Oh my god, I'm publishing my first fanfction, YAY, after years of being a avid fan.

Anyways this is a avengers fic with the pairing Steve/Maria, somehow I fell in love with that couple. This is a dark fic and contains some swearing.

Disclaimer: I dont own the avengers even though I wish I owned Steve Rogers and Clint Barton (naughty face)

The avengers were sitting at a table discussing a case with Fury. "Where is agent Hill?" Tony chipped in, "Normally she would be standing next to you trying to kill us all with her glare." Fury narrowed his eyes at Tony "Her father passed" Everybody gasped. A couple of month prior Tony had done some research, out of whatever reason, on her and filled all them in on her family history. How her mother died during childbirth, something her father always resented her for. How she had a tough childhood full of abuse. Steve didn't want to know Tonys sources. "Give her my condolences" Tony said nonchalant and the rest of the team grunted in approval.

Steve couldn't believe how heartless they were. They had no idea how it felt to loose a loved one or in Marias case a very important person in ones life. Their attitude towards Maria was totally incorrect. They only saw her as the emotionless, glacial synonym of Fury and not as the Maria he knew. The Maria he knew was somebody, who had a rough life, but survived it and and made it out of it with some scars, scars that would never fade, scars that affected her life, scars that made her built up a protective wall around her, push everyone away and let nobody in. The Maria he knew was funny, smart and kickass.

Steve decided to stop by at her place later that day. Maria had to be taking this really hard, she never ever ever missed work. Up to this day nothing was even close to bad enough to be considered worthy of taking a day off for.

Steves decision had absolutely nothing to do that with the fact that he had a small crush on her. He was somewhat familiar with Maria, if you could call it that. He cared for her. They had made-out a couple of times after missions and once they even ended up in bed together, but that had meant absolutely nothing- to her. Other than that he had always admired her from afar, the determination on her face, how she sometimes furrowed her brows in confusion and how her hair framed her perfectly chiseled face. He had never met such a confident and headstrong woman, and the fact that she could kill him in his sleep really turned him on. Sometimes they even had short, heartfelt conversation about the weather or the missions.

Maria never was a fan of the avengers, she still isn't, but she tolerated Steve and minded his company the least.

Steve pressed her doorbell. No answer. When he noticed that Marias door wasn't completely shut an alarm bell went off in his head and he entered her apartment.

The room was dark and smelled strongly of alcohol. Steve's eyebrows pulled together in a concerned frown as he walked quietly towards the only indication of life in the apartment. The television was on, and Steve stopped in surprise when she saw what was playing on it. As he watched who he assumed to be a man looking like Maria twirling a beautiful woman in a white dress around on a wooden dance floor. They were smiling broadly and Steve watched as the man looking like Maria pulled the woman close and kissed her softly, lovingly

"It was their wedding night," Her voice sounded from somewhere in the darkness. Steve's eyes closed in pain as he exhaled at hearing how broken she sounded. The pain in her voice was almost unbearable. "The only time I've ever seen evidence of him being happy."

Steve bit his lip and walked a little closer to the couch. He saw the outline of her slouched over, unkempt form. Steve took another step forward. Maria took another swig of her scotch. She didn't make another effort to speak, and silence hung in the air as the dance ended and everyone applauded. The man and the young woman kissed once more before the screen went blank. Maria didn't move. Steve sighed and approached the couch, where he took in the full extent of Maria's state. Her hair was messy, and the bags under her eyes were turning into a unhealthy shade of purple. Judging by the three empty and two full scotch and tequila bottles beside her, the glass in her hand hadn't moved since then either.

He sighed and reached for the three empty bottles, removing them from the table and placing them in a black trash bag on the bar. He next went back and grabbed the two full ones. He moved them away and moved back towards the couch. Maria still hadn't moved. Steve moved to take the glass from her hand, but her grip tightened. His lips pressed together in irritation.

"Leave it," She snapped.

He rolled his eyes, "How much have you had to drink?"

"Not enough."

He tried again, but she maintained her grip.

"Maria!" he said in a warning tone laced with weariness. She didn't respond. He sighed and moved in front of her. She sat slouched against the back of the sofa, her left hand holding the scotch glass that rested upon her left leg. He knelt in front of her, placing his hands gently on her knees. She stiffened slightly, as though she was uncomfortable. He moved his hands slowly up her legs, eyeing the glass in her hand. He reached the glass and gently pried it from her hand. She let it go. Maria exhaled as he placed the glass on the table beside the couch. She still didn't look.

Steve reached up slowly to touch her cheek with his right hand, but she jerked her head away, and he withdrew his hand.

"Please leave." she said coldly.

"Look, Maria, I know you're hurt, but you can't just sit here.", he said softly, trying to get her to look at him.

"Leave."

"No," Steve frowned stubbornly.

"Get out."

"No. Maria tell me what happened, you can trust me" he stated more firmly.

"Get out!" She finally yelled, glaring at him, but not quite looking him in the eyes. Steve flinched away from her.

"I tried to blame everyone else," Maria finally spoke, "But it wasn't their fault. It was mine. I killed my father"

"What?" Steve asked, recoiling even more in shock, "Maria, that wasn't your fault."

"Yes. It was." her hand twitched as though she wanted to lift the scotch glass, that was no longer there, to her lips.

"Why on earth would you think that?"

"He died on drug overdose, heroin"

"But its not your fault. You didn't give him the heroin. You weren't even there."

Maria remained silent.

Steve stared up at her. Suddenly, she flicked her eyes to his.

"How does it feel to sitting in the same room as a murderer?" She drawled out.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. I killed both of my parents. I'm a murderer."

"Maria…" Steve tried to reach out his hand to her again, "No, you're not. You aren't responsible for either of your parents' deaths! Its not your fault!"

She pushed his hand away, and jerked up off the couch.

"Yes, I am! I'm a murderer dammit! I should have been there for him! He wouldn't even have felt the need to take drugs if I wasn't such a big disapointment. My mother died giving birth to me! I killed them! What the hell kind of daughter does that, Steve? What the hell kind of monster does that?"

"You're not a monster!" Steve stood up, approaching her slowly.

"Why can't you see it? I'm a fucking monster! I killed them!" She knocked over a lamp.

Maria was still on the warpath. She attacked the bar, smashing the empty alcohol bottles. She kept smashing anything that looked remotely breakable. Steve just stood and watched, powerless.

Finally, Maria stopped and stared at her hand. Steve didn't realize why until he saw the blood dripping from it. He gasped and picked his way as quickly as she could through the glass littered floor. He reached for her and grabbed her hand to inspect the gash.

"Come on, you have to get that cleaned up," he said at last. She didn't protest as he pulled her along to the bathroom.

She looked at him with a blank expression. He hated that lifeless, dull look. It was so far from the Maria he knew. He searched through the cabinets for anything resembling a bandage. Maria leaned against the wall while he searched. Eventually, she located the first aid kit, and pulled it out.

Maria didn't resist as he took her hand and pulled her over to the sink to rinse the cut out. Next, he retrieved the bottle of antiseptic.

"This is going to hurt," he warned, but she didn't so much as flinch. Steve thought he may have caught a slight increase in her breathing rate, but other than that, she was fine. He grabbed the roll of gauze and bandages and carefully tied it around her hand. She was completely catatonic through all this.

After everything was done, Maria returned to leaning against the wall, a lost look in her eyes. Steve replaced the first aid kit, and when he turned back to look at Maria, she had slid down the wall and was sitting on the floor, her head in her hands, elbows propped on her knees.

He knelt before her, and pulled her hands away from her face. Her eyes were red from the lack of sleep, and she avoided his gaze. He placed a hand on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him.

"It's okay," he said softly. Her head bowed. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, into a hug, something she was very unfamiliar with. Her head fit into the crook of his neck, her arms found their way to wrap under his and she clung to him as though her life depended on it. As he rested his chin comfortingly on her head.

So how was it?

Review, this is probably going to be a four-shot!

PLEASE Review, so I know how this story is, if it needs improvement. Thx!