Disclaimer: I own nothing. Obviously. The books are property of JK Rowling and the song is from Buffy.

Warning: This has some man love.

I died
So many years ago
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so
And why you come to be with me
I think I finally know
mmm-mmm

Draco often wondered if he had always been this empty. Before he had Harry, he had been dead. This new emptiness was different though. Harry had made him feel alive. Out of everyone the boy-who-lived could go to, he had come to him.

The war had been hard on both of them. Harry was constantly under supervision and pressure. Everyone expected miracles from the 17 year old. He was too young to make decisions about his life, but not too young to save the world. Draco had quickly realigned once his father had been thrown into prison. No amount of money had saved him from the kiss. Our from under the control of the vile man, Draco had come to realize a few things. The most important being that money couldn't always save you, but Harry Potter could.

Well, Harry Potter had saved him. The affair started for different reasons for both parties. But toward the end Draco wanted to be the man that Harry saw him to be. He wanted to hold true to all the whispered promises. Harry had awoken Draco's soul it felt like.

Draco understood all the reasons in the beginning for Harry to be with him. The "friends" with benefits, light on the friends part of the equation, relationship had been ideal. Who wouldn't want Draco's lean body? But as the vanity faded with his mask, he began to wonder. Sated conversations after bouts of lust made Draco realize just how deep the boy who lived was. Why would someone so deep want something so meaningless? And what's more, why with someone who was on more of a truce then friendship?

Draco realized that to him, the nights cloaked in secrecy were more then just rendezvous. The trysts were becoming a secret relationship. He was in love with Harry Potter, not the boy-who-lived, just Harry. It wasn't until he spoke more with Harry on the matter did he realize this was one sided.

Two weeks ago

That was mind blowing, where did he learn that new move with his tongue? God he looks so adorable in my arms after sex.

"Harry, what are your plans? You know after this thing with Voldemort and the war? What next?

"I think I would like to see the world a bit? You know? I have read about so many places from my birthday gifts from Mione. I want to find myself, you know, get to know Harry separate from the-boy-who-lived."

"Harry, you already are separate from that, surely you know you are more then just the boy who bloody lived?"

"I think occasionally you are the only one that sees that."

"Well of course I'm the one that loves you." As soon as the words were out, draco regretted them. The look of fear and confusion in those emerald eyes was enough. He hadn't meant to say them. He didn't think Harry wasn't ready to hear them and judging the panic on the savior's face, he was right.

"Draco, its sweet of you to say that. But this, us, its really a great stress reliever and all but love? C'mon we are teenagers what do we know of love? I can't bloody well come out to the world, get real a gay savior? "

"A stress reliever?!"

"Draco don't be like that.." Draco was aware Harry was speaking but it seemed rather inconsequential. He was stills tuck on stress reliever. That's all I bloody am to him? A nice shag before he kills Voldemort and settles down to a nice house and the kids? Well bloody fucking hell. Did he plan to keeps us in the closet forever? Was he ever going to tell anyone?

"I can't..with..you..bugger."

Draco was horrified, not only with his sudden inability to form a sentence, as training in the pureblood way of life taught him better, but in the complete trash coming out of Harry's mouth. So he mumbled a fuck you and walked out of the door.

end
You're scared
Ashamed of what you feel
And you can't tell the ones you love
You know they couldn't deal
Whisper in a dead man's ear
It doesn't make it real
That's great
Two weeks of thinking about the situation had brought him no resolution. He still hadn't quite realized what he had done wrong. How could he, Draco Malfoy, the master of manipulation. The snake in the Lion's den. The king of every metaphor to show depth have been wrong? How had he misread the situation.

Then it dawned on him. He hadn't been wrong to see the situation as he did. It wasn't his imagination, Harry did care fore him, maybe even love him. But as the boy-who-lived he couldn't handle that. Harry Potter couldn't handle being gay, let alone admit he wanted Draco.

So, he kept Draco a secret. A place of peace in his chaotic life. With Draco he could be who he always wanted to be, he was free. But Draco also realized that Harry could never stand to disappoint people enough to be his real self.

Heaven fucking forbid they realize he is human. Even Granger and the Weasel, Through the course of the affair Draco realized how touchy Harry was about the term mud blood, so in an effort to promote getting laid, Draco dropped it. But nothing, not even sex could make Draco let go of the term Weasel, although now it was a bit affectionate, the boys had spent a lot of time together in war planning) his supposed best friends had such high expectations. They probably wouldn't except no matter what choices he made if they even looked like the tern deviant might apply. So he came to me, the boy with so much to loose if the light side threw him out. Its not as though anyone would believe me. Harry had nothing to loose in coming to me. At the end of this he was going to walk away and pretend I never existed. I was always dead to him, even after he revived me.

That's great.

But I don't wanna play
'Cause being with you touches me
More than I can say
And since I'm only dead to you
I'm saying stay away and
Let me rest in peace

Draco choked on the fire whiskey he had been nursing. I was played, Merlin, I am a fool. To think the great Harry Potter could ever love me? The lowly son of a Death Eater? Really though Death eater? I would think with having father in the organization for a time they would have some style. But no, they stuck with ugly names. No wonder they were losing, who wants to eat death? No one, that's who? And what a horrible recruitment idea; lets see young Johnny you can either be a warrior for the light, a member of the prestigious Order of the Phoenix, a destroyer of darkness, a savior to the broken, a defender of truth and justice, or you can be one who dines on death. Really how morbid would you have to be to even think the idea appealing. Really as any pureblood should know a name means everything, so a poor name basically means poor numbers. Well Voldemort was defiantly feeling the pain of choosing badly now.

The thought of the name brought him back to thoughts of Harry. What was he going to do. He couldn't continue to hide out at Snape's home. Although Draco did enjoy his new task. After requesting a move from Battle Strategy to a less Potter filled area of Potions, Draco was enjoying the work. Having always been talented at brewing, he found the work to be calming and interesting. He was currently brewing a batch of healing potions and a pepper-up for the infirmary.

Sev hadn't seem to mind the extra set of hands. Draco was defiantly considering staying here, at least until he was over Harry. He figured the easiest way to let go of his feelings was to put some space between him and the object of his affection.

Even if I am a former death eater's son, I deserve more. Now that I know I do still have a feelings left from Father's harsh regime, I need more then an affair swept under the rug. I can't just go back to him, not even if he wants me. I just need some time and I'll be over this. Maybe once this war is over I'll get the peace I'm looking for.

Let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole 6-foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my, sweet release
So let me rest in peace

By the next day Draco was angry. Angry at Harry, angry at Granger and Weasel, angry at Dumbledore, angry at everyone. He figured this was good. He took a box of things he kept from the "incident," as he now referred to the time spent with Harry. That's was all it was after all a very long incident and all Harry was to him was the now titled, "mistake." He went into the yard in the back of Sev's manor and dug a hole. He was proud of himself, he dug the hole with his own two hands, minus magic. He wanted to have calluses they proved what his heart was feeling. Dumping the box into the whole, he replaced the dirt.

Following the excursion outside, he walked back into the manor. Judging by the look from Sev he could tell he looked as dirty as he felt. With a quirk of an eyebrow from Sev he headed to the bathroom to shower. But not before shouting, "Burying Potter" as he exited the room.

The water beating down on him brought back the bath in the Prefect's bathroom, which of course lead him to what he had done, or correctly whom while there. Groaning he realized as his dick grew in response to the memories, Harry wasn't as buried as he wished.

No amount of stroking replaced the feel of his lover of the past year. His hands were a poor replacement for Harry's mouth, or hell even Harry's hands. They defiantly paled when compared to fucking Harry. Realizing this thought train wasn't helping Draco turned the shower cold. This was defiantly not satisfying. Why wouldn't memories like those just stay in the traitorous place they had been made?

You know,
You got a willing slave
And You just love to play the thought
That you might misbehave
But Till you do,
I'm telling you
Stop visiting my grave
Let me rest in peace

Draco hadn't been back to Hogwarts in five months, it wasn't that he was scared. It was that he was busy, you know, war effort and all. The war effort had become his mantra. He figured if he could deal until after the war then he could go off and sort himself all out. Lucky for him he had been able to graduate via owl. It was lucky when you had a godfather in high teaching places. Dumbledore had been hesitant at first but after Sev reiterated several times his need for help with potions, "After all Albus, its for the War effort."

Graduation was something that couldn't be done via owl. It unfortunately required his presence, so here he was back in the dorms. The graduation robes resembled muggle grad robes in a fashion. Draco just wanted this day to be over. He wanted to be over with the fakes smiles, battle of the handshakes, (you know, where males try to adjust the grip to appear strong but not aggressive. To let the other male know that, while they may not want to kick their ass they certainly are capable) and long drawn out speeches about moving on and the next step. Joy, rapture and dare he say it, but just a smidge of enchantment.

Draco stiffened, the air in his room had changed. He could feel someone else. He hoped he was wrong, he didn't need this. Rather he did need this, but he knew it would only end in tears. Feeling himself being pressed into the cold stone he had a feeling his past had just come back to bight him in his ass.

"Harry, now isn't the time. Really you wrinkled my robes." Right now Draco was thanking every painful teaching session with his father to perfect the Malfoy Mask. Every time he had been under painful curses and still forced to have a calm voice. It took everything in his training to sound that calm.

"So you do still remember me. I wondered. Five months of silence will do that though. I mean what does one think when their lover gets up after a bout of wonderful sex, spouts something about love and runs before its discussed and then leaves the school before you have a chance to think things through."

"Harry it wasn't like that?"

"It wasn't you didn't fuck me, say you love me, and then run."

"Well, no I did pack things first and I didn't run. I merely went where I was needed."

"You were right where you were needed, beneath me." The last sentence was whispered over his ear, following it was a lick to his ear lobe. Harry made his way from ear lobe to neck, biting, sucking and licking. Draco moaned, Harry smirked.

"It seems…(bite)…that you do…(bite and suck)…remember me and…. (kiss)…respond just as well."

"Harry, please stop. Harry!" Draco was grasping at straws. He needed out of here. Out of this. " Harry we have to be on stage in minutes, I promise we can talk after."

"Promise me? I don't want you to just slink off. I want to do more then talk. I missed you."

Draco breathed in a long breath and let out a sigh of relief. Harry kissed him once more with passion. Draco couldn't help but relax into it. Harry still made him feel alive. Maybe things would be different? Maybe his absence had changed him?

"Yes, Harry I promise."

Graduation was horrible boring. Being painfully hard probably didn't help matters. By the time he got to the reception, suicide was becoming a thought. In fact when Harry approached Draco at the bar, Draco was currently wondering if a spork could kill you. He doubted it, plus where would one get a spork in a castle?

"I believe Mister Malfoy, that you have a promise to keep."

"It would seem so Mr. Potter." Draco playfully licked Harry's ear. It felt good to be flirting again. The instant stiffening of his former lover did not feel so good.

"Draco! Honestly we are in public. What would they think if I was being manhandled by you?"

"Are you kidding?"

"No, lets take this somewhere more private." His tone dropped dramatically," You can manhandle me all you want in you room."

Draco was torn, he was hurt be Harry's obvious embarrassment of affection. But he also knew some people never liked it, regardless of orientation. Harry was after all painfully shy about some things.

"Sure. Let me say goodbye to Sev, I'll meet you in the hall."

"Great."

Harry headed out the door and Draco headed over to Sev. After a few stilted goodbyes and a sincere congrats from his godfather, Draco walked into the hall. He was greeted by the sight of the Weaselette feeling up on Harry. Draco decided if they hadn't seen him thus far, stealth would give him the answers he needed.

"Harry, why can't we? You love me and I love you." Ha, you think wrong Weaselette. Harry doesn't even swing the bat , he prefers to deal in jock straps. Draco was obviously very shocked by what next came out of the golden boy's mouth.

"I know Gin, but with the war I can't have any attachments. What would I do if I lost you? I couldn't focus on Voldemort if I had your smile to think about. You make me forget that evil even exists. I promise after the war, we can give this a try."

Draco was pretty sure this is what getting your heart ripped out, having it eaten, thrown back up, fed to tiny animals that ripped it into smaller edible bites and coming out the other end felt like. He barely registered Harry giving the Weaslette a kiss and her return to the hall. In fact had she not seen Draco and felt the need to comment he wouldn't have noticed at all.

"Merlin Malfoy, is your life so pathetic with out your father to arrange a whore for you that you have to watch those who can actually feel?"

"Depends can your parents afford to give you enough of an education to spell pathetic, the word your looking for is voyeur by the way. But I guess if they did afford pathetic, then advanced was well beyond them."

"Gods get a life. You're lucky Harry won't let Ron kick your ass."

Draco snorted. He may not be in much of a mood right now, but even in his weakened state he new he could kick Ron's ass. Harry seemed to sense the on coming fight and finally decided to join the conversation.

"Ginny, Malfoy cool it. Its graduation after all. Can't we be civil." Draco lost it. Civil?!

I know I should go
But I follow you like a man possessed
There's a traitor here beneath my breast
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest
but I can see you're unimpressed
So leave me be and

"Civil Harry? You want me to be civil. You attack me in my rooms, whine about how I haven't fucked you fro months. Then you beg me to meet you later so I can help you get your bloody jollies off. You make me think you love me, then you approach me after the ceremony to go fuck. I walk in to you and her snogging and how saying how much you love HER! And you expect me to be civil? Are you bloody stupid?"

Draco had forgotten about Ginny. All he was concentrated on was Harry. The boy who wouldn't bloody die and the look of shock on his face. After the outburst he was brought back to reality by Ginny's horrified yelp.

"Harry tell me he is hallucinating. You are not gay and certainly not gay with him."

"Oh I assure you. He is most certainly gay and has most certainly been with me."

"Harry, tell me it isn't that you're not…"

Harry seemed to have found his voice, "Ginny we haven't for a while it was an experiment and its you I want for after the war. Its really not that…"

Harry never got to finish his sentence Ginny ran away, tears following her and Draco walked out the door. Once he got home, Draco realized if he never saw Potter again it might be too soon.

Let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
Im a hole 6-foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
Let me rest in peace
Why won't you
Let me rest in peace?