Titel:My Dear Diary
Author: moonflyinganny
Fandom: X-Files
Contents: Scully entrusts her feelings for Mulder to her diary
Charakters: Dana Katherine Scully, Fox Mulder
Disclaimer:I don't own these characters. They belong Chris Carter, fox networks and 1013.
Pairing: MSR
Hello out there, my name is moonflyinganny. Some of you know me as NCIS jibbs shipper... writing Jibbs stories in German. Ok, I think I got a new fandom, and thought I could try it in English. Sorry, I'm just improving my english and until now I just didn't find a beta reader for this following prototype of an English MSR fan fiction. So if you want to beta this, please contact me.
I tried to catch Scullys feelings for Mulder and I thought, she could reopen her Diary... but enough smalltalk, read on your own. I would be happy about FB. I'm new at the X-Files fandom and I think I'm really OOC...
My dear Diary,
I haven't done that since I was a teenage girl at the age of fourteen, I think. And I hope that nobody ever will see or read this, but I'm really desperate and don't know anyone to talk with. You see, many time has past since our last conversation in the early years of my life. You remember that I always wanted to become a doctor? And yes, I made it! But not in the way you think, I got pathologist and now I'm working as an FBI Agent. There is no need to know the details on the way to that decision. I only tell you as information. Six years ago I got an apply for a transferation to Washington. My place of work should be in the J. Edgar Hoover building, the FBI headquarter. I was happy about that, I ever liked Washington and I was glad about going back there.
I was not so happy when I heard what I was intended to do. They transferred me to the X-Files. My commission should be spying on Special Agent Fox Mulder. They really wished me to refer about his work, because they wanted to close that files. I always hated such assignments. I didn't want to be responsible for other people losing their jobs. Especially if they are well educated psychologists. I've heard a lot about him, the complaisant things from his university and his work as profiler and the devaluing scuttlebutt things. They call him 'Spooky' Mulder. And they do until today, I don't think he will ever loose that nickname. After my first week there, I got one, too. I'm 'Mrs Spooky', and I really like to be.
When I put my first step into Fox Mulders office, I was astonished, not possibly in a positive way. Today I'm not sure what I expected before knocking on the door and entering his absolute chaotic basement world. And I remember that chaotic was not enough to describe that mess. There was no place anywhere, different files where stacked on his desk, and in the middle of that clutter lay a small bag with sunflower cores. These and his 'I want to believe'-UFO- poster are chasing me until today. These things are inseparable connected to my partner, they will always cross my mind, when I think about him. As do the extraterrestrials.
In review I'm not sure if I recognized his appeal from beginning. But I'm rather sure that it couldn't have taken long time until I got aware of that fact. During our work time a ribbon had grown between us. It was made of real deep trust and a very intensive and always growing friendship. And I beg that there is no way to destroy these connection. I cannot imagine what my life would be without Fox Mulder. It would be a mess, I would not be able to exist any more. And that is the point I need to talk about. I think, or better I realize more and more that my feelings and emotions, concerning him, are changing. I suppose fell in love with him. I'm not able to describe my feelings.
I like everything he does. His smiling, his laughing, I like to hear his voice. Yeah, every normal person would be angry if he would call him in the middle of the night and get pulled out of his dreams. I'm not able to get angry in case of that. I'm glad to hear him in these moments. It is as better as the depressing dreams which haunt me at night, and which will never become true.
I'm weak, yeah, say it, I know it. I'm weak. It is just because I'm afraid that my confession could change our friendship, could destroy it. So there is no way for me to do this step, to tell him my feelings. He once told me, that he loves me, but I still think, that was because of his medication, I think he never would return any of these feelings apart from our friendship.
So now I have to wipe some tears off my cheeks. It is late I will go asleep now, hoping Mulder will call me again this night.
Dana