Picturing the past
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- None
Rating:- K
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Summary:- . I can't take away over twenty years of my life that I spent with Richard and I wouldn't want to because without them I'd never have had him. What I can do though is say goodbye to it once and for all and that's exactly what I plan to do starting tonight.
Author's Note:- In answer to the 3 Pictures challenge in which someone had to discover a photo from the past which made them sad, one from the present which made them happy and one which another character wanted destroyed because it's embarrassing. Fluffy little piece involving Jean and Chris. To stop me turning it into yet another epic which I really have enough of going on right now Beth gave me a 1500 word limit so the story itself setting aside the notes section at the top is exactly 1500 words! Very light very family friendly so no warnings this time just enjoy and reviews would be lovely.
"Mum what are you doing up there I thought we had to be at the restaurant to meet James, Robbie and Laura by eight!" My son has never been renowned for his patience he is right we are supposed to be leaving and it's important it's the first time we've all socialised together since I told him James and I were a couple and he's looking forward to it. I think.
"Yeah I did Chris and it's only 6.30 the restaurant is half an hour away exactly how early do you want us to be?"
"What are you doing up here anyway?" Right now I could shove the shoe box that has delayed me into the bottom of the wardrobe again and pretend I don't know that he's already seen it but he has and there's not getting away from it.
"I was looking for the shoes that match this dress and I came across these I'd forgotten about them." He's sat down on the floor beside me and is looking at the contents of the box like he's never seen anything more unusual. I mean it's only photos and a few bits and pieces from mine and Richard's wedding and when he was a baby sentimental yes odd no at least I don't think so.
"God Mum why do you keep half this stuff?" He's holding up the tiny little hospital bracelet he had pup on when he was born and I carefully removed the day I brought him home and stored away. The day I brought him home I wanted to keep everything that was even slightly related to his birth I was so happy that he'd arrived safely and I was bringing him home.
"I keep them because they're important and because it's our family history of sorts, some day when you have kids of your own you'll understand when you first moved out I used to go through this box all the time." Now he's holding up the garter I wore on my wedding day and a box with a now very mouldy looking slice of cake even I wonder at times why I haven't ditched the cake yet but my mother went on and on after the wedding that it was traditional to keep a slice of the cake it would ensure a lifelong happy marriage well she couldn't have been more wrong there the marriage ended up in a worse state than the cake is in.
"Mum you can't seriously tell me you still want to keep that it's a bout of food poisoning waiting to happen and this…..well actually I don't want to know."
"Just as well because I wouldn't tell you." I've taken the garter off him and put it back in the box, he's right about the cake though it's time it went. "You can bin the cake though it was an old superstition of your Gran's and it has proved to be a load of rubbish. Look at this, oh Chris you were such a cute child you know that don't you?"
"No, no way Mum that's going in the bin along with the cake!" I've just found a photo in the box of him on his sixth birthday. At that stage he was obsessed with the fact that Mummy went to work every day to fight the bad guys and was already talking about joining the force himself so when he had a fancy dress birthday party there wasn't any change of me convincing him to wear anything other than a full mini replica of standard police uniform my mother made it for him and he was obsessed with every detail being right, personally I think he looks adorable he's not convinced though.
"No it won't I love this photo it reminds me that even though a few years later you found my job unbelievably embarrassing and hated me fore it for a while you loved it once, besides you look gorgeous and Gran spent days making that outfit I still have it somewhere too in a box of your baby clothes in the attic I think." Now he looks really appalled and I can't help but tease him just a little. "Besides I keeping this you're 30 in a few years and I'm going to pull some strings and get it published on the "let's celebrate" page of the police gazette that month."
"You bloody well are not, god Mum what are you trying to do to me?" He's tried to grab the photo but I'm not giving it up, it'll do him good to worry if I'm serious or not for a little while even if I wouldn't actually do that to him.
"We'll see, anyway the photo stays and we should be getting moving." I've put the photo back in the box and in my attempts to hide it amongst all the others I've come to the small collection of wedding pictures I've been trying to avoid but he' seen them.
" You looked really beautiful on your wedding day Mum." Everyone looks beautiful on their wedding day I'd still rather not bring up the memories that those photos evoke though.
"Yeah I suppose let's go though put this stuff away again and bin that bit of cake." I know he can see the change in my mood and I hate the fact that it can still upset me. I don't Love Richard any more I didn't long before we actually gave up on our marriage but the fact that looking at those photos reminds me of when I did, of when I was so sure that I was marrying the man I would spend the rest of my life with, still upsets me.
"Don't let Dad spoil the evening Mum, I know it's hard but he's moved on and so have you." I know he's right yet I can still feel a lump coming to my throat and he can see it. Damn this isn't how the night was supposed to go why couldn't I have just put the box back on the shelf when I found it, got the shoes I was looking for in the first place and forgotten about it again. "Mum? Please don't get upset. It wasn't your fault that things didn't work out between you and Dad he was the one who decided to give up trying and you shouldn't let it still make you cry…wait here, don't move promise me that you'll sit here for two minutes I'll be right back."
"Chris we need to go I'm…" He's gone and I've no idea where he's gone but at least it's given me a moment to pull myself together and put the box away again as far into the back of the wardrobe as I can get it.
"Mum look, look at this." He's holding the framed photo from my home office, one of me and James taken by Laura at last year's regatta when the four of us went together. We took a picnic and the she took the photo when we weren't paying attention I'm sitting on the blanket leaning against the trunk of the oak tree we picked because it shaded us from the scorching sun that day and James is lying with his head on my lap. I love it because we look so happy, so relaxed and it never fails to make me smile when I look at it. "Look at how happy you are, I can't remember ever seeing you look so beautiful and so relaxed with Dad, certainly not at the end."
"I was happy, I mean I am happy." I know exactly what he's trying to prove and I know he's right.
"Well then forget about the past, its gone Mum and it's not coming back focusing on it can only have a negative effect on what you have now. I'm so happy for you that you and James are making a go of it and I know you were worried about tonight too and how it would go but this version of you, the one that opened the door to me earlier and the one in this photo is what I want for you. Now find the bloody shoes and forget about Dad and anything else and let's go have dinner with someone who I know is really making you happy. That's what matters now right?"
"Yes, yes it is honey. Ok go put that back we do have to go." He's gone again and I really do feel that with a single picture and some perfectly chosen words from him I know that the past really is gone. I can't take away over twenty years of my life that I spent with Richard and I wouldn't want to because without them I'd never have had him. What I can do though is say goodbye to it once and for all and that's exactly what I plan to do starting tonight.