Smile
By: Adrienne Valentine
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Bishop. He'd be tied to my bed right now if I did. And he'd like it.
Summary: Bishop on the Knight Captain. Not overly fluffy. I tried to humanise Bishop, though. Oneshot.
I just don't understand it. You walk around the keep and you smile at everyone. When I offer to take you away from all this you smile at that too. And you tell me that as much as you'd love to, you can't. As if you expect me to understand. Am I supposed to? Your honor, your duty, as you call it, I will never understand. You talk to me about your past and how before all of this you would've never helped anyone besides yourself. Just like me. You even say you don't know why it all changed. I never ask. You just tell me. You talk to me more than that stupid paladin. You tell me you're scared. When you first told me that I had told you to tell the paladin. He'd comfort you. You'd just laughed. I hadn't responded next time you said it. Because I realized that you weren't telling me that so that I would comfort you or pity you.
You were telling me because you trusted me. I still don't understand why. Everyone had told you that I am not to be trusted. I've even told you I hold no loyalty to you or Neverwinter. No loyalty to anyone or anything. You'd just smiled and told me that's why you enjoyed my company. I don't understand how you can smile at all of this. How you can smile at all of your men and yet cry when you're around me. You never ask me to hold you or anything. At the end you just smile and mumble a thank you. As if you're glad that I never say anything about the fact that you cry, or that I never ask why.
As if you hate your tears as much as I do. Which I do. I doubt I'll ever tell you that, but I hate seeing you cry like that. Most nights I ponder just kidnapping you while you sleep and get out of this all. But you never sleep anymore. Ever since you came to own this miserable keep you haven't slept. No one else notices. I have no idea how they don't. Your movements in battle have become almost sluggish. For you, that is. I don't know how no one else notices. Maybe it's because they're not watching you. They aren't sitting with you every night.
Then it happens. It's the night after the first seige against the keep. I watched as that paladin asks to talk to you. I watch as you go to the battlements with him. I can hear you talk to him. He's telling you what I can't. He's telling you he loves you. He's holding you. He's touching you, and you don't stop him. You don't stop him. I know what that means. I don't have to watch anymore. I know what's going to happen. It doesn't matter. So I leave. I decide that night that I am done with all of this. I sneak out right then, making sure none of your worthless greycloaks notice me. Of course they don't.
I sneak out. I leave to that worthless Garius's camp. He gives me one assignment, and as angry I am at you, I'm glad it isn't to you directly. I wonder, briefly, if you're going to actually get to sleep tonight. It hurts though. To think of you sleeping in his arms. Not mine. I have to remind myself of that or I can't do it. This little voice in the back of my head tells me to stop. It sounds like Casavir. I can't help but growl as I sabotage the gear for the inner gate. No one even notices. Anyone who sees me probablly thinks I'm checking it. They're fools. They all are.
Then again, I am too.
Then you come to this damnedable place and then you just stand there and you smile at me. Smile at me just like you always do. When I see you smile at me like that, I want to do to you what I'm sure that paladin did last night. Except he's not looking at me like he did that. He looks jealous; he looks angry. I ignore it and I choose to speak. I don't want to look at you, but I do. I force myself to. So I can see your reactions to what I say. I can hardly believe how sad you look. How you're looking at me like that. It hurts. I'll never tell you how much it hurts. Then you start crying and practically begging me not to do this.
No one else notices, though. Because you're still smiling. Somehow you're still smiling at me. And that's it. I can't fight you anymore. Luckily Garius gives me a reason not to. He treated me like I was his slave. So I left. I didn't have to fight you. I couldn't face you, though. I couldn't join you and help you with this fight. I am too ashamed to. Me, ashamed. That's what you do to me though. With a simple smile. You make me feel so many things and I have to leave. I told you already. I can't get tied down. Even to a feeling. A feeling I can't even recognize. Just because you smile.
Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it!