A/N: So I climbed aboard the SS Hardenshipping with the release of ORAS. Maxie and Archie being domestic is my new jam, so I decided to write a "person A gets drunk and person B has to take care of them" scenario. Also I just hadn't written any good old-fashioned hurt/comfort in a damn long time.

"I'm tellin' ya, Max, you're just not built for this."

"Well, at least I can't *hic* say I didn't try."

"Hmph. I'm not sure what else you were expecting."

"Please, *hic* if you must scold me…at least do me the courtesy of…*hic* waiting until I don't feel I'm about to vomit…"

Archie was supporting a very exhausted and very drunk Maxie over one shoulder. Maxie wore a defeated expression and half-dragged his feet, occasionally moving his free hand up to his face to cover his mouth and stifle an alcohol-laden belch. After years of knowing the once-land-expansion-obsessed redhead, Archie could now safely say that Maxie was a grumpy drunk. They'd both lost count of how much they'd had at the Aqua/Magma pub meet that night, but Maxie had been determined to match Archie drink-for-drink. But Archie never reached his limit, and his former nemesis got progressively grouchier. When Maxie started griping about everything from the food to the lighting, Archie had just written it off as typical-Maxie cranked up to eleven. But when the ex-Magma leader started holding his head in his hands and said something about not feeling well, Archie knew it was time to leave. They were heading back to the small house they now shared just outside Lilycove City, as you do when your relationship evolves from rivals to friends to a touch of romance. But the gentle bickering lingered from time to time.

"Look," said Archie, "Barf if ya need to, just try not to do it on me, alright?"

"If I can," replied Maxie, "I'd like to *hic* avoid the 'barfing' altogether. It really is a *hic* most unpleasant sensation." Archie had never been seasick and he certainly couldn't remember the last time he'd been properly drunk, but he had had food poisoning on a few occasions. He gave Maxie's shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.

"Yeah, I know."

Maxie suddenly stumbled violently forwards, whether tripping over his own feet at last or catching on a crack in the pavement, neither of them were sure. Archie grabbed onto him, putting his free hand on Maxie's chest in an attempt to stabilize him.

"You okay?"

"I'm…I'm sorry…my…my legs…they feel like gelatin…"

Archie's brow furrowed. "Think you can still walk? We're almost home."

Maxie was silent, gazing blankly at the ground.

"Maxie, c'mon, talk to me."

"I…I don't…*hic* know…"

Archie sighed slightly. Time to do this the old-fashioned way. He removed his left hand from Maxie's chest and swung it under the other man's knees, hoisting him off the ground completely and into his strong weather-worn arms. "Hold on tight," he said as he began to trudge towards the house, "And please don't barf on my face." Maxie took a few moments to process what had just happened before wrapping his arms around Archie's neck. He could think of more preferable methods of being in his partner's arms, but this was arguably the most generous.

"…Thank you."

Archie smiled. "You'd do the same for me."

"Not *hic* quite sure I have the arms for that, actually…"

They continued on in silence for the remaining ten minutes it took them to reach the house. Initially, Maxie tried to fight his swimming vision and his swirling stomach, made slightly worse by the rhythmic thumping of Archie's footfalls, but in the end he closed his eyes and settled back into his partner's warm chest. He would gladly have loved to stay there, if it weren't for the constant movement and the nippy night air. And the fact that he felt almost as ill as that one time he caught the flu as a child. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to be curled up in bed with his favorite pajamas, in complete comforting darkness, with Archie stroking his hair and crooning him to sleep, holding him to keep the world from spinning. Instead he felt as though he were being rescued from a failed hiking expedition. Almost there now…

"You can *hic* put me down now," said Maxie as they reached the front door. "I don't need to be *hic* carried over the threshold. We're not married…yet." Archie chuckled and gently lowered Maxie to his feet, steadying him with one hand while he dug around for his keys with the other. They entered the house together and Archie flipped on the light switch.

This turned out to be a mistake.

The sudden rush of light sent nails pounding into Maxie's head and his stomach began violently protesting accordingly. Tasting bile in his throat, he raced awkwardly towards the bathroom, flung up the toilet seat, and heaved up the remains of that evening's binging. It was bitter and vile and seemed to go on forever. Through his retching, he heard Archie enter the bathroom behind him and sensed him kneeling down on his left. Archie reached out to him, but Maxie held up a warning hand. Not yet, give me a second. Maxie sat there dry-heaving for what felt like several minutes before he was finally spent. Grabbing some toilet paper, he wiped his mouth and cleared his nose before flushing it down with the rest of the regurgitation. Finally, Maxie gave the smallest of nods and Archie leaned over again, gently stroking the redhead's back. The only sound was Maxie's heavy ragged breathing as he swayed back and forth slightly, his body trying to keep up with his tilting mind. His vision was still blurry, but now he wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or the tears in his eyes from the violent vomiting. Probably both. The calming backrub suddenly stopped as Archie stood up to grab something from the cabinet above the sink. Helping Maxie to his feet, Archie handed him a bottle of mouthwash.

"You should clear our your mouth," he said. "The stomach acid'll start to rot your teeth."

"I know that," Maxie grunted, spilling a considerable amount of mouthwash into the sink as he attempted to pour himself a capful. He tossed the cool minty fluid into his mouth and swished.

"Jus' checkin'," said Archie. "I've seen some folks forget their own names after havin' less that what you had tonight."

"Well then, it's a good thing I'm not one of them," Maxie said, after spitting out the mouthwash. He turned around and faced Archie properly. They gazed at each other in silence for a moment.

"Don't do that again," said Archie, his voice a low rumble.

"Do what?"

"What you did tonight. I think you knew ye were takin' more than you could handle."

Maxie scoffed, wearily. "Archie, for heaven's sakes, I'm a grown man. I can make my own decisions about what I put in my body."

"I know my body's limits," said Archie, firmly. "You should know yours."

"I know my limits!" Maxie groaned loudly. "I was just…trying to keep up with you."

Some of the color drained from Archie's face. He'd hoped Maxie wasn't trying to prove a point. Archie could hold his ale like a champ. Maxie couldn't. Somehow Archie could tell a lightweight when he saw one, and he'd had Maxie pegged as just that from the first moment he laid eyes on him. Egotistical lightweight nerd. But he was Archie's egotistical lightweight nerd.

"Oh, Maxie…listen…maybe this time you should just admit that this ain't somethin' you should be good at. You've got that big brain of yours, don't kill it tryin' to impress me."

Maxie hung his head, his aforementioned brain churning. He didn't want to deal with his personal issues right now, he just wanted to not be drunk anymore. He wanted to be loved and he wanted to be told he wasn't wrong, that everybody makes mistakes. Slowly, he padded over and laid his forehead on Archie's chest.

"Archie…take me to bed."

Archie rested his chin protectively on the top of Maxie's head, putting his arms around his shoulders.

"Sure thing, Max."

"No…I mean, take me to bed."

Archie suddenly withdrew and shook his head. "Nuh uh, not while you're in this state. I don't want to feel like I'm takin' advantage of a half-conscious participant. Just you, in bed, sleeping. C'mon." He threw an arm around Maxie's shoulder and steered him out of the bathroom and towards their bedroom. Despite his earlier comments about being a grown man, drunk-Maxie had considerable trouble changing his clothes. Archie assisted him, pulling the red turtleneck over Maxie's head and undoing his pants. He fetched Maxie's crimson pajamas, still emblazoned with a fading Team Magma logo, and helped him button up. Something about just having the pajamas on relaxed Maxie considerably and he nearly passed out right on top of Archie. The former Aqua leader lifted the redhead into his arms again and carried him over to the bed, resting him near the headboard so he could pull the covers back.

"There ya go," said Archie, folding the covers back over his partner and propping his head at an angle to keep him from aspirating any potential vomit. "You can be a grown man again in the morning. For now, just relax and sleep this off." He chose not to ruin the mood by adding "you're gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow morning, though." Instead, he bent down and kissed Maxie gently on the forehead, brushing a few stray hairs behind his ear. "Love ya, Max." He started to exit the room.

"Wait, don't…" Maxie reached out to Archie, a rather pathetic expression on his face. He was still feeling too sick to be left alone. Archie was planning to watch a bit of the Toughness Contest before bed, but suddenly the idea of leaving Maxie by his lonesome when he was in such a state sounded terrible instead of simply inadvisable.

"Of course," said Archie, pulling off his navy blue sweater and climbing into bed with Maxie, who promptly scooted over to settle himself in the larger man's embrace. Archie let out a low guttural noise that sounded almost like a purr as he ran his fingers through Maxie's hair. He wanted his partner to be safe. He didn't want Maxie to be taking risks on his account. But he still wanted him to be happy and proud. It felt like there was still something left unsaid. Maxie groaned slightly and even in the dark Archie could tell he was furrowing his brow.

"What's wrong?"

"Head still hurts."

"Let me try this." Archie placed his hands on the sides of Maxie's head, pressing his thumbs to his temples. He started moving in deep circular motions and Maxie seemed to calm almost instantly under his touch. Maxie wrapped an arm around Archie's midriff and heaved a contented sigh, much preferable to vomiting again.

"I'm sorry I tried to keep up with you."

"I'm sorry I didn't stop you."

The End