Title: Conflicting Emotions
Author: DC [abyssinian_fujimiya@yahoo.com]
Archived: Dude-chan's Hideout [http://www.dreamwater.net/dudechan/]
Fandom: Ranma 1/2
Part: 1/1
Type: One-Shot POV
Warnings: Angst, sad, a little sap, and yaoi.
Summary: This is a sister fic of the story 'Stay', written to be in Mu Tzu's POV.
Pairing: Ranma/Mousse
Written On: 1/4/01
C&C is welcomed.
* * *
Conflicting Emotions
* * *
All rights and privileges to Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz
Communications, Inc., and associated parties. The characters of this series are used
without permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not
meant for sale or profit.
* * *
Text:
"[]"= Speaking in Chinese
_ _= Exaggerated Words
* * *
I had never been so scared in my entire life, until I got that phone call. I wasn't even as
afraid when I got cursed at Jusenkyou... but it _is_ kind of hard to become frightened
when you walked straight into the pool. So you can guess my surprise when I answered
the phone and Hibiki was yelling at me in a panicked voice. Ranma? When had Ryoga
been worried about Ranma? I knew my face paled when the lost boy told me that
Saotome was laying in the Tendo home, bleeding to death. A hasty explanation to Khu
Lon, Xian Pu was on a delivery, and we were going at top speed towards the said dojo.
I don't know why I worried about him, it just seemed so unreal. Saotome Ranma, the
undefeatable heir to the Saotome School. How could he be bleeding to death? Silly
question, of course, but he is far too skilled to be clumsy with sharp objects, and unless it
was a great martial artist, I doubt it was a robbery gone wrong.
I frown as I continue to run down the sidewalk, ignoring the people I shove through. I
always considered Saotome a rival, maybe even a comrade at times. Even if I said I hate
him, I know I don't really mean it. I know I can be deadly with a weapon if I was serious
enough and not in annoyance, Ranma knows it too, just as I know he can be just as
deadly if he wanted to be. It had never gotten so serious before. Yeah, I still feel jealous
when Xian throws herself at him and he tries to get away. I can see why Saotome has a
woman problem, blue eyes are too are in Japan and they are quite a lovely shade of
hauyne[1], and his skill is definitely not something one can ignore. Still, I thought Xian
would know better than to glomp on someone in hopes he'll like it, when he's trying to
scramble away like a fish out of water. Some say it's just a crush I have on Xian, and
maybe they're right, but it doesn't make it any less painful to see your childhood crush
leaping into the arms of someone you consider a comrade.
I know Xian doesn't really love him either, she's an Amazon, love is never put at face
value when it comes to making the village stronger. I don't know why I curse his name
whenever I think about him or see him. Because he's a better fighter? No--I'm sore of
that fact, but ever since I met him a started my daily attacks on him, I've improved
greatly. He has a way of showing me the holes in my defense, so that I can learn from it
and become better. I never knew this until Xian attacked me for accidentally spilling
broth on her new dress. I still got the pounding of a lifetime, but I got in at least ten good
hits. Khu Lon noticed it too and has ordered Xian from fighting me as much.
We don't bother to knock on the door, we just burst in. Time passed so fast, I wonder
how long I was my mind was wondering. We hear Akane yelling from upstairs and
follow the sound of her voice. I freeze at the changing room door, my mind blank of
everything except what was before my eyes. The floor was covered in a thin layer of
blood, too much, almost like it's been gathering for an hour. Ranma is unconscious, head
propped up by Ryoga, and the lost boy is shaking Ranma roughly, trying to get a
response. I've never seen my rival look so fragile. His skin was paler, a thin sheet of
sweat over his body, a relaxed, accepting expression on his face that made me believe he
injured himself.
I'm finally able to move again, thanks to the granny's smack on my head. I shove Ryoga
out of the way, he doesn't know how to do this right. I mumble an apology and cradle
Ranma's upper body in my lap and arms. He's cool, but not deathly cold yet. I touch his
neck, smiling grimly as I feel a faint pulse. Khu Lon is already using pressure points to
slow the bleeding to a halt, ordering Akane to get gauze and other items, while Ryoga
was to help Khu Lon by giving her some bandannas. I began to speak to him, hoping he
might regain consciousness.
It felt like years, me talking and sitting with Ranma leaning against me, Khu Lon working
on the self-inflicted injuries with Akane and Ryoga acting as assistants. I continue to talk
to him in a soft voice, trying to keep the panic and fear out of my tone. I don't really
remember the topics I brought up, anything as long as he could possibly hear me. Akane
had finally finished giving directions to the hospital and explained that an ambulance was
on the way. I feel Ranma shift in my grip and I pause momentarily, watching his
eyebrows draw together as a weak groan escapes his lips. I began to speak again, now
some of my mind becoming un-numbed and my emotions entering my tone.
Baka, how dare he try to kill himself?! Doesn't he know how many people would be
sadden by his death? Selfish bastard, probably only did it to let everyone know he can
only take so much before he breaks, and this little antic is to get everyone to back away.
I take this time to glance at the wounds for the first time, and a nagging fear is finally
satisfied. I was wrong, he was serious. He wanted to kill himself, the fact that he slit his
wrists right is conviction enough. No scars on the lifelines or the exposed arms are
visible, so he never did try to reach out to anyone for help. A shiny item caught my eye
and I see the object he used to try and kill himself with, lying beside his leg.
I feel as though the ground of my world has disappeared from below me. My dagger.
My dagger that I had lost months before. He tried to kill himself with a weapon that
belonged to me.
"[Mu Tzu, are you all right?]"
I don't bother to answer her, my voice not working. No, I'm very not all right. I feel like
the worst person in the whole world. Was I part of the cause that he attempted suicide?
Was it because of my daily attacks, did it effect him that deeply? I turn back to him,
noticing his eyes were barely slit open, watching me. They are partially fogged, and I
know he's probably dazed from the blood loss. I give in to the overwhelming feeling of
regret, guilt, and sadness, and speak again. Questions that plagued my mind slipped out
and I couldn't stop them. I wanted to know why, most of all. I want to know everything,
even though I know at that moment he wouldn't reply. The ambulance had finally arrived
and I move out of the way so they can save his life.
* * *
I haven't seen him since that night. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of opportunities.
Kasumi has agreed to let me come visit him whenever I want, she's in a way the boss lady
of the suicide watch committee. I just don't think I can face him right now, so soon after
it happened. It's been almost a week now, everyone's seen him at least once, even Kuno.
Of course, that was jut to rant about Ranma's fail attempt to escape the wrath of the blue
thunder. Ryoga kicked Kuno to Tibet for me. He said it has nice weather this time of
year.
Ranma stopped by once, yesterday, saying he was just out for a walk. He looked better at
least, I was watching him from the corner of my eye. My glasses were catching the
sunlight, so he couldn't tell I was watching him. His skin had gotten back it's color, and
he looked just like the old Ranma, except for the haunted look in his eyes and the
bandages around his wrists. He looked at me for a little while, and I almost thought I saw
my own feelings mirrored on his own expression. Was he conscious enough to hear me
and understand what I was saying?
If so, I know I still can't face him right now. I still have a lot to answer for myself before
I can push aside my guilt and confront him. For one thing, why my dagger? There are
other ways to do one's self in, so why such a way, and with a weapon of mine? This
incident will alter everyone's so-called 'normal' everyday lives. I actually realized the fact
that one day, Ranma will be seriously hurt, and then what? I never had much problems
with our rivalry before this happened: I fight him, he fight me, Xian glomps him and I get
in good hits while he's trying to escape the Amazon Glomp of Death. Yes, that is an
attack[2]. Simple enough, I thought, but I guess I was wrong. All the stress might have
just finally won out. But then that doesn't make sense either. Ranma isn't one to give up
to anyone, especially not himself, and killing yourself is a pretty stupid way to end a little
stress problem.
I wish I could go flying right now, but it'd be a pain to get changed back. Khu Lon would
just keep me as a duck and lock me up for leaving the Nekohatten during the dinner rush.
It's too bad, really, because flying is my only haven now, the only thing I can do to relax
myself. So I sit here instead, on the roof of the Nekohatten, watching the stars blink into
existence. Of all the questions that made themselves known in this confusion after the
incident, I know one sure thing that won't change anytime soon. I'll be damned if I lose
Ranma like I almost did that night.
OWARI
* * *
Footnotes:
[1]= Yeah, I know, I'm describing eyes too much to resemble gems, but really! Eyes are
beautiful, and if you think about it, eyes can take up gem shades, especially in anime.
This particular gem is a lovely blue color that's light and clear, that resembles Ranma's
eyes, to me at least.
[2]= Well, it's Xian Pu's attack then. ^^;
Author's notes: I hope you liked the sister/brother story to 'Stay'! I might have a follow up
soon, but it's four am and I already know Frankie's gonna kick my toosh for staying up
late again. *runs off to find a safe hiding place* JA!!
Author: DC [abyssinian_fujimiya@yahoo.com]
Archived: Dude-chan's Hideout [http://www.dreamwater.net/dudechan/]
Fandom: Ranma 1/2
Part: 1/1
Type: One-Shot POV
Warnings: Angst, sad, a little sap, and yaoi.
Summary: This is a sister fic of the story 'Stay', written to be in Mu Tzu's POV.
Pairing: Ranma/Mousse
Written On: 1/4/01
C&C is welcomed.
* * *
Conflicting Emotions
* * *
All rights and privileges to Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz
Communications, Inc., and associated parties. The characters of this series are used
without permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not
meant for sale or profit.
* * *
Text:
"[]"= Speaking in Chinese
_ _= Exaggerated Words
* * *
I had never been so scared in my entire life, until I got that phone call. I wasn't even as
afraid when I got cursed at Jusenkyou... but it _is_ kind of hard to become frightened
when you walked straight into the pool. So you can guess my surprise when I answered
the phone and Hibiki was yelling at me in a panicked voice. Ranma? When had Ryoga
been worried about Ranma? I knew my face paled when the lost boy told me that
Saotome was laying in the Tendo home, bleeding to death. A hasty explanation to Khu
Lon, Xian Pu was on a delivery, and we were going at top speed towards the said dojo.
I don't know why I worried about him, it just seemed so unreal. Saotome Ranma, the
undefeatable heir to the Saotome School. How could he be bleeding to death? Silly
question, of course, but he is far too skilled to be clumsy with sharp objects, and unless it
was a great martial artist, I doubt it was a robbery gone wrong.
I frown as I continue to run down the sidewalk, ignoring the people I shove through. I
always considered Saotome a rival, maybe even a comrade at times. Even if I said I hate
him, I know I don't really mean it. I know I can be deadly with a weapon if I was serious
enough and not in annoyance, Ranma knows it too, just as I know he can be just as
deadly if he wanted to be. It had never gotten so serious before. Yeah, I still feel jealous
when Xian throws herself at him and he tries to get away. I can see why Saotome has a
woman problem, blue eyes are too are in Japan and they are quite a lovely shade of
hauyne[1], and his skill is definitely not something one can ignore. Still, I thought Xian
would know better than to glomp on someone in hopes he'll like it, when he's trying to
scramble away like a fish out of water. Some say it's just a crush I have on Xian, and
maybe they're right, but it doesn't make it any less painful to see your childhood crush
leaping into the arms of someone you consider a comrade.
I know Xian doesn't really love him either, she's an Amazon, love is never put at face
value when it comes to making the village stronger. I don't know why I curse his name
whenever I think about him or see him. Because he's a better fighter? No--I'm sore of
that fact, but ever since I met him a started my daily attacks on him, I've improved
greatly. He has a way of showing me the holes in my defense, so that I can learn from it
and become better. I never knew this until Xian attacked me for accidentally spilling
broth on her new dress. I still got the pounding of a lifetime, but I got in at least ten good
hits. Khu Lon noticed it too and has ordered Xian from fighting me as much.
We don't bother to knock on the door, we just burst in. Time passed so fast, I wonder
how long I was my mind was wondering. We hear Akane yelling from upstairs and
follow the sound of her voice. I freeze at the changing room door, my mind blank of
everything except what was before my eyes. The floor was covered in a thin layer of
blood, too much, almost like it's been gathering for an hour. Ranma is unconscious, head
propped up by Ryoga, and the lost boy is shaking Ranma roughly, trying to get a
response. I've never seen my rival look so fragile. His skin was paler, a thin sheet of
sweat over his body, a relaxed, accepting expression on his face that made me believe he
injured himself.
I'm finally able to move again, thanks to the granny's smack on my head. I shove Ryoga
out of the way, he doesn't know how to do this right. I mumble an apology and cradle
Ranma's upper body in my lap and arms. He's cool, but not deathly cold yet. I touch his
neck, smiling grimly as I feel a faint pulse. Khu Lon is already using pressure points to
slow the bleeding to a halt, ordering Akane to get gauze and other items, while Ryoga
was to help Khu Lon by giving her some bandannas. I began to speak to him, hoping he
might regain consciousness.
It felt like years, me talking and sitting with Ranma leaning against me, Khu Lon working
on the self-inflicted injuries with Akane and Ryoga acting as assistants. I continue to talk
to him in a soft voice, trying to keep the panic and fear out of my tone. I don't really
remember the topics I brought up, anything as long as he could possibly hear me. Akane
had finally finished giving directions to the hospital and explained that an ambulance was
on the way. I feel Ranma shift in my grip and I pause momentarily, watching his
eyebrows draw together as a weak groan escapes his lips. I began to speak again, now
some of my mind becoming un-numbed and my emotions entering my tone.
Baka, how dare he try to kill himself?! Doesn't he know how many people would be
sadden by his death? Selfish bastard, probably only did it to let everyone know he can
only take so much before he breaks, and this little antic is to get everyone to back away.
I take this time to glance at the wounds for the first time, and a nagging fear is finally
satisfied. I was wrong, he was serious. He wanted to kill himself, the fact that he slit his
wrists right is conviction enough. No scars on the lifelines or the exposed arms are
visible, so he never did try to reach out to anyone for help. A shiny item caught my eye
and I see the object he used to try and kill himself with, lying beside his leg.
I feel as though the ground of my world has disappeared from below me. My dagger.
My dagger that I had lost months before. He tried to kill himself with a weapon that
belonged to me.
"[Mu Tzu, are you all right?]"
I don't bother to answer her, my voice not working. No, I'm very not all right. I feel like
the worst person in the whole world. Was I part of the cause that he attempted suicide?
Was it because of my daily attacks, did it effect him that deeply? I turn back to him,
noticing his eyes were barely slit open, watching me. They are partially fogged, and I
know he's probably dazed from the blood loss. I give in to the overwhelming feeling of
regret, guilt, and sadness, and speak again. Questions that plagued my mind slipped out
and I couldn't stop them. I wanted to know why, most of all. I want to know everything,
even though I know at that moment he wouldn't reply. The ambulance had finally arrived
and I move out of the way so they can save his life.
* * *
I haven't seen him since that night. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of opportunities.
Kasumi has agreed to let me come visit him whenever I want, she's in a way the boss lady
of the suicide watch committee. I just don't think I can face him right now, so soon after
it happened. It's been almost a week now, everyone's seen him at least once, even Kuno.
Of course, that was jut to rant about Ranma's fail attempt to escape the wrath of the blue
thunder. Ryoga kicked Kuno to Tibet for me. He said it has nice weather this time of
year.
Ranma stopped by once, yesterday, saying he was just out for a walk. He looked better at
least, I was watching him from the corner of my eye. My glasses were catching the
sunlight, so he couldn't tell I was watching him. His skin had gotten back it's color, and
he looked just like the old Ranma, except for the haunted look in his eyes and the
bandages around his wrists. He looked at me for a little while, and I almost thought I saw
my own feelings mirrored on his own expression. Was he conscious enough to hear me
and understand what I was saying?
If so, I know I still can't face him right now. I still have a lot to answer for myself before
I can push aside my guilt and confront him. For one thing, why my dagger? There are
other ways to do one's self in, so why such a way, and with a weapon of mine? This
incident will alter everyone's so-called 'normal' everyday lives. I actually realized the fact
that one day, Ranma will be seriously hurt, and then what? I never had much problems
with our rivalry before this happened: I fight him, he fight me, Xian glomps him and I get
in good hits while he's trying to escape the Amazon Glomp of Death. Yes, that is an
attack[2]. Simple enough, I thought, but I guess I was wrong. All the stress might have
just finally won out. But then that doesn't make sense either. Ranma isn't one to give up
to anyone, especially not himself, and killing yourself is a pretty stupid way to end a little
stress problem.
I wish I could go flying right now, but it'd be a pain to get changed back. Khu Lon would
just keep me as a duck and lock me up for leaving the Nekohatten during the dinner rush.
It's too bad, really, because flying is my only haven now, the only thing I can do to relax
myself. So I sit here instead, on the roof of the Nekohatten, watching the stars blink into
existence. Of all the questions that made themselves known in this confusion after the
incident, I know one sure thing that won't change anytime soon. I'll be damned if I lose
Ranma like I almost did that night.
OWARI
* * *
Footnotes:
[1]= Yeah, I know, I'm describing eyes too much to resemble gems, but really! Eyes are
beautiful, and if you think about it, eyes can take up gem shades, especially in anime.
This particular gem is a lovely blue color that's light and clear, that resembles Ranma's
eyes, to me at least.
[2]= Well, it's Xian Pu's attack then. ^^;
Author's notes: I hope you liked the sister/brother story to 'Stay'! I might have a follow up
soon, but it's four am and I already know Frankie's gonna kick my toosh for staying up
late again. *runs off to find a safe hiding place* JA!!