He tried to commit suicide.
It happened four years ago. I was jogging in the Northern forest when I saw a man with jet-black hair, and eerily pale skin standing near the edge of the cliff, with a Starbucks tumbler in his hand. How I saw that was beyond me.
No one really went to that part of the forest because of the huge 'OFF LIMITS' sign posted near it, so for a while, I actually thought that what I saw was either a ghost, an apparition (were they the same? I'm not quite sure), or a hallucination caused by dehydration from running without bringing a water bottle with me.
I stared intently at him to figure out if he was real or not, and when I figured he was in fact a living human being, I moved to look closer. I would say that I thought he looked like a normal bystander enjoying the beauty of nature, but no one in their right mind would stand near a cliff and possibly risk their life for the sake of looking at a view.
When he looked close enough to jump, I screamed at him like my life depended on it. Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. No one knew.
For some reason, he threw his tumbler at me—it hit my head, by the way, and it hurt!—and glowered at me. He said something incoherent before leaving me glued to my place.
If his back was eerie, his face was... It wasn't even the face. It was his eyes. He had red irises that looked so terrifyingly breath-taking that I almost believed that he was simply an enchanted being living in the forest.
I held the Starbucks tumbler in my hand and thanked the gods that I was there to see what he was about to do. I managed to stop a stranger from taking away his life.
I took the tumbler and kept it. Who knew if I'll meet him again?
To my surprise, he was also studying in my school. He was new here, I presumed. It was the first time I saw his face and, well, the girls didn't usually act all flirty and cutesy around the guys in our school.
…Except perhaps on Ruka Nogi, a blonde, blue-eyed animal lover. He was a friend of mine, but I pitied him. Obsessed fan girls usually harassed him, and he almost had zero privacy and quiet time because of them.
Now, Ruka was no longer alone in experiencing the wrath of the invasive girls in our school. I had a great feeling they would get along.
Suprisingly, I was right. Because of the girls who practically wanted to eat them, they helped each other escape from the hands of those deranged fans. In a span of a few weeks, they became the best of friends.
Like what I've told you before, Ruka and I were friends, and because of that, I got the chance to meet the red-eyed boy again. His scowl worsened when he saw me. Ruka laughed nervously at the frowning lad and introduced us.
"Mikan, this is Hyuuga Natsume," He said. "He moved from the Okanoue."
It was the first time I got the chance to look at him from up close. His eyes were as beautiful as they were when I saw them from afar. He had short eyebrows, thin lips and a finely chiseled nose. His jaw was well defined, and his shoulders were wide. He was tall and appropriately muscular. All in all, he was a good-looking guy. No wonder those girls ran after him.
I decided to give him my brightest smile, only to be scowled at by him. Ugh. He sure knew how to give an impression.
He glared at me. "You're not one of those lovesick freaks, are you?"
His voice was deep and firm, just like what I heard before. Ruka answered in my defense. "You don't have to worry about her, Natsume. She's harmless. I wouldn't be introducing you to her if she were one of them. We're friends."
Because of that, I got the chance to hang out with him every day. He even met my best friend, Hotaru, who was a bit like him, laconic and not-too sociable. They would ignore each other most of the time, but sometimes, they would have intellectual conversations, most of which were topics I couldn't even bother to understand.
The four of us got used to each other's company. Since Hotaru was devoted to getting as much money as possible, she used Ruka. She started taking pictures of him and sold it to all his fan girls. Ruka couldn't do anything about it since he was afraid to experience her wrath.
"Hey," Ruka started. "Natsume's sleeping over this Friday. Do you want to come? My parents won't be there 'til Christmas Eve. It's kind of lonely there."
It was the last week before Christmas break officially start, so Ruka decided to invite us over since his parents were still in France. I forgot to mention that his parents were French, thus, the blond hair and blue eyes.
Hotaru nodded her head while scanning the pictures in her camera. She smirked at Ruka. "Sure. I'll be getting a lot of profit if I get pictures of you and Hyuuga sleeping. You can't take back your invitation. I already accepted it."
"You're coming, too," she said to me.
I sighed and nodded my head. Natsume glared at me and said, "Don't bother. You'll only ruin the fun. I'm sure when we go to Ruka's house, you'll only end up playing with his pets."
"What's wrong with playing with his pets? I adore Usagi and Piyo! They're too adorable to ignore. And you know fun? Really?"
Natsume clicked his tongue. "Of course I do. I should be asking that to you. You're probably too stupid to know what fun means anyway."
"I know what it means, you fox! I'm not illiterate, you know!"
I wouldn't say that our relationship's been nice. I couldn't. Every time we would hang out, there wasn't a time that he'd call me with my underwear print, or call me stupid, or treat me like I was stupid.
At first, I just wanted to kick him in his face or flush his stupid, ugly face in the toilet, but every time I remembered his face when I saw him in the cliff, I stopped. His face was full of agony, and… hopelessness.
Because of that, I only teased back. I never took his insults seriously. Sure, at first the rudeness and everything hurt me, but he did it frequently enough to lose its touch. If it was the only way he could release his tension and anger, I just let him be. That's what friends were for, right? If he even considered me a friend, I didn't know.
He just stared at me for a while, and looked away when I smiled at him. In the four years that I've met him, I never remembered seeing him smile. The only expression he would show anyone was anger, and I wasn't sure if it was the only thing he was capable of.
When Friday finally came, Hotaru, Natsume, and I went straight to Ruka's house after classes. I've been to Ruka's house countless times, but I would still look around in awe because of how beautiful it was.
You see, Ruka came from an affluent family; both his parents were entrepreneurs. His house was one of the biggest in our town—it might be the biggest, even. Despite living in a more privileged life, Ruka never once bragged about it. He's one of the most humble people I've met.
He never judged people. I came from an average family, but he never once looked down on me. The only one he'd insult was Hotaru. It's pretty amusing to see them bicker, and more amusing to see Ruka getting flustered because of it. I wouldn't be surprised if the two of them ended up together one day.
"I have drinks here, in case you want to drink," Ruka said, bringing a few bottles of beer in the living room.
Hotaru eyed the bottles. "Oh joy, liquor. Just what I need to have you boys act wild. The fans would love some bad boy action, especially from good little Ruka over here."
He took out some more bottles and sat on the couch. He turned the TV on, and rolled his eyes at Hotaru's remarks. "Yes, and if I do get drunk, I'll make sure my eyes are on you and you alone."
Hotaru ignored him and prepared her camera. As she looked at the boys, it was obvious what was running through her mind. Profit. She pointed the camera lens at the two of them. "If the two of you do something embarrassing, I'll make sure I'll catch it."
Natsume sat on the couch and opened one of the bottles. He stared at me and said, "You don't drink, do you?"
I shook my head.
"Figures," he whispered.
With a swig, the bottle was left half full. I gaped at him and said, "If you want Hotaru to take photos of you getting plastered that fast then be my guest."
He merely shrugged. "I have high tolerance towards alcohol, little girl. Ruka, on the other hand, gets smashed easily. Imai'd be having fun taking pictures of him later."
I sat beside him and stared at Hotaru and Ruka, who were fighting over the last potato chip. Hotaru took out one of her contraptions—the Baka gun as she called it—and pointed it straight at the blond.
"Give it or I'll shoot," she firmly said.
Ruka didn't. I sighed. Hotaru slowly pulled the trigger, and shortly, Ruka was out cold. She took the chip from his limp hand, and ate it. She stared at his unconscious body and poked it softly with her feet.
I snickered. Natsume stared at me with those impossibly red eyes. "How do you do that?"
"Do what," I asked.
"Laughing without a care in the world." He looked pensive.
"What do you mean?"
He stayed quiet as I watched him. I looked away and said, "I guess it's because I don't want to let all the bad things get to me, you know? Growing up, my parents always reminded me how important happiness was, and how important it was to share the happiness we felt. When they died, I wanted to do what they've always done. They laughed for each other, especially when one of them couldn't. If everyone were sad, then it'd be hard to be happy, right? So, I laugh and try to make people laugh all the time, because instead of focusing on the bad, I want to focus on the positive."
"I guess that doesn't work for everyone, then."
My eyes softened at his reaction. I said, "Natsume, it wouldn't work if you won't let it work."
He rolled his eyes at what I said and stood up, muttering something that sounded like 'you're too naïve for your own good'.
He emptied his first bottle and placed it on the table, then taking two new bottles in his hand. He stood up. "I'm going to the balcony. It's too stuffy in here."
I took a bottle and an empty glass, pouring some beer to take a sip. Damn my curiousity. After gulping it in, I felt a quick burning sensation in my throat—like when drinking soda, but somehow worse. The cold, bitter taste of the beer lingered in my mouth. I made a face when I finally managed to swallow it down.
It just made me wonder why men like Natsume and Ruka liked the taste of beer. Not only did it taste bad, if you're unfortunate enough, it would leave you a complete and utter mess the next day. What was good about that? I stared, bored, at the TV. Ruka already woke, and the two were fighting again.
Apparently, Hotaru took a lot of pictures while Ruka was unconscious. She still managed to take pictures of him while he was busy shouting at her. If I didn't know them, I would presume that they're in a relationship.
Knowing that staying alone here would just continue to bore me to death, I went upstairs to the balcony where Natsume was. I found him sitting in one of the chairs, with him staring at the stars. He sighed loudly, his scowl there as it usually was, before drinking his beer. He was now drinking his third bottle tonight.
He turned his head to the side. "I know you're there."
His sharp senses never ceased to amaze me. I approached him and sat on the chair next to his.
"I never told you to sit beside me," He said rudely.
I ignored his impolite remark, and stared at the stars instead. "The stars sure are beautiful tonight, aren't they?
He never answered. At this point in our relationship—if I could even call it one—I wasn't surprised to be the only one carrying the conversation. He's always been a laconic guy.
For some weird—and probably stupid—reason, my mouth started moving on its own, and asked a question I've always wanted to ask.
"Why did you try to commit suicide, Natsume?"
Surprised, his head snapped to my side. "It's none of your business," he whispered.
"I'm your friend, Natsume. You can't blame me if I worry about it."
"Why?"
"Because you've never talked to anyone about it. I'm a hundred percent sure you haven't told Ruka, so I'm the only one who knows about it. I'm not forcing you to tell me. Just that if you need an ear or a shoulder or a hand or whatever, I'm here and I'm willing to let you borrow whatever it is you need. Because as hard as it is to believe, I'm your friend, Natsume."
He didn't answer me, and even though there was a small part of me that was disappointed, I kind of expected him not to answer. I gave up, and just sat quietly, looking at the stars. I almost jumped in my seat when he started talking.
"The neighborhood I used to live in accused me of arson."
"So, you tried to commit suicide because you were accused falsely?"
He glared. I closed my mouth immediately and cursed myself for having an uncontrollable mouth.
"The subdivision I lived in was burned into flames when I was 8 years old. Most of the people living there were left homeless, and some lost loved ones. I was one of them."
"I lost my big brother and my mother. They weren't able to escape our burning house. My little sister ended up getting blind, and my dad, well, my dad changed. He blamed me for the loss of my mom and brother. My little sister, Aoi, was the only one who believed me. You know, because of all those accusations, I started to believe that I was the one who made their lives miserable. There was no purpose for a murderer to continue living since everyone else wanted me dead."
"Why were you accused of arson?"
Before talking again, he emptied his bottle. "Our house had a farm behind it. My parents owned it. That time, I was just loafing around there, you know, goofing off. I saw a bunch of men with a barrel of what was probably gas. They brought torches with them, and when they saw me, they knocked me out. I woke up alone, and the farm was already burning. Since the wind was strong that day, the fire quickly spread, sparing no one's property. I was the last one in the farm, so they accused me."
He continued, "They didn't know how hard it was for me. I… I was fucking eight back then. I barely knew anything! Why would I burn something I loved? That's just stupid!"
He slammed the empty bottle in the table and covered his face in frustration. He said, "My father bought me an apartment here so I could live away from them. He said he did it so that I won't end up killing him and Aoi. I tried ending my life, because it was useless. I'm not worth it. No one needs to get sucked in to the darkness with me."
My heart ached for Natsume. At such a young age, he's already gone through so much. My eyes and cheeks felt warm as I cried freely.
I placed my hand on his lap to make him look at me. "You're wrong. You're worth it, Natsume. If you weren't, I would've regretted stopping you from jumping. I didn't. I still don't. I never will. You don't have to stay in the darkness, Natsume. I'll save you. I'll help you get out of the dark. Let me."
After that, things became a blur to me. The only thing I could remember were his hands pulling mine to him, and his lips on mine.
A few days after Christmas, Hotaru showed me something that was, to my utter shock, a picture of Natsume and me kissing under the stars. Hotaru and Ruka noticed that the two of us were missing, so they decided to go to the balcony, only to be welcomed by our scene.
Hotaru said, "Took you both long enough to actually make a move. Who kissed whom?"
I didn't respond, knowing very well that she knew the answer to it. I only continued staring at the picture of the two of us kissing. I mean, come on, since when did Natsume Hyuuga show feelings for me? If he was trying to be subtle, he certainly did a great job at it.
Still spaced out, I heard someone behind me say, "What are you looking at, little girl?"
Immediately recognizing the voice, I tried to hide the picture. Hotaru smirked at him and said, "Oh, you don't have to worry, lover boy. It's just a picture of you and my best friend lip-locking. Ruka and I have been waiting for you idiots to realize what you feel for each other."
Rolling his eyes, he sat down on the chair beside me and said, "Jealous? I didn't know you had a thing for me, Imai."
"Ew," Hotaru said. "I'd rather like Ruka than an idiot like you."
"You can just admit the fact that you do like Ruka. It's simple, really," Natsume teased.
Was it just me, or was Hotaru turning pink? She glared at Natsume and said, "I'm wasting my time here."
Natsume continued to tease Hotaru when she walked away, "You can ask for my help if you want to confess."
I laughed. I just couldn't imagine Hotaru confessing to Ruka. It was just too out of character! He stared at me curiously and said, "Why are you laughing?"
"It's just that I can't imagine Hotaru confessing," I said, still laughing a bit.
Just then, I saw the picture that I was trying so hard to hide in his hands. He was staring at it intently. How the heck did he manage to take that from me? I swear it was lying on my lap under the table. He looked at me and said, "This picture looks cliché."
"Why?" I asked.
He turned his back on me and said, his voice playful, "Kissing under the stars? Come on! Everyone does it. We should do something different next time."
Before I could respond, he said, "Come on, let's follow Imai."
I wasn't able to see his face, but I was sure that something changed.
It was my birthday today, and the group decided to go to the shrine together. After we gave our praises and wishes, we went to the Northern Forest park to have a picnic.
Of course, since I was the one celebrating another year on earth, I brought all the food. Ruka, and Natsume bought a cake for me, and Hotaru brought some soda and chocolate brownie fudge ice cream, my favorite.
While we were eating, Hotaru was taking pictures of every possible thing she could see. While munching on my ice cream, I said, "What's with you today?"
"I'm joining a photo competition," she said, still snapping away.
I nodded my head and said, "When's the deadline?"
"Two weeks from now."
She stood up from the picnic blanket and took more photos. But, she stopped for a while and came back, dragging Ruka with her. Ruka didn't have a choice but to be dragged. So, Natsume and I were left.
It felt awkward being alone with him today, since every time I saw him, all I could remember was the kiss. Didn't he feel awkward?
I finished my ice cream and stared at the sky. I felt him tap my shoulders.
I looked at him and asked, "What is it?"
"Shouldn't birthday girls have fun during their birthdays?"
"I guess so? Why?"
He stood up and held out his hand. He glared at me when I did nothing but stare at it. "When a gentleman extends his hand for a lady, the lady takes it. Even if you're not one, it's best if you still take it."
"A gentleman?" I scoffed. "Who's the liar who made you believe that?"
"Can't you cooperate just this once and take the damn hand already?"
I immediately took it, and he dragged me up. He held me close and started to dance—or at least, what I thought was a dance. I started laughing at him and said, "What are you doing?"
"I'm dancing. What does it look like?" He raised his brow.
I laughed more, because I noticed how short his eyebrows were. "You look like you need to pee."
"I'll let that pass since it's your birthday." He started twirling me around, and dancing like an idiot. I've never laughed this much since… I couldn't really remember, but, seriously, I couldn't stop laughing.
I twirled him around, too, and surprisingly, he didn't mind. We just danced and danced until we got tired. We sat down on the picnic blanket, but I still couldn't help but laugh. I gave him a kiss in the cheek and said, "Thank you so much. I never knew you danced."
He smirked at me and said, "I don't. It was the first time I danced, to be honest. Doesn't that deserve more than a kiss in the cheek?"
I laughed at him, but gave him a swift kiss in the lips anyway. He stared at me, surprised that I actually did it. He looked away, his neck turning pink, and said, "Don't surprise me like that. You don't know what I might do to you if you do that again."
I wanted to tease him more, but Hotaru and Ruka came back. I smiled at Hotaru and said, "So, did you get your winning piece already?"
She nodded her head, and what was weird was she looked really happy. What made things weirder was that Ruka looked as happy as she was.
"It's my best work so far. Be sure to check it out. You'll love it. I'm sure of it."
"Okay, boss! Your works are already beautiful, so I'll be looking forward to it." I grinned at her.
Ruka sat beside Natsume and said, "We should check it out, too. It's a work of art."
He nudged Natsume, and wiggled his eyebrows. Weird. Maybe Ruka was just happy because it was the first day of the year. After a while, we parted ways. I didn't want to go home yet, so I decided to stroll around some more to waste time.
I saw Natsume sitting under the shade of one of the biggest cherry blossom trees in the park. I sat beside him and took something inside my bag—his tumbler from four years ago. I showed it to him and said, "You threw it to me four years ago. You should have it back."
He stared at me, and then gently shoved the tumbler back to me. He said, "Keep it."
He stood up, and I asked, "Why?"
Before leaving, he looked at me and said, "It's a reminder that you stopped me from taking my life. A thank you."
He threw a Starbucks tumbler at me when I stopped him from committing suicide. He was a jerk, but it didn't matter anymore. I will forever treasure this item that came from the man who I realized I was in love with. I hugged the tumbler and smiled at the retreating figure.
Ruka and Natsume had soccer practice, so I went to the exhibit alone. I tried searching for Hotaru, but she was nowhere in sight. The pictures were beautiful, sure, but nothing stroke my fancy.
I approached a middle-aged man wearing the art exhibit organizer ID. "Excuse me, but what is the theme of this contest?"
He smiled at me, his wrinkles slightly showing. "It's about life, miss. I hope you have fun looking at the photos. They're really good this year, especially the winner's piece. Somehow, it made me teary-eyed. Maybe it'd move you, too."
There were a lot of pictures, big and small, black and white, colored, sepia. There were pictures of trees, mountains, an erupting volcano, a bird and a chick, and whatever else, but I still wasn't able to see Hotaru's piece.
Just when I was about to give up, in the middle of the whole room was the picture of Natsume and me shot at a distance, dancing to our hearts' content. I stared at it. This photo didn't just move me. It brought me to tears. The picture was simple, but it meant the world to me. Its title was "Life".
A quote was written under the plate of the title. It said, "Love gives people the reason to live."
Even if this piece didn't win—which was impossible since it did, in fact, win—it would still be my absolute favorite. It was because for the first time in the four years we've known each other, he was smiling.
And that, I believe, was life.
End.