Swan Queen Drabbles
A/N: So I've had this terrible urge to write Swan Queen the last month or two. I even have this idea for a multi-chapter story, nothing too terribly long, maybe 30,000 words or so. But before I started on that I wanted to A. get back into the swing of writing in general, and B. work on Emma and Regina's voices a little bit. So I decided to do an iPod shuffle drabble thing. Reviews are greatly appreciated guys, (even the not so positive ones) as they'll let me know what you guys think I'm doing right and what I need to work on. Also, the last few somehow grew more toward one-shot length than drabble length. What can I say, I love dialogue.
Attitude – Alien Ant Farm
She doesn't know what she's doing anymore. Her days now are split into the days when she can fight this insistent pull Regina has on her and the days that she just gives in. Emma knows that she shouldn't want her, shouldn't want anything at all to even do with her. Or maybe she just knows that Snow and David and every other person in town know that. She's not even sure anymore.
The days where she just gives in come more frequently now. It seems like every day there's something else Emma has to do, something else she has to fight against or for. And at the end of most days, she honestly just doesn't have the energy to fight Regina's pull anymore.
She still hasn't quite figured out what this is between them, and she knows Regina hasn't either. Some days she's positive that it's just sex, plain and simple. Just a good distraction from the complete clusterfuck their lives have become. Other days she sees that glint of softness in Regina's eyes, just for a second, and feels that little jump in her own chest.
She stands up and wiggles back into her boots as she pulls her shirt closed and starts buttoning it. The silence between them is completely standard but somehow keeps getting thicker and heavier every single time. She finishes with her shirt and finally stops and turns to just look at Regina, who just stares back at her from the bed, slightly curious. They don't ever talk afterward and Regina looks almost intrigued by the fact that Emma might break that tradition. But Emma doesn't say anything, despite her best efforts. Despite the voice in her head screaming at her to say to Regina "This is the last time" or "What the hell are we doing?" or "What are you even getting out of this?" or "Don't you think we could get a little more?". But she doesn't say any of it. She just takes a deep breath, grabs her jacket, and leaves. And again she ignores the voice, the one that keeps whispering "What happens if we stay?"
This Calling – All That Remains
It's been just over a month since she's been with Regina and she can feel it every second of every day, this craving that's starting to make up her entire being. She can still feel and smell and taste her all the time. Her mind buzzes with that intense need to go to her, hear Regina's voice whispering in her ear, feel her fingertips trail across her skin, see that look in her eye that means everything even though they both pretend it's nothing. It's a constant battle every single day and Emma's terrified of the day she might lose.
It doesn't help that Regina seems to be everywhere all the time, the temptation around every corner. Even just someone mentioning her name sets Emma on edge for the rest of the day. But every time she looks at Henry she remembers why she stopped all of it in the first place. She has to be better, for him. She has to be what he deserves now. She can't be the same fuck up she used to be, sneaking around with the enemy, and make his life any more insane than it's already been.
Yes, a part of her needs Regina, in the worst possible way. But a bigger part of her needs Henry, needs to do right by him no matter what the cost. And it's him that has her turning right out of the sheriff's station every night to head back home when all she wants to do is turn left. It's him that has her ignoring just how wrong a bed can feel with only one person in it. It's him she lives for now, not herself, not anymore.
Take a Bow – Rihanna
Everyone had seen it coming but her. That part hurts almost more than the rest of it. Since she was a kid she's always known when people were lying, was always able to see through their bullshit. But not this time, not when it counted. Never when it counted.
She was so convinced, thought Regina was trying so hard. For months Emma had defended her to every single person in town. The woman was one hell of an actress; she had to give her that. Every single time Emma let her guard down it was always for the wrong people. Somehow she always wound up making the worthy ones scale wall after wall and letting the ones that would destroy her stroll right in the front door. Well not anymore. Regina was the last one.
She had let her in completely, trusted her with every part of herself. And Regina had kept all of it with her when Emma left. As Emma lies on her bed staring up at the ceiling she can't decide if it's even worth building the walls back up if there's nothing left inside them anymore.
Think Twice – Eve 6
For months Regina has been a good little girl, helping the Charmings and resisting temptation at every turn. And she'll be damned if she lets something as ridiculous and childish as jealousy be the thing that breaks her. Neal Cassidy. Just the thought of him sends magic tingling through her fingertips. He had just shown up, like he was expected here, like Emma owed him for being such a good guy and putting her big cosmic role before his own desires. Because, of course, there's no way he could have driven Emma away without sending her to prison. What a prince.
And Regina knows that Emma only told him to stay out of some twisted sense of something like obligation. She can see it in her eyes every time she sees them together. Emma had even told her as much. "He's my kid's dad, Regina. I've gotta at least try for the whole 'happy little family' package, right?" Regina knows that eventually the whole thing will crumble. Emma and Neal might've been two little fugitive peas in a pod back when they were together but Emma's not that girl anymore. Neal doesn't know her now, but Regina does.
Regina would like to think her reasoning behind wanting to rip the man's heart out or even just blur his thoughts enough to give him that little nudge he needs to get the hell out of her town comes from a good place. It's better that it happens sooner rather than later because that way it will hurt Emma less. But honestly she's just impatient. She and Emma had been steadily heading toward….. something, she could feel it in her bones. And then Neal had swooped into town and messed everything up. Maybe she could just corner him in an alley and show him a few tricks, threaten his manhood if he ever came near her son or her – if he ever came near Emma again. When he skipped town that night no one would even be the wiser. Emma would just chalk it up to old habits and tell herself she should've seen it coming.
A devious smirk tugs at Regina's lips as she mulls over her options while waiting in the hallway in front of Emma's apartment. As Emma opens the door and Regina sees that almost soft grin that Emma always directs at her nowadays, she knows she could never bring herself to do anything to cause the girl any more pain.
"Hey," Emma says, "he's just getting his stuff." She gestures somewhere behind her as she pulls the door open enough to let Regina in.
"Hey, Regina." She fights the urge to cringe at his voice as she glances over at him.
"Mr. Cassidy." He's on Emma's couch, drinking a beer and watching TV. His T-shirt has at least two very visible stains and his muddy feet are propped up on Emma's coffee table. Where did he even find mud? It hasn't rained in nearly two weeks.
"Hey mom!" Henry rushes up and snaps Regina out of her death glare with a hug that almost knocks her over.
"Hey," Regina answers quietly, placing a kiss on top of the boy's head and wrapping her arms around him. "Ready to go?"
"Yeah." Henry pulls away from Regina and goes to hug Emma, who smiles and ruffles his hair. "Bye Emma."
"See ya, kid." Henry comes back to Regina's side and she wraps an arm around him as they walk out the door. "Hey, Regina," Emma says suddenly, causing the pair to stop and turn to look at her, "we should talk. Um," Emma glances to the side for a split second and Regina knows she's remembering the fact that Neal is just a few feet away from them, "about the holidays. Ya know, what we're gonna do. As far as Henry goes, I mean." Regina nods slowly, trying not to smile at Emma's obvious floundering.
"Yes, we probably should."
"Okay, I'll uh, I'll call you," Emma offers with a shrug.
"That sounds fine, Sherriff." Emma gives her a smaller version of that grin before nodding and shutting the door.
"By the way," Henry says as they start down the stairs, "I'm totally Team Regina."
"Is that so?" she asks through a laugh.
"Totally. And I have a plan." She pulls the building's front door open for him to walk through but instead he slips his backpack off of his shoulder and starts digging through it. "Here." He hands her a large black walkie talkie. "You're gonna need this."
Already Gone – Kelly Clarkson
"This isn't working."
Regina takes a deep breath as she stares unfocused at the bare walls of her study. She looks down at the half empty glass of brandy in her hand and quickly drains it. She's going to need it.
"What?" Emma says quietly from behind her. Regina sets the glass down on her desk and slowly turns to face her. Emma's face is blank but Regina can see the beginnings of terror hidden in her eyes. A part of both of them had known that this day was coming for a while now, even if neither of them really wanted to accept it. But Regina can't put it off anymore. She can't keep doing this to Emma. She won't.
"Us. It's not working."
"What? What are you talking about?" Emma says a little louder, taking a few steps toward Regina. "Of – of course it is. It's working. We're fine." Regina can hear the pleading tone already creeping into Emma's voice. She wishes there was some way to do this without having to actually watch Emma break right in front of her, but even she isn't that callous.
"No, Emma. It's not." Emma huffs and rolls her eyes.
"Would you stop just saying that and fucking explain what the hell you're talking about!" Regina breathes out a humorless laugh at the fact that Emma's just given her a prime example of what she's talking about.
"We don't work, Emma. And I know you see it just as well as I do."
"No, I don't," Emma says little forcefully and takes another step. "No relationship is perfect, okay. Just because, because we fight sometimes and – I mean, a few problems don't mean it isn't working. Relationships take work."
"It shouldn't take this much work," Regina says simply and Emma scoffs.
"So, what, that's it? Things get difficult and you just want to call it a wash?" Emma glares at her but she can see right through it to the sadness underneath. "Because I thought what we had was worth the rough patches and all the shit that keeps getting put in our way. But I guess that was just on my side, huh?"
"This is worth everything to me," Regina blurts out, a little louder than she would have liked, before she can really stop herself.
"Yeah, I can really tell." Regina sighs and takes a moment to search for the right words as Emma pushes past her to pour herself a glass of brandy and downs the whole thing in one go.
"It's not enough, Em. For you," Regina finally admits quietly. "I'm not enough for you."
"No, don't." Emma slams her glass down and whips around to face Regina. "Don't do that." Emma steps closer, holding an accusing finger just inches from Regina's face. "That is a fucking cop out and you know it." Emma's voice is low and steady but there's a growl pulling at her lips and Regina knows she's hit a nerve. The entire town's favorite pastime is telling Emma what she should do and it drives the woman crazy. "Do not tell me what is and isn't enough for me. I will decide that for my damn self."
"You're right. I'm sorry," Regina finally says, calmly and sincerely. Emma lowers her hand and visibly relaxes just a little. She rolls her eyes halfheartedly as she puts a few feet of distance between them again.
"What I was trying to say," Regina starts after a few seconds, "is that all the things in Henry's book, all the things your parents have told you, are true."
"God, Regina, not this again." Emma sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "We've already done the whole 'I'm the good little princess made of true love and you're the big bad queen' thing. I don't give a shit about any of that so don't try to use that as an excuse."
"I'm not," Regina defends quickly. "Just listen. Please." Regina gives her a pleading look and eventually Emma nods for her to continue. Regina takes just a moment and leans back on her hands against her desk before speaking again.
"I'm not talking about the fact that we're destined to be enemies. I'm talking about the fact that I did… a lot of terrible things in my time. Truly horrible things. And I did most of them without even thinking twice."
"Yeah, did, past tense," Emma says, taking a step toward her. "You are not that person anymore."
"Emma, please." Regina just looks at her until finally Emma sighs and raises her hands in surrender before gesturing for Regina to continue.
"Doing the things I did, being the way I was… you lose parts of yourself. And that emptiness fills up with darkness, and hatred. There are parts of me that died a long time ago, parts that I can never get back," she looks at Emma, trying to convey the truth in her words, trying to let her see the emotions in her eyes, "no matter how badly I may want to."
"You're not the only one who's broken here, Regina," Emma says softly and covers Regina's hand with her own. "I wasn't exactly a saint myself." Regina gives her a sad smile and lifts her other hand up to brush some wayward strands of blonde out of Emma's face.
"That you think that they would even compare is…" she trails off as she slowly runs the back of her fingers down Emma's cheek. Emma's eyes flutter closed for only a second as she just barely leans toward Regina's touch. Most of the anger has left Emma now and her eyes only show Regina sadness and longing and fear.
"No." Emma shakes her head as Regina's hand falls back to her side. "I don't care, okay? I don't care about who you were or what you did. I care about who you are now. I love Regina, not The Evil Queen."
"Emma," Regina says with a sigh, "there's no difference. It's all me." Emma steps closer and brings her hands up to cup Regina's face.
"You are a good person," she says earnestly, "I know that. I know you." Regina offers another sad smile as she brings a hand up to join Emma's, her thumb slowly dragging across the back of it.
"Not good enough," she whispers.
"Stop. Stop it. I say what's good enough for me. And that is you, okay? So just stop this, please." Emma leans forward and rests her forehead on Regina's as she closes her eyes. "Please," she whispers. Regina can feel Emma's sadness and desperation like a cold stab in her own chest.
"Emma…," she whispers.
"You can't leave too. I can't take it. Please. Please, just stay." Emma pulls back enough to show Regina tear blurred eyes and her voice is still quiet. "I'll be better. I'll try harder, I promise. I can be better, Regina. Please, just give me the chance."
"Emma, stop." Regina lays a hand over Emma's chest to try and calm her. "Listen –" Emma surges forward and presses her lips to Regina's. The two of them are no strangers to coming together out of desperation with needy kisses and frantic touches. But the way Emma's lips are now trembling violently against her own breaks her heart. Regina gives in, tries to kiss her with as much love as she knows how, tries to let Emma feel it completely and take whatever she needs from her.
"I can fix this, I promise," Emma whispers against her lips. "You'll see. I'll fix everything."
"No." Regina pushes her away enough to break the kiss. She runs a hand through Emma's hair and sighs, knowing that she has to find the exact right words to keep Emma from using this as an excuse to never open herself up to anyone again. "I know you want to fight for this, for us. But that's because you don't know the real thing yet. So you can't see the flaws in this."
"Is that what this is all about?" Emma asks quietly. "You don't love me like you loved Daniel?"
"No, Darling." Regina cups her cheek and presses their lips together for just a moment. "I love you more than I ever thought possible after all these years. But, contrary to what your parents might preach, sometimes love just isn't enough." Emma closes her eyes and a tear runs down her cheek. The sight stutters Regina's breathing.
"As much as I know you hate the idea, there is a true love out there for you, Emma." Emma sighs and shakes her head. Regina tilts Emma's chin up until the woman looks at her. "I promise."
"How could you possibly promise me that?"
"Because," Regina cups both of Emma's cheeks and moves just an inch closer, "there is no way that whatever is in charge of all of this would create someone as beautiful and perfect as you just to leave them here alone." Emma closes her eyes and again tears fall as she practically collapses into Regina's arms.
Sometime later, after the sobs have quieted and whispered goodbyes have been shared, Regina Mills sends her True Love on her way to find her own. Regina wishes with every fiber of her being that it was her.
Quiet Inside – Andy Tubman
Tuesday is the day they all go to see her. She always takes the lead with Henry close behind, and her parents follow behind him with a hand on each of his shoulders. Emma leads them to her room, standing back enough for Henry to get through and hug his mother.
It's been just over eight months and Snow and David still come every week. They never really speak directly to her, other than a greeting and a farewell. They come to be supportive of Emma and Henry but mostly they come to remind Regina that they (and the rest of the town) are still on her side, that none of them have forgotten the sacrifices she made to save them all.
Henry stands beside his mother and fills her in on anything that's happened since his last visit. The three of them watch with grins as his hands flail excitedly and his smile beams. He always ends his visits with a kiss on Regina's cheek and a promise to see her in a week. Snow walks over to her then, places a hand on her shoulder and says a quiet "Goodbye, Regina. We'll see you soon." And then it's Emma's turn.
She watches as her parents walk Henry out, the boy already chattering away about what flavor of ice cream he'll get this week. She pulls a chair over to Regina's side and takes her seat.
"Hey," she says quietly as she reaches for the hand resting on Regina's knee. Regina says nothing, just stares out the window in front of her, unmoving. Her parents know that she comes to see Regina more often than just their weekly visits, but she doesn't think they know just how much of her life is now spent in a hospital room having long, one-sided conversations.
"It warmed up a bit since this morning so that's a good sign. Maybe by Friday it'll be warm enough that we can go sit in the garden for a bit." Emma pauses and can almost see the warm smile on Regina's face. "So, he won't admit to it, but I'm pretty sure the kid has a crush on Alice. Which, honestly, I'm a little worried about. I mean, in some of the versions of her story she seems a little crazy."
'Those stories are nonsense, Miss Swan.' She can almost hear the scolding tone echoing faintly in her ears.
"Yeah," Emma says with a soft laugh, "I know." She sighs and closes her eyes for a moment, pushing her emotions back down. When she opens them up again there's a smile on her face. "I better get back to them." Emma leans forward and gently presses her lips to Regina's temple and, like always, she feels the phantom grip of Regina's fingers curling around her own. "I'll be here whenever you're ready," she whispers, the same as she does every day. "I'll see you tomorrow."