Destiny, Compromised

Autumn appeared to have descended upon Tokyo very early that year. Like the snow in midwinter, gold and ruby red leaves caught by the breeze swirled in violent flurries. They collected in gigantic piles on the sidewalk and in the street, but when the sun peeked out from the dull grey clouds, they seemed to catch fire and give the illusion of treasures spilled out of a king's storeroom. Ami and Serena ambled down the sidewalk at an identical pace, their hands shoved in their pockets, both of them kicking absently at stray leaves that fell in their path. It had been a while since either of them had spoken, but the silence was far from awkward; in fact, it was edifying. However, Ami had no qualms about interrupting it.

"I must say, I am truly surprised that you aren't more broken up about him leaving," she murmured unemotionally, trademark of her manner of speaking. Her lips remained parted, as though she would continue, but thought better of it, and she closed her mouth so quickly that her teeth clicked when they knocked against each other. Serena stopped suddenly as a flaming orange leaf barely evaded the toe of her boot. She tracked it down and squashed it, and it made a sickly crunch as its pieces scattered. Ami halted to stand beside her friend and await a response.

"After everything Darien and I have been through, a five-thousand mile separation isn't going to be much of a challenge. And not to mention… we all have seen the future. Darien and I know we are going to end up together… so I figure, why worry about it?" Her explanation was punctuated by a forlorn sigh. The distance would be much harder on her than she was ever willing to admit. In this one way had Serena's personality most dramatically transformed: she struggled to internalize her emotions to keep them from weighing on her friends. At these attempts she was rarely successful, but at least now her wailing spells were few and far between and were incited by semi-reasonable circumstances. Ami could hardly believe how much the young woman had matured. "Besides…" Serena's face brightened slightly as one half of her mouth tilted upward in a lopsided smile. "I am glad there will be someone I trust to look out for you."

Ami blushed a little. It seemed everyone in the group was pleased that Darien and Ami would be attending the same medical school that fall: Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. The United States—a country that now seemed like it was a galaxy away. Ami had studied for two years at the local university and interned at a local hospital—she was still technically pre-med, but all of her test scores and her job performance were solid evidence that she would gain accelerated entrance into the Pediatrics program at Johns Hopkins. It had never bothered her that she would be going by herself… what other choice did she have? Forfeiting her dream to become a pediatrician just because she was shy? No. Her plan was cemented in her mind. So, when Darien approached Ami about attending Johns Hopkins letting her know he was interested in attending the same school—rather than Harvard University, as he had originally intended—she was floored, and secretly more than a little relieved. The entire group had rejoiced. Now those left in Japan wouldn't have to worry about either of them—they would look out for each other. Their going away party had been one of raucous rejoicing. Only Serena cried, but no one blamed her for it. Darien was quiet, but he smiled continually. Ami soughed at the memory. It was only a few days ago, but all time after that was spent packing and making final preparations, so that it seemed years ago.

"It's just that…" A boulder of guilt was heaved onto her chest so that her breath left her in a short gasp. "Well… it's just that you will be apart for so long. Don't you worry at all?" Serena's head whipped around so that she clearly faced Ami, her wrist-thick braid slapping against her own cheek.

"What do you mean?" Her voice sounded truly bewildered, but it grated against suspicion.

Ami stared at Serena's golden, Rapunzel-esque braid draped over her shoulder. It was funny that she had changed her hairstyle—no longer wore it in those traditional dumplings perched atop her scalp. So many things had changed. Ami's heart felt so heavy inside of her already-oppressed chest.

"All I meant was…" She paused; her lips twitched. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"Darien loves me," Serena declared fiercely, kicking at a leaf that escaped. She fumed and stomped on it.

"I know," Ami nodded. Serena's inhalations were passing through her nose now in little sniffles. The guilt stone pressed down harder on Ami. They continued shuffling along the sidewalk. They had no particular destination; Ami simply wanted to wander the neighborhood as often as possible before her departure. She had not the faintest idea when she could return. The renewed silence was growing heavy, like a rapidly ripening fruit that had no choice but to fall on someone's head. And it did just that when Serena next opened her mouth.

"Ami, he won't have sex with me."

Ami felt rapid-fire spreading from the base of her collarbone up along her neck all the way to her ears. She was blushing so deeply and feeling so warm, she thought she must have been tackled by a fast-acting fever. Bringing her hand up to her mouth, she coughed nervously into it. What was she supposed to say to something like that? The walking did not cease. They turned a corner. "I thought you two were… saving yourselves?" With a thoroughly ponderous expression on her face, Serena folded her arms over her torso.

"Well, we were. I mean… I don't know. Darien is my true love, so it didn't matter to me one way or the other. And he never said anything about it either. I was in his bathroom one day, though… and... I found a box of condoms. It was unopened, and I asked him about it. He said he had them there for us… 'just in case.' So we started to get more serious, but then… he couldn't do it. He wouldn't." Her voice cracked, and she closed her mouth, shutting her eyes tightly for a moment. Ami could do nothing but stare. For a minute she chewed her tongue and studied her shoelaces as they flounced up and down with her walking.

"Maybe it just didn't feel right," she offered at last, hoping that was what Serena wanted to hear. Serena matched her fingertips up and examined the dry patches of skin on her knuckles before retorting,

"It's happened six times."

That was substantially different.

"And." Serena took an enormous breath and held it for a moment, as though she were preparing herself to dive into a deep, freezing pool and she had no idea when she would again break its surface. Ami blinked profusely. "He said that… maybe… well, he said that it would be good for us to see other people since he was going to be away." It was Ami's turn to come to an abrupt halt.

"There's got to be a logical explanation to all this. I mean, Darien is going to be away for an awfully long time. He's going to be a trauma surgeon, after all. And that is going to take a lot of work… perhaps he just doesn't want you to be lonely while he's away. With his studies, he isn't going to have much time for distractions…" Ami reasoned.

"A trauma surgeon?" Serena raised her eyebrows.

"Yes." Ami said nothing more, but her great blue eyes asked the question, Didn't you know? Serena's shrug looked more like a luxuriant stretch.

"He never told me. I thought he was just studying to be a doctor…" Their bodies were angled toward each other now. Ami's fingers tangled through her lengthening blue-black hair that reached just past the collar of her grey jacket. Serena's chin jutted downward, hidden on either side by her own collar—this was a clear sign that she was feeling dejected. "Ami, do you suppose that's how he views me? …As a distraction…?" The dark-haired girl felt her palm growing moist. This sort of conversation always made her so uncomfortable. It had always been her desire to please people, but at the same time, how could she be anything but honest with her truest friend?

"I don't know, Serena. But I'm sure he's just doing what he thinks is best for you."

"Maybe." A leaf floated down just above Serena's head, and Serena snatched it out of the air and crunched it in her hand.

"Hey." Ami extended her hand and laid it lightly upon the unoccupied shoulder. Serena glanced up through her moistened eyelashes. "I'll race you to the arcade!" Ami suddenly exclaimed, tearing her hand away and beginning to sprint down the sidewalk.