I Feel So

by Tidal Waves

Now I am afraid. I don’t know what to expect at Godric’s Hollow. I hate feeling like this. I wish I was brave like Harry, or confident like Ron. Instead, my mind just works overtime, predicting all sorts of horrible things.

Author's Note: Hello all. I got bored, so i wrote this. I orriginally intended it to be the first chapter of a multi-chaptered fic, but I changed my mind.

In this, i tried to explore how Hermione would be feeling just prior to going off to hunt down the Horcruxes. With that in mind, I set out to write this, and I'm pretty happy with the way that it turned out.

I might write a few more one-shots like this one, further exploring Ron and Hermione's relationship during the war, finally culminating in the events that were mentioned in my other story "Remembering You." If you have any comments on that, feel free to drom me a line.

Thanks again for reading this.

Tidal Waves

I Feel So

By Tidal Waves

xoxox

4:00 am - my room at the Burrow

Urg. I can't sleep. Today's the day that we're going to leave for Godric's Hollow and the unknown. Fleur and Bill's wedding was two days ago and despite my fears to the contrary it all went very well. True to form, Fleur was absolutely gorgeous in her veela-ish way. Ginny, too, looked absolutely radiant and Harry, whom I was sitting beside, couldn't keep his eyes off of her. It was really rather sweet.

Surprisingly, Ron wasn't drooling over Fleur the entire time. In fact, he seemed rather indifferent towards the whole affair. I remember thinking that it was rather out of character for him. I wasn't exactly disappointed, seeing as I have been half in love with the git since I was thirteen. It's rather sad, actually.

Anyways, at the reception, Harry plucked up the courage to ask Ginny to dance, leaving Ron and I behind at our little table under the stars. I was a bit jealous because I was expecting him to go off and ask one of the beautiful girls in attendance to dance, but he just sat there beside me. I can't really be blamed for thinking that though. Sixth year, after I asked him to go with me to Slughorn's Christmas party, he said yes and then started snogging Lavender Brown at any available moment. Any expectations I once had were completely out the window.

With that hanging over my head, you could see how it came as a surprise when Ron put down his drink and asked me to dance. Once I was able to speak properly, I said yes and followed him out onto the dance floor. He placed his right hand on my waist and took my right hand in his left. We slowly spun around the floor, and at some point we must have drawn closer together, because I could feel his heart pounding. As nice as it was, I was wondering what was going on.

"Ron," I said, rather reluctant to break the comfortable silence between us. However, I really needed to know what his intentions were.

"Yeah, Hermione?" he asked in his deliciously sexy and deep voice.

I sighed. "Ron, what are you doing?"

He looked at me a bit oddly. "I thought that it was rather obvious."

"Not to me, evidently," I said. (Did he really have to insinuate that I was stupid?)

"You mean to say that Hermione Granger, the all-knowing know-it-all, doesn't know something?" he said, a hint of amusement in his voice. (This made me a wee bit angry.)

I glared at him. "Ron! Stop it! Why are you dancing with me? There are so many other girls here who are ten times prettier than be who would give anything to dance with you. Why are you wasting your time with me? If you're just trifling with me, you'd better leave now, before I hurt you," I said in a rush of frustration.

The idiot laughed! "Herms, I'm not trifling with you. Calm down. And as for those other girls . . ."

And do you know what happened next? He bent right down and kissed me! Right there in front of everyone!

Now, when something that you've wanted for a really long time finally happens, it's usually amazing. This was definitely no exception. His lips were so soft against mine, and I felt all tingly inside. When his finally pulled away, his eyes looked directly into mine, as if they were searching for something. He apparently found it because he smiled and twirled me around to the music. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Harry and Ginny grinning evilly at us. I stuck my tongue out at them before grabbing Ron and taking him outside.

Once outside in the fresh July breeze, we walked hand in hand through the Weasley garden. My emotions were running wild, and I didn't have a clue as to what I was supposed to say, so I stayed quiet, leaving Ron to break the silence.

"So," he said quietly.

"So." I adjusted my wrap around my shoulders.

"Youlikeme?" he asked in a rush, the tips of his ears turning slightly red. I thought it was funny that they hadn't before when he . . .

"I would have thought that was obvious, seeing as I didn't slap you back there. The real surprise is that you like me."

"But I've liked you since third year!" He started pacing across the path.

I did a double take. "You sure weren't very obvious about it!" (He really wasn't. If he calls kissing Lavender a good indication of him liking me, he needs some psychiatric help.)

"Well neither were you!" he exclaimed. (I so was! I told him to ask me to the next ball, for heaven's sake! If that wasn't an invitation, I don't know what was.)

"Oh, I was, you were just to thick to notice it. Remember after the Yule Ball, when I told you to ask me before anyone else, next time? That was a clue. And Remember how I asked you to Slughorn's Christmas thing? How much more obvious did I have to get? Would you have noticed if I had danced naked in front of you wearing a sign saying "Hermione fancies Ron" and wearing a Chudley Cannons hat?"

The git grinned for a minute. "You should have done that." He ducked as I tried to punch his arm. "Nice shot. Anyways, it really didn't help that I was in denial until sixth year, now did it? I didn't think that there was any chance that you would like someone like me."

"Whatever do you mean by 'someone like me,' Ronald?" I said. (I really don't know why I used his full name there. You'd think that by this time I would have come up with an incredibly witty and endearing nickname for him. And I don't mean something like 'Won-Won.' How Lavender can still show her face in public is beyond me. But anyway. I'm getting away from what I'm supposed to be saying.)

He grimaced. (I really don't blame him.) "I mean poor, and scrawny, and clumsy, and, er, and, inexperienced. At least until last year."

"You, of all people, should know that none of that matters to me! I love you because you're you!" It took me a moment to realize what I had just said. I clapped a hand over my mouth as I watched Ron's eyes grow bigger.

"You – you l–love me?" he stuttered. "Really?"

I thought about it for a moment before nodding my head.

"Oh. Good," breathed Ron. And for the second time that evening, he kissed me. After a moment, I put my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me. He deepened the kiss and I have to admit that I was a bit overwhelmed by the feelings that were coursing through me. I was grateful for his arms wrapped around me, holding me to him.

We went back to the reception after a while, and danced the night away. I was quite possibly the most amazing night of my life. It felt as though no one else existed by the two of us. I was just me and Ron and our togetherness, and I didn't want anything to come between that.

That was two days ago, and Ron and I have barely left each other's side since then. He's been able to distract me from today, and the uncertainty that Harry, Ron, and I are heading out into.

I am distracted no longer. Now I am afraid. We're leaving here at six, and I don't know what to expect at Godric's Hollow. I hate feeling like this. I wish I was brave like Harry, or confident like Ron. Instead, my mind just works overtime, predicting all sorts of horrible things. I think I need to go talk to Ron.

5:30 am - back in my room

I'm a bit better now. Talking to Ron was just what the doctor ordered.(I wish! Imagine a doctor, or a healer in this case, I guess, ordering me a prescription of Ron. That would be fantastic!)

He was alone in the room that he's been sharing with Harry when I got there. Apparently Harry was with Ginny in her room. (I got lucky in that respect, because I got Percy's old room. Not that I think that they're doing anything too bad up there, but I still wouldn't want to witness it.) Ron was awake, so I went over and sat beside him on his bed, and he put his arm around me. We sat like that for a few minutes before Ron asked my why I was there.

"Herms," he said quietly, "why are you here?"

It took me a while before I was able to admit that I was afraid. I then promptly began to cry. (I know. Totally pathetic)

"Shush, love," murmured Ron, while rubbing my back. "It's all right to be afraid, you know." (So helpful.)

"I know that," I said wetly.

"Well, don't think for a moment that I'm not scared witless, or that Harry isn't terrified out of his mind. You are perfectly entitled to be afraid. We're going of to hunt down bits of Voldemort's soul, for God's sake! There aren't many things much scarier than that." He sent a little smile my way.

I nodded and then kissed him soundly. How I ever ended up with such a sweet boyfriend is beyond me.

Once we broke apart, Ron gazed at me with his soulful brown eyes. It was slightly unnerving. Then he said something that surprised me a little bit.

"Actually, now that I think about it, Harry's being a bit of an idiot about the whole thing. Don't tell him I said that, though." Ron scratched his ear.

I looked at him blankly. I had absolutely no idea of what he was talking about. Noting my confused expression, he elaborated.

"Well, you know how Harry broke up with Ginny because he doesn't want her to get hurt because she's with him?" I nodded. "Well, I figure that he's doing the wrong thing. His breaking up with her won't make any difference in the long run. She's still a major target anyway, because Lord Mouldy Shorts and his fellow Mould Eaters still know that Harry cares about her, and that I care about her. Plus she's a majorly powerful witch and a Weasley to boot, so she's going to get targeted.

"Because he's as thick as a bludger, Harry thinks that if she's here, not out in the direct line of fire, she will be safer. Personally, I think it's the opposite. I think that she'd be safer with us because I don't think that it'll be possible to get more cautious than we're going to be. Yes, we'll be out there, fighting the bad guys, but we'll look after one another. It's almost safer. Plus that way Harry won't be distracted by constantly thinking about her and her safety, because at least he'll know where she is." He sighed and leaned back against his headboard with his eyes closed. (Wow. I was awestruck. That's some amazing philosophy. And coming from a guy that I used to think had been hit too many times with a bludger for his own good. I guess I underestimated him. Look out world, Ron Weasley is on the loose!)

Slightly awed, I had to blink a few times before I was ready to respond. "You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you? You really care about your sister, don't you?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't only thinking about Ginny." He shifted slightly on the bed, his ears turning a pale pink at the tips.

"What were you thinking about then?" I asked him, ever the intelligent one.

"You."

"Ah." I blinked.

"Yeah. And I decided that if I had a choice between leaving you here in 'safety' and taking you with me and harry, I'd take you with us," he said, gazing at me levelly.

"That's good then, isn't it? You do know that I wouldn't not go with you two, right? You never had a choice in the matter." (He didn't! I always knew that Harry would go off on one last adventure, and Ron and I would be there beside him. It was written in the stars. Yeah, I know I hate Divination, but some things you just can't argue with.)

"Damn straight. I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't think I could stand it if you weren't there with us. With me." He stroked my hair softly as he said this, and I just wanted to melt.

I hugged him close and we lay that way for a long time, just comfortable in the silence between us. I was on the verge of sleep when a soft CRACK startled me into complete consciousness. Harry blinked sleepily at the two of us before reminding us that we were leaving in less than an hour. I came back here to make sure that everything was ready and to write in here.

Now I'm waiting for Harry and Ron to come and knock on my door, announcing that it is time to go. I'm still scared, but I have this feeling, deep down inside, that everything will be all right in the end. Tomorrow may bring with what it may, but together, the three of will see it through. We're together, the way we always have been. So bring it on, Voldemort. You'll regret it.

-fin-