Aizen walked into the Espada dining room. (Or, formal hall as he called it.) He had a pack of construction paper in his hand, and in the other he had some eggnog. Tosen was following him holding various art supplies like glitter, stamps, washable markers, jumbo crayons, a camera, colored pencils, finger paint, tape and safety scissors. Aizen waltzed on in and set the paper down on the table. "Good morning, my dear Espada."

Tosen placed the supplies next to the paper. Grimmjow slammed his hand down. "What the hell is that shit for?"

Aizen smiled. "Today we are making Christmas Cards for the Capitans of Gotei Thirteen."

Grimmjow only then noticed the God-awful, gaudy red sweater that Aizen was wearing. He whispered over to Ulquiorra, "What the FUCK is he wearing?"

Ulquiorra shrugged. Aizen looked at the Espada. "SO! Do you wanna make some cards?"

Nnotira nodded. "Fine. Whatever."

Szayel flipped his hair. "GLITTER."

Grimmjow got up. "THIS IS BULLSHIT! WE'RE THE MOTHER FUCKING ESPADA. NOT SOME LITTLE SHIT HEAD KIDS!"

Aizen walked over to Gin who was wearing an elf hat and said, "Grimmjow must not be Catholic or Christian…."

Gin gasped and put his hand over his mouth. "That's terrible!"

Aizen nodded, his Santa hat moving all around. He looked ridiculous. Grimmjow was full of anger. "I AM CATHOLIC! I JUST DON'T THINK WE SHOULD SEND FUCKING CARDS OUT TO OUR ENEMIES! IT'S DECEMBER TWENTY-SEVENTH! RETARD!"

Aizen shook a finger at Grimmjow. "Ah, no, Grimm-kun. We should, because," he winked and pointed his finger and continued, "..you should always be closer to your enemies," he posed, "than your allies."

Gin clapped and jumped up and down like a fricking fangirl. "Go Aizen-sama! You tell him!"

Aizen gestured with his hand in a circular motion and then said softly, "And besides, don't you wanna just be an asshole to them? They'll think we forgot their little cards and then—POW~! –we didn't. Told them wrong. Those sons-of-bitches."

Grimmjow sighed and shook his head. "Pointless."

Aizen looked around and shouted. "GRIMMJOW IS AN ATHEIST!"

Grimmjow sighed. "Since when do the Espada celebrate the birth of Jesus?"

Aizen did the Haruhi Suzumiya wink. "Since now. Suck it, bitch."

Once Grimmjow got over his twitching, Aizen began to talk again. "Now, to make the cards." He passed out the paper and laid out the supplies.

Then, with no warning, Ulquiorra spoke, and his eyes actually had some freaking emotion. He looked a tad bit sad and asked Aizen, "Aizen-sama, aren't we going to have our tea?" He was biting his lip.

Aizen smiled. "Well, Ulqui-kun, we are having a change of plans."

Ulquiorra looked devastated. "What?"

"We're having hot chocolate and eggnog." Aizen was beaming.

"SINCE WHEN DO WE DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE AND EGGNOG?" Grimmjow yelled, obviously upset.

Aizen did YET ANOTHER Haruhi-ism. He sighed and rolled his eyes, then put his hand on his hip. "Since now. SUCK IT, BITCH!"

Szayel scooted over to Aizen. "Do you want him to?"

Aizen looked down. "Maybe…." He whispered.

There was a glint of amusment in Ulquiorra's eyes.

Grimmjow stopped moving and froze. Literally, he just, stopped. He froze mid-action and fell to the ground. He then twitched for the next five minutes. Gin pulled out a camera. Snapping pictures, he giggled, "Heehee~! This'll be HILARIOUS on EspadaSpace! I can see it now: Grimmjow gets hammered on alcoholic eggnog! CLASSIC!"

Aizen put his hand on Gin's shoulder. "Now, now, Gin-kun. You gotta be nice t him, not many people can take the amazingness that is Aizen."

Gin blushed and looked down. He looked like an over-satisfied yaoi fangirl. "Thank you, Ai-kun, for the wonderful advice!"

Aizen saw Grimmjow get up. He looked him straight in the eye and then he said, "Fuck you."

Aizen winked again and told the whole Espada to gather 'round, just like Tim Gunn from Project Runway. "PICTURE TIME!"

(AUTHOR NOTE: I will upload this picture when I draw it.)

The Espada took a family like picture, Aizen forcefully hugging Grimmjow. Grimmjow as trying to get away.

Soon, there was tacky-as-all-hell Christmas cards for the Captains. Aizen clapped his hands together. "Yay~! Let's send em!"

Byakuya sleepily walked out into the sunlight. Even though it was twelve P.M., he was tired. "CAAAPPTAAAIIN KUUUCCCHHHIIKKKIIII!" Toshiro was running towards him.

"What, Captain Hitsugaya?" Byakuya rubbed his eye.

"Tacky-as-shit-Christmas-Cards-From-The-Espada.."

"Christmas? It's December Twenty-Seventh!"

"They're lazy ass-holes."

Byakuya opened the card.

Merry Christmas from your mortal enemies at Hueco Mundo

Dear Captain Kuchiki~

Merry Christmas~! (Unless you're an atheist like Grimmjow.) You suck! We all hate you. You must not have many girls after you, like I do. You are ugly as shit. We think that you are a piece of shit. Gin hates you. I hate you. Ulquiorra hates you. (Even though he has no emotion, I made him say 'no.')

Hope your Christmas is full of holiday cheer and joy.

Love, The Espada

-Insert Pic of Aizen Haruhi-winking here-

Byakuya froze, fell to the ground and twitched.

"C-captain Kuchiki! What's wro—" Toshiro then saw the deathly picture and fell and twitched.

Aizen laughed. "Just as planned…."
"Bitches!"