Ami Mercury
Rating: PG-13
Title: Lovesick Anthem
Disclaimer: I don't own this song…it's by a band called Auto Pilot check them out at ... I don't own gundam wing either…
*I run for miles in my head, alone amongst this bitterness.*
It's been over a year since I started liking you as more then a friend. Since that time, we've become rather close. From my past, I've lost trust in human kind, but some way, some how I started trusting you. You were always there for me, your blockade was gone when we were together, you were not the person everyone thought you were, but someone else, a wonderful human being. After I became more used to you, to the conversations we had all the time, I found myself only thinking of you. Every moment of my life became waiting to talk to you, to be with you, to see your beautiful face. When I confessed this to an acquaintance of ours, I was asked if I loved you. I had never even thought of it before, how could I possibly have fallen in love with you? My best friend? Then our acquaintance asked me "If being with him meant you had to give up the most important thing in your life, would you do it?" My first thought was "Yes," and that's when I knew it, that I had fallen in love with you.
*I'm lovesick and I'm moving on.*
I decided to tell you my feelings for me, so I got up my courage, and was shot down when a friend of ours told me you had a crush on another person. That totally crushed me, and I had to ask you about it. I had to know if you really cared for that other person, and when I asked you I found out you did, but that you had not told me because you were afraid to hurt me. All the time you had known my feelings for you, but you lead me on. You lead me to believe that maybe deep down you felt the same for me as I did for you.
*I have found a light ahead, far beyond this emptiness.*
After much heartache I told you how I felt, that somehow along the way I had fallen in love with you. And you knew it, during all those months of worrying that you would take it badly or hate me, and you had known all along. I did not tell you to get something out of it, I did not hope that maybe you did feel something for me; I had lost hope in that long ago. I just wanted to get it off my chest, I thought I would feel better after telling you, but nothing happened. This pain and emptiness I've been experiencing for the last year, it still as strong.
*A lovesick anthem guides me home. I'm home.*
You have told me about what you do when you are by yourself, how you walk and think. I wish I had the liberty to just go off and think like that, instead I lock myself up in my head and want to cry, but do not, because I'm suppose to be sturdy, not a weakling who can not control there own feelings.
*Forget I ever loved you. You fucking threw it all away.
Forget I ever held you and all your lies along the way.*
I wish I could make those feelings go away, it is so difficult to know that no matter how much I love you, you will never love me back. You became the most important person in my life, and I forgot about the other people that are a part of my life. I just wanted to be an important part of YOUR life. I know that telling you I feel in love with you seems to make it out like I want something out of you; I know that you do not have feelings for me, nor do I expect you to have them. I just want to stay a part of your life; I just want you to be happy no matter what, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.
*I am moving forward again. I'm home.*
Thanks to you I am beginning to take comfort in my feelings, to be thankful that I can experience them. Thank you…