It was her fault.
That was what she had told herself everyday since he faded from her grasp. Just within reach but she was never in time. His hand was grasping for her to, begging for her to reach it. So that he could feel the softness of her flesh just one more time. But that wasn't how it worked in their world. That wasn't how it worked at all. Things where lost, and never gained. He had died...and it was for nothing.
It was her fault.
That was what she told herself everyday since the Winter War ended. They went back to their regular life, but she always held the scar in her heart. Hair grew longer, eyes grew duller, hearts grew colder, but it was never noticed. She carried on in her normal manner. Ditzy and seemingly stupid as she played around. Laughed with her friends. Shared kisses that for her was nothing more then flesh on flesh. No meaning. No passion.
It was her fault.
That was what she told herself everyday since her memories began. Time went on. They all grew a little older. Went on to different careers that they where never fully satisfied with. Lost touch only to be reunited by coiencidence again later on. She no longer had her crush on Ichigo. It had died when she saw his emerald optics, dull as they where when they first met. That had dissapated. So did her feelings when he left her. But she tried to move on. For the sake of his memory that she kept. It was all she had left of him. She 'fell in love' again in the eyes of others. But she knew. Only she knew what was truth there. There was no love. No happiness. With little touches to her, and soft filled glances that she never managed to quite return.
It was her fault.
That was what she told herself everyday since she pretended to care. She had a child, born of what 'love' should have been. But with herself distancing herself from everything around her, it was nothing but illusion. She couldn't even find herself to be angry when she walked into her house and saw Ichigo and Rukia locked in a passionate embrace. All she could see was what she once had. Love. Passion. Fire. All of it had died. It had left her when he did. Memories had haunted her. When his green eyes, so dulled with time came to life again with her words, with her touch, with her consideration. The small smile that she knew she never imagined, even with as fast as she went away at her strength. The feeling of love and complete feeling as she lay locked in his arms.
It was her fault.
Something she told herself everyday since she was left. With a sad smile he took himself away. Ichigo, the presence that only gave her stability because she knew he would be there. Her child in his arms and she didn't put up a fight. She only lay back on the stark white of the bathtub which had become her main color. She couldn't quite bring herself to think of anything other then him. And as crimson ran down and stained her arm and the clear of the water a virgin pink, she only thought of him. Only him. Always him. And it had been so since that day. The day that never left her mind. She smiled as her head was leaned back and the rushing of the water filled her ears. Slowly her thoughs became less coherent and darkness began to settle in.
It was her fault.
Something she told herself everyday.
But just maybe...maybe he would forgive her.
She hoped he would.
Because she was going to see him very soon.
See him and the passion in those emerald orbs that haunted and controlled her.
Her life.
Her love.
Her Ulquiorra.