A/n: To remind you all, this is my first attempt at a Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction, But not my first fanfiction. I know, I know on my profile it says I only have one fanfiction but that is because I deleted my other one. Don't ask why, I just did. Oh yes by the way, this is fanfiction is based after Ed was taken to the other side of the gate, not the movie. I haven't even seen the movie yet, so don't be expecting anything movie based.

Disclaimer: I barley own the box of cheerios in the pantry. (Why do you guys have to remind me that I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and that I'm not fabulously rich! –Le sobs-)

'Blah' Means thinking

"Blah" Mean normal speaking

-xxxx- A Scene change or a needed spacing (You should be able to tell one from the other)

Chapter 1:

The deeper side to an Accident

Refuge, in most cases with the word, it means to find somewhere for shelter or a place with protection. No one said the place had to be physical though. Mental refuge is to find relief within yourself or within your mentality. Sometimes the place you seek refuge in, is not always safe.

-xxxx-

It was a silent night, even though 'the family' was all here. Well, Almost everyone. Al, Alphonse Elric. The shy, innocent little child that Winry once knew had become a teenage boy. Not just any teenage boy though, this certain teenage boy had, like his brother, had become a State Alchemist.

It wasn't just a walk through the park though. Al trained with Izumi for a full year and a half before Al believed he was finally worthy of taking up a different title. No more "Fullmetal's brother" or "One of the Elric brothers". He was going to show he could live up to his brother's reputation or maybe even more. Winry knew that he proubly thought if he could become a State Alchemist, he would be more likely to find ways to get to his brother.

Now, here the big family was celebrating Al's coming to be a State Alchemist. Rosé, Auntie Pinako, Izumi and her husband, and last but not least the 'man' of honor, Al. The laughter and chattering had ceased a while ago, after everyone had filled their bellies with Rose and Winry's meal. Winry sighed and rested her head on the desk for a moment, her head was aching and her eyes pleaded to be closed. She refused to give in to her brain's pleads for rest and lifted her head wearily.

She let out a quiet groan and continued at the work infront of her. Automail, she loved it but her only problem was she was sometimes a procrastinator. Oh yes, it wasn't odd for her to be up this late doing work that had to be due the next day. It was shocking at first to Pinako, but she soon let it slide knowing it hadn't been long sense 'that event'. She figured that Winry was still dealing with the sudden mournful loss and went easy on her, only now and then muttering to her granddaughter 'Don't stay up to late.' Worry would linger on the old woman's face, but Winry would usual be too tired to see the obvious emotion written all over her grandmother's face.

Winry yawned as she pulled a metal wire and started to hook it up, a normal process in making her Automail. Then almost out of no where, a shock wave of pain ran through her arm. Winry hissed in pain and looked down at her now bleeding arm. It had turned out, due to Winry's sleepy behavior she hadn't been paying attention and the rather sharp edged wire sliced across her arm. Winry clutched her arm, the crimson regret seeping through the cracks of her knuckles in her clenched hand.

Quite oddly, an emotion swept over her. An emotion she had never felt before, what was it? It wasn't pain; it was something else deep within her. The foreign emotion finally became clear. Need, want, pleasure, It was a weird mix of all those feelings combined. The feeling of the sliced skin, the open bleeding wound. It made a shiver of excitement run down her spine, that's when her eyes widened.

'What am I thinking? This can't possibly feel good, I'm just tired and delusional that's all, that's all.' Winry thought, trying to convince herself that the feeling was nothing at all. She hurriedly, well hurriedly for someone half asleep, got up and wrapped her wound and got back to work.

Only minutes later she finished the job and plopped herself onto the bed, unaware that the feeling was still lingering, breathing and living within her mind, and drifted off to sleep.

-xxxx-

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Shouted a cheerful Winry, she looked about the age six. Giggles sounded from a near by bush as the young Edward hid from her. Winry smirked evilly, well evil for a six year old at least, and approached the bush tiptoeing stealthy. She then stopped about a foot away from the bush and playfully tackled the older Elric.

"Gotcha!" Winry proclaimed giggling, as Ed tried to squirm from her grasp but ended up giving up and started to laugh right along with her. Suddenly the sky darkened and a droplet fell on Winry's forehead.

"Uh Oh," Winry said looking up. Ed blinked and did the same. "The sky is crying, Ed!"

She looked over and her eyes widened seeing the Edward now wielding the form of his Fifteen year old self, as well was she. She didn't even have time to blink when Ed spoke softly.

"I envy it." She cocked an eyebrow at him but then he continued. "It can cry, cry for days actually, but me.." He paused.

"My tears are all dried.." She gave him a sad look, and then looked up again, the droplets shattering into millions of graceful shards as they made contact with her already soaked skin. She glanced back over at Edward and just when she started to get used to the first change, Edward was on the ground smiling. An insane look was etched into his face, looking as if it would permanently remain. Tears flowed down his cheeks like rivers of sorrow and mourn. His tears mixed with fresh blood that splattered and speckled his skin.

"My soul bleeds Winry." He got up, just when she thought he couldn't look any more insane, she was proved wrong by his look towards her. "Can you save me Winry? Can you bleed for me Winry?" His tone was dripping with his loss of sanity along with the obvious mocking tone.

Winry took a step back, but he took a step forward. Then another, and another, and another, with each step her heart raced to a new record speed.

"Oh Winry-chan," he said in an evil child tone, "I want to play hide and go seek. Won't you please play with me?" He clapped his hands and placed his right hand onto his left arm, the spear he usually used in combat appeared. Winry ripped her stare away from Edward and tore off running. "Come out, come out…where ever you are." Suddenly pain tore through her shoulder and she fell. "I want you to bleed for me Winry-chan." His voiced echoed within her mind. Bleed..bleed..bleed.

-xxxx-

Winry jolted from her bed, the blankets clinging to her sweating form. She looked around her room franticly, fear written all over her face. She put her head into her hands and sobbed,

"Enough Edward, enough. I can't stand see you one second and you be gone the next." She let out a quiet wail and sobbed out almost incoherent. "I don't want to keep feeling like I'm losing you."

Her door creaked open and a sleepy Al stepped in rubbing his eye. "W-Winry, is something wrong?" he asked, worry in his sleepy aquamarine eyes. Winry looked up and shook her head solemnly; she hid the terror in her eyes with fake happiness. Somehow her short notice plan worked, due to the fact that Al was half asleep, but he believed her. He left her room and let out a sigh as relief washed over her.

She looked down at her arm. The blood had completely soaked through the bandages. She was lucky Al hadn't been fully awake or he would have freaked out. She lifted herself off the bed and made her way over to her closet where she stored her First Aid kit and opened the doors, pulling out the bandage wraps. She took off the old ones, a small droplet of blood cascaded down her pale flesh.

Edward's word echoed through her mind over and over again. She slowly moved her gaze to the last thing 'left of Edward', a picture of them as kids. They were both hugging, a wide smile spread across each of their faces. Her head started to ache and the haunting words Edward spoke in her dream seemed to get louder and louder.

"Stop," she whispered clutching her head, "Stop, stop, stop! Oh please…Leave me alone. I hate-" The words they became ear piercing loud within her head, "My soul bleeds Winry." She couldn't take much more of this.

"Can you save me Winry? Can you bleed for me Winry?" She was going to snap.

"No! NO! STOP!" she whispered loudly, her voice hoarse from her crying.

"SAVE ME!" Edward's blood curdling scream sounded after his voiced echoed harshly in her head. That's it she lost it, a horrible thought crossed her mind and she whispered something to herself. She took one of the screw drivers and stared at it, letting herself sink into deep thought about a most disgraceful thing. Her glazed over eyes stared at it, a decision mingled within her mind, if she made the wrong choice fate would take a sharp turn….for the worst. To be continued….