It had all started at dinner with Gojyo acting as he usually does at an inn when their waiter was a pretty girl. Hakkai and the others where ignoring it until Gojyo said something that Hakkai felt should not be let past for fear of their "innocent" member of their group especial since it was a reference to the child's favorite subject.
"You know in my room I have this magical substance, you can eat all you want and never get fat, plus it comes with added bonuses…"
"Gojyo!" Hakkai spun in his chair from where he was helping Goku pick only six of the many choices because Sanzo had said only six saying that the monkey was getting fat. This only amplified his worry about Goku prying where he shouldn't, as the monkey could be very persistent when he wanted to be. "Honestly, leave the poor waitress alone."
Leaning forward he hissed at Gojyo, "Sanzo's after Goku to stop eating so much." Gojyo glanced at the monkey who was shoveling down the chips and duck sauce. "What would you do if Goku cornered you for some of magical 'substance'…"
Goku suddenly shot his mouthful across the table. Sputtering he shouted
"Like I would ever suck that kappa off!" pointing at Gojyo, whose eyes had gotten very wide
Sudden silence fell upon the table as the whole group looked at Goku with blank horror.
"What?" Goku asked in nervous discomfort at the looks he was getting.
"Come on guy I know what SEX is" he said drawling the world "sex" like that should be obvious.
Hakkai rose a single eyebrow at the boy while Sanzo seemed to decide, as it seemed he would be in this position for a few minutes, as it seemed that his entire view of his young charge was about to change, he should make it so his hips where tilted at a slightly more comfortable angle.
"Geez, what did you guys think I was, a kid," Goku replied at their response. "I know about sex! You know, condoms, STDs, toys, all that. I have had a boner before, I have hit puberty!"
"Please tell me you're a virgin," Hakkai whimpered after being forced to digest this terrifying information.
"Why would you think that?" Goku asked his face screwing up in confusion.
Hakkai's face took on a pain/nausea look at that while Sanzo's attention, which had been wandering back to his paper, shot back to Goku.
"When!"
Goku looked at him innocently, clearly feeling that he had every right to sleep with someone if he wanted to.
"I dunno, maybe five or six towns back."
"What!" now it was Gojyo's turn to be shocked. "How do you get laid on this trip and not me? When the hell did this happen?" he shouted half standing as he leaned back slightly from his shock.
"Come on guys I was gone all afternoon. It doesn't take me that long to eat meat buns." Goku's eyes shot to the side and Gojyo was just able to hear the whispered, "especially multitasking…" as Goku picked up the discarded menu, shielding him from the groups' views.
As his eyes widened again he became sure that no one would identify him as a half-breed. As surely all his hair had turned gray just then. He so did not need to know that!
A long silence prevailed over the dinner as the group took time to process this information.
"Hah!" Goku suddenly exclaimed, scaring the other three, all of which had gone into their own worlds to coup. "I know what I want!"
It was at this moment to the mortification of the other three that they realized that the waitress was still standing there, waiting for their order, abet a bit redder than she had been a moment ago. Hakkai laughed nervously as he rubbed the back of his head
"Well this is embarrassing…"
A/N: Because Goku is five hundred freaken years old. I wrote this forever ago under the name The Great White Emu. I realize it's terrible but I find it funny and I honestly did try to edit it into a nicer piece, but I just couldn't get it to work. So it sucks, but it entertains me, so whatever.