Reaching For My Angel

by fanficsdaydreamer

As he dies, Cato sees Clove, the one who was there with him through it all. But he's trapped, unable to move in any direction- not back, not forward. He was never more than a child. Because when you're forced to grow up too fast, you can never escape your childhood.

As I fall, I know that this is the end. As long as I try to fight the mutts, they'll still win. There are too many of them and they're too big- they'll overpower me eventually and I'll be eaten alive.

I'm fighting, and that's when it hits me. After all I've been through, I can do no more. I will have no chance to bring honor to my family, to my district. I will be just barely remembered as the boy who almost made it, but within moments I will be forgotten, all memory of me banished and wiped from the world. And I will never have the chance to win for Clove. Clove, the girl who died in my arms. Clove, the girl I've known forever. Clove, another victim.

But I'll do anything to stay alive for one more minute, so I fight. I kill and injure whichever mutts I can, just to buy me a few more moments in this wretched thing called life. I do not understand it myself, why I would want to live any longer in this dark world. Maybe it's because I've turned myself into part of that darkness, trained to transform myself into another shadow, roaming the earth and leaving only destruction behind. Maybe it's because I've turned myself into a selfish monster.

No matter what, I will fight. I won't give up. So I slash my sword as I try to make my way around to the tail of the Cornucopia. I'm already failing, I know. I have a bite in my leg and more mutts swiping, clawing, and biting at me as I try to defend and attack simultaneously. Even though I've killed a few, it's useless.

Before I realize what's happening, I trip and am being dragged back to the mouth of the Cornucopia by my leg, which is leaving a trail of blood. I see the gaping teeth marks and scream when I feel the mutts begin to work away at me.

I feel each and every bite, each tooth, each claw that tears at my skin, and my whole body is being ripped to pieces. I cry out, I scream; the pain is too much. But the mutts are eating me alive, working away at me without hesitation, without break. All I can think about is the pain.

It goes on all night and I don't die. I want to. I want to escape this. I want to run away from here. I want this to all be a dream. But I won't wake up and I won't go to sleep. There is no relief.

Morning starts to come, and I can tell that I'm drifting farther away. But the pain that has taken over my body has not lessened. Why am I not dead yet?

I look up and see Clove, holding out her hand. Her face, framed against clouds in a blue sky, looks beautiful, like an angel. It's Clove. She's coming to be with me in my last few moments,as I was with hers. I reach to grasp her hand, longing to once again hold it in mine, but I cannot touch it. She is too far, I cannot reach her.

"Clove," I whisper. I say her name again; this time it's more of a whimper. I want to join her, be with her in a paradise where there is no pain like that which I am experiencing now. I want to hold her; I want to escape from here. I try again to reach her, but I can barely move. Clove. I want to be with her, where she is now. I watch her, as if through a glass window. It is one that cannot be opened, one that cannot be shattered.

I realize that I had one chance at life. One shot, and I wasted it. Why would I throw it away? Risk it all for riches, fame,and honor? I spent all my time training, and now it was all in vain. I never had the chance to live, and now I've crushed the one life I had to bits. And I've lost it all for nothing.

I begin to believe that this pain will never end. I will never reach Clove. I am stuck here, stuck in this body that is useless and now only causes me suffering. I want to cry out, but I don't have the strength for even that.

But as I see Fire Girl, the one I was so set on hating and killing, looking over the edge of the Cornucopia, I realize that I have one last hope. One hope, one chance, to be set free from these shackles that chain me to this life, this living death, this torture. One hope, one chance, to join Clove, to be with her.

I look at Katniss, desperate. I am too weak to speak, so I only mouth the word. Please. Please help me escape this pain. Please set me free. Please help me reach Clove. Please save me. Please.

And when the arrow pierces my head, I know I have only a moment to mouth two more words. Thank you. I don't know if she saw, but I don't care. After that, I look away. I pass through the glass to the other side, to Clove.

And I don't look back.