Sakura tightened her forehead protector, trapping her pink hair more firmly beneath it. She exhaled a deep breath slowly and focused her chakra once again, concentrating on the pond before her. "Suiton: suijinheki no jutsu!"
Water sprang up in a solid screen before her, reaching several feet above her head and to each side. She held it steady for a moment before lowering her hands, letting the water-shield splash back into the pond.
Sakura stared listlessly at the water for a moment, then glanced behind her to where Naruto and Sasuke were sparring, Kakashi watching closely. They were practically across the training field, and Sakura considering sitting down to rest for a while. She'd been practicing that shield move for a solid two hours, and she couldn't go for forever without a break, like her two teammates.
She watched them for a moment, gauging whether or not she could take a break without their noticing. Her chances were pretty high, she figured, considering they hadn't been paying her any attention all morning. In fact, they really had been ignoring her a lot lately – even more than usual. She could practically take a nap behind that tree there and they probably wouldn't even notice she was gone.
Sakura shook her head minutely. Those were the kinds of thoughts that would keep her from fulfilling her potential as a kunoichi and a medic-nin. She'd finally shed her reputation as a weak, Sasuke-obsessed little girl and worked her ass off to become chuunin, a feat that took her a year longer than her teammates. Sasuke and Naruto had been progressing like crazy ever since Sasuke had shown up out of nowhere two years ago, claiming he'd killed Orochimaru. They never stopped trying to outdo each other, but never managed it: Sakura could hardly think of two more evenly-matched shinobi in all of Konoha.
Sakura's train of thought was bittersweet. Warm contentment at the thought of Sasuke's return only barely overcame her dismay at what that had meant for her. The awkwardness of being with Sasuke again, every day, had coincided with – or caused? – the subsiding of her love for him. Not only that, but her importance in Team 7 had diminished. Sakura had felt like an equal when it was just her, Naruto and Kakashi. But when Sasuke returned, everything went back to normal. He was once again Kakashi's favorite student, Naruto's best friend, and the center of attention in Konoha. Sakura had fallen back into her old role of supporting her team. Sometimes, she felt like that was all she did. Support them.
The kunoichi sighed. She glanced up at the sky and saw the sun was about as high as it was going to get. Seeing that the two boys had stopped sparring for the moment, she decided to take the opportunity to declare a lunch break.
"Hiya, Sakura-chan!" Naruto called out as she picked her way over a small crater where Naruto and Sasuke had been fighting.
"Hey," she called back wearily. "Hungry?"
Naruto brightened. "Of course! What do you got for us?"
Kakashi and Sasuke joined the two of them at Sakura's pack, which she had set down with the others'. All four sat in a circle on the ground as Sakura distributed bowls, chopsticks, and heaps of steaming noodles from a thermos. The three men began to eat with gusto as Sakura served herself last, none of them thanking her for the food. Of course.
At some point Sakura's bringing the team lunch had become a daily tradition. The men could get so wrapped up in their work – in themselves, Inner Sakura whispered – that they would go as long as possible without food. Sakura found herself trying to correct their unhealthy habits now that she'd begun learning medical jutsu from Tsunade-sensei.
"This ramen is amazing, Sakura-chan!" Naruto cried as he continued stuffing himself. Sasuke and Kakashi remained silent.
"Thanks, Naruto," Sakura answered with a half smile. It was kind of hard to be pleased by a compliment that she got practically every day, about the same thing, from the same person. "Lee asked me to come watch him in the jounin exams the day after tomorrow," she said. "Do you guys want to come? It's after training," she added, throwing a glance towards Kakashi.
But with those words the air around the team changed faster than Sakura could have believed. The three men around her stilled. Naruto, always taking things as far as possible, went right ahead and froze in place with his chopsticks jutting in the air. Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke all seemed to exchange a glance at once. Then, Naruto, looking worried, began to stammer.
"Uh…Sakura… We…we meant to tell you…" he broke off, looking at the others.
"Yes?" Sakura asked, a little rudely. She was on edge, rapidly trying to figure out what was going on between the three and why they were all looking so serious.
"Well…we meant to tell you…" Naruto tried again. "Sasuke and I…are…" he took a deep breath, looking like he was preparing to plunge into deep waters. "Going to test in the jounin exams."
Sakura was speechless for a moment. "What? How did you sign up so late?" she asked, shocked at the news.
From the looks the men were exchanging, it seemed Naruto was still stuck with messenger duty. "Well…we didn't sign up late." Now he looked guilty, and the expression becoming more pronounced by the second.
"What do you mean-" Sakura stopped, trying to think quickly. "What do you mean, you meant to tell me? How long have you been planning this?" she looked around at the others.
By this time the blonde ninja was looking so guilty he seemed almost stricken. "About… four months?"
Sakura froze. Four months. They'd been planning to test for jounin for four months and they hadn't told her – they hadn't told her. They hadn't told her. She remained frozen, trying to figure out what this meant.
They were going to be jounin. Without her. Okay. That was acceptable – it hurt, but it was acceptable. But why hadn't they told her?
"Four months," she repeated. She vaguely noticed that she was still frozen in place, and that her voice had taken on a dead monotone that was nearly Sasuke-level. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"We were just…worried about how you'd take it." Naruto's guilty face and tone made it sound like a confession.
They were worried about how she'd take it. They wanted to protect her. They didn't want to hurt poor little Sakura's feelings. They thought she was too emotional – too weak, Inner Sakura interrupted again – to handle the news that her teammates were moving on and leaving her behind. Sakura sat unmoving, her face stony but her thoughts flying and rapidly becoming entangled.
What broke her wasn't that they were moving on without her. Sakura had learned to accept that she wasn't as good as her teammates, and probably never would be.
But she had still worked her ass off to be the best ninja she could be. And she thought she was doing damn well considering she was practically self-taught. Kakashi had always focused on Naruto and Sasuke, but she hadn't let that stop her – she had begun training with Tsunade outside her regular training, learning medical jutsu to supplement her weaknesses in other areas. And yet, they were still doing things without her, still didn't think she was good enough. And they didn't even have the fucking decency to tell her that straight-out. They thought she couldn't handle it.
Sakura looked around at each of the three men. Kakashi and Sasuke, at first glance, seemed impassive, but Naruto was still looking like he was worried he was about to get punched in the face.
"Sakura-chan," the blonde said hesitantly, "Kakashi-sensei thinks you're great, he really does! Just not…ready…for jounin status." He looked guilty, apologetic, and eager-to-please all at once.
"He doesn't think I'm good enough," Sakura said lightly, nodding in agreement. "That's okay. I can deal with that." She paused. Look at Kakashi. "I've always dealt with that."
Kakashi didn't respond; didn't move even, except that his single visible eye became more serious.
"But apparently I'm not even good enough to train with my teammates." Staring at Kakashi, Sakura's stony expression began to slip into anger. "Apparently I'm so weak I can't even help them prepare for the hardest exam of their lives – I can't even know that they're doing it." At this point Sakura's calm demeanor faded entirely.
"Sakura," Kakashi said in his usual bland tone, "you are progressing, but I do not think you are ready for jounin status yet."
"Fine," the pink-haired ninja spat. "But you couldn't tell me that? You had to send me away like I'm a useless little girl again?" Kakashi didn't answer. With his silence Sakura felt like her worst fears were being confirmed: that she wasn't good enough – that she was never good enough for Team 7. Instead of despondent, Sakura became infuriated.
"I've been working my ass off for almost five fucking years," she raged at the men around her. "I'm a chuunin and an adequate medic-nin. Why do I feel like once again, I'm twelve years old and no matter what I do, I can't get you to give a damn about me?"
Years' worth of resentment seeped out of Sakura's mouth unbidden, coming out like acid. "Why is it that despite all my hard work and all my training, I'm still not worthy of your teaching, sensei?"
This time Sakura got a reaction: a fractional raising of Kakshi's visible eyebrow. But did that mean he was sorry? Upset? Angry at the slightly mocking tone that had weighted that last word? But at the thought of her teacher's anger, Sakura suddenly discovered that she really, truly, did not care. She didn't even care that Sasuke was staring at her with an unreadable expression, or that Naruto was looking at her with a very readable expression of pain and concern. Sakura was angrier than she had been in a long, long time.
"Sakura." Kakashi began in a firm tone. "I know you are upset that Naruto and Sasuke are taking the exams without you, but you need to control yourself-"
"It's not about that!" Sakura exploded angrily.
"Sakura-san-" he started again.
"No." She interrupted. "Don't act like you respect me. I know you don't." And with that she threw down her chopsticks, grabbed her pack and turned her back on them. Don't cry, don't cry, she told herself.
"Sakura!" Naruto also stood, holding his arms out to her and looking almost sick. He made to follow her.
"Naruto." She said firmly, giving him a hard look. He subsided, and again Sakura turned her back on the three men. She could feel herself starting to lose control – tears were forming at the edges of her eyes. She started to move away, but halted, something stopping her. She half-turned, looking over her shoulder but letting her hair cover her face.
It came out half-choked as Sakura fought furiously with the emotions that wanted to make themselves heard. She faced Naruto and Sasuke. "Congratulations." And with that, she strode away.