Disclaimers: I don't own them, but I do own this idea and story.

I watch her; more than I know I should, but I can't help but be captured by her. It's not on purpose, nor am I aware I'm watching her sometimes. It's more than just the story in her eyes, and the way she walks with a little more than the world on her shoulders; it's how she keeps that from showing. It's the secrets that I know she has hidden in her mind, and the puzzled feeling I get when I know she's keeping something from everyone. Because in those brief seconds, when she doesn't say what's on her mind, her expression is open, and I know that one day, after many more of watching; I'll understand.

So now, as I sit in my office, so early, it's barely a new day; and stare out into the empty squad room, her desk is the one my eyes keep coming back to. Each desk is a big part of each of their lives, but hers, is something all it's own. I know that desk has harboured many papers and files, but it signifies one more part of her life that is a secret. Outside of this place, we fade into the dark, and this becomes our secret life. When we leave, we all leave behind the ability to speak about our work to anyone outside of our squad. Therefore, slowly distancing ourselves from other people, making us unable to fit in.

So, I wait, because I know she will be here soon.

I wait, because she is like me. I know she probably wanders at night, lost in the horrible things that we see everyday, and she looks for a step closer to oblivion. But I also know she catches herself before she leaps, and hangs on right before falling. These secrets she keeps, are her way of reaching oblivion, because she can lose herself in her secrets and know she is safe. Safe from the questions of her co-workers, safe from her memories of her past, and safe from realizing, that she is alone.

Just like I knew would happen, she walks silently through those large double doors and walks to her locker. I watch as she puts her gym bag and a bottle of aspirin in there, and hangs her leather jacket on the coat rack. I watch her back as she slowly exhales, her body slightly shuddering and her guard is down, not knowing anyone else is around. By the look of her clothes, I'd say she hasn't been home yet, and I remember what I said to her two years ago today. I know today is a day of loss.

Since my lights are dim, I wonder how long I can watch her without her noticing I'm still sitting at my desk, trying to figure out one of my best detectives. I know my time is up when I see her back straighten, and she turns around. Our eyes meet for the longest of moments, and what I see is burning determination, and pain. Our eyes stay locked as she walks to my office, and hers drop when she reaches the door. She walks in after only a moment of hesitation and she sits right in front of me. We don't speak, we don't cry, we don't ask why. We just sit, and she shares this secret moment of mourning with me for a while longer.

A/N: please review and no flames please... this is only my second shot at fanfiction, and I'm still trying to find my way.

Just to clarify, this is set 2 years after the death of Olivia's mother... hope you liked!