Disclaimer: I still don't own a thing.

Authors' Note: I wrote this for a friend, who requested something with Jade, Peony, and maybe Guy having shenanigans somewhere in Malkuth. She had me at "shenanigans," and this was the result.

If you read, please review!

Shenanigans

"Guy, explain."

Guy sighed. He should have known it was coming. He was, after all, standing in the middle of Jade's rather empty office, the desk having been replaced with a hammock, the papers and chair also gone. The only other one in the room was Emperor Peony, and it wasn't as if Jade was going to order him to explain. At Guy's silence, Jade's eyes flashed.

"Guy—"

"Okay, okay," Guy cut him off, running a hand through his hair. "Yulia, where to begin . . ."

"The beginning would be appropriate," Jade said. To anyone else, his tone would have been mild, but Guy heard the underlying threat and swallowed. Peony, on the other hand, was grinning like a cat before a squirming mouse.

"Jade, don't you want to take advantage of the hammock while Guy explains? After all, you're looking rather tense. A nap would do you good." His grin became even broader. "You're not like Nephry. You actually need beauty sleep."

Jade adjusted his glasses so that the light reflected off them just-so, completely hiding his eyes from sight, his ever-present smile taut. "No, thank you, Your Majesty. There's no need for you to worry about me, however. After all, like Nephry, I shall remove myself from your presence soon enough." The smile fell from Peony's face.

"That's cold, Jade."

Jade ignored him, turning to Guy once more. "I hate having to repeat myself," he said, his tone still mild-but-threatening. "Guy, explain."

"It was a joke," Guy said hastily, resisting the urge to take a step back, away from Jade's ire. He knew that if he did, Jade would pounce on him faster than a liger after a fleeing Cheagle.

"A joke?"

"I didn't know it at first," Guy continued. "Emperor Peony told me that you needed your papers and such moved, so I boxed them up and moved them to my place. They're in boxes in my study."

"Well, it's comforting to know that sensitive military secrets reside in the manor of a civilian," Jade remarked dryly. Guy winced. "Continue."

"I didn't return until a few hours later, when His Majesty summoned me once again. I was told that your desk and chair had been removed, and that I needed to set up the hammock." Guy gestured to the offending hammock, though Jade didn't even turn to look at it, his red eyes instead piercing straight into Guy. "So I did, and that's when you got here."

"Nice job blaming it all on me, Gailardia," Peony spoke up, his arms folded across his chest. "I'll remember this." Guy's eyes widened.

"Hey – I was just repeating the events as they happened. I wasn't blaming anyone."

"Whoever is to blame is irrelevant," Jade interrupted, adjusting his glasses once more. "I am still missing my desk."

"True, but you do have a hammock," Peony returned cheekily. Jade did not look amused. "And what a lovely hammock it is." Jade gave Peony a look for just a moment before moving toward the door.

"I am going to take a walk," he said, pausing with his hand on the door handle. "I will return in one hour. I hope that by then my office will be restored to its previous state." Jade didn't say what would happen if it wasn't, instead just choosing to leave the office at that point, but Guy could guess, and none of his guesses were particularly comforting. He turned to Peony to ask for assistance – especially given that it was Peony's bright idea in the first place – but Peony was already following after Jade.

"Well, chop-chop, Gailardia. You only have an hour."

"Wait!" Guy called, not bothering to hide the slight panic in his voice. After all, Peony was basically feeding him to Jade's wrath, which was even worse than feeding him to the wolves. "What happened to his desk? Who took it?" Peony shrugged.

"Some of the soldiers handled it. It'd probably be best to ask around." Peony flashed Guy a grin. "Good luck." With that, he shut the door behind him, leaving Guy alone in Jade's office. Guy hung his head.

It was a joke, all right, but Peony's joke wasn't on Jade at all – it was all on Guy.

"At this rate," Guy muttered, turning to start taking down the hammock, "I might as well forget about doing this and just go off to write my will . . ."