The first thing Alfred noticed when he picked up the phone to bug Arthur about his weird eyebrows- um, call Arthur, no taunts about what looked like two caterpillars living above his eyes would be involved- was that, well… The phone didn't call.

"The hell?" He said offhandedly, popping the back cover off to check that the battery was in there. It was. "KIKU!" The blonde yelled, prompting his Japanese roommate/ best friend to scramble out from under his blanket (what was he doing there anyways? Fapping to his doujin stuff?) and skid to a stop in front of Al.

"What?" Kiku looked sort of annoyed; maybe he'd been messing with his laptop again. That kid had it so souped up that not even Apple's number one employee in the world would be able to figure out the original model- hell, the original brand!

"The phone's not working! Can you, like, work your tech magic on it or something and make it work again? I wanted to tease Arthur, but it's not working!" Al, pouting, held the phone out to Kiku. "And... oh shit! I was supposed to call Mattie- yeah, you remember my not as cool as me brother that lives in Canada, right?- and tell him that I'm not dead yet and that I broke up with Francis! I will love you forever; please just fix the damn phone already!"

"… Didn't you pay the phone bill?" Kiku shook the phone in front of Alfred's face. "It's your turn this month! Maybe that's why it's not working, smart one!"

Alfred's expression slowly morphed from Wait, what? to OH SHIT. "So you mean I can't call anyone until I pay it?"

"… That is the point of a phone bill, Alfred," Kiku rolled his eyes. "Have you always had someone else paying for the hours you spend talking?"

"BUT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THE PHONE!" Alfred tackled Kiku, fake sobbing. "YOU HAVE TO FIX IT! NOWWWWWWW!"

But, since Kiku couldn't support over 100 pounds of pure American awesome, he ended up falling on the floor (Thankfully clearing the table by about three centimeters), Alfred straddling him.

"There's nothing that I can fix, the bill just needs to be paid! Maybe if you actually remembered your responsibilities you wouldn't have these issues!" Kiku tried to shove Alfred off him, but failed. He really needed to start gaining some upper body strength. Because he really didn't like the way Alfred was staring at him. The weight room was free for students, right?

"… Well, you know, as long as the phone's dead…" Alfred smirked, and bent down, whispering something into Kiku's ears that made his face go crimson.

"A-Alfred! Y-you shouldn't joke about things like that!" Kiku attempted once more to get out from under his friend, knowing that he was getting redder by the second.

"Kiku… I wasn't joking."

One heated make-out session later

"You still have to pay for the phone bill."

"… Fuck."

Authoress' Random Ramble

… What is this, I don't even….

Less than three, less than three.