Title: If You Leave
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Author: Beloved Slayer
Rating: T
Summary: After killing Darla, Angel decides to leave Sunnydale and Buffy behind. After their final moment together, Buffy writes a letter.
Author's Note: Takes place immediately after the season one episode. It'll be a little AU.
~~~~/
"So, this is really happening, huh? This is really goodbye; the end before it really even started? Before we even got the chance to?" Buffy tilted her head, hazel eyes boring holes into the smooth chocolate orbs that belonged to Angel. A subtle breeze lifted tendrils of blond hair, swaying against her pensive expressed face.
They stood outside the entrance of The Bronze, walking alongside the quiet alleyway in temporary silence, their fingers intertwined.
Buffy lolled her head against his broad shoulder, inhaling the masculine scent that wafted from his dust jacket. "For now, yeah. But I'll be back. This is not forever, Buffy."
At this, she felt his lips place a gentle kiss to the crown of her head, her eye lids shutting as she absorbed one of the final memories that she would share with him, stilling her breathing in the process, wrapping her right arm to circle his waist, his vampiric body cold even underneath the thick layers of clothing that clung to him.
A tear surfaced to the rear of her eye. "I forgot to say thank you for saving me from Darla. I really appreciate it more than you know. And I'm so sorry that I didn't believe you about not biting my mom. I shouldn't had doubted you like that," she bawled, biting her lip to suppress her remorse, lowering her eyes to the concrete ground.
"Shhh, it's okay Buffy. Don't blame yourself. You didn't know." Another kiss lingered against her temple as the first tear that threatened to spill finally trickled down her cheek, moistening Angel's frigid lips. "And I'm sorry about my cross burning your chest. I hope it's not hurting right now," she grinned cheekily in spite of her temperament.
"I feel alright. I mean, it still burns and itches, but only a small bit, and you know you don't have to apologize. All is forgiven." Angel returned the grin before it vanished, pulling Buffy into his tight embrace, his eyes interlocking with hers. "This is it, then?" Buffy's question hung in the air. They stood there motionlessly, overly reluctant to free themselves away from each other. In her mind, she wondered how quickly it took for them to arrive at the Greyhound bus station in just a matter of moments. It was as if time was going much too rapidly for her comfort. For them, the end was coming to a close. With that unbearable knowledge, her heart was slowly coming to shatter into tiny half shards.
They stood in front of a looming bus that was preparing to depart to Seattle, Washington, the numerous travelers boarding up their luggage and other necessities into the large compartments. "Yeah, it is. But I promise I'll write or call as soon as I get there; as least as soon as I can find someplace where I won't be turning into ashes," Angel chuckled, keeping his hold on his Slayer.
Buffy allowed the rest of her tears to fall, no matter how hard she was trying to keep her composure in check. Despite the harsh fact that they barely knew each other, she was already beginning to fall in love with the vampire with a soul, yet she was also aware that her duty as the Slayer would never allow her to express her feelings fully without bringing danger to either one of them.
"I'll miss you," she muttered sadly, now tugging him into her own personal small embrace, her hands clawing through his hair as she inhaled the faint scent of coconut into her nostrils, reeling his scent for one last time.
She pressed her lips against both of his temples, until her lips met with his. "I'll miss you too," he whispered, his eyes shut. "I'll be in touch," he assured, turning in order to give the bus driver his ticket as he boarded upon the steps that led inside. He spun around, giving her one look of infinite sadness, his mouth muttering words that Buffy had trouble understanding amongst the noisy and constant chatter.
Did he just mumbled 'I love you'? Buffy shook her head reverentially in denial. No, it was impossible. It was probably her imagination playing tricks. "Goodbye," the Slayer waved, her eyes never leaving Angel's as the motors of the bus roared to life. In seconds, it sped away, leaving a broken hearted Slayer behind. "Until we meet again, hopefully," she whispered to herself as she spun away from the bus station, quietly and sullenly making her way back home.
~~~~/
Three weeks later had passed and Buffy had recently returned from a night of patrol. After climbing silently through her window, she tossed her weaponry and jacket aside, reaching to her desk to pull out a paper and a jet black pen laced with pink feathers, reaching the items close as she fell to the carpeted floor, folding her legs underneath her weight. She began writing, all eyes concentrating on her pen and scribbling hand.
Dear Angel
Hey, how's Seattle? Is it dark and cold enough up there for you? Just kidding. I miss you. I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything alright up there? Are you okay? I hope you are. I know it's been only three weeks, but I already miss you like hell. Since you've been gone, the Master's been up to his old tricks again, and there's been word about some prophecy that's about to happen soon; something about the Master rising. Sounds scary, right? To be honest, it does. I wish you were here with me. It makes me feel safe when you do. I'm worried, but I'm trying to be happy for you. I hope things up there are going great. Take care, and I hope I'll hear from you soon.
I- well, nevermind. I'll tell you later. No biggie. Hugs and lots of cookies,
Buffy
Tucking and folding the letter inside a white envelope, Buffy gently kissed it, leaving it on top of her desk as she trudged towards her bed, unfolding the covers and shuffling herself underneath the layers, shutting her eyes to the world as she entered slumber.
~~~~/
One week later had passed, and there was still no word from Angel. Alarm and worry tickled in the recesses of the Slayer's stomach, but she had more pressing duties to attend to at the moment. "One, two, three," she announced giddily, directing herself towards a blond vampire with a massive build that resembled a football player.
"Come on big boy, kick my ass," she sneered, raising her fists in a move identical to a boxer's. The vampire snarled, preparing his body to tackle her. Buffy dodged, using her outstretched right leg to trip him down face flat against a shattered, decaying tombstone, plunging the stake through the thickness of his back, his body now a pile of dust. Buffy had little time to celebrate her victory when she felt her cell phone vibrating in her pocket.
"Buffy here."
"Buffy, you better come down here quick. We're close to Weatherly Park. I think we found something you might want to see," Willow declared. Slayer senses rose to full alert as the Slayer sprinted quickly towards her destination, her mind filled with only the thoughts and images of Angel.
I hope it's not what I think it is. Please let it not be true.
In record time, she reached the entrance of the park, her sight eying the rest of the Scooby Gang circling near a crypt that was remotely out of place. "What's going on?" she called out breathlessly, scanning the feign expressions on their faces. Giles occupied himself by wiping his lenses with a white cloth, his mouth tight. "I'm afraid it's Angel, Buffy. Or what is left of his remains. It appears as if he had been staked."
Her stomach fell into a dark pit at his words, her world crumbling. She fell to her knees. "What?"
"Buffy, we found this." Willow held what appeared to be Angel's claddagh ring, placing it squarely on Buffy's hand. She hiccuped in response. She nodded. "It's his. This is Angel's claddagh ring."
"It was sitting directly next to a pile of ashes, which we, as we mentioned already, may have been his, and there is something else as well. A letter has been discovered, in his handwriting. It was formally addressed to you," Giles queried. Buffy tugged the item, ripping it open in time to absorb Angel's familiar handwriting, her heart squeezing against her chest.
Buffy,
It wasn't supposed to be like this. The only reason I left you was to make sure that you were safe from the Master, but it turned out that it was much more difficult that I had originally thought. It was so hard to be so far away from you, so I decided to come back. Unfortunately, I knew that if I did, it would be the end for me, so I wanted to write you this letter just in case if something happened to me. By the time you read this, it's likely that I'll be gone for good. And I have. I've passed on, all because the Master had apparently wanted me out of the way in order to force you to do something rash. I know about the prophecy, Buffy. I read your letter, and you have to believe that it's more than okay to be scared; it's what makes you human. And know this, when you fight the Master, you won't be alone. I'll be right beside you when it happens.
I'm so sorry that I'm not there with you. Regardless of our duties, or our destinies, or our paths, you have to know this: I do love you. I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you when we met in the dark alley, and I will always love you. I'm not sure where my soul will be since I was a vampire afterall, but I will be with you at your side when you go up against the Master. I love you, always. And yes, those were the words I had said to you as soon as I had gotten on that bus. I'll always be a part of you. And I'll fight alongside with you when you need it most.
Regards,
Angel
She stood to her feet, pushing his ring against her finger, gingerly touching it while turning her face towards the sky. "And I love you too, wherever you are Angel. We'll fight him together. For you. And for us."
A/N: This is a bit different from canon, but hopefully you guys like it either way. I'm happy with the way it turned out, and I like that it gives Buffy a different way to focus her energy on taking the Master down. Anyways, thanks for reading! I will be working on the final chapter for Pyre's Song this week for those who may be wondering about it.