Fanfic Will Say We're A Ship
(To the tune of "People Will Say We're In Love" from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma!)
Hermione:
Why do the fics the shippers write mix your lot with mine?
Ron:
Why does that crew make us bill and coo in ev'ry line?
Hermione:
I know a spell to show what they tell is fantasy.
Here's what to do to let them know you don't care for me:
Don't cast a hex for me —
Don't end up squirtin' slugs.
Don't give those uncertain hugs —
Fanfic will say we're a ship!
Don't flex your pecs for me.
Don't hand your wand to me —
Your wand shows you're fond to me —
Fanfic will say we're a ship!
Don't try dissuading me
From a Bulgarian trip,
Though my heart's elating me.
Fanfic will say we're a ship.
Ron:
Some might agree that you fancy me as easily.
Why did I find your diary signed "H. Weasle-y"?
It's an old trick for couples to bicker as we do.
Bear that in mind; keep some of the kind advice for you…
Hang out with Harry more.
Don't praise red hair so much.
Don't wish I was bare so much —
Fanfic will say we're a ship!
Try to be wary more:
Don't flick and swish for me —
Your swish spells a wish for me.
Fanfic will say we're a ship!
Don't dance a Yule dance with me
Till we end, lip pressed to lip.
You'll chance a romance with me —
Fanfic will say we're a ship!
*******************************************
Reprise
Ron [spoken]:
Brilliant! If there's anyone on this Astronomy Tower who can hear my voice, I just want you to know that Hermione Granger is my girl!
Hermione [spoken]:
Ron!
Ron [spoken]:
Crikey!
And she's just got me to ask her to marry me!
Hermione [spoken]:
They'll hear you all the way to Diagon Alley!
Ron [spoken]:
Let 'em!
[sung]
Let fanfic say we're a ship.
I am your Keeper now.
Hermione:
You've cast your spell on me —
Your spell's cast so well on me…
Hermione and Ron:
Let fanfic say we're a ship!
Stars see us close tonight —
Let them give authors the tip!
Who cares for the prose they'll write?
Let fanfic say we're a ship!