Hurt
Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyer, nor am I Johnny Cash. Therefore I do not own the Twilight universe or the song "Hurt". Just thought you should know.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
I bit myself in the wrist, the teeth as hard as diamonds grating sharply against my ears. The venom that acted as our circulatory system flowed slightly our of the cut, without the aid of a beating heart. It is ironic that something that was no longer part of my life could hurt so much. The slice that I had given myself healed quickly, the pain lasting, nor high enough to make me forget what I want to. But pain one of the last things I am actually able to feel. Aside from sadness and not caring, if you could really feel that you don't care. What's it matter anymore anyway?
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
A syringe made of diamond tipped lutetium is the only thing able to pierce my skin, just enough to be able to inject the Dimethyltryptamine (DMT). The strongest street drug I am able to find. It gives my eyes a milky haze over them and it gives me hallucinations sometimes, but I am afraid that it has stopped working on my body it this amount of dosage. The venom in my veins burns it off too quickly for me to forget anything about her anymore. She's dug herself into my mind 24-7 anyway. She won't leave me alone, I miss her so.
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
She's dead. I can't get her back. I want to dye myself, but I have to stay for the Volturi. It's the only thing I have left. I owe Aro for letting me be with his sister, for the short time I had with her at least. But that loyalty is from Chelsea only. I don't really care. I stay with the Volturi because it's the easiest option. They bring the food to me most of the time. I don't have to do much, it gives me more time to spend with my memories of her.
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
My position as one of the top three of the Volturi is a farce. I don't do much. The last big thing I recall doing is voting for the Cullen's to keep their half child. It had been a dream of ours to somehow have a child that wouldn't be threatened with death because of the smell of it's blood. The memories washed over my mind as I looked at that child. Those thoughts and memories. I've been through them so many times. I've twisted each one to make it look like she was using me, she didn't really love me. I knew it wasn't the truth at the beginning, but now I'm not so sure. Centuries of second guessing your memories will do that to you. I can't fix them now.
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
Aro. He's really the head of the Volturi. Much the same way Antony was the head of the Triumvirate Shakespeare had dreamed up. I don't recognize him anymore, the power, both of his power have went to his head. His power to read people's mind, and his power over the world of the Vampires. It's become too much. I need to get away from it for a while, and something told me I should visit the Cullen's. So I told Aro I was going to check up on the little half-breed. He told me I should take Jane and Alec, just in case, and I told him it wouldn't be necessary. I wouldn't do anything to get myself in trouble. He let me go alone.
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
It was on the way to the Cullen's that I found out what I wanted to do. I visited the child, knowing that Alice had seen it and had all of the family worried. I also knew she saw my plans. And when I was there I knew Edward heard them. I asked them to keep it between themselves, knowing that if Aro found out that they knew… well, I didn't want two vampires, especially ones that had mates to think of, put on top of Aro's personal hit list. It's bad enough he wants them as part of the Volturi. The only time Aro would find out would be if they allowed him to touch them again, and by then it wouldn't matter because he would hear my words in their thoughts. I made the return trip home, and told Caius I was back, having no want to touch Aro and "tell" him what I was planning to do.
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
I wrote a note to Aro instead, deciding to end it quickly, no final goodbyes or formal hugs. No manipulations. This was going to end, now. Hopefully where ever I wind up, it will be with her.
Aro and Caius,
What have I become
My sweetest friends
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep Didyme
I would find a way
Signed, Marcus