Missed Chances by Asha
Rated PG 13
Buffy/Dean, with hints of Buffy/Angel, and Buffy/Riley
Disclaimer: I own nothing, well not in this story.
Background: So Sam is the youngest, with Buffy two years older than him, and Dean two years older than her. According to their birthdates, that's how it really is. In the first part, Dean is 5, and you can either work out the corresponding ages after that or I've given them.
18 years ago…
"Sammy! Oh God, Sammy where are you?" Dean Winchester whispered as he frantically looked around the massive and busy mall. He should have known better than to take his younger brother to the mall on Boxing Day, but he was hoping that they could find some necessities on sale.
'Dad is gonna kill me' he thought, as he desperately stood up on a bench in an attempt to see over all the people's heads. 'The one thing he asked me to do and I screwed it up already'.
Tears were running down the cute boy's face, but he was unaware, too focused on looking for the familiar mop of hair that belonged to his brother.
He felt like he had been searching for hours, his eyes now puffy and rimmed red from the tears that he couldn't hold back, all the fight drained out of him from thinking his little brother was gone for good. In reality, it had only been about 15 minutes. He slumped down on the bench he was standing on, and buried his face in between his hands. It was then he realized that his wallet, which contained the little money they had, was missing. Everything was a blur after he realized Sam was gone, and figured he must have left it at the Salvation Army store he was in before he ran out like a mad person in search of his missing brother.
His gaze was drawn upwards as a flash of gold caught his eye. Curious, he tried to follow it through the crowd, but lost track of it in the sea of people. 'Just like Sammy', he thought gloomily.
A couple of minutes later, he was faced with the mop of brown hair he had been searching for.
"Sammy! Where did you go? I told you to hold onto my hand at all times", Dean's voice changing from pure worry to slightly tinged with anger.
As he bent down to hug his brother, Sam threw an arm around Dean's neck. It was then that Dean realized that one of Sammy's hands was clutching a slim one. It was a woman's hand, her nails left unpainted, but still cared for, her skin looking as soft as silk. He couldn't stop himself from wondering if those hands were as soft as his mother's hands, remembering them lightly brushing through his hair, lulling him to sleep.
He mentally shook himself out of his thoughts, and his gaze followed the hand upwards. He was faced with the image of an older woman smiling down at him, her face framed with strands of golden hair he later realized was what caught his attention earlier.
"I'm assuming this little bundle belongs to you?" she asked him, the warm expression never leaving her face.
"Yes, ma'm. I'm so sorry, I don't know how I let him get away from me" he said in his most polite voice. Despite her kindness, Dean knew that they needed to leave. His father had warned him to stay under the radar, otherwise Sammy might get taken away from him permanently.
"If you don't mind, we really have to go now" he stated in a hurry, as he tugged Sam's hand away from hers.
Much to Dean's annoyance, Sam immediately started crying when he lost contact with the woman. She smiled slightly, and picked him up and rocked him in her arms with ease.
"Where are your parents?" she questioned in an inquisitive, yet non-threatening way.
Always quick on his feet, he replied in what he hoped was a calm voice. "They're just getting the car. They'll be here any second. We really do have to go, they told us to meet them at the front entrance".
"Alright then, why don't I wait with you?"
"Oh, no ma'm. We really couldn't impose. We'll be just fine" his voice now dashed with a bit of panic.
He considered making a run for it, but quickly discarded that idea considering Sam was now asleep in the lady's arms.
"Now, now, I couldn't let you do that. I wouldn't want you to lose track of your brother again. Just let me wait with you until your parents show up and then I'll be out of your hair", she asked in a sincere voice.
Feeling cornered, Dean reluctantly agreed, both making their way to the front entrance.
After about 2 hours of waiting with the little boy and his brother, in silence, Joyce decided she had proved her point. She knew those precious little boys were all alone, but she also knew that the older one was stubborn. So now they sat on the cool pavement of the sidewalk, looking at the deserted parking lot, since the mall closed an hour ago.
"So would you like to tell me what's going on?" She questioned, her voice still as sweet as honey.
Dean knew he had no choice but to tell the woman, who introduced herself as Joyce, the truth, or as close to the truth as he could get without getting chucked in the loony bin.
"My mother's dead, and my dad's in the army. So it's just the two of us until he gets back".
"Where are you staying then?"
"At the youth hostel down the road" he answered, slightly ashamed that he couldn't provide for Sam better.
"Hmm, well that won't do. Why don't you come home with me? I have more than enough space, and since my husband moved out, I've been a little lonely. And of course, it would be just until your father comes back" she made sure to add.
"I even have a daughter about your age, maybe a bit younger. What do you say?"
He quickly agreed, repeating that it was only until his dad came back for them.
14 years ago…
"Deaannn!" a shrill voice projected through the entire house.
The 9 year old boy in question ran down the stairs, even though Joyce had told him repeatedly not to, with the decapitated Barbie doll clutched tight in his hands and a big grin on face. Annoying Buffy was one of his favourite games, and the perfect cure to the boredom of the summer.
He waited at the bottom of the stairs, expecting her to run down any second screaming her head off and cursing him, one thing she had undoubtedly picked up from him.
He was getting ready to make a run for it. Even though Buffy was 2 years younger than him, and a girl, she was still pretty damn fast, so he knew he had to be prepared.
Listening attentively for the sound of footfalls, he was instead confronted with the sound of soft, barely audible sobs.
His heart twisted in his chest in a gut reaction to the noise, and soundlessly made his way upstairs into her room.
She was huddled in her bed; all that could be seen of her was a big lump that Dean assumed to be her body, which trembled with every sob.
He didn't mean to make her cry, he never means to make her cry.
He tiptoed towards her, and sat on the edge of her bed.
"What's wrong, Princess?" he asked in the most gentle voice he could, while carefully prying away the blanket from her hands and uncovering her head.
"You know what, Dean Winchester!" her voice coming out angry and more than a little indignant. "You tore my doll's head off!"
"Yeah, but I've done that to lots of your dolls, you've never cried before. And you know your mom always makes me glue them back together" he stated in a confused voice.
She turned away from him and reburied herself in her bed.
"This one was different".
He barely managed to make out the words since her face was currently stuffed in her pillow, her words coming out muffled.
"What do you mean? The doll was blonde, had hideous clothes, and no real body parts. I checked" he joked in an attempt to her to crack a smile.
Instead, she buried her face even deeper into her pillow, and started sobbing again.
"My dad gave it to me before he left", her words broken with gasps and stifled sobs.
"He left and I made him leave, and that doll was the last thing he bought me", she was crying openly now, and Dean had no idea how to ease her pain.
He took a chance and crawled into her bed behind her, cradling her small form against his. He gently, but forcefully turned her around to face him, and caught a glimpse of her red-rimmed eyes, trembling lip, and tears running down her face.
"Everyone always leaves me! First daddy then my mom".
Dean was well aware of Joyce's absence, but he knew it was only because she had been picking up extra shifts to make a little more money. It didn't bother him that much, he was used to being alone, but Buffy wasn't.
"Now, that's not true. You have me and Sam now!" he told her, while trying to sound nonchalant.
She slowly brought her gaze to his face, and looked into his sincere hazel-green eyes.
"Never leave me?" she asked him, sounding very much like the little girl she was.
Dean looked into her eyes, and he knew he was a goner. "Never", he confirmed.
5 years ago…
18 year old Dean was upstairs in his room, headphones blaring some classic rock, and a book in hand. He could just barely make out the sound of the front door slamming through his music. He turned his attention away from his book and glanced at the clock on his desk.
'Hmm, 1:22 am, that has to be the earliest she's gotten in for months', he thought with a little grin on his face.
Dean would never admit it, but he usually stayed up and waited till Buffy got in till he settled down for the night. I mean, it's not like he stayed up just for her, he had things to do that made him stay up late, he just noticed when she got home. Yeah, that's it.
He took his headphones off, and took off his shirt, leaving him in just sweatpants. He used to sleep naked, but he quickly learned that was the wrong way to go with a cooking incompetent person like Buffy in the house. He thought back to the incident last year when Buffy set the kitchen on fire, causing him to run out buck naked in the dead of winter, with the entire neighbourhood and fire department as witnesses. No, he had more than learned his lesson.
Just as he was getting into bed, Buffy burst into his room and collapsed in a heap on his bed. She quickly got under the covers and inhaled the comforting scent that was all Dean.
Dean, being more than a little irritated, and was about to forcefully remove her from his bed, when he noticed that her shoulders were shaking.
"Hey, hey. What's up, Princess?" Concern shining through his eyes.
Buffy and Dean weren't all that close, with the 2 year age difference, the different circle of friends, and the fact that Buffy was just overall a brat, but he still cared for her nonetheless.
"Angel…he…he broke up with me!" she managed to burst out before dissolving into tears.
"He said he loved me! And I believed him, I mean we've been going out for almost 2 years! And he said that he was tired of waiting, so I did it! I had sex with him, and he broke up with me anyways!" she yelled, her anger temporarily masking her sadness.
"Hey there, keep your voice down. I don't think your mom would be tickled pink knowing that her only daughter is no longer a virgin, huh?"
Buffy yet again burst into tears, this time taking care to muffle her sobs with his pillow.
Dean was pissed, not only at Angel, but at himself too.
Flashback
Dean, Angel, and Spike were sitting on the couch, each with a beer in hand, watching the girls on the makeshift dance floor, the music blaring all around them. While admiring the view, they were talking about the normal topics that occupy a 16 year old guy's mind: girls, and, well really that's it.
"So who's the next lucky girl on your list, Angel?" Dean asked, although he really wasn't interested. It was common news now that Angel had broken up with his then girlfriend, Cordelia. The only reason they lasted a whole month, a record for Angel, was because that's how long it took Cordy to put out.
"I dunno, man. I don't wanna get tied down with a girlfriend again, think I'll play the field a bit more", Angel replied while his wandering eyes checked out the prospects.
"Now there's someone I wouldn't mind getting tied down to…or maybe tying up myself" Angel stated with a grin on his face.
The other two boys directed their attention to where Angel was looking.
"Buffy Summers", Spike said, his grin now matching Angel's.
End Flashback
Dean gathered her in his arms, feeling a little awkward since he hadn't been this close to her in a long time, and rubbed her back in slow, lazy circles. He did this until all both of them could hear was the gentle, soft dripping of water from the sink in his bathroom.
"Thank you" he heard her whisper next to his ear, her warm breath hitting the sensitive skin below it.
It was then that Dean realized that he was half naked, and Buffy was wearing less clothing than was probably legal.
She slowly lifted her head up from his chest, her hands still clutching his broad shoulders, and raised her gaze to his.
The first thing that Dean noticed was not her puffy eyes and blotchy face, but that the mossy green colour of her eyes had turned even deeper as a result of her tears.
Without a second thought, she tilted her head up, and brushed his lips with hers. She was acutely aware that he was not responding, his lips still beneath her coaxing ones. She moved one of her hands from his shoulders, and cupped the back of his neck, encouraging him to lean closer to her. She swept her hot tongue against his bottom lip, and the next thing she knew, she was on her back with Dean leaning over her, tongues tangling, teeth nipping, and moans being caught in each other's mouths.
As soon as it had started, it was over. Dean practically leapt away from her, his fingers touching his now swollen lips.
"You kissed me!" He said in a dazed, yet shocked voice.
Buffy licked her lips, and was assaulted by the minty taste of Dean.
"You kissed me back!" she said childishly.
"Oh God, we can't do this. Listen, you're vulnerable, Angel just broke up with you, and you're hurting. I get it, we'll just pretend it never happened. Oh shit, you're only 16 for Gods sake", he exclaimed in a panicked voice, while pacing in front of the bed.
"Pretend it never happened", she parroted, her voice being the one that was now dazed.
"Promise me, Buffy. Promise me this never happened. You're too young, and me and Sammy would probably get kicked out if Joyce ever found out", his tone desperate.
Tears pooled in her eyes yet again, and he mentally cursed himself for being reduced to Angel's level and making her cry.
"I promise", she whispered, her voice barely audible and shaking with emotion.
She quietly left his room without another word.
4 years ago…
Dean was leaning against the doorframe, smirking, his gaze directed towards the nervous 17 year old that was sitting on the couch. Riley, he said his name was.
The boy was sweating bullets, and Dean was enjoying every second.
"So, Riles, what are your intentions with Buffy?"
The boy must have struck with a sudden rush of courage, because he looked Dean straight in the eye.
"Who are you, her brother?" Riley now being on the offensive.
Dean released a chuckle at the thought of being Buffy's brother. "Not quite, I'm just a friend concerned about her well-being is all. Now, you're not a threat to her well being are you?" Dean's voice sounded friendly enough, but the undercurrent was anything but.
"I don't see how that's any of your business" Riley replied haughtily.
"I just told you boy, she's my friend" Dean practically growled and stalked towards him.
After the little incident last year that they both had supposedly forgotten, Buffy and Dean became friends, and built a relationship that surpassed more than just the tolerance they had going for them the years before. After seeing the number Angel did on her, and if he was honest, what he did to her himself, Dean was far more protective of her.
Familiar footfalls at the top of the steps alerted Dean the girl in question. Taking advantage of the last few seconds he had without Buffy's presence, he leaned in close and whispered in a threatening voice.
"Hurt her, and what 'accidentally' happened to Angel last year will seem like child's play".
With those words resonating in Riley's ears, Dean made his way up the stairs, brushing past Buffy on his way up.
He chose to ignore the now familiar sparks that ran up and down his arm at the contact.
Present…
He squirmed for the 100th time that night. Why Buffy insisted he wear a suit he had no idea. But like always, all she had to do was widen those pretty little eyes, and look at him from beneath her lashes, and he caved. The pouting was just extra, taunting him with those full lips that he had tasted only once, but never forgotten.
So here he was, standing at the front of the altar beside Riley. Yet another thing he gave into, at Buffy's begging. Being Riley's best man. He took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare himself for what was to come, and thought back to when Buffy had turned 18, and he had finally faced his feelings for her.
Flashback
Dean was pacing nervously in his room, waiting for Buffy to get home from school. After what seemed like hours, he finally heard the familiar slam of the front door, and his heart rate felt like it had tripled. He found it ironic that he had been with quite a few women in his 20 years, yet a girl who he had lived with for the majority of his life was capable of turning him into a 13 year old schoolboy.
Meanwhile, Buffy was in a good mood. She barrelled through the front door and immediately noticed candles lighting up the entire house. Her eyes widened as she saw a paper with her name on it, sitting beside a lilac, her favourite. She opened the note. "Come upstairs". Buffy smiled to herself, and inhaled the sweet scent of the lilacs, while making her way up the stairs. At the top of the stair sat a jewellery box, next to another note. Her eyes widened as she took in the pink diamond encrusted bracelet. She had seen it in a magazine, and vaguely remembered mentioning that she liked it. She picked up the note, and just as she was about to read it, the doorbell rang.
Buffy bounced down the stairs, the note fluttering to the ground, swung open the door, and came face to face with Riley, and jumped into his arms.
"Oh my god, Riley! I can't believe you did this! And to surprise me a week before our one year anniversary! I love you so much Riley"
"I love you too, babe", Riley managed to get out before Buffy's lips assaulted his own.
Dean silently watched from the steps, his heart breaking, and the note that contained all the feelings he could never say out loud, clutched in his hands.
End Flashback
Now, here he was, 3 years later, watching the woman he loved say her vows to another. God, she looked gorgeous. The ceremony was a blur, Dean mechanically handing over the rings when it was time. He couldn't stop himself from turning his head slightly away when they kissed.
At the reception, he watched as the various men in her life, Sam, Giles, and even her father, cut in when she and her new husband were dancing.
Always a sucker for punishment, he took his turn. Dean couldn't stop himself from pulling her a little closer than was acceptable, his fingers brushing against the bare skin of her lower back exposed by her dress.
Buffy didn't seem to mind. Instead, she rested her head on his chest and let out a soft sigh. Dean brushed his rough fingers under her chin, and tilted her head upwards.
"Are you happy?" His husky voice questioned.
She just smiled at him, and tucked her head under his chin. The song was coming to an end, so Dean inhaled the vanilla scent mixed with something else that was uniquely Buffy, imprinting it to memory. As he reluctantly released her, he pulled a small piece of paper and a bag out of his suit pocket, and silently handed them to her. Without a word, he did the hardest thing he ever had to do…he walked away.
He walked outside, hands clenching and unclenching inside his pockets. He absently realized that it was raining; the cool droplets on his face harsh, yet welcome. He reached the Impala, and grasped the handle, silently willing himself to get in. He stood out there for hours, unaware, until he felt gentle tugging on his sleeve.
He turned around, and was faced with the image of Buffy, her white dress now sullen, hair wet and clumped in strands, and a smear of dirt on her previously flawless face. She had never looked more beautiful.
His gaze shifted downwards, and he saw she was holding his gift in her hands: a replica of the doll her dad had given her, that he had ruined all those years ago. Also clutched in her hands was his little note, the paper now wet and ink bleeding.
Without a word, she threw herself into his arms, snuggling into his warm embrace, and tucking her face into the curve of his neck. She lifted her head, and locked gazes with him.
"I promise I'll never leave you either". Even though her voice was a mere whisper, he heard them loud and clear.
A/N: Please please review, it would make my day