I think you may find yourself a force to be reckoned with," Obi tried to keep his face expressionless, despite the woman's advancing hand.
"Bring it on, sugar," Two purred.
"Oh look! My destination! Force with you!" Obi muttered hurriedly and bolted for the open door. The three women giggled after him. Where was he? Not as many skyscrapers this time.he exited the station and picked a direction to walk in. He had to figure out what planet he was on. He came across a café full of boxes.small boxes.with lit screens.could these possibly be primitive computers? He entered. A boy very involved in a game of Snood (yes, Snood has crossed all intergalactic boundaries) gave him a once-over.
"How long?" he said.
"Pardon?" Obi inquired.
"How long do you need the computer for?"
"Oh, um, an hour?"
"Three dollars."
"I'm unfamiliar with that currency, but my credits *will* do fine," Obi waved his hand. The teen behind the counter snickered.
"Come back when you've got three dollars."
"Double puff!" Obi stormed out of the café and went in the opposite direction. Where was he going to get this money? But suddenly he heard a sound, a tinkling music, as from a child's toy. He was instantly hypnotized and followed it.
***
Da2187Leia typed out "brb, ice cream truck" to her pal QofNaboo before sticking her head out the window of her apartment.
"GO AWAY!" she screamed at the top of her lungs "NOBODY'S GOING TO BUY YOUR CRAP! YOUR ICE CREAM TASTES LIKE FOAM!"
***
"AWAAAAAAY!" Obi was slightly disturbed by the magnanimous cries that were coming from above him. A truck was making this noise? It had to be a trap! Some kind of psychological torture! With the speed of lightning Obi's lightsaber was ignited in his hand. He pounced on the truck and drove his blade into engine. The tinkling died slowly.
"THANK YOU!" came the call from above. Obi looked up.
***
Guen's eyes widened when two orbs of blue/grey/green looked up at her from two stories below. She'd just witnessed something heavenly. Too much Coca Cola? But the music had stopped, this had to be real.
"Hello up there?" the very Jedi-ish figure called back, "Are you alright?"
"Perfect," Guenever grinned.
"I was wondering if you could tell me how to get some money?" Obi squinted so he could see her better. She looked about his age, big brown eyes, long hair that was dangling out of the window.
"Prostitution."
"Pardon?"
"I said, um, there must be a solution! Why don't you come up here and I'll see if I can help?"
***
Okay kiddies, now I don't think this is very good, so I've taken a pause and decided to publish. If I get positive reviews I'll continue, if not I'll just let it die. So let me know, should it stay or should it go? (-_- )
***
"Enough of you, I have had!" Yoda tapped his gammer stick with brutal force against the cold marble floor of the Jedi Council room. A16-year-old Obi- Wan Kenobi winced at each wicked smack. "The last prank you will ever pull, this was," the old troll went on, "a dire punishment, you have earned."
"With all due respect Master Yoda-" the youth began.
"Time for you to speak, it is not, young Kenobi. Time it is for you to learn the true value of your surroundings."
Obi gave the little green one a puzzled stare. Yoda smiled slyly.
"In an unmarked escape pod, you will go, into the far reaches of the galaxy. Find your way home, you must."
"Oh, wise, great, powerful, kind Master Yoda," Obi-Wan gave his most dazzling smile, "don't you think that's a little severe? After all, all I did was-"
"Waiting for you, your pod is," Yoda turned and left the kneeling Padawan.
***
"Puff," Obi muttered to himself as he gazed out the round window of the escape pod. It was cold in here, and he hadn't taken an over robe. He had an itch in his boot, but the pod was too cramped to get it off. Argh.
But what was this? A blue ball amidst the star-speckled blackness. A planet at last! Yay.
***
Caitlin dug a spoon out of the drawer and began to expertly mix her Ovaltine. Ahh, breakfast at 2 in the afternoon, life was good. She went into the living room, eyed the bootleg copy of AOTC on the table. Evil little thing, the rehab patients at the hospital she did community service thought they were getting her a gift. She wanted to smack them for sacrilege. But oh well, it would serve as a reference for her Zam Wesell costume, she figured. Speaking of, she went into her room to pick up her sewing, smiled at her several Obi-Wan posters. Mmm, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
***
"There's no need for alarm," Obi-Wan shouted at the very perplexed pedestrians as he stumbled out of the escape pod into a very crowded city street. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw two uniformed individuals with sticks nearing him. Not good. "Excuse me," he said repeatedly as he tried to make his way through the crowds.
"'Ey you! C'mere!" One of the officers called out and quickened his pace. Obi-Wan spotted a flight of stairs leading underground and tumbled down them. Apparently this was some form of transportation, and he was kept from riding it by a rotational metal bar. Hop! He careened into an awaiting subway car just as the doors slid closed. He heard a very satisfying thud as the more athletic officer slammed against the closed door. Obi-Wan cackled maniacally and grinned at the angry cop. The train started moving. Satisfied with himself, he turned around and leaned against the door.
It was at this point that Obi realized he was very out of place. Nobody else had a tunic, or leggings, not even any bloody boots! What was WRONG with these people? Feeling self-conscious, he unhooked his lightsaber and rolled it around between his hands.
"Rrrround ah wayee th' birds ah singin'" he sung to himself quietly as he observed the people around him, "rrrround ah wayee th' sun shiyeeenes brrriight."
Suddenly he stopped and gulped. Three pairs of female eyes were very intent on him. He found a very captivating speck on the floor to stare at as they approached him.
"Now, what have we here?" One said.
"A pretty boy in tights," said Two.
"All by himself," grinned Three. Obi-Wan cleared his throat calmly.
"Ladies, please don't make me ignite my lightsaber in a public place," he said softly in his best persuasive tone. For some unknown reason, they found his request very amusing.
"And just what if we did?" One leaned in closer to him, placed a hand on his thigh.
"Then I think you may find yourself a force to be reckoned with," Obi tried to keep his face expressionless, despite the woman's advancing hand.
"Bring it on, sugar," Two purred.
"Oh look! My destination! Force with you!" Obi muttered hurriedly and bolted for the open door. The three women giggled after him. Where was he? Not as many skyscrapers this time.he exited the station and picked a direction to walk in. He had to figure out what planet he was on. He came across a café full of boxes.small boxes.with lit screens.could these possibly be primitive computers? He entered. A boy very involved in a game of Snood (yes, Snood has crossed all intergalactic boundaries) gave him a once-over.
"How long?" he said.
"Pardon?" Obi inquired.
"How long do you need the computer for?"
"Oh, um, an hour?"
"Three dollars."
"I'm unfamiliar with that currency, but my credits *will* do fine," Obi waved his hand. The teen behind the counter snickered.
"Come back when you've got three dollars."
"Double puff!" Obi stormed out of the café and went in the opposite direction. Where was he going to get this money? But suddenly he heard a sound, a tinkling music, as from a child's toy. He was instantly hypnotized and followed it.
***
Da2187Leia typed out "brb, ice cream truck" to her pal QofNaboo before sticking her head out the window of her apartment.
"GO AWAY!" she screamed at the top of her lungs "NOBODY'S GOING TO BUY YOUR CRAP! YOUR ICE CREAM TASTES LIKE FOAM!"
***
"AWAAAAAAY!" Obi was slightly disturbed by the magnanimous cries that were coming from above him. A truck was making this noise? It had to be a trap! Some kind of psychological torture! With the speed of lightning Obi's lightsaber was ignited in his hand. He pounced on the truck and drove his blade into engine. The tinkling died slowly.
"THANK YOU!" came the call from above. Obi looked up.
***
Guen's eyes widened when two orbs of blue/grey/green looked up at her from two stories below. She'd just witnessed something heavenly. Too much Coca Cola? But the music had stopped, this had to be real.
"Hello up there?" the very Jedi-ish figure called back, "Are you alright?"
"Perfect," Guenever grinned.
"I was wondering if you could tell me how to get some money?" Obi squinted so he could see her better. She looked about his age, big brown eyes, long hair that was dangling out of the window.
"Prostitution."
"Pardon?"
"I said, um, there must be a solution! Why don't you come up here and I'll see if I can help?"
***
Okay kiddies, now I don't think this is very good, so I've taken a pause and decided to publish. If I get positive reviews I'll continue, if not I'll just let it die. So let me know, should it stay or should it go? (-_- )