I'll Make A Man Out Of You - Starring Hebi!
Summary: Sasuke is dissatisfied with his new team and tries to get through to them with a different approach.
Warning: This is pure humor that has nothing to do with anything really.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and if I did, I would be very happy.
xxx
After bringing Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo together to form his very awesome team, Sasuke stood in front of them, with his hair blowing in the wind and his hands on his hips. He was better than they were, no doubt about that.
They didn't seem to be paying attention to him though. Not a very nice confidence booster. Sasuke glared at Karin and Suigetsu who were fighting like children, and Juugo who was off in a corner muttering something about not wanting to kill anyone.
Sasuke sighed. Maybe his team wasn't so awesome after all. They were worthless and couldn't even stand on their own two feet without something going wrong.
Suigetsu found it amusing to pick on Karin for her crush on Sasuke. Karin, being as stubborn as she was, was denying liking him. Juugo was just unstable. There wasn't anything else to say about him. However, Juugo was closer to being Sasuke's favorite than Karin or Suigetsu were.
Sasuke needed to get them to pay attention to him. They showed him no respect. They were worthless if they didn't respect him. He glared at them waiting for them to pay him notice. He felt like he had been staring for hours until Karin pulled away from her fight with Suigetsu after terribly losing when he turned his limbs into puddles whenever she tried to hit him.
"What's wrong, Sasuke-kun?"
Sasuke had snapped a little while ago though, so it didn't matter if she finally noticed him. They were the worst team ever! They couldn't take down Itachi if they didn't work well with one another!
Moreover, being as unstable as he was, he did what no one thought possible of him doing.
Sing
Karin's eyes widened as Sasuke placed his foot on top of a chair not to far away from Juugo very loudly. Juugo quickly stood up startled, but Suigetsu just continued to drink his water.
"Let's get down to business... to defeat... Itachi," Sasuke began singing.
Karin's mouth opened slightly and Suigetsu spit out his water while laughing. Juugo just stared. Sasuke wasn't that bad of a singer actually.
"Did they send me daughters..., when I asked for sons?" he continued pointing at each one of them as they wondered why he said "send" when he came and found them.
"You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet before we're through," he grabbed a hold of Juugo's curtains and stared him in the eyes, "Mister, I'll make a man... out of you."
Juugo stared at him, almost in a cowering way as Sasuke let go of him and left the chair. The Uchiha approached Suigetsu who was still sitting on the couch, trying to drink instead of laughing.
Sasuke leaned against the arm of the couch and sang, "Tranquil as a forest..., but on fire... within. Once you find your center, you are sure... to win."
Suigetsu stopped drinking and looked at Sasuke out of the corner of his eye, trying to sustain his laughter.
Sasuke glared at he spat out, "You're a spineless, pale pathetic lot... and you haven't got a clue." He grabbed the top of Suigetsu's head and added, "Somehow I'll... make a man... out of you."
Suigetsu gaped at Sasuke as he let go, walked away, and faced them. He felt... so unmanly all of a sudden, and he wasn't even the one who was singing! He stood up and Karin quickly followed his example. Suigetsu wasn't going to take the feeling of being unmanly.
He was going to sing too, and he did, "I'm never gonna catch my breath!"
Juugo jumped in, most likely confused, "Say good-bye to those who knew me!"
Feeling as if Juugo was a threat to his... singing, he vocalized, "Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym!" he then glanced at Karin and Sasuke and muttered while motioning to Sasuke, "This guy's got 'em scared to death."
Karin quickly stepped up with her fingers laced near her neck and sung while gazing admirably at Sasuke, "Hope he doesn't see right through me!"
Juugo added timidly, "Now I really wish that I knew how to swim."
The three members of Hebi chorused, "Be a man!"
Sasuke stood in front of them heroically, "We must be swift as the coursing river."
"Be a man!"
"With all the force of a great typhoon."
"Be a man!"
"With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as... the dark side of the... moon!" he sang indicating the sky when he sang moon.
"Time is racing toward us... till Itachi... arrives," he began stepping toward the three confused members. "Heed my every order... and you might survive!"
Suigetsu felt like he was going to laugh again, but at the memory of him actually singing, he stopped. How did singing make him manly again?
Sasuke continued while making violent hand movements, "You're unsuited for the rage of war. So pack up, go home, you're through!" He pressed his face toward Karin's, leaving three inches between them, "How could I... make a man... out of you?"
He quickly turned away, keeping his back on them as they chorused, "Be a man!"
"We must be swift as the coursing river."
"Be a man!"
"With all the force of a great typhoon."
"Be a man!"
"With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!" he sang again turning to face them again, an emotionless expression on his face.
"Be a man!" they sang louder.
"We must be swift as the coursing river," the Uchiha said stepping toward them.
"Be a man!"
"With all the force of a great typhoon," he continued standing in between Karin and Juugo.
"Be a man!"
"With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!" he finished as the others joined him, all looking like complete idiots.
There was a moment of silence before Suigetsu spat out, "Why the hell did we just do that?"
Sasuke glared at him and answered coldly, "I was trying to get your attention."
Suigetsu stared at him as if he was insane and replied, "Next time just yell to get our attention. You don't have to break out into song!"
Juugo remained emotionless as he stared off into space and Karin was trying to hide her smile behind her fingers. Sasuke just glared. He would never admit that Suigetsu's idea was a better idea than his was.
What an awkward day it had been.
xxx
Does the song sound familiar? (minus the Itachi part) It's from Mulan. I love that Disney movie. -