Title: Our Love is Ogre 9000

Author: MarioAlwaysDies

Pairing: Shrek x Goku

Rating: E

Sum: Goku wakes up in a certain swamp and finds true love.

A/N: Dedicated to my beloved fiance.

It was a dark and foggy night above the swamp. Nothing a little super saiyan light couldn't help, though the battle weary Goku was having difficulty keeping his eyes open. For the eighth or tenth time Frieza was brought back from the dead, and Goku and Vegeta had to team up and fight him off. As usual, just as Vegeta was about to deliver the killing blow, Goku stole it at the last second, because trolling was his third favorite thing after fighting and making Piccolo be Gohan's real father. Naturally this pissed Vegeta off so much that their post battle blow jobs were a no go today. So Goku went, tired, hungry, horny. So horny that Goku vowed to fuck the first person he came across.

This is where our epic tale begins. You see, Goku could have taken his horny ass home to his loving and doting wife who cooks him delicious meals and cleans all of his nasty underwear, but because he's Goku he doesn't think of such things. He's never even kissed the poor woman before! That being said, the thought to use instant transmission never occurred to him, and therefore he flew aimlessly, until the smell of delicious multi-layered onion stew broke through the smell of rotten swamp gas. Licking his chops, he lowered himself toward the luscious smell.

Once he reached the ground, his eyes beheld the most stunning green creature he'd ever laid his eyes on.

"Hi, I'm Goku," he said, drooling. "Could I get a bowl of that?"

"Get out of my swamp," said the ogre, scratching his putrid buttcrack, and then giving his finger a sniff. The manly grossness made Goku's member twinge with excitement.

"But I'm starving. Couldn't I have just one bowl? Please?" said he, this time with puppydog eyes.

"What does this look like, a restaurant? I told you to get out and I meant it."

"I'm sorry," said Goku, a crystalline tear rolling down his cheek. "Please give me a chance. I just saved the world and I'm starving."

"Oh, all right," said Shrek, pouring Goku a bowl of his famous many-layered onion soup. "But you have to leave once you're done."

"But why?" Goku asked. "We're just getting to know each other."

"That's what they all say. Until my time here is ogre." He had a vague memory of a certain black and red hedgehog and got slightly misty-eyed.

"Well, that's OK. I take that approach toward life, too. It's been like, what, five years since I've seen my wife. Wanna fuck?"

"Sure. Let me just kick DONKEY out of my bedroom."

So Shrek carried Goku into his room, announced that he and Goku were to be fucking, and that Donkey needed to leave immediately.

"I don't need to leave. You can't make me leave. I'm Donkey! I see all and hear all and, tomorrow, I'm making waffles!"

"Listen, Donkey," said Goku, with an entirely serious expression. "Shrek is love. Shrek is life. Now get the friggity fraggity FUCK outta here, or else."

"Or else what, monkey man? Or. Else. WHAT?"

Goku punched a hole in the ground so deep that it went straight to HFIL, where he tossed Donkey to go bother Cell, Frieza, Yamcha, Hitler, Mario, and everyone else who was dead every so often.

"I thought he'd never leave," said Shrek, ambivalent toward the direct portal to the underworld sitting in his bedroom. He put a rug over it and called it done. "Now let's get this ogre with."

"Woo!" said Goku, and all his clothes flew off. Shrek had to admit, that chiseled build and that creamy white skin made his groin all a flutter. Goku liked what he saw as well. Green all over, but not green like Piccolo, who was more like a cucumber. Although cucumbers were pleasurable to masturbate with, nothing could stop the smooth, yet crusty sensation of Shrek's bare skin. Their lips met and tongues were locked in a dance of pleasure and feeling, a feeling Goku had never known in his life. Fire blazed in his groin, and the more he smelled swap and filth, the more he craved this feeling.

Then Shrek caressed the smooth sinew of his bare ass, and he yowled in bliss. Oh it never felt like this. He made gay with Vegeta over 9000 times in secret, but it was never quite like this. It was so fantastically sacred that he began to doubt himself, and could feel his lip quiver once they pulled apart.

"I don't know, Shrek," said Goku, uncharacteristically doubtful. "I don't know if I'm worthy of you."

"Hey now, " said Shrek, cupping Goku's cheek in his ogre-ish, yaoi hand. "You're a rock star."

Then he thrust his member deep into Goku's tight little ass, and all doubts were forgotten. It was just a rainbow of hot, sticky bliss. Every thrust made Goku bray like a hundred times the donkey Donkey ever was. Donkey could be heard from HFIL resenting that, but no one cared, because he is as irrelevant as Yamcha. Shrek's glistening girth pounded against Goku's prostate again and again like a hammer, and Goku came so hard that the trail of semen reached the moon. Sailor Moon was not pleased.

Goku, on the other hand, was glowing like a god with orgasmic bliss and was possibly made pregnant, while Shrek squatted over the hole to the underworld and took a diarrhea dump in the Angry Video Game Nerd's ear. And they all lived happily ever after, except for Adam Sandler. He sucks.

THE END