Author's Note: I do not own the characters. One thing I've tried to do with my writing is make it fit with the characters as they are at any particular time. This is just a bit of humour based on a series of harmless pranks between Clark and Lois. I was trying to capture the competitive nature, effortless ability to wind one another up and yet ultimately have a soft spot for one another - all to the amusement of everybody around them - that was a feature of their characterisation in season 4. Please leave comments and advice, as it would be much appreciated.

LOIS VS. CLARK: PRANK WARS.

Chapter 1: Lois 1, Clark 0.

Chloe and Lois had just returned to the farm from a shopping trip. It was actually Lois doing all the shopping but she'd managed to drag Chloe along with her with the promise of lunch as a sweetener. As Lois parked up, Jonathan's truck wasn't there so presumably he'd gone to stock up on supplies of something or other, as was often the case. Farm work never stopped.

As the girls climbed the stairs to the loft, Clark was there, as usual. Lois thought he was brooding again, as usual. Shelby wasn't around so they assumed he was back in the house snoozing, as usual. Clark was sat on his couch flipping through an astronomy book when he heard them. He looked up to see them heaving Lois' shopping bags, and put his book down.

"What are you guys up to?"

Chloe piped up first. "Well, Lois decided she wanted to get some new clothes and shoes so we've been out all morning shopping 'til we drop," before adding dryly, "Well, I've nearly dropped since I'm the one who was left holding this little haul while Miss Picky over here wasn't satisfied with any of the 15 different purple shirts in that one store!"

In her defence, Lois retorted, "Well, some of us have standards to uphold, and I'm sorry if the only available shirts were for Barbie dolls or drag queens."

With barely disguised snark, Clark looked at the numerous bags and deadpanned, "Wow Lois, did you leave anything else but purple shirts in the store?"

Lois tilted her head to acknowledge the sarcasm and replied that she'd needed to replace a lot of her stuff anyway. She then asked Clark if he wanted to see it.

"You want my opinion on the stuff you just bought?"

"Well it's not red or blue or made of flannel, but you still might have an opinion," she said while lifting out a yellow blouse and a pair of hip-hugging jeans before adding in a slightly excited tone, "See?"

"Very nice, Lois", replied Clark, sounding as clearly disinterested as he was. He got up and headed for the stairs to make his way back into the house. The girls followed him. As they were walking, Lois noticed some tape on her finger which had obviously come off one of the items of clothing she'd just shown Clark. Thinking quickly and trying not to smile, she decided it was time for a little prank on him.

While he was busy shifting a few items from the coffee table in the living room, she walked into the kitchen and placed the tape on the end of the faucet, leaving just the top half of the faucet uncovered. She then sat down on the couch with Chloe as the girls were a little tired from their trip, as Clark was finishing tidying up.

"You know Clark, it's considered bad manners not to offer your thirsty guests a drink, wouldn't you say?" asked Lois, warming to her task.

Clark stood upright and sighed before plastering on a fake smile. "So Lois, what would you like to drink?"

"Oh, just a glass of water would be nice," replied Lois in a voice that was a little too sickly sweet to be genuine. Clark glanced in Chloe's direction and she acknowledged that she'd like the same, so he walked into the kitchen and took 3 glasses out of the cupboard before heading to the sink. Turning on the cold water, he was not expecting what happened next.

Instead of flowing down as normal, the water was redirected by the piece of tape straight towards Clark. Some of it splashed the bottom of his shirt but the majority made a beeline for his crotch. He couldn't react quickly enough and ended up shuffling back while leaning forward to turn off the water.

He turned around to face Lois and Chloe, and this was also the moment Jonathan and Martha had walked into the house. They stood there open mouthed and confused. Lois with pursed lips and an innocent expression on her face. Chloe breaking out into a grin. Clark with a soaking wet crotch and the onset of furious rage taking hold of his facial expression.

"Clark, what happened?" asked Martha.

"Clarkie pee-peed his panties!" replied Lois with a full pouty lip and a sad baby voice, looking at Clark, turning to look at Martha and then back to Clark. He glared at Lois, wiped his hands on a towel and threw it down on the kitchen counter before stomping off upstairs to his room.

Lois turned back to Jonathan and Martha and merely shrugged innocently as Chloe tried in vain to suppress the urge not to laugh.