Dear Readers,

I apologize for the angst, but I HAD to write this once the idea suddenly popped into my head. After the "BS" episode, my mind went crazy with a crapload of angsty plotbunnies, and this ended up being one of them. I know I said earlier that I couldn't write fics until after the 13th of December, but I already had this in my mind whereas...well...everything else I'm supposed to write--I have no idea what I'm going to write. (I humbly apologize to the Sparky Army for that). And I guess the stress has just gotten to me so much that I needed to write this to let some steam off (it did help, actually). Anyway, I should probably shut up now and let you read...

Best regards (and Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah) from a bookworm (and SAVE SGA advocate!),

Miss Pookamonga ;-P

PS: If you guess what the title of the fic is from (be specific!), you get virtual gingerbread cookies! YAY!

Deep Breath Before The Plunge

He cursed himself mentally as his legs flailed helplessly beneath the icy water. Only he would be unfortunate enough to get himself stuck in this kind of situation yet again.

But this time it was different.

He knew it was all his fault. If he hadn't insisted on returning to Atlantis so soon despite the raging storm that had been wreaking havoc on the city and its surrounding ocean, then he wouldn't have crashed and wouldn't have to once more be trapped beneath fathoms of black waves, gradually being forced to succumb to their power. It hadn't been like before, when he had had several hours to survive, to figure out a solution, to wait for them to come rescue him. He had been alone this time, and when he'd hit maximum pressure, it had rammed against the 'jumper with so great a force that he had had no time to escape to the back of the ship before the windshield had exploded in a deafening barrage of water.

The wave had slammed into him so powerfully that he had momentarily been knocked out. When his eyes had opened again, they had met blinding, stinging blackness, wet and cold and utterly deathly. He had writhed in a rush of panic, desperately searching for air as the realization of his fate had suddenly begun to shoot through him like an electric shock. He had finally broken through to the surface after the horrifying moment of complete helplessness, only to find that the water had already risen so high that only a few feet had remained between his head and the ceiling.

So here he was. Flailing senselessly as the sharp pain of icy cold numbed his body and sent his vision whirling in ceaseless circles about him.

He frantically tried to remember what he was trying to do. Oh, close the door, close the damn door...but with every kick and every stroke, he felt more and more like he was straining to move against a dragging force of several thousand tons. He vaguely caught a glimpse of the door panel he was urgently reaching for, but it was swaying violently before him, drifting farther away from him the more he swam toward it.

Then, one of his legs suddenly failed him, and half of his head rapidly sunk under the surface. Coughing and spluttering, his lips trembling fiercely against the slick black liquid, he mustered up enough strength to kick himself back upward so that his head once again was above the water line. Not that it would be for much longer.

He felt himself knock painfully against the hard metal wall of the 'jumper as the dark waves tossed him ferociously within their grasp. Oh, God, he couldn't take it anymore. He could visibly see the water rising with every centimeter by the second. There was no way out...and even if there was, he'd never be able to find it. He was too exhausted, too numbed, too frozen, too powerless to make the effort. He was going to die; he knew it.

And he was going to die alone.

Completely and utterly alone, with no one to hold him.

"No."

The voice echoed around his head several times before his sluggish mind was able to comprehend the fact that he had even heard a voice.

"I won't let you."

He blinked rapidly, his head still spinning relentlessly, his body slowly slipping further down into its watery tomb. But before he could allow his head to sink beneath the darkness one final time, he caught a flash of color, and for a moment, his senses suddenly awoke in surprise at what he saw.

He moved his lips pathetically, trying to get sound out, but not really sure what he was trying to say or maybe even why...but he was silenced by the touch of hands against his face, warming him if only for a split second.

"I won't let you die alone."

He struggled to keep his eyelids from drooping as he drank in the image before him.

No, it wasn't Jennifer that had spontaneously appeared beside him.

Not Jen, not Sheppard, not Carson, not even Jeannie...

...but her.

And yet, somewhere in the back of his failing mind, he had known that she would be the one to come.

He weakly lifted his heavy arms upward to thread his fingers through blonde hair that wasn't there, to pull himself closer to the person she wasn't, to feel the warmth of the body that was and wasn't hers for the first and last time.

And then he felt himself sinking.

But he didn't care anymore.

He saw blue, not black. It was the blue that kept him alive for that one last moment and the blue that at the same time made it possible for him to let go. The blue swimming in her eyes that he allowed to drown him without reason. The blue that had always captivated him and the blue that was still captivating him now, granting him a last second of peace. Then, they shut their eyes, and he had only the memory of her gaze to draw strength from.

But when she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly against her, he knew that even the memory was enough, that even a false memory was enough, that even a false reality was enough to sustain him for one last moment.

So, holding her just as tightly and laying his head against her shoulder, he took one final deep breath before the water rushed over them and plunged them into darkness.