Title: Something More
By: Jessica
Pairing: Kensi/Deeks
Rating: T
Timeline: Post 3x10, The Debt.
Summary: Now, the butterflies are fluttering in an utterly maddening dance in her belly and there's no doubt at all left in her mind. This is something more. This is absolutely something more.

A/N: This began as a quick post-ep (i.e., 2-3K max) that very quickly got out of hand. Kensi & Deeks never stick to what I intend for them to do, lol. Blame them.

She knows exactly who's at her door before her palm even reaches the doorknob. Only for a moment does she contemplate ignoring him, but in the end, Kensi finds herself turning the knob and pulling the door open, revealing none other than Marty Deeks on her doorstep.

His eyes peek past her, seeing her living room in much the same disarray as it's been every other time he's seen it. There's also silence from within, and the dampness of her hair combined with the soft scent of lavender gives him the indication that those plans she so adamantly had for tonight include herself and a relaxing bubble bath.

Those are images that he has to focus every last bit of his mind upon forcing away. Instead, he puts the pieces together in his head and his lips curve in a devilish grin as his eyes travel the length of her body. "You are such a liar," he teases in lieu of an actual greeting, taking in her lazy attire – aside from the damp hair that falls loosely over her shoulders and down her back, she's in a tank top and a pair of sweatpants, and Deeks can't quite hide the obvious appreciation in his gaze. He's seen her in much, much less, and he's seen her all done up for numerous covers, but this…this he swears is just as sexy as everything else he's seen her in.

Once his gaze drifts its way back to hers, he speaks quickly, cutting her off before she can throw out an – if the look in her dark eyes is any indication – indignant reply. "Plans every night for the rest of your life. Right."

The look she gives him is very reminiscent of the look he'd seen in his rearview mirror several hours before. It's not as hard, not as cold, but it's not as friendly as it could be either. She's obviously still miffed…and really, Deeks can't blame her at all. "Just because I have plans every night that don't include you doesn't mean I don't have plans."

Deeks smirks slightly; this is going to be harder than he'd thought…but he's still certain he can break through her shield. "Uh-huh. Let me guess," he begins playfully. "Tonight, a carton of rocky road and Dancing with the Stars. Tomorrow, doughnuts and Survivor. The next night, a serious fast food splurge and Top Model reruns on your DVR –" He pauses and winks conspiratorially, as if this is a secret that stays between the two of them – "but that's only because Jersey Shore has ended its run for the season."

Kensi crosses her arms, eyeing him rather suspiciously. "You know, for someone who mocks reality TV, you sure know when everything's on."

He doesn't miss a beat. "Why wouldn't I? Every morning, I get a full review of everything that was on the night before." He grins. "Thanks to LA traffic and my partner's uncanny ability to do a full play-by-play, I can stop paying for cable."

"Funny," Kensi retorts. Instead of lobbing a similarly teasing comment back at him (to be quite honest, she's not in the mood for any of that), she fixes him with an unrelenting stare and chooses to get straight to the point. "What are you doing here, Deeks? It's late."

Deeks shrugs as if neither the lateness of the hour nor his presence at his door are anything out of the ordinary, and really, they're not. Maybe a year ago, certainly, but now? Not so much. "Like I said. Calling you out on your made-up plans." Unperturbed by her apparent annoyance, he simply rests casually against the doorframe; he's watching her much more intently than he lets on, though. "Bad taste in TV and an even worse junk food habit hardly count as legitimate plans."

At that, Kensi turns her head and glances rather theatrically back in the direction of her bedroom. "Yeah? How do you know I don't have other plans?" The challenge flashes through her dark eyes and not for the first time, she wishes it were easier to lie to her partner. She wishes he didn't find it so very easy to see through her. "How do you know you're not interrupting something? Maybe I've got someone waiting for me in my bed right now."

Deeks chuckles. "Yeah? What's his name?"

She blinks, pausing for a moment too long. "Derek."

"And where'd you meet Derek? What's his last name? What does he do?" Kensi simply glares at him, her arms crossed over her chest. It simply reinforces the one thing he realized about her the very first time they met – she might be a hell of an undercover operator, but it only takes a few unscripted remarks to throw her off balance. "You're still a bad liar," he teases, a grin playing at his lips.

Kensi exhales deeply, dropping all pretenses of made-up plans. He sees right through her; what's the use of expending the energy to keep trying? Instead, she looks at him with tired eyes, hoping that between that and her next words, he might just get the picture (she doubts it, though). "Look, Deeks, you can't just show up at my door like this."

Deeks purses his lips thoughtfully for a moment. "And yet, that's exactly what I did."

"Deeks."

He grins, knowing he's pushing his luck as he takes a step closer to her. It's not much, but it's plenty enough to have him invading her space and Kensi swallows hard, unable to halt that reaction. And even if she had been able to, it really wouldn't have mattered because he can feel the tension radiating off of her, knows she's coiled like a spring and that it has every little bit to do with him. He takes a bit of pride in that because he knows not just anybody can throw Kensi Blye out of her element…but at the same time, he can't help but recognize just how incredibly dangerous it all is. "I'm just saying…you've never minded before," he points out, reminding her of the number of times he has done exactly that, sometimes with no reason at all other than wanting someone to share a pizza and a beer with.

Or burgers.

Or late night doughnuts.

Or the plethora of other treats he's appeared at her door with.

He's empty handed tonight though, a testament to the gravity of this visit. Despite the playful comments thus far, she knows he's not there for the light, easy evenings they often share, and really, Kensi thinks she might be a little upset if he was because it would mean he'd easily shrugged off what had happened between them over the course of this case.

Then again, what had happened? That's the question that continues to stump Kensi no matter how much she wracks her brain.

After a moment that seems only to crawl by, Kensi sighs in resignation, rolling her eyes. "What do you want, Deeks?" she asks finally. Whether she wants him there or not (she doesn't know which, really), she knows he's not going to be satisfied with a simple "I'm fine; we're good." That's never enough for him.

Oh, how she wishes it was though, sometimes.

For a few seconds he merely watches her; she knows he's trying to read her, but when he speaks, it's little more than a simple request. "Can I come in?"

Kensi sighs again, though this time it's a bit dramatic. Nevertheless, she throws her door fully open for him. "Can I really say no?"

Deeks isn't sure what to take from that, so the reply he tosses back is his typical playful one. "Clearly not."

She rolls her eyes as he steps past her, allowing her to close the door behind him. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what he's doing there; she knows what's going to come up eventually, no matter how long she avoids it (and really, she was hoping he'd give her at least the night to avoid it – no such luck there, clearly). Of course, that's not going to stop her from trying – the longer she stalls, the more time she has to gather her racing thoughts.

Turning to face him, she crosses her arms and rests her back against the door, putting him on the spot before he can do the same to her. "So you never actually answered me, you know," she points out, recalling the question she'd asked him in back at Ops at the very end of the day. "Why did you swear off female partners?"

"Technically, you didn't ask me that," he points out, quirking his lips in a slight grin. "You only asked if it was true."

"Well now I'm asking."

Deeks tilts his head thoughtfully. "Fair enough." He steps toward her then, and quite suddenly Kensi's realizing just what a bad idea it was to rest against the door – she has no place to go as he reinvades her personal space. "You want to know why I swore off female partners?" he asks, repeating her question nearly verbatim.

His low voice is barely more than a whisper and Kensi's certain that it probably shouldn't send such a delicious shiver diving all the way down her spine, but that's exactly what it does to her. She knows that this is where she should tear her eyes away from his, but in the end, that's an ocean that pulled her under a long time ago and she's drowning. Somehow he's managed to stir up emotions deep inside of her over the past several months and for reasons she can't quite comprehend, fighting them back is exhausting. She can't ignore them; can't ignore him.

A devilish sparkle passes through his blue eyes and Kensi knows whatever he's going to say is going to be something ridiculous, something ludicrous, but she still finds herself taking the bait. "I asked, didn't I?" she retorts, lifting her own brow in challenge.

Deeks chuckles quietly. The last time he tried something quite like this, it ended with Kensi twisting his arm (he's certain she just about dislocated his shoulder…well, okay, maybe not, but it sure felt like it) and him doubled over in pain, completely at her mercy as she led him back into Ops. He thinks maybe he should have learned something from that, but really, this is just too good to pass up…even if she does have him on the ground and begging for mercy for it in the next ten seconds.

His eyes never leaving hers, Deeks reaches out to her, oh so slowly tracing a fingertip along her jaw. She stiffens, but otherwise doesn't react. "Think about it, Kens," he murmurs. "It's just a lot…easier to work with somebody when you don't have to worry about them falling in love with you."

Kensi's jaw drops. "I'm sorry; what?" she questions indignantly, choosing adamantly not to focus on the odd fluttering in her chest at his words.

Deeks grins. "Just saying…"

"Right." She swats at his arm, forcing his touch away from her. "Because clearly you're just so irresistible."

"Pretty much, yeah." He smiles innocently. "You want me."

Kensi snorts. "Are you sure it's not the other way around?" she retorts, trying oh so desperately to ignore just how close he'd come to hitting the nail on the head. She'd have to kill him if she ever told him, but in the quiet of her own mind, there's no denying that she's managed to develop some rather pesky feelings for him.

And oh, how she hates herself for that. She's supposed to be better than that. Stronger. She's not the kind of girl to tumble utterly head over heels just for a nice body and a sexy smirk…and yet, she kind of hates that it's more than that with him, because that means admitting that he's found his way just that far underneath her skin, without her permission. And damn him, of course he's made himself a nice little home there and she doesn't think she'll ever be able to get him out, he's just that persistent.

For the moment, she steadies herself enough to continue before he can even open his mouth. "Because with the way you flirt with everything that moves, that seems much more likely."

There's a certain bitterness to her words that Deeks picks up on immediately. "That," he breathes, knowing he'll probably earn himself a painful knee to a sensitive place with this one, "sounds like jealousy."

Kensi doesn't even try to stifle her snort of laughter; he would jump immediately to that conclusion. "You're delusional."

"Am I?"

"You know you are." With that, she finally wills her feet to move, but it doesn't last for long. It's barely a second after she pushes past him that his fingers are closing around her wrist and he's spinning her back to face him again.

And suddenly, something has changed. The air between them thickens and heats, and Kensi knows immediately that everything else is about to shift as well. He eyes her, his gaze darting momentarily to her lips (damn the way her stomach tightens at that) as he speaks. Whispers, more like. "What if I am?"

"What, delusional?"

She knows that's not what he means though just by the look in his eyes. The playful spark remains, but underneath it, there's something more. Something heavier. Something she's not going to attempt to name lest he merely be trying to throw her off balance. When he speaks again, though, she's almost certain that it's less about throwing her off balance, and more about something more. It's a sudden change, like hot to cold in two seconds flat and the resulting sensations range from the grasp of his hand fiery at her wrist to the block of ice that's just dropped into her stomach. "What if it was the other way around?" he queries quietly, his blue eyes never straying from hers.

With a question like that, she should make him leave. She should step right back over to the door, yank it open, and throw Deeks back out into the night. That's what she should do because dammit, a simple question like that so completely crosses the boundary they've oh so carefully danced around for a year now.

But she doesn't. She doesn't think she can. "So you deny it, then backtrack and say that is what it is?"

He grins briefly. "I don't believe I did either of those things." And he hadn't. She'd called him out, and he'd deflected by calling out her jealousy. The other…well, that's a hypothetical situation. At least, the words he'd verbalized are. Watching her closely, Deeks lifts a brow, challenging her – he'd gone to law school, after all. He knows how to play these verbal games.

But then she surprises him by turning everything upside down again. Kensi could taunt him, she could argue with him, she could throw her hands up in frustration and growl about how much he infuriates her, but instead, she merely tugs her wrist from his grasp and crosses her arms over her chest. She fixes him with a gaze that he can't quite read before quietly saying the words he never thought he'd hear her say, not after he'd stopped her that morning, and then later when she'd effectively shot him down from the backseat of his car.

"Okay." She sighs, readying herself for a conversation they need to have, but at the same time, she's not sure they should have. "I…think we need to talk."

Deeks isn't going to disagree with that, but at the same time, he's still not going to barge through a door he's not quite sure is actually open yet, so for now, he plays it safe. "Talk?"

Kensi nods stiffly. "We need to talk," she repeats, inwardly surprised at just how steady her voice is when suddenly her heart's nearly pounding out of her chest. This is dangerous territory; up until now, playing it safe had been perfectly okay by her. She'd ignored it, this…this whatever it is that's been growing between them and outside of a few playful remarks, he hadn't pushed it. She knows if she opens this door now…there's no closing it.

At the same time, though, she's no longer sure she can just leave it closed either. "We need to talk about this…this thing."

"Our thing?"

Kensi swallows hard. "Yeah. Yeah, that."

His lips twitch slightly, and then he's throwing her own words from earlier back at her, though his voice wraps around them much more teasingly than hers had. "So there is a thing."

She rolls her eyes, though she's grateful for the brief playful interlude. "I…I don't know. That's what we need to talk about."

It's not a yes, but it's also not a "there is no thing," either. Deeks really isn't sure what to make of it; all he knows is that there's no other way to approach it than cautiously. "You really want to do this?" he asks quietly, all trace of humor gone from his voice. He's unsure as to which one of them he's trying to give an out to.

She exhales heavily, knowing this could either be a huge step forward, or several hundred steps back for them. "I think we need to," she replies after a moment, giving an almost helpless shrug. Before he can respond, Kensi makes that first leap, knowing that if she doesn't now, she probably never will.

Oh, how very familiar that is. "What happened between us?" she asks, and really, that's all she has to say. Deeks needs no clarification, but she gives it anyway. "In – in the bullpen. What was that?"

Deeks lifts a hand and rubs wearily at his face. He remembers the scene all too well; his failed detachment, her inability to completely mask her emotions, those agonizing moments that both of them had endured. But it had all been for the case, he'd told himself. Lying to her…it was necessary. "Kensi, none of it was real. You know that now."

That stings a little more than she's willing to admit. "That's not what I mean, Deeks." She pauses, biting at the inside of her cheek. "Would it – would it have been different if it was real?"

He's a little stunned that she would ask that; it's almost a barb, really. "Are you really asking me that?"

Kensi shrugs. "Where else am I supposed to go with it?" she asks, her voice breaking just slightly. She pauses, swallows hard, steadies herself before continuing. "It was supposed to look real. I believed that it was real. And that was how you played it. You were just...completely indifferent about it. About leaving. So I'm supposed to believe that the real thing would be different?"

She's still speaking from anger; he knows that. It doesn't make it hurt any less, though. He holds himself back, though; he's not going to answer defensively. He's not going to make this any harder than it already is. So for a moment, Deeks simply breathes, rubbing at his tired eyes. They've never really done this before; he doesn't understand why it's now all about the words. "Don't you know what it did to me when you said you wished I'd had more to say?" he says finally, anguish clear in his eyes. "I couldn't, Kensi. I couldn't. Because I knew it wasn't really the end of you and me. And that's why I tried to stop you from saying what you were going to say, because if you'd said something you couldn't take back, how were we going to come back and work together like nothing had happened? I just…I don't know, Kens. I don't know."

Kensi looks downward, forcing a slight smile to her lips; it's obvious, though, that it pains her. It's just a shield. "You could have avoided all this if you'd told me what was really going on," she points out quietly.

"Kens…"

"You didn't have to keep me in the dark." Those words come out quickly, much more petulantly than she intends.

At that, Deeks hesitates. It hadn't been his call, but then again, he certainly hadn't done much to fight it. How many times has she said how much she hates having to lie? And how many times has he watched her falter when called out during a case? She has an all too obvious tell; if she'd known anything, Bates would have picked up on it immediately.

But how is he supposed to explain that he was supposed to hurt her? How is he supposed to explain that he was supposed to take advantage of her trust in him? That he (and the rest of them too, but at the moment, he feels incredibly alone in this) was supposed to use her feelings for the good of the case?

It's all so incredibly wrong. He knows she'll forgive him, knowing that he did what he had to do for the case. Right now, though, Deeks doesn't know if he can forgive himself for doing the one thing he'd never wanted to do. "I never wanted to…" Closing his eyes, he hesitates for a moment, feeling out the words in his head before lending voice to them. "I – I had to play the part. You know how that works. That's the problem with covers, sometimes. I never wanted to have to…play with your feelings." Pausing, he swallows hard, and not for the first time he feels as if his words are digging him an even deeper hole. "I never wanted to hurt you. I just…I had to make you think it was real. I had to upset you. You had to think that I - that this…this thing means nothing to me because you had to be the one to sell my cover." He swallows again, his mouth like cotton. "It was up to you, Kensi."

"That's what Hetty said," Kensi replies quietly. She shrugs, feigning indifference. They both know better, though.

He nods. "I had to do it, Kensi," he whispers. And truly, it'd been one of the hardest things the job had ever required him to do. Sure, Deeks has hurt people with the conditions of his covers before, but somehow…somehow with Kensi, it's all different. The scene plays yet again in his head, just as clearly as if he were reliving it now. Her eyes, her posture, the way her voice had cracked…even now, it kills him.

He thinks he's never been quite so close to willingly breaking his cover.

He hopes to God that he never has to lie to her like that again.

Exhaling deeply, Deeks holds her gaze, willing her to believe him. "The other thing," he continues, and suddenly, he feels as if the previous confession was nothing. This…this feels like opening Pandora's box. "If this had all been real, you can bet I would have had more to say," he says, recalling the one sentence that had echoed in his ears nearly the entire day. "I just…I knew I was coming back, so I couldn't take that risk. I didn't want to change things." He pauses. "And it's why I had to stop you."

Kensi bites her lip. Deeks is a fast talker and, quite successfully, he'd diverted her that day and she hadn't realized until after he'd walked away that she hadn't gotten the chance to say what she'd wanted to say.

"And you were killing me too," he adds softly, resisting the urge to reach out to her. "I had to get out of there, because if I didn't, I knew you would break me." Deeks smiles slightly; he can hold his cover to the very end against terrorists and drug lords, but it's the woman in front of him now that challenges all of his years of undercover training. "I would have spilled it all."

She's still lost, though, in what he'd said moments before. You can bet I would have had more to say. Those words fill her with a dangerous curiosity, one that she can't force back and before she even realizes it, the words are tumbling from her lips, her voice surprisingly steady. "I want you to say it."

Deeks feels his blood run cold – she doesn't have to clarify for him to know exactly what she's asking him to say. "Kensi…"

She shakes her head, cutting him off. She knows she's putting him on the spot; knows that if he did the very same thing to her, her own reaction would be to walk away, but that doesn't hinder her. She, for some inexplicable reason, needs this. "The shot was real. You brashly took out an unarmed man, for real." Deeks flinches at the thought, but Kensi carries on. "Your position with us was actually terminated. You and I…we really are over." It's a hypothetical situation, certainly, but the words coming from her lips chill her just as much as they had earlier, when the entire situation had been real…at least, to her, anyway. "What do you say to me?"

She hates herself for the way her voice falters just a bit at the end.

For a moment, Deeks is only silent. Flicking his tongue over his lips, he averts his gaze, glancing down at the ground. Of all the things he'd expected when he'd knocked on her door tonight, this isn't it. He'd expected anger; he'd expected her to shut the door in his face. He'd even expected her angry fists of fury pummeling his chest. But this…

He steadies himself, shielding nothing as his gaze meets hers once more. "You too," he breathes, so quietly that it's almost as if the words never leave his lips. Deeks watches the recognition flit through her eyes, knows that she knows beyond a doubt what he's asking her for: reciprocity. "You have to, too."

For a long time, there's nothing but a face-off between their eyes. He challenges her; she refuses to back down, staring him down with the same intensity as he fixes her with. There's no mistaking just what he's asking of her and she knows that if she agrees to this, she has to go all the way. He's not going to let her back down and that…that scares her. She'll never admit that aloud, not to him or herself, but it does.

And yet, something within her keeps Kensi from backing down, even when every one of her professional instincts is telling her to stop this.

The single word that falls from her lips, however, doesn't reflect that at all. She steels herself, drawing herself to her full height as she continues to meet his gaze unwaveringly. "Fine."

He wasn't expecting that either.

But then again, he can count on one hand the number of times that Kensi's done something predictable.

"Okay," he says finally, rubbing at his face. "Okay."

Kensi nods. "Okay."

And then there is silence.

It's not that he doesn't know how to begin, it's just…well, okay, that's exactly what it is. It's uncharacteristic for him not to have the words – they might not always be the right words, but at least he usually has something. And at that he can't help but give a self-deprecating chuckle because it is so unlike him. "This is…not easy," he says finally, shaking his head slightly.

"It's me, Deeks," she coaxes softly, and even though she'd been the one to distance herself, Kensi finds herself taking a step toward him again.

He chuckles softly in response, though there's little if any humor within it. "That's what makes it so hard, Kens…"

With that, he has to step back for a moment. Back from her, from everything. For a moment, Deeks turns away from her, raking a hand through his unruly blonde hair. She says nothing; instead, she simply waits, averting her eyes momentarily in order to give him a moment. It's only when she's contemplating letting it go that he sighs heavily and begins, still facing away from her as he does. "I would have said that the past year…"

Trailing off, he hesitates for a second more, wondering if she has any idea just how difficult this is for him. He wonders if she has any idea just how thin of a line he's walking; he doesn't call himself an emotional person but he's certainly more open about it than Kensi is, but this line…whatever he says can change them forever and he knows that. And losing her is not something he's willing to do. So, he backtracks and starts out a bit more safely. "This past year, I, uh, I've enjoyed working with you – definitely would have said that," he says, nodding mostly to himself. He forces himself to turn to her again, but still finds himself unable to meet her eyes. "There's been days with LAPD that the last thing I wanted was to drag myself out of bed and put myself through another day at the precinct, but the past year, I've actually found myself wanting to come in everyday. And that's not just because of the change in scenery…it's because of you. You might exhaust me with your habitual need to turn every damn thing into a competition, but that's part of what I like about being your partner. You don't let me slack off."

"Except to surf," she can't help but interject quietly, finally eliciting another smile from her partner. It's happened more than a few times by now; they all have cases that get to them, and that's part of this job. He's never asked for it, but the few times he's needed a break, Kensi has quietly pulled into a space at the beach, offering him nothing but a quiet, understanding "Go."

It's his escape. She recognizes that.

He's forever grateful for that. "Yeah…can't say I've ever been with another partner who's let me do that before either," he says with a soft smile. Latching on to the playfulness in her reply, Deeks finally meets her eyes again, though the distance between them remains rather large. Good thing, though, because she might want to hit him for this momentary reverting to his usual self. "I'd also say that I wished I'd had more time with you…mostly so I could at least try to fix your terrible sense of humor." He smirks, and even Kensi can't hide her own slight smile. "With a bit more time, I'm sure I could have taken you from terrible to at least passable. And you wouldn't have to pay people anymore to agree that you're funny."

She wants to retort – she didn't, after all, pay Nell - but wisely Kensi bites her tongue for the moment. If it were her, and he was the one to interrupt her, she knows she likely wouldn't continue.

She shouldn't want him to continue…but that's exactly what she does want.

And he does. "Would have said that, uh, now that our partnership is – was – over, that I'd officially be sending you a bill, so you could pay me back for all the doughnuts you stole from me." He tilts his head thoughtfully for a moment. "Should probably send you all my future medical bills too, because you're insane sometimes and I just know that watching some of the crazy stunts you've pulled on the job has taken at least ten years off my life."

This time, she can't help it. "Hilarious."

Deeks chuckles, but the accompanying smile fades once more as he allows his mind to drift away from the teasing and into what she was really asking him for. Truth is, he'd never really allowed himself to think about this. Certainly, he knows he would have had more to say to her that morning, but the necessity of actually having to put those words together…it's not something he wants to think about. It was all much easier when none of it had been real. His position with NCIS had never really been in jeopardy. And, as it follows, his partnership with the woman before him had never actually been in danger.

Now, though, he's not so sure about that. For all he knows, after tonight, after she hears what she'd thought she wanted to hear from him, Deeks thinks he might show up to work again and find himself permanently partnered with Sam. And that…well, that's good for no one.

Still, he pushes on. He's started this; might as well finish it. "I would have said that you…you taught me a lot. On the job, and off. You showed me what it's like to have a real partner – not just someone to work a case with, but someone I could, you know, depend on. Someone who would be there and have my back, no matter what. It's…it's been a long time since I've trusted someone like that.

"I would've said that, uh, that no matter how many more years I do this job, I know I'd never, ever have a partner quite like you again." He smiles slightly. "You are absolutely one of a kind, Agent Blye."

Kensi's lips twitch at that, but Deeks doesn't see. His eyes are downward again, and he swallows hard against the inexplicable lump in his throat. It's odd, he thinks, because he knows this isn't goodbye – it's far from it. It's just as monumental of a moment, though, because what he says in this moment could easily change everything between them. It can push them forward, or simply push her away. "I would say that, uh, I would hope we would keep in touch. Because you're…well, I don't really know what we are right now but you're not just my partner. You're not just my partner, and you…" He smirks briefly, giving a slight shake of his head. "You're not somebody that I can just forget, Kens. You…you changed me, and I – I think I would always care about you a little more…"

He trails off, but he doesn't need to complete the sentence for the words to drift unspoken from him to her. I think I would always care about you a little more than I should. In the silence that follows, Deeks clears his throat and doesn't wait longer than just a beat more to continue – at this point, any amount of quiet is much too heavy, so much that it threatens to crush him. And then, he would never finish saying what he'd hoped to avoid vocalizing in the first place. "I would say that, uh, you gave me something that I've never had before…I mean, the whole team, it's Sam and Callen and Hetty too, but…but mostly you. It's you. I, uh, I've never really had someone at my back like that, no matter what. Nobody else has…they've never really cared too much."

Lifting a hand, Deeks scratches at the back of his neck; he's trying to tamp it all down, but his every instinct is screaming at him to bolt. But then there's the voice in his head; he owes her this, he knows, for every time he's pushed her beyond I'm okay. He owes her this for the lies and the hurt he caused her, even though none of it was anything he'd wanted to do. He just hopes she realizes how much it had hurt him to do it. "I would have said too, that you…you mean a whole hell of a lot to me, and that…I don't know what to do with that."

He stops just short of admitting the greater truth behind that – the fact that it absolutely terrifies him. "I don't know how I would walk away if…if I actually had to."

He exhales heavily, feeling incredibly exposed as he finally allows his eyes to meet hers again. Not for the first time, he curses her stoic façade – she might not the greatest when it comes to lying on the spot, but for that, she more than makes up for it with her ability to hide even the slightest of emotions. Arms crossed, her face is impassive, her dark eyes steady, and damn, what he wouldn't give right now to be able to read her.

But he can't, so he does the only other thing he can do. "Your turn," he says quietly, his own heart pounding in his chest.

There's no way he's letting her out of this, not after she made him stand before her and lay out everything he'd hoped he'd never have to say.

They had a deal, after all.

Kensi hesitates. "Deeks…"

He only shakes his head. The quiet plea in her voice isn't going to dissuade him this time. He's raw. His words are out there; he can't take them back. Not that he would, but the point remains. "No," he whispers, not relenting in the slightest. "I did it. Whatever you were going to say earlier, I stopped you. Now I'm not."

She opens her mouth, but now, the words won't come and suddenly, she's not sure they would have come if he had given her the chance to say them earlier. Today, she suddenly found herself face to face with everything she's ignored for months; more than that, it hadn't been her own internal dialogue or hidden desire that had hit her square in the chest. It had been Hetty.

Even now, the ops manager's words echo in her ears, hitting her with just the same force as they'd hit her the first time. A good partner…or something more? A year before, Kensi would have been able to, with confidence, deny the latter. But today…today she hadn't been able to say a word.

And really, she should have. Deeks is a good partner, and Kensi certainly hadn't been looking forward to the prospect of having to adjust to another new partner. She trusts Deeks implicitly in the field, maybe even more than she trusts Callen or Sam. There's a connection there; he can read her when it counts, and she can read him. They're good together. Absolutely, she'd been upset at the idea of losing him as her partner.

But the more she'd allowed the past several months to play through her head, the more she hadn't been able to deny that just the thought of him, just the very thought of him, plants a deep, heated feeling of unease in her stomach and an odd fluttery sensation in her chest. She can't ignore the images that flash before her eyes – he flicks his tongue over his lips and she's thinking about his lips on hers; he throws her a playful smirk and she's thinking about him smirking at the reactions elicited by the practiced touch of his hands on her body; he's working out his frustrations on the heavy bag in the gym and her wild imagination is conjuring up images of those strong arms wrapped around her.

And thinking back, Kensi can't help but realize that those thoughts and images and desires have plagued her for quite some time. Fear of losing him when he was shot, jealousy every time he comes into the bullpen with a smile on his face and a story about whatever woman he'd met the night before, the comfort he'd brought her the night after the ordeal with Stan King, when he'd showed up at her door and hadn't left until well past lunch the next day. Early morning coffee runs, late night dinners and movies on her couch, the few mornings she'd awoken, slightly disoriented to find his arm around her and her body curled against his.

Now, the butterflies are fluttering in an utterly maddening dance in her belly and there's no doubt at all left in her mind. This is something more. This is absolutely something more.

Her silence carries on and Deeks has no idea upon what ground her thoughts are treading. He focuses on her and tries desperately not to let the fear seize him, but with his deepest feelings laid out before this woman who he knows could very easily crush him with very little effort, it's much more difficult than he'd anticipated. "Kensi," he pleads, his voice little more than a whisper. In the heavy silence between them, though, it seems nothing less than deafening. "Don't – don't close down on me now."

She can barely hear him over the sound of her heartbeat in her ears, the sound of blood and adrenaline and desire and even fear rushing through her veins. Her entire body feels as if it's humming, utterly buzzing with tension and a million and one other things that she's reluctant to name. It all comes back to him, though, every last bit of it.

Before she even realizes it, she's closing what little bit of distance remains between them – it wasn't much, but now, it's all but nothing at all. She can feel the heat of his body and that sure doesn't do a damn thing to aid her control. Closing her eyes for a moment, Kensi draws in a deep breath. It's meant to steady her, but if anything, it only reinforces just how close to him she is, just how incredibly much she wants him. She shivers as his masculine scent washes over her, filling her with thoughts of that same intoxicating scent laced deep within the threads of her pillows, the sheets on her bed.

She doesn't think she's ever wanted anyone quite so badly before.

He murmurs her name one more time, but by then she's already made up her mind. Her dark eyes meet his ocean blue ones – God, she loves that color – and before she knows it, she's got a hand on his chest, whether to steady herself or just to be closer to him, she can't be sure. Either way, she chooses not to think about it too much.

Instead, Kensi swallows hard, her eyes never straying from his as she speaks. It may not be what she'd wanted to say to him earlier, but at the moment, it's all she's got. It's all that matters. "We have a thing."

And then before he can reply, her other palm is on his scruffy cheek and her lips are finding his, kissing him soundly on the mouth.

He's stunned for but a moment; by the time his mind restarts and catches up to the rest of him, he's kissing her back, his entire world narrowed to the feel of her lips against his. Hesitant at first, he gives her the chance to pull away, but when her hand drifts to the back of his neck and she instead pulls him closer, that's all he can take and then he's kissing her back with the same urgency, the same want, the same need. For the moment, there's nothing else but this – nothing else but the two of them, this kiss, those hidden feelings that both have tried to drive away for a year now.

And now, he can't even fathom why they tried so hard when the only thing he wants right now is her. His fingers tangling in her hair almost of their own volition, he deepens the kiss and nearly finds himself brought to his knees by the tiny moan she gives in response. Her lips part eagerly for him and then he's exploring; tasting and teasing and committing every single little thing to memory because he's certain he's either going to wake up in seconds or she's going to realize what's going on and shoot him. He just knows it.

For now though, their mouths continue to meld together over and over again and the more he gets, the more he knows he won't be able to get enough of her. She tastes intoxicatingly sweet; he's always suspected she would but never dared to imagine that he'd ever have the chance to prove those suspicions. Her lips, so soft yet so demanding against his, and the firm grasp of her hand at his neck; he's mesmerized and barely recognizes that they're moving until he feels the wall at his back and he barely has time to smirk at her being the one to push him against a wall before the sharp yet gentle nip of her teeth at his lips, followed by the soothing swipe of her tongue nearly shatters every thought inside his slowly short-circuiting brain.

There's something, though, maybe it's the burn in his lungs or that – now quite pesky – voice in the back of his head that pulls him back to the present, and with some great force of will he manages to break away from her mouth, pulling back just enough to murmur her name against her lips. "Kens…"

The hand at his chest fists in the material of his shirt, and Deeks feels his heart skip a beat as her intentions suddenly become quite clear to him and then he's the one fighting an agonizing battle – maintain rational thought here, or give in to her? To what he wants, what she wants?

And what she wants…she makes that even more clear as she kisses him again, the hand at her neck drifting slowly downward and over his chest, meeting her other hand in the middle. Quite deftly, her fingers begin unhooking buttons, trembling only just a bit. Her heart's pounding madly, so much so that she thinks it might pound right out of her chest. She can't breathe, and when she can, it's only his scent that fills her lungs and dammit, she doesn't want to fight this anymore. Doesn't want to watch jealously as he flirts with suspects and witnesses and maybe even old flames; doesn't want to stare blankly as he locks lips with another woman, be it undercover or real; doesn't want to wonder if what she feels for him is rational or not…she just wants him.

The butterflies turn her stomach inside out as he breathes her name once more against her lips, trailing into a low rumble of a groan as her palms splay against his abdomen, silently cataloguing the contours of his body by touch. She can feel the tension, can sense the hesitation within him, but Kensi…she hasn't wanted something – someone – this much in a very long time. Separating from him, she waits for his eyes to open before she speaks and when she does, they're the surest words she's spoken all night. "I want this."

And he does too; God does he want this. She can tell that by the way his eyes darken with desire, by the way one hand drifts along her side before settling at her hip, his fingers nudging their way gently beneath the fabric of her tank to the smooth, soft skin underneath. He murmurs her name, and Kensi can't stop the shiver that courses through her body. "Deeks…"

She doesn't say the word that goes unspoken, but she knows Deeks can read it in her eyes. Please.

And that, he can't argue with.

When she kisses him again, he doesn't try to stop her.

And when, without ever breaking the contact between their lips, she finds his hands and begins to lead him away from the wall, he lets her.

Knows he couldn't stop her if he tried.

-:-

Hours later, they're a tangle of blankets and tired limbs in her bed. Racing pulses have long since returned to normal; flushed skin has cooled and the tail-end of afterglow is just beginning to fade. The only indication Kensi has that Deeks is still awake is the rhythmic patterns he traces on her stomach; the sporadic kisses he brushes against her shoulder. He's a cuddler; that much is apparent. She'd known that before, considering the nights they've spent together in a less romantic capacity on her couch, but it became more than clear as he settled in behind her, drawing her back flush against his chest and nuzzling gently at her neck.

It's a bit more…touchy than she's used to, but then again, it's Deeks. That's who he is.

And telling him to back off would only make him more persistent.

Besides, she likes it.

(Not that she's going to admit that to his face.)

It's just when her eyelids begin to grow heavy that his low, rumbling voice reaches her ears. "You know you never told me, right?" he murmurs against her neck, sealing the words with a kiss to her pulse point. One becomes two, and Kensi can't stop the soft moan that slips from her lips. She'd been moments away from sleep, and with a few strategic kisses he's got the first flutters of desire awakening deep inside of her again.

She knows exactly what he means and tries to deflect from it, laying a hand gently – cautiously – over his at her stomach. "This doesn't say enough?"

"Kens…" There's amusement in his voice, almost as if he knew this was coming.

She sighs and closes her eyes. Thinks for a moment that this shouldn't be nearly this hard, not with his arms around her, not with his naked body cradling hers, her back against his chest and him nuzzling her neck. This shouldn't be this hard.

And yet, it is. Kensi doesn't like the vulnerability that goes hand-in-hand with what she wants to say. "It's just…you and me, we'd built something good over the past year, you know? I just…I wanted to say that I didn't want to lose…what we had," she admits quietly. Didn't want to lose you. That remains unspoken yet no less true, and Kensi can't help but squirm against him. The only indication, though, that Deeks notices it is the slight tightening of his arm around her, drawing her closer to him. Kensi fights the urge to stiffen, but in the end, can't block it completely.

Instead of lingering on that, though, she closes her eyes and wills the words to continue – it's a struggle, a mighty one indeed. "Just because we were losing you didn't mean…didn't mean that things had to change between us. I – I didn't want you to end up going back to LAPD, and then never see you again."

They're not exactly the words she'd wanted to say, but Deeks doesn't press her further. As it is, it's a pretty weighty confession from the stoic, tough woman in his arms and really, he hears in the words she does say all that remains unspoken. And both leave him with a warmth in his chest that he can't really say he's ever felt before. Not like this. "You should know better," he chides playfully, ghosting his fingertips over her taut belly. She squirms beneath his touch, glad for a moment that he can't see the slow smile of contentment growing on her lips - contentment, and relief as well, because she knows he's satisfied. He's not going to push her on that matter any more, at least not for tonight. That smile of hers only widens as he repeats to her the same words she'd given him many months ago. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Her quiet answer comes after a long moment and surprises him almost as much as everything else. "Good."

He could tease her about how he just knew she'd get attached to him, but he doesn't. Instead, he merely smiles against her skin, letting the silence settle between them before he verbalizes the question he's pretty sure is bouncing around in her head as well. "Are we doing this?" he asks softly, the warmth of his breath tickling her skin. She shivers and sighs as his lips play at her shoulder, his seemingly innocent kisses leaving a trail of fire in their wake. "You and me?"

For a few moments, she revels in that. Closes her eyes and simply lets herself feel every little brush of his lips, the gentle caress of his fingertips, the way her body seems to fit so perfectly against his. This goes against every rule she's ever sworn to live by. Kensi Blye doesn't do more than first dates. Kensi Blye doesn't do relationships. Kensi Blye certainly doesn't get involved with partners. She's stronger than that. Better than that.

Somehow, Kensi finds that she doesn't really care anymore.

Perhaps he's not the only one that this partnership has changed.

And as he sucks lightly at the sensitive spot where her shoulder meets her throat, she can't even summon up the will to chastise herself for throwing years upon years of strict rules out the window just because one scruffy, charming yet infuriating man managed to burrow his way under her skin like this.

If he's in, then so is she.

Stretching contentedly, Kensi slowly rolls onto her back beside of him, meeting his eyes as he gazes down at her. "If we're not, then uh, I think we've got a problem," she quips quietly, her eyes sparkling as she lazily trails a fingertip along his chest. "I mean, little late to be worrying about that, right?"

He chuckles softly, lowering his head to press a kiss to her jaw. His scruff tickles her skin and she can't stifle the tiny giggle that slips from her lips. It's decidedly girly, so much so that she's mildly mortified and expecting Deeks to tease her, but he doesn't. Instead, the kisses continue, light and feathery against her jaw until he kisses his way to the corner of her lips. But rather than claim them in a kiss like she wants, he pulls back and shifts against her, grinning rather cheekily as he settles above her once more. She shivers as his fingertips skirt over her body, his touch surrendering any innocence it might have held several moments before. He grins as her eyes flutter and finally he ducks his head, brushing his lips against hers. "We'll figure it out, right?" he breathes.

Kensi smiles against his lips, recognizing the words they'd exchanged earlier, albeit with entirely different meanings and emotions. It doesn't take her any time at all to decide that she likes them much, much better this way. "We always do."

And they certainly do.