Fem!Romano x Spain
Warning: Swearing!
Sometimes I just seriously don't see the point. There is no fucking point, that's the argument I'm making right now, no point in life. As incredibly depressing as that sounds I cannot seem to find any reason to believe otherwise. Life is incredibly lame and overrated.
Now I know many, many people would wholeheartedly disagree with me, but do you know what I would say to them? Good for you. Because whilst I say life is pointless, I suppose what I'm really saying is that there is no point to my life in particular. I have not found a reason to say that life has meaning. So far the bad outweighs the good and my seventeen years of life have been consumed by pain, loneliness and fear of the future. Joy seems short-lived while underlying depression seems to be constantly evident.
I've decided I'm one of those horrible, selfish people who enjoy wallowing in self pity. I run, I hide.. Run away from the responsibilities and worries of my life, my future. Hide from my problems, hide my real thoughts and feelings, appear indifferent when really I am suffocating on the inside. I refuse to rely on anyone but myself, even though I have such a loving family. I am incredibly lonely, yet who's fault do you think that is?
It's quite amazing how two people so completely opposite can be siblings. Feliciana, my sister, is as happy-go-lucky as you can get. I call her my 'better' half. Adorably cute, clumsy and extremely naive, Feliciana's unwavering cheerfulness wins over everyone's hearts. When you first meet her you would probably think she's one of those fake, airhead girls. Well you would be correct about the airhead part, but it isn't an act. She's a complete ditz but she has a big heart. Sometimes I think her heart is a little too big. The other day I found her crying in the garden because she forgot to water her pot plant and it died. Like what the hell, its a fucking plant!
Anyway, Feliciana is so pure-hearted that sometimes I want to vomit, but at the same time even I have to admit she's cute. She is the perfect daughter, the type of girl you want to hang out with, armed with a stupid smile that can light up a room. If she wasn't my sister I think I'd probably hate her, except I've hardly ever met anyone who could. At school the teachers all adore her, the boys fawn over her and the girls shower her with praise, not that she ever notices. She's oblivious.
Those who know we're siblings can't believe it, sometimes even I find myself questioning it. Most people don't even draw the connection between us. Instead I'm just that angry, loner girl Feliciana sometimes talks to out of the sheer goodness of her golden heart. I don't care though, they can all get fucked.
That's another thing, my swearing. If I had a dollar every time my 'pottymouth' got me into trouble at school, well, lets just say I wouldn't need my stupid part-time job anymore. Its always "Language Lovina! Speak to me after class.", or "A lady should never swear, Miss Vargas. Write that out one hundred times", or my personal favourite "If I hear you use that word again I'll send you straight to the Principal!". They never do though- it helps when the principal happens to be your grandfather (don't get me started on that issue). Besides, they think my 'bad attitude' is just a phase I'm going through, a phase that will hopefully pass if they make enough threats and give out enough detentions. Yeah right, load of bullshit if you ask me. I'm not a problem they need to fix, they are the problem. It would help if they stopped comparing me to Feliciana all the time. I won't change, no matter how many times people tell me to be more 'cute' and 'girly' like my sister.
Still, sometimes I wish I was more like Feliciana, able to do things with all my heart. Laugh with all my heart, cry with all my heart (even if it's just to cry about a fucking pot plant!). I want to leave behind my shadowy life, I want to step into the spotlight and become someone worth rooting for. Maybe then I can feel like my real life has begun. Maybe then I can find something, someone who makes me passionate, someone worth fighting for. Someone worth living for.
Fuck it. I'll probably just die alone.
So this is just a prologue, the real plot won't start until the next chapter, sorry! But yeah, tell me what you think, give me ideas etc. Comment! Go on, it will make my day and make me want to update ;) Oh and please point out spelling mistakes!
Adios! -Sarah