Love me again
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- Nicola/Ollie
Rating:- M
Achieve:- http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/
Summary:- I know now there' a chance I know you still feel something for me and while I may need to earn back your trust there's hope. Hope that I haven't lost the one thing I had no idea that has ever made me see the light in the darkness of the world we live in.
Author's Note:- In answer to Beth's top forty challenge to write a fic with one of the songs from this week's top 40! Lyrics from "Love me again" by John Newman. Rated for language and brief sexual references. Enjoy and reviews would be lovely!
I know I've done wrong, I left your heart torn
Is that what devils do?
I took you so love, where only fools go
I shook the angel in you
You stare at me from the other side of the desk and I know you're thinking the same thing I am, I know your mind has gone to that night, the one I relive on a daily basis and wish I could share with you again. This time though it would be different, I'd never leave you like I did that night, I'd never see the pain in your eyes when you realised I was less than you hoped I would be. I know I broke your heart that night, I know you trusted me with it when everything told you not to and I was careless with that trust. I stole the light from your eyes that used to shine just for me and if I could turn back time. Make it all better I would but I don't think you'd ever let me again. The barely veiled hatred in your eyes where love once lay tells me that and breaks my heart all over again.
Now I'm rising from my crimes
Rising up to you
Feel with all the strength I found
There's nothing I can't do.
"I'm sorry." My words are falling on deaf ears I know they are but yet I say them anyway. I say them to the darkness of the outer office and the dim light in yours in the hope that they will echo through your soul and touch the heart that once beat for me alone. I know what I've done to you, I know the damage I've done can never be undone but the realisation of what I've done has made me determined to try, determined to see if it could be different, if we could try again because I feel that with my lesson learned I would never disappoint you again.
"I've heard it all before Ollie, you promised me you were different, that you would never make me feel the way he does. You fucked up and I'm sorry I don't think I can ever take that chance again. It's too hard, too much of a risk."
It's unforgivable
I stole and burnt your soul
Is that what demons do?
They rule the worst of me
The conversation is old, the pleas on my part the rebuttals on yours, I know what I've squandered, what I've thrown away and how I took the trust you'd placed in me and trampled over it breaking your heart as I did. That night, when you realised what I'd done, when I walked away from what I thought I didn't want anymore, if I'd known it would end like this I would never have taken you for granted. I would never had let the quiet voices of temptation in my head, the demon telling me that it didn't matter, that you didn't matter, take control.
"It was a one off, a slip she could never make me feel the way you do, she didn't matter."
"Nor did I, that's what you don't get. Don't do this again Ollie haven't you made things difficult enough between us?"
They bring down angels like you
Now I'm rising from the ground
Rising up to you
With all the strength I've found.
You're out of your seat heading for the door and I can't let you go, not this time. I've watched you walk away from me too often in the weeks since it happened and have never found the strength to show you how sorry I am, to fight to make you see that I want to make it better and prove that I can and will be worthy of your trust again.
"Don't go, please I know how badly I fucked up Nicola, I know how much I hurt you but I swear if you let me I will prove to you that it will never happen again." My hand on yours I feel you relent, we could always make any moment amazing with the gentlest of touches and I know if I can just remind you of that we can get through this I can mend the cracks in your heart and prove myself worthy of the angelic wonder that sharing your life was however clandestine it had to be.
I can see the internal battle raging in your mind reflected in the shadows that dance across your eyes as they darken when you turn to me allowing me to hold you for the first time since that night and I know I can do anything. So long as you're prepared to give me a second change no obstacle is too hard to surmount.
I need to know now, know now
Can you love me again?
I need to know now, know now
Can you love me again?
"Let me fix this, let me love you." The words are simple and the sentiment behind them heart felt and you stare at me with eyes telling me you still have doubts, you still don't know if you are stepping on to the same rollercoaster you used to tell me has characterised your sham of a marriage but I prove it can never be like that. I've learned from my one mistake and I don't plan on repeating it.
"I don't know if I can." Your words are directly contradicted by your actions as you step a little close and I lean into you our lips colliding with a passion I never thought I'd feel again. I know now there' a chance I know you still feel something for me and while I may need to earn back your trust there's hope. Hope that I haven't lost the one thing I had no idea that has ever made me see the light in the darkness of the world we live in. That second of hope, that surge in my heart as you melt into me will do me for now. It's a start, a step back to what we had and what I now know we may one day have again.