A/N: I don't own House, M.D or the song, which is "Numb"by Linkin Park.
I suggest you listen to the song, because 1) It is AWESOME,2) It has a strong, easy-to-grasp meaning which immediately reminded me of House's infered background!!!
And, yes, there is another House, M.D fanfic that uses this song, and yes, I did ask that author if I could use the song. I don't want you to think I copy other people's work.
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Gregory House sat on his couch and downed the bourbon. It was his birthday.
How bloody friggin' terrific.
Wilson had remembered before House himself had.
Like THAT was a big surprise.
He had gotten the day off, and calls from Cuddy, Cameron, Wilson, Chase, Foreman, Thirteen...
And his father.
..::FLASHBACK::...
"What?" House answered gruffly.
Why, oh WHY had he picked up that damn thing?
"Gregory? Ya there?" John House yelled into the receiver, as Blythe scolded him in the background.
"Yeah, unfortunately." The diagnostician mumbled at the man who had made his life hell.
"Speak up! You've been that way since you were a kid, so USELESS."
He put a hard stress on the last word, but House hadn't felt the hurt he should have. That he KNEW he should have.
It just wasn't there anymore.
"Well, I uhh... just wanted to... well, wish you a happy birthday...I... ummm... I love you."
House rolled his eyes.
"Because it's common knowledge that every loving dad beats the shit out of his kid, throws beer bottles at him and deprives him of food." He thought, clenching his teeth.
"Screw you dad." He said into the phone.
"What was that?" John wasn't listening.
"Love you, too, dad." He sighed and quickly sat the phone in the hook.
....::END FLASHBACK::....
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
House groaned inwardly, this song got him EVERY time! He felt as though the damn Linkin Park lyric writers had secretly spied on his childhood.
But he couldn't bring himself to turn off the radio...
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
He remembered the first time his dad had ever hit him, he remembered it so vividly, it still made his left cheek sting.
...............................................................................................
"Daddy?"
"What?! I'm busy!"
John and his army friends were sitting in the room, drinking alcohol and smoking cigarrettes.
"Mommy said no smoking in the house."
A few of the Navy buddies chuckled at the kid, so CUTE. He had always wanted to be just like his Daddy...
Before he had seen the monster he was.
"Yeah? So?"
"You can't do things Mommy says you can't! You tell me that all the time! And if I do, you take off your belt!"
Greg hadn't meant to let it slip like that, but every man in the room gasped and looked at the jerk with burning face.
"You little..."
The next thing his son knew, he was lying on the floor with his cheek on fire. His eyes started to water and he began to bawl with pain and fear.
Later, his dad yelled at him for being a baby.
He was only 5 years old.
...............................................................................................
Greg winced in pain at that memory.
After that, being slapped across the face wasn't that big of a deal, it was very light considering the rest of the misery.
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
It had always been planned that he would go into the Navy, just like his dad.
Most dads would be HAPPY their boys wanted to be doctors instead of going into the army, but House's was enraged.
_______________________________________________
"What do you mean a DOCTOR?!"
"But this is one of the BEST medical universities there is! And I got accepted! You should be happy for me, I've worked hard for this, and I'm going whether you want me to or not."
He had been defiant, he had put up with 18 years of his father's anger and hate, so now was HIS turn to call the shots about HIS life.
"You ungrateful... you little..." John was too pissed off to talk, so he just threw the bottle of Johnny Walker he was holding at his son.
The astonished man ducked just out of the way and left... FOREVER.
...............................................................................................
He had felt like shit about leaving his poor mother with that beast, but there was nothing he could do.
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
He had sworn to himself he would never have kids. He hadn't been taught to love and, frankly, no kid deserved the type of father he had had.
Contrary to popular belief, Greg DID have a heart, but he had always been taught that it was nothing more than an organ; unable to hold compassion, sympathy, or love.
...............................................................................................
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
RING!RING!RING!
Someone else was calling. House checked the caller I.D this time.
It was Cuddy.
"Yes?"
"Hey, I know it's your birthday, but can you get down here? You're gonna LOVE this!!!"
She gave him the latest freaky case file and he gave an extremely rare smile.
"Be right there, but you didn't have to make up a case to get me to do you, you know."
Cuddy blushed.
She argued and said, "That's a lie! Just get your ass over here!!!"
But everybody lies.
And his birthday just got a whole lot better.