REWRITTEN CHAPTER ONE!!!!! D'you guys think it's better?
"Mum, Dad," Matt said, almost so quietly that it was inaudible, "there's something I have to tell you."
Matt had been dreading this moment for three years.
Three years of lying to himself, and everyone around him. Of hating who he was, and what he felt. But that was then. Now, Matt had accepted who he was. He'd accepted that, no matter how much he wished he could feel differently, there was no way he could. He was attracted to boys, and there was nothing he could do about it. All he had to do now was hope that his parents would accept him.
It had been difficult for him to come to terms with the fact he was gay, of course it had. In fact, it taken almost all of the three years he'd known for Matt to stop hating himself, and like himself for who he was. He'd rather be gay than a murderer or rapist. Twiddling his thumbs together, Matt waited for his parents to ask him what he had to tell them.
"Hmmm?" his parents asked, "And what's that dear?"
"Well, I don't really know how to say this" Matt said, his voice becoming higher and his breathing more shallow, "but, well, please don't hate me, but..."
As much as he'd prepared himself, he just could not get the words out. Now, with his parents sitting down on the sofa, looking at him with there penetrating, yet loving eyes, Matt had become speechless.
'Why was it so much much easier when I practised in the mirror!' he thought.
Taking long, deep breaths, Matt felt a strange heat prickle him on the back of his neck, and he felt uncomfortable as it spread onto his cheeks. Now he felt worse. He was nervous, no – terrified, and now he was blushing so much it looked as though he had a fever. After what seemed like an hour of silence, Matt ran out of the room, and up the stairs towards the bedroom, tripping slightly on the way.
'OhmygodohmygodOHMYGOD!' he screamed inside his head, pacing his room up and down, 'Great! Now I have to tell my parents I'm gay, and I made a complete and utter tit of myself!'
Lying down and trying too cool off, Matt closed his eyes, waiting for his parents to come up and talk to him. And, as if like clockwork, he heard their footsteps as they walked into his room and sat down on the bed.
"Matt, we think we know what you wanted to tell us downstairs, and it's okay, we already know," his dad said, placing his hand on Matt's shoulder reassuringly, "you don't have to hide it anymore"
"Really?" Matt asked. How could his parents know? It wasn't as if he made it obvious, he didn't dress gay, or do anything that screamed "HOMO!!". At least, he didn't think he did....
"Yes, we know. We've known for quite some time now, to be honest. I'm curious, how long did you think you'd be able to keep it to yourself? Surely you knew that we'd be having this conversation eventually," his mother replied, somewhat coldly Matt thought, given the situation.
"Well, yeah, I know...but....I had to know for myself first, you know?" Matt responded, feeling a little better now that it was out. It felt as though a weight had been lifted off of him, and now, finally, he could live his life how it was meant to be lived. The chains of his lie had melted away, and now, he was free.
"Well, Matt, I'm sure your teachers wouldn't lie to you about a failed grade,there's no reason to go and double check for yourself!" his father laughed, giving Matt a playful nudge with his elbow. An action like that was just like his dad.
He didn't care that his son was failing, because, when he was a child, he hadn't cared about school, and he still managed to work his way up to where he was now. And right now, he was in a pretty good place. He owned a porsche, a 6 bedroomed house, and a had a beautiful family. And all of that without school. No, it didn't matter to him that Matt was failing at school.
"Wh...what? You think that I ran out of the room because I couldn't tell you I was failing at SCHOOL! I couldn't care less about that!!" Matt shouted. The sense of security, of freedom, of peace that had taken him in now seemed like a distant dream, and it was so good Matt could still taste it.
"Well, Matt, We thought you took your studies seriously and-"
Matt couldn't take it anymore. He had to to tell his parents, and he had to tell them right now. Closing his tight tight shut and holding his breath, he shouted out "I LIKE BOYS!!!" at the top of his voice, keeping his eyes shut.
"Matt," his father said, his voice deeper and more serious than it had ever been before, "what the hell do you-"
"I MEAN..." Matt interrupted again, "I MEAN THAT I LIKE BOYS. I LIKE TO KISS THEM, AND TOUCH THEM, AND SEE THEM NAKED. I FUCKING WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM AND I'M TIRED OF KEEPING IT TO MYSELF!!!!!"
Finally opening his eyes, the light seemed brighter than before. Everything seemed different now. Now, he was officially out.
This was the point of no return.
There was no going back.
Everything had changed.
Panting slightly, Matt wished he could have come out a little less dramatically, but he figured he was officially out and gay now, he might as well be a little dramatic. Looking at his father, he could see him shaking. Was it with anger? Matt stepped off the bed and walked over to him, putting his hand on his shoulder
"Dad I..."
"Not now Matt. Just....go." He replied through gritted teeth, avoiding all eye contact with Matt. Looking at his mother, Matt walked out of the room and ran downstairs and out of the door, a tear streaming down his face.
…......................................................................
The cold from the streets had started to make Matt's toes feel numb, but he didn't care. He'd rather they dropped off from frostbite than go back home, into the warmth. He knew his parents were religious, and that it would be hard for them, but he didn't expect them to tell him to leave. Walking the streets, Matt felt tranquil. At peace. Of course he was nervous, scared even, about what was going to happen now, but the silence of the night was a small reassurance. A reminder that, he, Matt, was just one person in a big wide world. That someone, somewhere, could be going through the exact same thing. Matt looked up at the moon, and felt the cool breeze sweep across his face. A small smile formed on his face. The worst part was over now, wasn't it?
Feeling a strange sensation in his jeans pocket, Matt realised he'd received a text. But...it was almost one a.m now...who'd be texting him this late? Taking the phone out of his pocket, Matt read the text from his father-
Matt. Your stuff is outside the house. Don't ever come back.
So that was it. Matt had been abandoned by his parents. Running home, he found his stuff in three black bin bags. His whole life, packed into three bags. Picking them up, Matt took one last look at his home, and started walking, trying to think of what his options were. His parents, Matt had assumed, were the ones that were going to be the easiest to tell. His friends were going to be the difficult ones. Well, his parents had reacted worse than Matt could have predicted, so telling his friends was not an option. No, Matt needed someone who distant enough to not care he was gay, but also kind enough to let his stay at there house until he had things sorted out. But...who did Matt know like that? Then it became clear.
Mello.
Mello was the boy Matt had first noticed. Well, the first boy he had noticed sexually anyway. Matt had worked for the school paper, and was doing an article on the swimming team. They were a week away from a big competition and apparently it was important for the readers to know how they trained.
This wasn't the type of thing Matt had pictured himself doing when he'd joined up. He wanted to be an investigative journalist, someone who followed and questioned people, someone secretive. That was something that attracted Matt to the paper. So, writing about how the swimming team practically rubbed themselves together while they swam, and were possibly the gayest people he had ever seen, was not something he was particularly interested in.
Until he saw Mello.
Climbing out if the pool, the water dripped off his pale, toned body. He was thinner than the other swimmers, but it was clear that he worked very hard on his body. His perfectly defined arms showed a great strength, and the water, now running down from his body and onto the floor, only highlighted his tight, pale six pack. Matt swallowed. Now why couldn't he write a story on THAT! Feeling a stir in his boxers, Matt pulled the laptop closer, hoping to hide the fact that he was currently very turned on.
"Hey!" someone shouted from the other end of the pool, "Matt's got a boner! He getting turned on from watching us in our speedos! Aren't you you little gayboy!" he taunted, pointing at the obvious bulge in Matt's trousers. Now everyone was laughing at him. Well, not everyone. Not Mello. In fact, Mello was telling everyone to leave Matt alone, he was sticking up for him.
And it was that kindness, that refusal to follow the crowd and conform, that Matt needed right now. So, taking a chance, Matt walked to Mello's house. It was much smaller than his own. Correction – it was much smaller than the one Matt used to live in, and the paint had begun to wear off, making it look like no one had lived there for quite some time. Taking a guess on which room was Mello's, Matt threw a stone at the window, and another, and another.
"Who the fuck is it?" came a low, dark voice.
"It's Matt, from school," he replied, wondering if Mello would even remember him, "I work for the paper," he added, just to make sure he would.
Sighing, Mello went back inside the window and walked wearily downstairs. The harsh wind took him by surprise, and it wasn't until he stepped outside that he realised he was only in his boxers.
"So, Matt...what's up?" he asked, scratching the back of his head.
"I, um, I was kind of hoping I could crash here tonight," Matt asked, looking around at the sky, trying to stop himself from staring at an almost naked Mello.
"Sure, just don't make a lot of noise okay? My dad's up early tomorrow"
Matt was a little started at Mello's bluntness. He's asked no questions about why Matt wanted to stay, nor had he hesitated in allowing him too. 'But...why?' Matt wondered....
Walking as quietly as he could, Matt finally reached Mello's room. It was strangely empty, with only a small, single bed and a stereo player occupying the room.
"I only have one bed, so we'll have to share, that okay?" Mello asked, oblivious to the fact that Matt was blushing so much he resembled a tomato.
Not daring to get undressed himself, Matt climbed into the bed, next to Mello, fully clothed. He was close enough to Mello to smell his breath...chocolate. Gulping, Matt leaned in closer. Mello had taken him in, AND they were sharing a bed. There was also the fact Mello had stood up for Matt that time in school, so, there was a chance he liked Matt, right? Leaning in closer, Matt placed his lips onto Mello's.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" Mello shouted, pushing Matt away from him so hard that Matt fell onto the floor.
"I...I...I'm sorry!" he stuttered, "I just thought....I should go."
Racing out of the room, full of embarrassment, Matt ran as far as he could, not looking back. 'How could he have been so stupid!'
Now, Matt really was stuck. He couldn't go home, probably ever, and he was too worried about what his friends would say to risk going there. As he felt his tears welling up for what seemed like the thousandth time, he was shocked to hear a soft, quiet voice behind him-
"Hey," he said, "Do you need some help?"